Angry husband/intermittent explosive disorder “IED”
Posted , 19 users are following.
Angry husband/intermittent explosive disorder “IED”
I would like to know if anyone is experiencing issues with their husband and him having an explosive Incredible Hulk like reaction to something very minor. I have been going through this with my husband for quite some time but it keeps escalating and he won’t get counseling. We were on the highway a couple weeks ago and he got angry because we forgot to use these coupons at Home Depot and literally in the middle of the highway he hit the brakes, crossed the lane without even checking, made an illegal U-turn and almost jumped in oncoming traffic. And then he tried to act like he didn’t do anything wrong. He is also a gas lightwe and has some narcissist tendencies. thank God for Pinterest, I found out what narcissism and gaslighting is all about. And it’s making him furious that he’s losing control and that I caught on ti all his BS. I do have to say this may sound contradictory he is a good and kind person but he’s got this serious serious problem and I can’t deal with it any longer. Both of our names are on the house and he doesn’t want to sell, that’s the only thing holding me back from leaving. I'm scared ...sad confused ...and feel very lonely and isolated. going through menopause has made it much more difficult. I find myself most days staring out into the sky and crying wondering what I’m gonna do. I wish there was a team of people that facilitated helping you leave someone. I survived a very damaging childhood and when you survive that you really don’t have a toolbox to address something like this and it’s very painful.
3 likes, 39 replies
angelina73017 lisa95354
Posted
Lisa, i hope you're okay. I know what you're describing and my situation is very very similar.
I'm married to a man who is, outside of this, a truly wonderful person. Sadly, "this" sets the soundtrack of my life. Sometimes, lately, I've started roughly calculating how many days I've spent being destroyed by his aggression and hostility. In 4 years of marriage I can conservatively estimate that I've let him tell me what a piece of s**t I am for at least around 416 horrible days. That's a lot.
I'm so depressed and I can't share it with anyone. If i don't make it easy for him to recover, I pay the price. Therapy only confirms that my hands are tied unless I want to leave. No one knows and if they know even a taste, they accidentally alienate me by insisting that I should leave with a certainty that is easy to have from the outside.
I know I would never hurt myself but I'm so tired of thinking and trying to choose the right way to handle everything that I'm deeply tired of life. I've never told anyone this. I ruminate on what kind of death would be the least destructive for my loved ones. Again, I would never. But the fact that each day is so much work to get through is undeniable.
I too come from a very traumatic upbringing and I know that I have enabled this simply by staying no matter what he does or says. I wish I had a father who could show up and help me reinforce the boundaries that I have vocalized over and over.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through and I'm so grateful that you shared here. It's a tragic gift to see myself in someone else.
A big hug
vivian72668 lisa95354
Edited
Hey Lisa...
Sorry you're dealing with your husband's IED on top of menopause! Shut the front door and call me Mary... That's a lot to contend with! Lawd.. help us all ! That being said, is it possible your husband could be going through, drum roll puleeze: ANDROPAUSE, which is Male Menopause! Yes, there is such a thing; this, I guarantee! Also, what else is he doing? Discretely keep your eyes and ears open.. He could be in the beginning stages of a MLC. Translation: Mid Life Crisis.. Having said that, do what you can to be well & stay well, hence physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, and mentally..
jessica65429 lisa95354
Posted
I'm in the same situation. We've been together for 17 years and it's been rough. I didn't know about his explosive behavior until we already married. I didn't know anything about it. He would be perfectly fine then something small he would explode. I left once but came back. He did improve his behavior and identified when he would start to loose control and walk away. But now it's always my fault. If I say I'm going to do something only because I want to avoid asking him to do something because it's a fight, he'll tell me to wait, he'll do it and do it better/faster but every time it takes more time to complete and if I bring it up or ask nicely his comments are always you always have to have it your way and right now.....I've even tried giving him several months to get something done. Nothing works. I have 3 teenagers and I feel like I'm raising another one. I know he loves me and would never hit or cheat. I always thought it would be enough for a marriage to work. I have asked him to move out and he won't. I don't like being mean to him. But I'm slowly getting tired of trying. He won't take medication or get counseling. I'm afraid he will fall in a severe depression. I would love for my marriage to work but the closer I'm am to the Kids graduating the more I want to just live by myself at peace. Without walking on eggshells. any advice?
lin1953 lisa95354
Posted
going through the same Intermediate explosive. He is a recovered addict. still recovering from ER horror covid . Evil hospitals. 5 months ago embolization of liver tumor probably cancer. he always had a propensity to explode over simple things. got better with medication but they lowered dose and I think it needs to be upped again. i feel lonely, abusive language im called names and yet I work like a dog to keep him healthy. sorry i wanted to post cause I gave no ine ro talk too.