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Another Blow Below the Belt

Posted , 8 users are following.

minnie4
minnie4

its coming up to nearly a year now since I was first ill and so much has changed and as I sit here and reflect on all th changes and how I have tried to stay upbeat and look for positives and ways round things rather than accepting closed doors how I've managed with s lot of help from my employers to get back to work and be useful and have meaning and how I continue to battle to be independent st home high I still haven't achieved yet I have another blow.

my partner showed all th tell tale signs women pick up on that he was looking in a different direction and now I am all alone.

how much more can one person take 😢

1 like, 26 replies

26 Replies

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  • ellieP123
    ellieP123 minnie4

    Posted

    Hi Minnie, my heart goes out to you, its hard enough dealing with all the issues this horrific illness throws at you, and then major emotional trauma on top must be so terrible. Please do realise people care, whether we know you or not, and we are all here for you to offload to. I hope that we can help you through this awful time. Keep talking and keep posting, and most of all, keep strong. Wishing you the very best. Ellie 
    • minnie4
      minnie4 ellieP123

      Posted

      That's an emotionally charged post Ellie.  😢
  • minnie4
    minnie4

    Posted

    Thank you everyone who replied to my post.  I can't tell you how much it meant to know that while I couldn't see you, knowing you were there was brilliant.  I read th posts over and over and pulled out the positive ways to make myself feel better and thanked my lucky stars that my journey wasn't like mel's who again reminded me that although my troubles feel heavy at the moment they don't compare to what others have endured.

    i managed to chop vegetables - I never thought I would feel such a sense of achievement, but I did! And create a casserole and invited family over.  I couldn't remove it from th oven or dish up but somehow it made it all th mor enjoyable as we all ended up in the kitchen helping one another.  I had a great time and when they all left I received messages thanking me and saying they had enjoyed themselves and when am I doing it again.  I always got every one together but this is th first time since this journey began.  I was an notional wreck when they left through tiredness, relief that I had done it and sadness that th house was again empty.

    Today I looked around for something else to do.  for some time now I have let things like make up and taking care of my hair slip.  Mostly because of th pain and also because I didn't feel attractive walking either with sticks or in a wheelchair.  Part of me hoped not to get noticed and war paint does the exact opposite.  Today's task was to sort out my makeup which has been sitting there waiting for my return.  While it was out I decided to have a play and ended up with a full face - all made up and no where to go, so I took myself for a little walk.  It was a fry little walk but it was my first in a long time on my own.  I think I was out for about 15 minutes but it was enough.  Everything,felt,like it was creaking and groaning but I did it.  I slept for,an hour when I got back and I can't get rid of the aches but I did it.

    this evening I sat and looks through photos of hairstyles on the Internet and having chosen one and got th seal of approval I'm going to book in this week to hav it done.

    i haven't been alone long I know and I'm not pretending th healing has started but I am beginning to see th positives.  No one is shouting and losing their temper.  No one is monopolising the tv remote and I hav been able to have the music on and the tv off.

    i miss the comfort of knowing I'm not alone.  I miss having someone to talk with, although it was me who talked really while he switched off or dismissed the conversation in favour of the tv.  I miss so many things and late at night when it's quiet and dark the loneliness seems to be punctuated by the silence.

    • Boqer
      Boqer minnie4

      Posted

      Hello Minnie

      I'm so glad you are feeling better, and you are doing so well. Sounds like you are turning things around, that's so good! 

      I have to say people do make all the difference but it has to be the right people. It's no good if it's ruining your life by having someone there. It's better to be alone and a little happy than with someone and sad. 

      Family are a big help and having everyone round for dinner like that sounds like just the ticket.

      Do take care not to over do things, but war paint and hair! Wow, that's lovely, it's all about enjoying the little things and feeling good about something. Sounds like he's the looser in it all! 😊

      Evenings and nights are the worst, but I think you just have to keep your mind on the positive things, which is often easier said than done but should get easier with practice and time.

    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 minnie4

      Posted

      Hi Minnie4 well done you for doing a meal, and for going for a little walk. when we do things how ever trivial they may be its a big achievement for us and something to be proud of. Its another step forward your going in the right direction. Treating ourselves to something nice I find helps with me. Having our hair done putting make up on gives us a lift. I agree the night times are the worse. you could try reading listening to music. Ive been where you are it does get easier just take a day at a time. concentrate on you. take care sending you a big hug smile
  • minnie4
    minnie4

    Posted

    Not doing so well ☹. I don't know whether it's just another symptom being exacerbated by the stress but my breathing is definitely getting worse.  I'm also coughing a bit and I'm a bit wheezy.  I've seen th GP who says my heart is fine.  Anyone lose getting this?
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 minnie4

      Posted

      Hi Minnie4 I have the same symptoms Ive been like it for over a month now. I saw my gp who examined me said its down to fibro. stress worry dont help our condition, also ive found when we are ill with something else fibro makes it 10x worse.do you have asthma have you been checked for it? take care
    • loxie
      loxie kaz_40

      Posted

      So true Kaz.  I'm recovering from influenza and it totally knocked me for six.  Had an appointment with a neurologist last week and he specifically said that those with fibro or other similar conditions like polymyalgia, ME, etc., always suffer more when unwell, it obviously causes flare ups when the body's immune system is under siege.  Perhaps Minnie you have developed a minor allergy to something giving rise to asthma symptoms.  Try anti histamine, like piriton.  Piriton makes you drowsy so try taking it late evening and you may find it also helps you sleep better.
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 loxie

      Posted

      Hi Loxie I had a sickness bug over christmas, I didnt eat for nearly 3 weeks I lost no end of weight it took me 4 weeks to get over it. I spoke to my gp about being ill with different things that it takes ages for me to get over things she said it was down to the fibro great ehrolleyes. Hope you soon recover from the influenza bless you. Take care gentle hugs 
  • minnie4
    minnie4

    Posted

    Thank you for the replies.  I had flu about four weeks ago followed by sinusitus - GP gave me antibiotics.  I haven't felt well since.  My ears are ringing and I feel stuffy.  Now in top of the breathing problem I have a banging headache and sickness.  I will try the antihistamine and keep everything crossed it works.  I was checked for asthma but it was clear.  Wow I feel poorly 🤕  Funny you mention weight loss.  I've lost about 14lb in the last month.
    • loxie
      loxie minnie4

      Posted

      just how I feel Minnie - worst I've ever suffered to be honest.  My GP said there are several strains of 'flu going around this year and it's caused them no end of problems as the flu jab is only ever good against one type of flu and some of their elderly patients who got the jab have still caught flu because it was a different variety.  I have had a dry tickly cough for like four weeks and it was driving me nuts, giving me headaches etc.  A friend recommended something called Pholcodine - bit of a pallaver getting the pharmacist to sell it to me - had to assure her I didnt have CPD, bronchitis, chest infection, not on anti depressants, etc, etc, or ingrowing toenails (joke) before she'd let me have some but it's worked a miracle with just a few doses, no more cough, yipppee.
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