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Another Blow Below the Belt

Posted , 8 users are following.

minnie4
minnie4

its coming up to nearly a year now since I was first ill and so much has changed and as I sit here and reflect on all th changes and how I have tried to stay upbeat and look for positives and ways round things rather than accepting closed doors how I've managed with s lot of help from my employers to get back to work and be useful and have meaning and how I continue to battle to be independent st home high I still haven't achieved yet I have another blow.

my partner showed all th tell tale signs women pick up on that he was looking in a different direction and now I am all alone.

how much more can one person take 😢

1 like, 26 replies

26 Replies

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  • Boqer
    Boqer minnie4

    Posted

    Aww Minnie, I'm so sorry to hear this, life gets so very tough at times. I feel for you, I really do. I have no partner, but I can imagine what you are going through on top of fibro, it's yet another thing you don't need. It's very hard when things are thrown at us like this, all I can say is take things one day at a time. It's difficult to stay positive, but you seem to be doing very well so far, and for your own health and well being you must try to continue to be positive thought this. I don't know your situation and don't want to overstep the mark, but you know, perhaps in the long run you are better off without someone who doesn't want to be with you, you are worth far more than that!

    keep warm and cozy

    gentle hugs

    Boqer

    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Boqer

      Posted

      Hi Boyer How are you? Hows things with you? Hope fibro isnt causeing you too much pain. Hope you have a good weekend take care gentle hugssmile
    • Boqer
      Boqer kaz_40

      Posted

      Hi Kaz, I've not been so good, suffering with aches and fatigue, just getting through one day at a time really and looking forward to the Spring.

      How have you been?

      take care and have a good weekend 

    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 Boqer

      Posted

      HiBoyer Not been great very painful hands arms and fingers. struggling to use left arm thats quiet bad. It hasnt been right to be honest since I had the stroke. \\\\\my left leg is the same its very weak. I just take each day as it comes get through it as best I can. take care hope you have a pain free weekend 
  • sue21108
    sue21108 minnie4

    Posted

    Minnie I am so sorry to hear about the struggles your dealing with.  Sending you big hugs and take carex
  • kaz_40
    kaz_40 minnie4

    Posted

    So sorry to hear that your partner has left you, bless you. Its difficult enough coping with all that fibro throws at us. with out being delt another blow. Some one once said to me when a relationship I was in broke up. That things happen for a reason theirs a saying that goes, you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink it. Its hard when a relationship breaks up that in its self is hard to cope with, with out having a chronic illness to cope with too. Just take a day at a time be kind to yourself. By treating yourself to something nice, new hair do perfume jewellery. we all also need something to look forward eg meal out night away holiday. anything to help lift us up give us something to look forward too. Its good that you have good employers, as soo many of us havnt and are being made redundant or even sacked because we can no longer do our job. so its really good how your emplyers are being with you. Your never alone on this site we are all here for each other. If you have good friends and a family spend as much time with them as possible keep your mind as occupied as possible. so you dont dwell on whats happened as that wount help you at all. Just concentrate on yourself and your well being. when 1 door closes another door opens. Im sure 1 day you will meet some one new.Take care sending you a gentle hug 
  • minnie4
    minnie4

    Posted

    Thank you all for your kind words and optimism.  If I'm honest I hadn't really expected replies or at least that wasn't why I posted.  I needed to see it written down in black and white to try and accept yet another change.  I'm unable to lift anything heavier than a tin of soup and I'm constantly tired and because of my lack of strength I'm no longer driving.  I can get help to get to work but once I'm home I'm a prisoner.  My friends have families and rightly spend their weekends with them.  If I visit I have to pay for taxis as it is the only way I can get anywhere and I just can't afford it.

    writing this down makes me realise where I relied on my partner and it is easy to understand why he has gone elsewhere.  I have no malace.  We all need a little sunshine in our lives after all.

    • Boqer
      Boqer minnie4

      Posted

      As do you mimmie, you need sunshine too! Don't look on your home as a prison, even though you might be stuck there, look on it as your palace 😊 And try and do just a little something each day that you enjoy, no matter how small. It will give you something to look forward to.
    • loxie
      loxie minnie4

      Posted

      oh Minnie, so sorry to hear of your situation.  I do reallly understand.  I have a live in partner but I do realise that I make a lot of demands on his patience and understanding and he has to cope with me being unable to go out much or do many things we'd like to do due to being in such pain etc.  I sympathise about the being tired and not being able to life much - same here, I get very downhearted when I cant even do the simplest things and I know I'm not the cheerful energetic and vibrant person he first met and liked.  I feel terrible for both myself and him, that our lives are so restricted now - it's bad enough for me having to deal with the pain and inability but then on top I feel guilty that I'm preventing him from getting out and about and enjoying life as we used to.  He says its okay but I see how disappointed he is sometimes when I'm just not up to doing anything and he feels trapped at home too.  I would be upset if he left me but I would definitely understand it.  It just adds to the hard work of this horrible syndrome doesnt it.  Big gentle hugs to you.  Only consolation is that we have such wonderful people to share our feelings with on this forum. xx
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 minnie4

