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Hi I don't know where to start really, I was put on citalopram a week ago, I was at the doctors regarding another matter but somehow she coaxed out of me what really is going on, I've been on 3 5mg diazepam a day for 8 years and she wants me off it and I do too but I wasn't having any of it and said they helped me, but, she unlike every other doctor ive seen had all the time in the world for me and I just blurted out I was severely depressed and had been for over 20 years, soon as I told her I could tell she was glad I had finally accepted it and told someone, she couldnt of been anymore understanding, I felt finally I had someone I can trust that can take away this pain I've been in for too long. To cut a long story short 12 years ago when I was 31 my life turned upside down where I had to suddenly move away from home to care for my mum, but she died in my ams after 4 years of me caring for her, as you can expect that took a lot out of me, but I battled through that, alone,.... Along with that Ive lost the girl I love because of this illness I have.
I have retreated into myself so much since, I am a recluse in my home I am scared and alone, beyond going to the shop I pretty much can't go out or work or anything, you see I am away from ALL my friends and family ive no support at all, where I live I don't know anyone well enough to call a friend for support, I've lost touch with friends and my family haven't contacted me in over 4 years, the endless lonelyness and the loss of everything so dear to me now has tipped me over the edge, I am in Isle of Man so it's very had to get to see anyone because of the sea and the cost of travel, at this moment I am really struggling, can't stop crying I am at totally Rock bottom this is Why I told my doc because I've done nothing but thnk of ending the pain lately. I used to thnk I am the strongest person I know but there's only so much a person can take.
Soon as I got home from the chemist I came on here and it's all horror stories and I don't think I can face that, no drug can take away lonelyness and the loss I feel, I am scared I am jumping out the frying pan into the fire, please can someone help me, I need advice because if these are going to make me worse I need to stop them right now, it's hard enough trying to get off Valium without cit making me worse, I am not after sympathy I don't know what I am after I need to speak to someone even if it's just typing on a forum.
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