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Anxiety and panic disorder taking over my life, just want it all to end I can't cope anymore

Posted , 14 users are following.

anonymousgirl21
anonymousgirl21

So I'm new to this. I rarely talk about my anxiety but it has gotten so much worse this past year. 

I've always had anxiety, but it was so mild. It was just social, like at school or college I avoided situations where I would have to socialise with others or talk in front of others because it made me feel uncomfortable. 

I've been through a lot of stress this past year, my Nannan died and she was like a mother to me but I feel that I have come to terms with this. I've also been homeless (luckily had friends places to stay at) as I lived with my Nannan and when she died I had nowhere to go. Now I'm finally on my feet, got my own place and I did have a job in the care sector but my anxiety suddenly plummeted out of control and I couldn't work anymore. 

It all started July this year when my thigh felt numb and my mind just went all irrational on me and I thought I was having a stroke, had a major panic attack & took myself to A&E because it was the only way I could settle. Anyway, I wasn't having a stroke, my thigh was just numb and probably because I was wearing tights and leggins on that day. But somehow I experienced the symptoms, I felt my arm and legs going numb and my face felt numb. I understand that these are all symptoms of anxiety. 

It hasn't got any better since then. It seems that whenever I am stressed I have an episode. I have thought that I need my legs amputated or am having blood clots because I suffer from restless leg syndrome occasionally. I have suffered from this all my life and have never had such irrational thoughts. These were always occasional occurrences though so I dealt with them really well. 

I eventually went to my GP After my anxiety led me to lose my job. My GP diagnosed me with general anxiety disorder and prescribed me with 10mg of citalopram. I felt so hopeful, my Grandma takes citalopram and my mum used to (long history of mental illness in the family- bipolar and anxiety) and they swear by them. Unfortunately I had such horrible side effects (head aches, waking up in panic, night terrors, muscles spasms) they triggered my health anxiety, one night I thought I was having a heart attack and I had to call my dad for him to calm me down. The panic attack was so much more severe though, usually i panic and it's over. But I just had panic attack after panic attack and it all lasted for about 4 hours. I wanted to escape from my body, I wanted to detach from the world, I wanted to die. I had never felt that bad before. The weirdest thing is, the reason I believe I have health anxiety is because I'm terrified of dying in general, at all. So to want to die because I hated how I felt was very distressing. After all that, I decided to stop taking citalopram. I couldn't take it anymore, I was only on 10mg and I had only taken them for a week. 

I felt better straight away for about 4 days but now I feel worse than I have ever felt before. I am constantly anxious and I have about 5-6 panic attacks a day. I am always on edge and I panic about nothing. I could be having a cup of coffee and I will break out into panic. I get cold chills, I shake, I feel light headed and my legs turn to jelly and I have to force myself to get over that. I have tried breathing techniques but they just don't seem to work. I just wait for the episode to wear off and pray that I will survive. Sometimes I panic about panicking and that makes me panic. I can't deal with this anymore, I don't know if the citalopram has made me worse or if it's just a coincidence. I don't know but I need help because right now, I would rather be dead than feel the way I do. I'm just thankful that I am able to sleep because that is literally all I have been doing lately. It's the only thing that helps but I can't live in my bed forever. 

Any advice would be wonderful. Typing this out has made me panicky but I'm holding onto hope with every inch of me. I'm making an appointment with my GP on Monday but she's very booked up and she's the only GP that I trust to talk to. 

Justine xxxx

1 like, 25 replies

25 Replies

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  • anonymousgirl21
    anonymousgirl21

    Posted

    I would also like to add that since my anxiety has increased I have become very emotional. Because I feel anxious all the time non stop, I cry a hell of a lot. And I am not one who is usually able to cry easily. I used to be very emotionally strong, either that or emotionless. Probably wasn't healthy but I coped brilliantly that way. Now I am way too emotional which makes me feel worse. The only thing that has helped this is when my friend have me 3 tablets of diazepam 2mg. I felt so calm and relaxed. I doubt my doctor will prescribe me those though. And I am terrified of trying any other anti depressants because of the side effects. I'm not even sure why I was prescribed citalopram as it is an SSRI and I'm no expert but I know that I wasn't depressed when I started taking them. I feel depressed now though. I thought that there were anti anxiety medications or beeta blocks like propanalol 
    • Dkw41127
      Dkw41127 anonymousgirl21

      Posted

      Call you pharmicist right away ! for side effects !!!, call your doctor when he comes in - immeadiatly - this sounds like a ssri problem, not you
    • anonymousgirl21
      anonymousgirl21 Dkw41127

      Posted

      Do you think? Even though I only took it for 7 days and it was the lowest dose? I know that when it made me worse and I looked up the actual purpose of the medication, I knew that I didn't need it to begin with because I wasn't suffering from depression, another reason I stopped taking it. I shall call my dr and a pharmacist on Monday morning. Thank you, I never considered this, I thought I was just going crazy
    • Dkw41127
      Dkw41127 anonymousgirl21

      Posted

      YES, I have taken similar CRAZY Crap from doctors before look it up see the side effects ill bet it junk! to cause you more problems that it could ever treat

      they gave me some SSRI stuff that gave me a frigging flashing lights in eyes and headach lasted for 2 weeks ! he Swapped me onto another and I wouldnt take it just told him it was fine! Look it up call your pharmacist !