      Posted

      You need sunshine and happyness too in your life minnie4. Fibro has not only changed my life but my husbands too, it does a put a strain on on relationships. as we arnt the person we use to be and we cant do what we use to do. My son once said to me fibromyalgia not only affects you but me and dad too. my husband does struggle to work full time and look after me. It all gets too much for him. I did say to him he could walk away if he wanted. I hate to see him struggling he is soooo tired then its me he snaps at. Flaming joy of having fibro NOT. Take care just take each day as it comes, each day we get through is another battle won. gentle hugs x 
  • minnie4
    minnie4

    Posted

    Loxie, I agree about the people on here.  I've tried so damn hard to stay positive and be as independent as possible.  I've tried so hard to pay back the extra work he had to do by taking on his paperwork etc.  I thought it was working but I was wrong ☹️

     

  • StephaniaWi
    StephaniaWi minnie4

    Posted

    Just remember, the way you feel today is not the way you will feel forever. You can be rocked and shaken and feel like the worst emotional pain and physical pain is going to consume you, but it will not. To be corny and lame, I am going to recite some lyrics , just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die.

    Besides, if your partner leaves you now, he was not a very good partner and you do not need him in your life. It is going to be hard for awhile but then one day you will wake up and realize that it is getting better and less painful. While you may never completely get over it, eventually there will begin to be a longer amount of time in between when you think about it. There is always hope for a better tomorrow. You never know what is going to happen, this just may be the best thing for you.

    You deserve joy and peace and battling this disease is hard enough. You will get through this. *hugs*

  • mel77
    mel77 minnie4

    Posted

    Hi Minnie:

    Boqer is right.  I know, I really know what you are going through.  I have fibro as is very dibilitating.  I also have spinal stenosis and nerve damage.  I try to do the things I am able but sometimes I feel there is no end in sight.  The difference with me is that I am retired living on social security.  I forgot what it is like to have a job.  I am 76, soon to b 77.  Life as it is now is not great.  My wife also has some major problems and we try to take care of each other but it is hard.  Your ex partner obviosly does not understand and it is easier for him to just say I can't deal with it.  I know it's not fair to you but if he is not a good for a partner then why deal with it.  Forget about him as it will only make you sickerer.  Stay on a positive note.  You have to take care of yourself and keep your self yourself up.  At least you do have a job and your employer is working with you.  That is very important and employers are not generally that giving.  I had such employers.  I also don't know what your illnesses are and I don't dig.  It is personal to you and when you decide to tell, then that is your choice.  Meanwhile, do the very best you are able to and I wish you all the luck in the World.

    mel

    • minnie4
      minnie4 mel77

      Posted

      I didn't think to put down my illnesses mel.  I try hard not to think about them or dwell on them as I believe it would be consuming and my life would suffer.  I don't moan, well so,etimes, but not constantly.  When I'm in pain I tend to twke myself off or I go to sleep if I'm lucky.  I have a spinal injury which affects my limbs and has affected my nerves and muscles so I am unable to walk very far or unaided or carry very much. It can't be fixed and th pain couldn't be controlled which is how they think I have fybromyalgia.  I have the F word in all its forms.  Before joining here I didn't even know what fybro was or that all the other problems I have had for years were part of it.

      wow that's depressing!

    • mel77
      mel77 minnie4

      Posted

      Hi mimmie:

      I know you didn't so don't feel like you do.  I think everyone here have these same kind of illnesses.  Talking about moaning.  I try not to either but sometimes I do.  It is starting to become more like a habit which I dont like.  I am falling asleep a lot more now taking more naps than ever before.  It does help some.  I talked to many people and a few had spine injuries.  That is terrible because a good body does not need this.  I have spenial stenosis and I dont beleive that was caused by any injury.  I couldn't say it began.  I know this though, when I was a young boy, my father beat me so with his fist directly on my spine, He almost killed me.  That could have been the start of my back pains that I am  having now.  Now, with all the tests I got, it shows damage but I developed not only fibro but spinal stenosis, damaged nerves, and whatever my human body edures.  The effects my mobility and balance..I had 2 lumbar back surgeries and a neck fusion.  It might have helped to a degree for a time after it was done and yet one neurosurgeon last yest wanted to do another neck fusion. I did not go for it.  Instead, I had an SCS put in but doesn't do anything for my lower back which hurts when I walk.  I am going to ask the pain doc to take it out.  I had 2 epidurals and did nothing.  The doctor wanted to do it again and I said no way.  I read up it and i'll tell, you it is a dangerous procedure.  If the protective sheath is punctured, then the meds that are used will destroy  the nerves causing a life of severe pain, maybe paralysis and even death.  If you get you tube, look it up and you will see what I mean.  How they have it FDA approved, I cannot imagine.  There are horror stories about it as well as people who had the procedure, done wrong and video interviews with these people.  Even prominent doctors advise against it.  I was awestruck when I watched it.  It all boiled down to money saying that each procedure costs $2,000, easy for a doctor to do in their office and here is extra money to be made.  Oh, the wonderful World of medicine.  I thought I would just let you know about this.  It's scary out there as you don't know what you can be in for.  I have a great GP and I trust him much.  For a doctor to spend so much time with you, give you good exams and jokes around is pretty damn good to me.  I am sure he doesn't do this with all patients, only the one's he likes.  So, there you have it.  I truly believe self care is important and anything that you can help with taking care of y our body is essential.  At least we can have a means of diminishing the pain and isn't that all we strive for?  So care, be well, do some research and check out you tube.  There is a wealth of information there.  Let me know how you are doing.

      My best to you,

      mel xxx

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