Am i beyond help?

I think there was blood at least a few times, there was bile as well as i havent been able to eat. Something always in me either drinks or stops eating when things get too bad. To be fair i have never been able to control that part of me that at times stops eating and thats why i feel like it will always be the same with the drink. How have you and your husband been? I havent been on the forum that much recetly, ironically i should have been.

We are ok sharon. Hubby went thru a medical detox in January and then started taking Campral to help with the cravings. So far it is working, his body needs a break from the alcohol. He always vomits bile but not blood anymore but he is still at risk from tearing it again as there is a weakness there. He dry heaves a lot too.

Hubby cannot face food when he is drinking, but what he does do is mix the alcohol with lots of water, which, he has found does help.

Don't ignore the blood in your vomit, see your gp asap xx

i know that i need to, its just so hard right now. I am on my own, no family or friends. Dont get me wrong i am not looking for sympathy it really is just so hard right now

Keep yourself safe Sharon, that's top priority. I can understand it must be hard on your own, I wouldnt be very good at coping either, but only you can do it. I am sorry to hear that you don't have anyone there.

Have you thought about how you are going to tackle your drinking? You do need to get medical support, or you will do yourself serious harm.

If you are able to get out of the house to buy drink, hon then you can get yourself to the docs

Kindest Regards

JulieAnne

Sharon, forgive me if I've suggested this before, but it has a very high success rate and I found it quite useful myself when it came (well past) time to address my own Alcohol Use Disorder:

https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder

I understand that you don't want to see your GP about this, but there are private clinics that can help as well. I spend a portion of each day telling people about this because it worked so well for me. I tried cutting back, I tried quitting (never made it more than a few days) and when I tried this, I finally started making progress towards my goal of drinking like a normal person. 

The difficulty one encounters with the traditional approach of abstinence is explained by the Alcohol Deprivation Effect. Unfortunately, this causes a rebound in drinking that goes beyond the previous level of drinking and often ends up in a binge. 

I'm not saying that people shouldn't just try to stop or cut back, some are successful at that and it really is what should be tried first. In my case, it didn't work out and I ended up drinking more than I did before, even though I'd winnowed it down to about 3 drinks a day. So I had to seek out a different approach and that's when I found TSM. Long story short, I went from my typical 12-pack every evening to now what is (after 6  months of TSM) typically less than a 6-pack per month (my highest month was 12 drinks). 

I'll send you a PM with a link to a TEDx talk at the London Business School that explains a bit more about TSM. Please let me or Joanna know if you'd like more info on it.

Thank you so much i will look out for your message, i just want to be the person that my family need and as a person myself

I ordered a herbal tablet today called Kudzu, some report that this has been a real help. One way or the other things have to change. I have been to the doctor but we went with anti depressants. Also addiction clinic every two weeks, the problem tho is that this is quite long gap in between. I am also supposed to go to a womens group as well, although havent been there yet. Thats it so far. I found the side effects of the depressants to much to bear. I have as you know also went cold turkey at times but for some reason went back on it. I did find that major excersize helped last year but for various reasons i had to give the gym up. That really did do it for me at the time and i have yet to find anything in that way that really gives me the same feeling. Its a big thing when you can physically see your body getting fitter and stronger. I would like to think i will be back when i am a little better, but there is just so much to deal with right now i know its not possible right now. I will let you know how the herbal remedy goes. Thanks so much again tho, i hope you are well.

Hi Gwen, no im not on tsm, altough i am thinking of trying this once i look into it more. It is hard, i know that you know that too , just from the honesty in your words. I dont think tapering will work for me to be honest. I am too much all or nothing if you know what i mean. I just need to come off this and look at it in a different way, it brings no good to anyone. I feel very weak right now partly because of the drink  and not eating. I have only been sick once today and feel the smallest bit stronger, but i am not really sure that counts, I am still a horrible mess sitting by myself with no one right now. Wondering how things get so bad that you lose evryone you love. My partner has been in touch though so maybe there is hope somehow if i get more better. But he has decided to live in Scotland for a lot of different reasons, all of his family live there and i dont speak to mine. He and i have had no support for years, we never even had someone to mind the kids if we wanted to go to the cinema, its hard when you basically have no family. If i can do this and somehow become that better person maybe a fresh start is what i need. I am worried about my son too though as (he has a different dad) and we both share custody. His dad will never let him come with me but he is a bit older now and eventually could decide for himself, i just dont want him to feel abandoned like i did as a child. Somehow i need to beat this, maybe even with meds. I just still feel very weak if you know what i mean, physically and mentally. It couldnt be much worse right now. 

