anxiety after mono?????
Posted , 11 users are following.
I was diagnosed with a horrible case of mono in august, and had bad brain fog and stuff, swollen spleen and liver, etc. it was pretty severe. well in about November, what started is only what I can say is hell on earth. I had massive panic attack and serious anxiety for a week and lost over 10 pounds. and its now February, I've been through CBT, on medication and the whole works. life is still a living hell. read all of this post, what is below is what I have been writing to show my doctor that I will see in the next week. if anyone has any advice, please give it.
Makes me feel horrible even when I’m not feeling anxious. It’s the worst feeling ever. Don’t know how to explain it. Especially right when I wake up. It’s so bad and I hate it and it feels like my mind is sick. I get anxious about Doing things and talking to people while having this problem and everything feels so off and distant. I have no want to do anything because I feel this way. I just want to sleep half the time because it’s so bad.
Want to learn how to put all this behind me and continue to move forward, and be able to understand what is going on with me. And also get rid of the “but” and “what ifs” and scared thoughts. I feel like I can’t do things because of the way I feel. There’s so many obsessive and negative thoughts going on and it’s hard to focus on what’s going on around me. It’s like my brain tells me how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking and acknowledging feeling off or weird all the time. My subconscious monitors how I’m feeling and talking and thinking every second. And also not be indecisive on what to do and why I’m doing it because of anxiety and not feeling right. Want to learn how to have free time and not have anxiety and feeling “not right” when I’m not busy. I find myself getting worried about the weekend because I don’t have school, and scared I won’t know what to do and it won’t feel right because of anxiety. Anxiety makes me feel so weird and bad and off and I hate it. It makes me so confused, foggy, like I’m dreaming, and everything seems so distant. I hate it. It’s so hard to remember things and I feel like I’m in a dream most of the time. And sometimes I ask if things even happened because they don’t seem real. I want to not have to tell my mom how I’m feeling 24/7. Never want to have to go back to how I was feeling and want to get off my medicine and live life to the fullest without these horrible feelings. Want to not be worrying about what I’m doing in the future 24/7 and if I will still be feeling like this. Want to stop fearing how I’m memorizing things and feeling off and live life and be able to feel normal again and get involved in things around me have fun without feeling mentally ill. Just riding home I “don’t feel right” and nothing seems as appealing anymore because I feel this way. Usually the day before all this starts, I don’t feel as energetic and just kind bleh.... then the next day I’m completely stuck in my own head and feel horrible and don’t want to do anything and just feel trapped. And I feel like I’m stuck in a living hell and cannot get my mind on anything and nothing i seems appealing. I don’t want to hangout with anybody I don’t want to eat I just want this to go away. I am so sad and tired of this I want my old self back. And this can go on for weeks and it is torture. I read online (I have been limiting my googling use tremendously) that EBV can affect the thyroid and cortisol levels and adrenal stress or something like that which can make me feels this way. I don’t know what any of those are but I’m opened minded to anything right now because I HAVE to get back to normal. This has been going on way too long. If it was just the normal anxiety feelings I could handle that. This just feels so bad and like it’s something else that I can’t push past it. I just have to keep going on with my life while going through this just to have a little break from it for like a day or so, just to have it come back. My body also feels “light” sometimes when this happens. And nose, right ear, and head tingles and has pressure. But these go away when I have a break from the anxiety. Want to learn how to get through this, and want to learn exactly what is going on with me. While I had mono, I took SARM’s (MK2866) that I got from online which is a PED for exactly one week hoping it would help my brain fog and also drank alcohol like twice. I’m afraid I this or the EBV and Mono messed my brain up and the thought of that makes me feel sick and scared. It makes me feel so bad and off I’m scared it isn’t anxiety. Every second while I’m sitting at home I don’t feel right and don’t want to do anything because I feel so bad. It’s hard for me to believe it’s anxiety because it’s so constant. I cannot stop talking or writing down about it and I don’t want to do anything. This is horrible. It literally makes me cry all the time because I feel so bad and trapped and it’s been going on for so long. Which is NOT like me at all. Im pretty sure the last time I cried before all this started was when i was like 12. I started balling crying in front of my best friend. It’s that bad. I feel so extremely overwhelmed by all this I can’t even describe it. I also have no motivation. When before all of this I was the most motivated person I knew. It makes me SOOOO tired and I can’t focus and just want to sleep and wake up and it be gone. When this happens I literally have purple bags on my eyes. This isnt all the time though. I have to make myself workout and enjoy baseball because I “don’t feel right” I feel so weird and anxious and feel so bad it makes me sad that working out and baseball aren’t fun anymore because of the way I feel because that used to be my passion before all this. Every time I hear I need to do something or have to go somewhere I feel horrible I don’t even know why. I basically have to MAKE myself play xbox. I truly don’t know how to describe it, it is just an overwhelming and horrible feeling. I completely zone out when this happens. I just feel like a zombie.
