Anxiety about going to a party

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Hi! I am 16 years old and parties with the people I know can get very ugly and wild. All the people I know drink a lot of alcohol and smoke weed and I am different from them, I don't want to do any of this. I also suffer from anxiety and over thinking and I get uncomfortable very easily and get needy and I don't want that but can't help it. To make my problem even more difficult I am an over-protective girlfriend but not in a psycho way just want what is best for my boyfriend and don't want him to get wasted until he doesn't even know his name(he doesn't usually drink and doesn't like it but when with friends I am afraid he will). We are invited to one of his best friends party in less than a month and part of me wants to go to see if I can get over my anxiety and also keep an eye on my boyfriend but also a major problem is that the party is half an hour away from my city and if I have an anxiety attack I can't get home unless I pay a lot of money on a taxi in the middle of the night..I want to have fun or at least try but I dont want to end up alone in a corner crying because there aren't many people I know there. What should I do? I have been over thinking this for 2 days..

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  • Posted

    I must be getting very old because how you felt this was a real issue for discussion in an anxiety forum filled with people suffering is beyond me. Heres the best advice i know..Make new friends, stop drinking and partying and focus on your education. Respect yourself enough not to place yourself in stupid situations. Maybe you will feel less anxious. Fitting in is not all its cracked up to be. Where are your parents in all of this? 
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    • Posted

      Believe me, I wish I could meet people who know how to have fun without alcohol. But unfortunately this is the perspective that most of the teenagers have. I don't want to go to the party to get wasted, this is the opposite I want to do. I will have a beer..maybe, but that's it. If you don't remember how it is like to pe 16 I tell you, at least for me, it is horrible. But I don't want people to think "oh that girl can't have fun let's not invite her again". So fitting in at this age, believing or not, it is something important. You asked about my parents. They trust me because they know I'm not a party girl.

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    • Posted

      There are different crowds in every high school. I have kids i know this.i know plenty of kids by the way, and i can tell you im well aware of what some 16 year olds do.  The crowd you belong too is actually mocked by all the crowds. You dont realize it because you think it appears cool or the in crowd and most  definetly it is filled with drama and a lot of hypocritical people who you could never depend on in a jam. I know you know that. Your gut is screaming to change your friends and lifestyle and your mind is screaming i want to be in the "cool" crowd ..choose wisely. Try telling them you get terrible anxiety and don't want to do it anymore. See how loyal they are then. Then go get into a more geniune crowd of people. Every school has different crowds.

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    • Posted

      Listen high school ends two years for you. Its a learning ground a testing field. This is when you learn about the world and that there ARE choices and different options. Take advantage of that. Do you know how many kids switch groups all the time trying to find a better happiness. All the time. Imagine if you cut out, nicely dont be mean about it, but kindly noted you need a quieter lifestyle..who cares how they respond honestly but you need to be kind about it and honest..then lets say over the next few months you made new friends. Got closer to people that you liked but werent a part of your group. Then lets say there idea still might include a little alcohol, but nothing crazy and there idea was all going to dinner and talking and laughing..maybe concert or movies but a calmer less dangerous and stupid kind of existence. Can you imagine that. Can you imagine having friends who listened to your fears and thoughts and cared? There are people even your age who will accept you for you, they exist. You will not find them in the atmosphere you are in. I would say im sure there are one or two similiar to you in that same group but wanna bes can be very unloyal people so you are best nicely and kindly slipping away from all that into a more geniune, loyal group of people. I dont  think your gut is going to allow you to continue the path you are currently in anyway. The anxiety will heighten..but sometimes thats not a disorder at all it is your gut trying to get you to make new choices, better ones. And listen there will always be those kids who gossip and lie and say stuff.they will probably do that if your friends or not. Barely anyone listens to that anyway. Its too common and no one will ever care unless it effects them. 16 is a selfish age, not your fault haha but it is. None  of this will matter at all in two years you will NEVER look back on HS and say damn i should have partied more. No one has ever done that. I know youre scared, change isnt always smooth but if it can make you a happier and calmer person overall then change is good. They wont harass you if you carefully and slowly exit the group. You can still hang out with certain kids on the side line but state your anxiety is getting to you and you cant do it. Blame your parents, blame it on anxiety, blame anything you can think of..just pull away from it. You can even find a new boyfriend if he doesnt care about your feelings it can only be an upgrade.
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    • Posted

      Ok i really needed to hear that i guess. What can i say..i think everything you said is right. I hate that this is a tough age and i can't wait for it to be over. Acutally my boyfriend is the only one who is there for me and will understand if i dont go to parties. And if that means he will get wasted at some of them well i will just have to suck it up beacuse after all everybody needs to experience this things. I just hate feeling like this because the anxiety and overthinking are affecting my thinking and keep me enjoying the usual things. Thought about getting some help but i dont know how to explain to my mom. Anyway, thank you again for your advice it actually helped me.