    • anonymousgirl21
      anonymousgirl21 Dkw41127

      Posted

      I have looked them up in my BNF book many of times for citalopram and they do have bad side effects although they don't seem as bad as other SSRI's like seetraline, not physically anyway. It does say that citalopram can make you more anxious and it has but I haven't taken it for a week now.They're supposed to be the most harmless ones however they are not. And withdrawl symotoms are electric shocks in head etc. I wish I was prescribed propanolol or diazepam at least until an alternative route like therapy is available. I don't know, they've really messed me up. Don't think I could ever talk any other medication now. 
    • Dkw41127
      Dkw41127 anonymousgirl21

      Posted

      I know EXACTLY what you mean, a doctor prescribes me Anything and I thourghly look up all possible side effects and the ratio out of per 1,000 people that it has effects on, your entire problems could be from just the 1st dose only on that JUNK !!! again JUNK !!! been their done that, never again = and it can take weeks/months to get it all the way out of your system and get back to normal, took weeks to get rid of my headach and I dont get headaches so I knew righ away what it was
    • Dkw41127
      Dkw41127 anonymousgirl21

      Posted

      it sounds to me like you had a reaction called selective seritonin syndrome, can be bad, drink lots of water, gallon a day , just carry a glass with you and sip it constantly, fruit juices, sports drinks, (nothing caffeine,) no cola's, we want to get it out of you asap!, if you workout or jog, a good sweat and steam sauna or hot shower to sweat as much as possible will help eliminate it, our skin is one big filteration organ that stores eveything, but the problem with sweating is you need to RINSE off immeadiatly after to keep from re asorbing the toxins! its both better and worse than kidneys and liver, because of the reasorbtion, but effective way of eliminating toxins if you can immeadiatly rinse it off

       

    • angela54014
      angela54014 anonymousgirl21

      Posted

      sorry you're feeling so bad.I've suffered just like this for many many years but last week I bought non flush niacin from a heath shop and from then on I felt normal.No anxiety,agoraphobia gone It feels like a miracle! I till can't believe it.I take 500mg 4 times a day I am energetic and enthusiastic again Been to the supermarket on my own today Cant remember last time I did that.I have spent hundreds of pounds on therapies treatments-SSRI's made me so ill.You name it  I've tried it !

      How I wish I'd found these sooner.I promised myself that if I ever found anything which did the job I would spend time posting on every forum for anxiety and panic.Buy a good make and try them tommorrow 

    • anonymousgirl21
      anonymousgirl21 angela54014

      Posted

      I'm really glad that you found something that worked for you smile it's absolutely awful feeling anxious all the time so I can only imagine how great it feels for you. 

      I only hope that I will be able to go to the supermarket snd feel calm soon smile

    • angela54014
      angela54014 anonymousgirl21

      Posted

      Hi Justine

      Buy a good make Start with the dose above see how it goes

      Theres tons of other natural powerful stuff to take with this so dont despair

  • el_shiz
    el_shiz anonymousgirl21

    Posted

    I would say that citalopram hasnt agreed with you, it didnt with me either, but the startup affects can take 4-6 weeks to die down. You are on very low dose of SSRI to highly unlikely it is seratonin syndrome. Go back to your doc and ask if you can change on to a different med, there are lots out there, unfortunately it is trial and error really, But i would relax the fear on seratonin syndrome
  • Aspinan
    Aspinan anonymousgirl21

    Posted

    Hi there, you sound like you've bern through a lot and the pressure cooker has not been letting off the steam it needs to so its built up manifesting itself into your anxiety symptoms and panic disorder.

    Dont get too hung up about the side effects of CIT just stop taking them as you have done and go back to your GP to try a different one, there are plenty different medications and one of them will be just right, you may have some side effects for a short time but hopefully you can tollerate them better than CIT.

    i tried about 3 different ones before I settled on Venlefaxine. 

    Do remember tho that it takes time for these meds to work and the difference isn't really noticeable at first. Diazepam is great when you have a panic and it keeps going like you've experienced and if you take them as the Dr tells you then you will be fine.

    SSRI's are effective treatments for anxiety as depression is a close bed fellow, you often find they are interlinked.

    When you see your GP and they prescribe meds ask them some basic questions such as:

    - What is this for and what can I expect from it?

    - How long will it take to have an effect?

    - What should I know about the side effects and which ones should I be aware of to tell me to stop taking them?

    - If I'm struggling or in crisis what should I do or who can I call?

    - Can I be referred for councelling also?

    There are some things you can do to help your recovery and anxiety including eating well including carbs, protein and fruit especially bananas, drink plenty water, avoid alcohol for the time being, decaf coffee or tea, get outside for a walk but limit to what you feel comfortable with, talk to friends and family about how you are feeling.

    Give yourself a break from anything you don't need to do but try and keep some sort of routine going, if you want a duvet day allow yourself one.

    Good GP's get booked up quickly so my suggestion is ask for a double appointment when booking your next one which you can do by just telling the receptionist you have a lot to discuss with her and could you book a double appointment, they usually do.

    Some alternatives can include emailing the surgery with any questions or concerns or asking for a telephone consultation or call back, GP's have time between surgeries allocated for this type of thing.

    Your locale chemist is also worth trying and usually very helpful also.

    Hope I've given you some practical advise and help there.

    Neil x

  • katy55793
    katy55793 anonymousgirl21

    Posted

    Just a little bit of simple advice, may sound obvious but it helps me when I'm having panic attacks. I like to draw, it takes all my concentration and helps me relax. I also do some light excersise, (something like yoga that forces you to breathe methodically and takes  alot of strength). I also find (this is a little strange) but emptying drawers or cupboards and re-organising everything helps me to concentrate and takes me mind off whatever i'm thinking. I put the radio on and just keep busy. Even singing along to your favourite songs helps. When you have your medication issues sorted, try these. It could help you too.
    • anonymousgirl21
      anonymousgirl21 katy55793

      Posted

      I will try this smile I know that occupying myself by cleaning or something things calms me down but in the moment I feel that I can't do anything. I will try the drawing smile 
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