I haven’t really noticed any negative effects with the lexapro it’s only taken the edge off a little bit. I don’t even really want to be on it. I have been having all these feeling ever since this all started.
I need to understand what is going on with me and how I can recover from this. Because the way it makes me feel is absolutely horrible and I have been going through this for way too long. I like I cant handle any stress whatsoever. I usually stay on my phone in bed for an hour or two on the weekends instead of getting straight into the day, when before all this, I would get up immediately and go hang out with friends or workout. I just feel dead most of the time and unable to cope with how I’m feeling. I also have noticed I will be sitting in bed or in the living room and I will have random parts of my body twitch. I also can never keep my legs still. Especially at school they are constantly fidgeting. I also still have the vibration sensation in my liver area and a twitch in my right ear often. I know I’ve said this already but I need to understand what is going on with me. Because there is no way this is just anxiety and I have to get out of this. I have to know what is wrong with me and what I can do about it.
0 likes, 34 replies
craig07920 yyy1000
Posted
Hi yyy,
Oh I have read your story there and can really feel your pain coming through so bad. The main thing I want to offer is real HOPE for you today and reassurance that what you're going through is a very normal experience for mono. I don't mean that in any way to be dismissive at all because I went through virtually the same kind of experience, it's the not knowing if and when things will get better that is so hard to deal with. If someone could say 'okay you're going to be like this for 3 months and then you will be totally fine' then it would be tough to deal with at the time but there would be relief knowing there was an end to it.
Let me reassure you that there IS an end to this. I thought after months it would never get better for me but it did, and it WILL for you too, I truly believe that. You're young and have lots of healthy and happy time ahead, I really honeslty believe that God will bring healing.
The worry and the anxiety will go too, and it sounds like you're doing all the right things to help yourself. You have nothing to feel bad about in terms of spending extra time in bed (your body needs rest and recovery anyway), taking lepraxo (I do too and it really can help) or breaking down in front of friends in family - I would definitely encourage you to talk to folk about how you're feeling rather than bottle it up, it's so hard to deal with this yyy but you ARE going to get better believe me!! Take it from me as someone who thought he never would at the 6 month mark like you are now, but after 9-10 months i noticed a real change and life started to get back to normal again and I felt so relieved and grateful - and you will have that experience too, just hang in there for now and take each day as it comes don't look too far ahead.
One other good thing that helped me was taking vitamins and supplements - I get it that your body just feels like it's lost it's resilience and can't cope with anything - this is the way it got me too and the vitamins and supplements just boost your immune and nervous system to cope better as your body heals. A good strong multi-vitamin per day is a great idea, as is high doses of Vitamin C (1000mg-3000mg per day), extra Vitamin D in the winter time especially, and really important things that help calm the nervous system like B complex (great for energy levels) and Evening Primrose Oil. Immune boosting herbs like siberian ginseng and echinicea also really good.
But most important of all....just remember you WILL get through this and back to FULL health again - I 100% believe that having been through the same, and that was when I was 25 a bit older than you (the younger you are is a great plus for timescale of recovery I believe with this).
Hang in there and thinking about you - also good is to do things that help remove and reduce stress, I know it's hard even small things like watching tv shows you like, reading, listening to music, meeting up with friends, going for short walks, etc - all these are good just make sure you get plenty of rest too though and don't over do things.