I am glad you have found it in you to stop drinking so much wine, i used to be the same with wine then moved on to vodka as it was easier to hide. Although i would def say vodka is much worse than wine. You have done well though and sound like your getting there. Keep in touch and thank you so much for your support.  

Yes, you have quite a lot of s...t going on there.  Listen, I have 4 grandchildren aged 10,12,16,19 and I have never seen them, my daughter fell out with her dad 22 years ago and has punished me also for not leaving him.  Some days I think what is the point.  Hubs is busy with his own business and now I have retired and help him out.  But I want my daughter and grandchildren which I will never have - excuse for the bottle of red!!!!!!!

But I tell you, this site has turned my head.  I am not giving in to a horrendous end thank you very much. 

Sitting on your own is the worst thing - well for me anyway.  So that does not help.

YOU NEED A PLAN OF ACTION.

Love to ya hun

G x

I dont know the ins and outs of your story, is there no chance that you could all start somewhere? From what you have said your in a better place mentally which has taken so much effort, everyone on here knows that. Maybe even a letter or something at the end of the day it might not work but could be worth a try. I know i have to try aswell,  but even going for a bath right now seems like such an effort.  You are doing well so as ironic as it seems for me to say right now, it would be nice to think there is hope for all of us. 

tough life Gwen..so sad to read this...Robin

Oh Gwen so sorry to hear this. I would be devastated if I couldnt see my Grandchildren xx

❤❤❤❤❤

gwen ..I am so sorry about your grandchildren...your daughter should feel like a little witch for depriving them of the grandparent experience!  I'm sorry. 

I also have never seen my grandaughter who is 2...but she is ONLY 2...I'm hoping my mean son and his girl realize they are being mean...before she reaches..10,19...etc...wtf...

Thats a heavy burden to carry around...its NOT YOU...ITS HER....I feel bad for your husband too that he thinks it is his fault probably that you don't see them. Does this still cause arguments between you and your husband? 

Thanx hun x

Thanx hun - yes it did for the last 18 or so years - constantly - but brought on by me.  But the last couple of years I realise (age is clever) that there is no point in that - it is done.  I have tried hard to get her back by letters etc but she aint having it.  I was terribly upset all these years by it all but now hope that her eldest who has just gone to Uni (facebook is a wonderful thing) will decide to make her own mind up about us and not listen to her Mum any more.  As for my daughter whom I miss so much, I have veered from upset and lost to angry.  Time is a healer, buy hey, 20 years is a long healing. 

I don't dwell anymore and don't argue.  But I think she is very wrong to punish me, her once best mate.  But Karma will have its way.

Thanks for asking, always thinking of you and  your situ.  We all have a story to tell and it is nice to share. xxxx

I soo hope you see your little grandaughter - you have tons of love to give - what a bloody waste x

I'm frigin dying today I am so tired..its only 5pm here...I wish it were at least 8 so I could go to bed...I wouldn't go to bed any earlier than that.

Thanks for the reply gwen..I thought my situation was bad with my family members..yours is really bad....

I know if I try hard enough (really all they want is my b/f out of here..and since I do too...it wouldn't be hard)..but everything is hard right now...everything...I need to straighten out or figure out where I'm going to get 20K to pay these IRS taxes....which is what caused my huge fall out this past week.

I always lose 2 weeks of my life when I drink for a week...1 week drinking..the next week recovering.

That is bad to be honest, as you say now some of them are older they will make up their own minds. What you feel about your daughter has built up for so long and for her. You never know... if you believe in fate maybe somehow you will be able to build a relationship or at least even talk. I personally dont speak to my mother either and pretty much havent since i was about 11 when she left. ignored me for years, we started again and then she told her biggest mistake was ever having me. I have also cards that she wrote telling me that her love had died. Even after all that we tried again but soon after my father died i was really upset and said somethings and since then she hasnt been in touch, that was over two years ago. You sound like you do care its just a lot of resentment has built up but obviously thats easy for me to say, theres clearly a lot more to it. I hope your ok, life is very hard at times no matter how hard you try. Keep in touch x

Know how you feel about the debts, i owe 6 credit cards and i am overdue payment. Can you not come to some sort of agreement with this, 20k is a lot for anyone in one go!?

