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All These Posts May Have Saved Me

Posted , 9 users are following.

manda16171
manda16171

Hello fellow peri-meno suffers. Until rescently I admit its naive, but I didnt know this part of life, condition or what ever label it has even existed. 

I have been 'suffering' pretty much every symptom for over a year now. In 5 days it will be 1yr since I lost someone I was very cloes to ; to cancer. My dad, in my dads last 10 days before he past I only then realized my mother had full blown dementia alot more has happend since. One being Peri mno.(I did think alot of my symptoms were due to grief)

Reading the 'symptom' list they sound like  life things women experience. Actually living through each symptom is almost like child birth you cant really explain the worst of it to someone who hasnt been there. Why is this part of life not openly discussed, & seems to be 'hidden away in cyber space' like a dirty little secret?

I am I the verge of divorce as I suffer in my home in silence. I have a financially supportive husband but I am left alone to suffer.

I did turn to my GP who was keen to throw some antidepressants my way, but what about the nausea, migraines, aching muscles, weight gain...I did end up in a counsellors office as I need to get back to work. How can you be a productive member of society when you forget simple things who will hire someone who may want to cry at the drop of a hat?

Anyone who may read this thank you for taking the time, because it has helped putting it out there & reading of others 'secret' or private hell.

PS Im use to be a  happy,life loving ...mum & wife I feel suddenly & unexpectedly 47 ,old miserable , over weight, hopeless....

2 likes, 26 replies

26 Replies

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  • christine70191
    christine70191 manda16171

    Posted

    You poor thing. I can't imagine coping with all that you have done as well as these vile symptoms of menopause. Despite how you feel you must be incredibly strong to get through this all. Well done and keep going. Just remember you are not alone in how you are feeling and that one day everything will come good. Take care

     

    • manda16171
      manda16171 christine70191

      Posted

      Thank you for giving the time to read & reply. Ive heard it said before we never know how strong we are until we have to be.
  • annieschaefer
    annieschaefer manda16171

    Posted

    Manda,

    Please know you aren't hopeless and while it will feel like eternity, these things pass. A lot of what helps you will be by trial and error. Maybe the antidepressants will work and in your case, I would think for now, is not a bad choice. They helped me during a similar trying time.

    I am so sorry for your loss, we are never old enough to lose our parents really, let alone, be faced with worry of caring for your mother at this time as well. Yes, this time period is incredibly hard on a marriage, grateful mine's still intact. There were many days that was in question.....it's not easy on them either. We feel out of control and they aren't sure whats going on nor what to do to help. 

    You have a lot on your plate right now.....but do look over the many posts and check out some brillant older ones of what others have found to help them as well. There are no 1 remedy fits all here......be open to try the  various options like different supplements, yoga, meditation, exercise if you are up to it, perhaps hormonal supplementation be it bioidentical or not may help.....but most importantly, be gentle with yourself. It's going to be ok, promise.

    What you are experiencing is yet another phase in life....and you have come here to this forum and believe me, I was just like you not long ago when I thought I'd be stuck there forever.

    Thanks to the many lovely women who pop in and out of here, I do see the light at the end of the tunnel now and many here have helped me navigate through this time and made this journey much more tolerable.

    Sending you big hugs.

    AnnieXXxx

    • manda16171
      manda16171 annieschaefer

      Posted

      Thank you Annie for your kind supportive words, I do feel bad Ive felt the need to turn to the internet & that I cant find any words to explain whats happening with me to my husband. I did read that this is a time to show cracks in a relationship. But thank you again for your time & encouraging words
    • annieschaefer
      annieschaefer manda16171

      Posted

      Please don't feel bad using the net to help yourself. This is a blessing. I feel bad that during my mom's generation, generally women suffered in silence.

       When this first hit me, I used to cry thinking about how she must have felt and here I was lucky enough to find help via the internet because at first there didn't seem to be many of my friends that understood (now some do as they go through this) and wow, I had a rough time finding a good doctor to help me sort much of this out. 

      No doubt you have come to the right place.  I hope you and your husband can ride through this time without too much commotion.....honestly I thought for sure we'd be divorced by now. It's not an easy time for many.

      Annie xx

  • ruth23103
    ruth23103 manda16171

    Posted

    My heart nearly broke when I read your post. I too never knew about all of what we're going through. At the moment I feel as if I'm all alone. I'm not but have become so withdrawn I just don't know what going to happen to me.

    I know that the person I look at in the mirror is someone I don't recognise or want to be.

    I'm 53 and this has been going on for over two years.