The forum here has some great people with good advice, definitely worth keeping an eye on the different threads for hope and encouragement - there are so many scare stories on the internet about EBV, don't read or believe them (I know it's hard) because remember that the vast majority of the western world (75% plus I believe) are infected with this virus at some point in their lives (mostly as a child when they don't feel the full effects) and the vast vast vast majority of those people go on to live healthy and happy lives.
Take care and thinking of you, and I do believe you will make a complete recovery, I trust God with that one.
Craig
yyy1000 craig07920
Posted
Thankyou so much Craig. im really thankful for your response. I have a question though, I have these horrible feelings that I can't even explain... they just feel so bad and its torture. every little bit of anxiety I can't even handle and makes me cry which is not like me at ALL. someone on another post suggested it could be adrenal stress or too low or too high cortisol... could that be it? thanks.
yyy1000
Posted
like im perfectly active and stuff just " I dont feel right" ... I have said that more than anything in the last two months. i have no want to do anything anymore its horrible. the feelings are sooo overwhelming.
yyy1000
Posted
craig07920 yyy1000
Posted
Hey yyy,
Oh I really do want to reassure you that all these feelings are normal....when your health is affected in such a bad way it really gets to you...I've been the same lately with back issues, my emotions have been all over the place and my motivation to do things gone and just feel numb and not like myself even when trying to do things at times - it's all a suppose a form of reaction to the illness, anxiety and depression like symptoms are common - remember you are going through a traumatic experience and anyone would find it difficult to cope, I know it's hard but try to be more understanding to yourself and remind yourself that there's a reason why you've been feeling this way and once you get through the worst of this virus then your mood and anxiety will most definitely start to lift as well - I truly believe that.
And in no way are you being selfish at all yyy, I really do know what it's like to go through this virus and the emotions you are experiencing and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The most important thing I want you to know is that there is hope today and that you most definitely WILL make a full and complete recovery, physically from the virus and from the emotional rollercoaster too - this will all pass and life will be better again. The fact you're still trying to do things shows great courage and remember just to give yourself and your body plenty of rest too and to do things that you enjoy and help relax your mind and body too....that's really important.
Hang in there and just take each day as it comes - don't look beyond each day and remember to talk to someone you trust if you can about how you're feeling, it's really important and without doubt I FULLY believe that you are going to make a 100% recovery - don't panic if it still takes a bit of time, that is normal with the virus, but you most definitely will be healthy and happy again, and you're young and have lots and lots of amazingly happy and healthy times to look forward to - I believe that Jesus will bring healing in your life hang in there.
Craig
yyy1000 craig07920
Posted
40with.gf. yyy1000
Posted
Hi yyy1000 ( love your online name!)
im a 41 year old female and I've had it about a year, I'm in my 4th good week but it has been a horrible last year. I hear what you're saying and completely understand. I had tingles, aches, fatigue, breathlessness, and crying, lots of crying for no reason! You need to rest and be kind to your body while it recovers, but you will get over it, I'm doing so much better now.
caroline x
Jelley93 yyy1000
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craig07920 Jelley93
Posted
Hope you both have had a settled start to the week....great to hear your words of encouragement as always the forum is lucky to have you guys!
Craig
40with.gf. craig07920
Posted
Hi Craig, yes! I've started week 4 on a good foot....been busy today and I'm still going, I've got good vibes!
to everyone going through a tough time, it will get better and things will settle down. Things do turn around.
my days now consist of school runns, shopping trips, cleaning, walking the dog etc, this is my fourth consecutive week!!! Still early nights and rests in between, I'm not completely normal but it's a much better story than last year!
I hope your doing ok Craig. I hope you're back isn't giving you grief still?? You're the king of patient forum and kind words. I really appreciate every reply.
caroline x
craig07920 40with.gf.
Posted
Hi Caroline,
Oh I'm so pleased to hear about the progress you are making, this is amazing and you have come so far. You deserve it so much Caroline and just hoping and praying things continue to move in the right direction - I believe they will! It takes time for everything and especially confidence to come back again, but you will get there with God's help I really do believe!