Do you mind me asking where your from? Im in the uk obviously but it sounds like you live abroad?

I can't stand this post - makes me bloody angry.  11 yrs old  - FFS.

Yes, Sharon I am from the US...the smallest state....Rhode Island.

Sometimes mothers and their children do fall out forever, i know i will never speak to her again. But on the other hand my boyfriend had not spoke to his mother recently for around 9 years. Both very stubborn. But he made the first go at seeing her yesterday and he says that although its not brilliant they are fine and talking. There is hope for some and maybe there is for you too in your situation. My kudzu tablets arrived today.. just about to start them. I hope this goes well. Went to sleep last night with the best intentions for everything today but i feel like rubbish this morning. Need to really start doing more things, its still very hard though. Hope your ok, didnt mean to make you angry. But i know what you meant

Ppl can be strange Gwen. I have witnessed dreadful behaviour from relatives of the dying, really callous. Not all Mothers are maternal it would seem xx

Keep going Sharon. I have been quite down just lately. One thing at a time, Sharon, you will get there hon xx

Ahh Rhode Island, always looks beautiful in the movies, Missy. I lived in California for a while and visited a few states but never Rhode Island xx

Yes, i know what you mean. This has been the worst week of my life and i am still finding even doing small things right now extremely hard. I hope you start feeling a bit better soon, why not try maybe just doing something nice for yourself even if its small. XXX

Sounds lovely, how are you today missy?

Yes I am going to, it's my Birthday on monday, so am going out for a meal with a friend. It can be quite draining supporting Husband sometimes. I feel as tho I have been living on a knifes edge for a long time. Have put a 30 pounds since October gone from a size 12 to a 16 grrr xx

Dont be too hard on yourself, you have been under a lot of stress to say the least. Maybe try walking or some kind of excersize, it really does help the mind. When i was going to the gym last year one thing i noticed is how much better i felt mentally. It really does work. It was after i stopped going for a few different reasons that things got bad for me again. So maybe give it a try hun. Happy Birthday for monday by the way xx

Thank you, Sharon. I've got an exercise bike that's looking like a clothes horse at the mo 😁 xx

Its my birthday today and I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

I'm ridiculously anxious...don't want to do anything and it is raining here again which is a big problem for me.

I really need to go buy some eggs to boil and I don't feel like it.

How are you today? Are you drinking at all?  What time is it there?

Happy Birthday Missy!

I am much the same, went to sleep last night with the best of intentions to actually be more like a normal person today and do somethings in the house but i dont have it in me yet. My Kudsu herbal tablets arrived today and i have taken a couple. The way i have been this week there have been days where i have drank and it could have been at any time of the day aswell, my mood was so low. But so far so good i do not feel any need. Its a bit weird to be honest. 

Sorry your not having a good time on birthday...if you do go and get the eggs buy yourself a treat too, honestly it might perk you up xxx

Maybe try giving a wee shot...the reason i started going to the gym last year was mostly for my head and to be healthier but i was amazed at how much my mind improved. Wish i had kept going, life might be very different now.

Hope you have good birthday xxxx

Happy Birthday, Missy. Hope today is a good day for you xx

Happy Birthday Missy ❤

I hope you got to go out for your eggs and had a nice brekky x

Hindsight is a wonderful thing hon xx Actually cleared all clothes off my Ebike and managed just 10 mins b4 collapsing this afternoon. OMG 😌 So unfit xx

Happy Birthday, Missy! Do you have some L-Theanine you could try for the anxiety, or maybe a cup of Chamomile tea? Maybe just breaking the deadlock by going out for the eggs would help...

Aww bud, no wonder hunni.  You are being soo strong and we all admire you but there comes a time when you need a little mental respite.

But then you know that in your profession.  Just tell it like it is on here - it has done me the world of  good.  xxx

Hey babe - Happy Happy Birthday lovely.  Yuk, rain don't help.  Wish I could jet over and boil you some eggs and soldiers.  I had egg for my breakfast along with a baked avocado - must say I do not like baked avocado, first time I have had it - 'orrible.   Also baked the egg with it, I tell you what you could have played golf with it lol lol !!!  Talk about indigestion.  Stuff that.