    Reading your post made me feel not quite so alone. Xxxx thank you x

    • manda16171
      manda16171 ruth23103

      Posted

      Hi Ruth thank you for reading & your response. Ive found trying to tell my family ,namely my husband has been a waste of time I feel even my GP wasnt that helpful Im finding understanding (relating to ladies here going through similar times) has helped with the head case stuff the physical I can bare
    • ruth23103
      ruth23103 manda16171

      Posted

      Hi manda,

      At last I have made an appointment with my GP. Feel so anxious about going so much so that I'm petrified that when I start to talk I'll not be able to stop crying. I don't wat to take HRT but neither do I want this life of misery! I want to feel well again and sleep and have a day when I don't cry. This forum has help me so much, knowing I'm having some support from ladies going through this very dark long tunnel! Xxxxx

    • michelle50768
      michelle50768 ruth23103

      Posted

      It is truly a very dark tunnel. My journey has been eight years and counting.

      I too am now considering hrt.

      Would love to hear how you get on.

      Please let us know x

    • manda16171
      manda16171 ruth23103

      Posted

      Oh yes Ruth I really had to pull it together when I saw my GP & then still burst into tears. Thankfully she lowered her voice & spoke almost sympathetically before talking antidepressants. I know that fear of crying & not stopping in fact I think I have tried so hard not to cry  I think Ive come across angry & bitter which I havent felt, just sadness & hopelessness.
  • bobbysgirl
    bobbysgirl manda16171

    Posted

    Oh manda, what an awful lot you are going through at the moment. It is horrible isn't it?

    But now you have us! We need to talk about it and be more open. To add to the miseries, I have a frozen shoulder. I was chatting to a friend who works in our newsagents. A lady next to me heard me talking about my shoulder and joined in the conversation. She told me that acupuncture had helped her. I now have a new friend in town. I am also more open about the menopause and I am finding there is a 'sisterhood' out there who are willing to moan AND laugh about it.

    I am lucky in having an understanding husband. He is going through his own health problems and has spent a lot of time doing research (rather than take what the doctors tell him at face value) on the Internet. 

    We have changed our diet and he has reduced his cholesterol WITHOUT statins!

    Perhaps you can show your OH that it is not just you and remind him that his vows were 'for better, for worse, in sickness and in health'!lol

     

  • Fudgeybear1
    Fudgeybear1 manda16171

    Posted

    Hi manda,I m sorry you ve had such a hard time,please don't think you are alone,I know it feels like that because other people in your life don t understand how you feel.My husband doesn't understand at all,I ve tried to talk but he dosnt say a lot,but I guess I don't blame him,how on earth is he going to understand if he's not going through it.So I have decided coping with this on my own is something I have to do for myself, I ve started drinking a vitamin shake because my appite was so poor,this has helped me greatly,I see a counsoller and I love it, it's an hour where I can get everything off my chest,I strongly advise that you keep seeing a counsoller as you ve had a lot of trauma,your husband won't be able to help you with that,I ve tried a few anti depressants and they have all made me ill.I know it's hard I'm 46 and some days I feel 90,I have aches and pains everyday,it's no wonder we don't recognise ourselves.Lol,we re all here for you,there's always lots of great advice and we will all get through it 😀Xx
    • manda16171
      manda16171 Fudgeybear1

      Posted

      Thank you so much for your reply. I have a counsellor apnt next Tue I was going to cancel as the 1st session was with a male who wanted me to list my stress's past & present & my leisures/enjoyments, the last counsellor wanted to dwell on my husband & my parents all of which did not help then told me to take antidepressants. The information I have read & shared here has helped more than a GP, drugs & 2 counsellors so far I guess Im feeling knowledge is power & you cant really relate to someone elses experiences until yourve been there yourself. I may have to tell my counsellor to read alot of these posts.
    • Fudgeybear1
      Fudgeybear1 manda16171

      Posted

      I'm not sure where you live manda,but don't just put up with the counsoller you ve got if you don't connect with him/her,I tried a one on the NHS but I wasn't happy,all i did was fill out forms asking how I felt and had to mark it from one to ten.I looked into seeing a private one,I think she under sells herself as she only charges £30 a session but it's the best £30 I spend every time I see,she's fantastic!! She lets me lead the conversation,we laugh,I cry,it's like talking to a friend,but she helped me change the way I look at things,I feel more settled and in control of myself and my life.So keep looking don't just put up with,you re worth more than that x
    • manda16171
      manda16171 Fudgeybear1

      Posted

      I feel so much better for having 'stumbled'  across so many kind, understanding Ladies Thank you so much. I will keep my next counsellors apnt if only to tell her what Ive learnt smile
    • manda16171
      manda16171

      Posted

      Ps Alas I still have my aches & pains & fragile state of mind
    • Fudgeybear1
      Fudgeybear1 manda16171

      Posted

      I m pleased you feel a bit better,don't get me wrong I still have the aches and pains and all the other meno stuff,but I feel I can cope with it a little better because my mind and thought process is a lot stronger. Please let know how you get on take care x
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