Still been having issues with my back, the last week a bit more settled for me but still a long way to go. Lots of things on my mind with my back and worrying about the future and work and everything...I believe God is helping us all....thanks so much for your supportive words to me and everyone here too means so much!!
Take care and hoping for a good day today for you!
Craig
gab0414 craig07920
Posted
craig07920 gab0414
Posted
Hey Gab,
So sorry to hear this. Yes it's totally understandable to feel helpless when your daughter is going through this horrible virus. Just being there and supporting her emotionally and reassuring her that this will get better is really important - even telling her you've been on this forum and seen so many folks who were similarly unwell but went on to get better again. Also encouraging her to take vitamins and herbs is a good idea too (such as a good strong multi-vitamin per day, high doses of Vitamin C (1000mg-3000mg per day), a B complex vitamin (great for energy) and immune boosting herbs like siberian ginseng and echinicea).
Trying to remove stress as much as possible and REST is so important too, encourage her to rest and not push through things too much, your body needs time to recover when going through this.
Craig
jb1234 yyy1000
Posted
Hello, I have never been on anything like this but I am an 18 year old female who is experiencing everything you are talking about. I am in college and had to take the quarter off and will probably still not be going back. I tested positive for mono in November and have had panic attacks, extreme anxiety, and weird pressure in my head in the past two months.I had really bad mono but did not really start resting until a month after getting it because I only had a few weeks left of the quarter so I decided to finish (I honestly don't know how I did it, I felt like I was going to fall over and die the entire time). I feel like it is never going to end and idk I was reading your post and couldn't help but cry because someone else is experiencing exactly what I am!! I just don't see how what I am experiencing is only anxiety. It makes no sense!!! Maybe you can message me and we can talk about what we have going on and everything like that.
craig07920 jb1234
Posted
Hey jb,
Oh please be assured that what you are experiencing is not only anxiety - mono does this to everyone going through it and it really is horrible. The first 3-4 months you have been through is by far the worst and things DO get better, without any doubt. I went through all the same pain and anxieties when going through it, but there IS recovery. Don't panic if it doesn't come right away, that can be normal (frustrating as it it), but full recovery definitely will come.
Taking plenty of rest and reducing stress as much as possible is definitely the best thing to do right now, be kind to yourself as your body is going through a hard time and so are your emotions. Taking vitamins and herbs really helped my recovery, including a good strong multi-vitamin per day, high doses of Vitamin C (1000mg-3000mg per day), a B complex vitamin (great for energy) and immune boosting herbs like siberian ginseng and echinicea.
And most important of all, remember you WILL get through this and get better. You are young and have lots of healthy and happy times ahead. I was the same thought I would never get better with it, so many people feel that way with it because it is so debilitating and goes on for so long, but I got better and you most definitely will too, I truly believe that - hang in there and just cope with each day at the moment and remind yourself that this period is temporary.
Craig
Mono_too jb1234
Posted
The anxiety is awful and it is definitely caused by mono. My doctor asked if I was going through a stressful time and I said no, I have never felt like this in my life I knew it was the virus. It came on with the virus and left with the virus.
As Craig says you will get better, it is just a long hard process, the weak, sick,anxiety, shaky feelings to me are the worst part of the virus.
jb1234 craig07920
Posted
craig07920 jb1234
Posted
You're welcome JB, really do just want you to know that it does get better, despite some of the scare stories people might say or whatever, it truly does get better and you WILL get through this. The guys on the forum here like Mono too and others are great for support, definitely worth linking in especially when not feeling great. Thinking of you today and remember be kind to yourself - just take things one day at a time, getting through each day when feeling this way is an achievement, and if you can find something in the day that helps relieve stress and distracts you and doesn't take up much energy that's a good idea too, even if it's just doing something you enjoy, like watching a tv show / film, reading, having a bath, listening to music, speaking to a friend on phone, getting out for a short walk - whatever you feel is manageable, but don't push yourself too hard or beat yourself up, and if it's a hard day sometimes all you can do is rest - and that's okay, it's what your body needs right now - be kind to yourself! Thinking of you and you will get better!
Craig
Craig