It is 6pm here and I have loads of emails to read but hubs is asking when are we eating - god men - hungry tums all the flippin time.

I will flip in again when I have fed my grown child hubster.

Keep posting ya here.  Lov ya girl.

Gxxxxxx

Thanx Gwen. I do get a lot of support from this site, coz we all know what it can be like; hell on earth.

It takes its toll on the sufferer and family xx hope you are ok xx

Hey, you started it tho.  Exercise is theeeee best for releasing stuff.

And I am really getting into deep breathing.  15 mins a day, it releases toxins as well as calming the mind and loads of other stuff.

I can tell you now it is working wonders for me just this week alone.  Calmer me, yes please. 

Give it a go Jules - as they say -  ommmmmmmmm x

Haha ommmm indeed xx

It def is, when im feeling a bit stronger i am going to start doing some kind of excersise, maybe running. It does clear the mind. Think the thing with anyone is finding that one thing you enjoy so it doesnt feel like a chore. I would love to try something on the breathing end, i just havent find the right thing...did try yoga in the past tho. Good for the mind Glad to hear its working for you Gwen xx Hope your all ok

Well how did the rest of your birthday go? Feeling any better? what about the eggs...

Feeling a tiny bit better myself tonight, i have been able to eat at least. No drink today either, herbel Kuduz seems to be working well for now. Just trying to look at bit to the future and see myself living over in Scotland, I think it will happen as long as i can just get a little better and sort things out here. It will still be difficult telling my son tho, need to look at all the positives and explain it to him in the best way. I would try to come back over at least 1-2 times a month and he could come to see us too in holidays. 

Hope you did have a good day with what ever you did and also got the eggs

Thank you ADE..Here is my thing about Chamomile tea..its been suggested to me to drink it at bedtime too to help with sleep. Well, I stop drinking 2 hours before bed because I get up in the night enough to use the bathroom!

And since I am so sensitive to medications (just not alcohol) I won't drink it during the day, I have and it makes me tired.

I DO have L-Theanine and I was trying it for a little while..its not quite the same....but it does calm a little..so does Magesium...which I kinda like better...Thank you for all the suggestions....and I think when my life changes after May1st (when my b/f moves out)...my stress level will come down some notches...sad to say .

My birthday was just another day and Thank you Sharon.But, it was my #8 day without a drink and last Saturday I was literally dying...so I guess my day was pretty good!

Im so glad you feel a little bit better...keep up the new thinking pattern and taking your new "root". I hope it helps.

LOL.Thank you for the B-day wish! when I read baked avocado...I thought..hmm...yum...wonder how that is...lol...then I kept reading...

LOL.

Why do you have so many emails? business?

Yes, men can eat..I just made my son HIS favorite...plain spagehetti with butter and broccolli and garlic bread....

My boyfriend is taking me out for Chineese but I don't like Chineese...he has been wanting to go to this place for a week so he asked me for today...so I reluctantly said yes....he does know the "eviction" notice is in the mail (for real) and I said if you still want to take me or want someone to go with you I will go...I'm not doing anything....its such a sad thing..ending relationships...so hard...I think I will stay out of relationships for a very long WHILE after this...

 

No drink for me today either. Taking the kudzu and it has actually helped today. Head feels a bit clearer too, so i can look to the future and maybe move to scotland. Need the family back no matter what, but either way this is no life. All drink brings is sadness for all. Have a small bit of vodka still sitting in the kitchen and havent drank it so i think from a physical point of view the ''root'' its helping. Considering how rubbish all is right now i dont really need any more reasons to drink, but the fact that all those reasons are there is because i have been drinking. It just has to stop.

Ever so well done for your 8 days!!!! That is a good day! Keep that up and the clearer your head will become. Have you ever had help with the anxiety that you have talked about or just the drinking?

What about trying some natural oils? I have in the past and did find them to def have an effect. Prob not the total solution but may help tho x

you re getting better ..throuw out the vodka...Robin

Sorry I missed your reply, Misssy! Too many forums, methinks...

I've used Chamomile capsules with a certain percent Apigenin (supposedly the active ingredient) added to boost the effectiveness with good results.