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    • Posted

      Lisa is so perfectly right, Loana. The teen years are very, very tough. I remember! At your age I chose the rebel crowd. Not a good choice. It is a wonder I survived my choice. Back then, there was nothing like this forum to help one see clearly...and I didn't see myself as in a problem group. You are so much wiser that I was at your age.

      What if you joined a club that is based on something you really enjoy? I have a feeling you are pretty smart!!!!!!! Hugs to you, Honey

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  • Posted

    hi!

    OK...you have to make a decision ioana....you are going or your not going.

    Like you said....if you are there...you can not get home.

    Think it thru...what will you do if you feel like leaving? Can you bring something to color?  Or those word search books..I find these 2 things really stress relieving...and you could sneak away to the corner or a room and color or look for words. 

    You could make it fun....buy yourself a cheap cute carry bag...and put coloring materials...and books and magazines in it to bring with you..comforting CDs a CD player...some snacks.

    OR...you decide you are going to STAY HOME and let it go.

    If you keep thinking about it and wavering back and fourth  you will just get more anxious.

    A decision needs to be made...if you go...you need a plan.

    If you don't WANT to go..you don't go.

    As far as your boyfriend...let him be a man and take care of himself...whether he is out of control or not it is not your responsibility..he is not YOUR CHILD.

     

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    • Posted

      I really don't want to go to that party but i think in some way i need to get over the fear of being around people and out of my comfort zone. Maybe a party is not the best place though..

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    • Posted

      The people there will be drunk and unable and most definetly unwilling to be of any use to you if needed. Maybe make you more uncomfortable actually. This has nothing to do with social anxiety at all. This is more a healthy anxiety that you are double thinking this. I would hate them all if i had take a cab home alone i really would. i read this to my youngest..shes will 18 next week..she shook her head and laughed and told me to let you know you need to have your own back amd screw what other kids think of you, its not worth any of it. She would have anxiety too if she had to worry about being in a party with a bunch of drunks two hours away and knew she probably had to catch a cab in the middle of night to get home. She laughed and said its too bad you dont realize HS ends in two years and you wont care at all about most of these people. So thats the thought of aomeone closer to your age. We are NY believe me the kids here most definetly are no different or worse then where you live. I will tell you there was a group of maybe twenty or thirty kids who partied like that in her grade...they werent respected by the rest of the grade at all. And i promise you it wasnt jealosy it was disgust.  There pictures of their drunken smiles and drinking made them look like idiots. Some girls way to loose for the own good. Really the whole set up of it is really stupid. Your 16, if you have a little sister, or if you dont pretend and she came to you and told you all you have said in here what advice would you give her whilst her body shook with anxiety and her tears ran down her face?  Think about that hard because also it also involves your safety. 
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    • Posted

      If you want to get over a fear of animals, is the answer to step into a rattlesnake den???  If you have a fear of people, Join something like Toastmasters. My son did that in his teens. The result was really wonderful.
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    • Posted

      The party drinking crowd at my high school hit local headlines when they gang raped a girl who came to one of their parties for the first time thinking it was cool...yes, they used that word back then, too..

      I knew these boys, I was in classes with these boys (and their girlfriends who helped try to cover it up.) So many ruined lives, so unnecessary. Two of the boys were so drunk, they were appalled at what they had done, when they sobered up and remembered. It was a sad and terrible thing.

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  • Posted

    My last message to Lisa was for you, too, Honey. Please read it/
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    • Posted

      I definatly have some thinking to do..its good to see an adult's point of view and of course you are right. I don't think i will go to that party, maybe if it was closer to home otherwise no. It won't matter in a few years not even an year after all. Thank you for your thoughts and your daughters's you had some interesting things to say ??

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    • Posted

      I would say you are thinking very maturely, You are not just making a one time party or no party decision...you are making a decision for how you want to live the rest of your life, dear one.
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    • Posted

      You are right! The party is just a situation i am confronting at the moment. But the reason i think a party is a problem is the real deal. I don't want to live my life with negative thoughts and worry on my shoulders. But sometimes i can't do anything about it and i just have to live with this just hope someday it will go away.

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    • Posted

      It will get better and better, sweetheart. Stay with us for comfort, ideas, encouragement and caring. What ever you need, we will do our best to help you with. You are not alone.
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