Anxiety and panic disorder taking over my life, just want it all to end I can't cope anymore

So I'm new to this. I rarely talk about my anxiety but it has gotten so much worse this past year. 

I've always had anxiety, but it was so mild. It was just social, like at school or college I avoided situations where I would have to socialise with others or talk in front of others because it made me feel uncomfortable. 

I've been through a lot of stress this past year, my Nannan died and she was like a mother to me but I feel that I have come to terms with this. I've also been homeless (luckily had friends places to stay at) as I lived with my Nannan and when she died I had nowhere to go. Now I'm finally on my feet, got my own place and I did have a job in the care sector but my anxiety suddenly plummeted out of control and I couldn't work anymore. 

It all started July this year when my thigh felt numb and my mind just went all irrational on me and I thought I was having a stroke, had a major panic attack & took myself to A&E because it was the only way I could settle. Anyway, I wasn't having a stroke, my thigh was just numb and probably because I was wearing tights and leggins on that day. But somehow I experienced the symptoms, I felt my arm and legs going numb and my face felt numb. I understand that these are all symptoms of anxiety. 

It hasn't got any better since then. It seems that whenever I am stressed I have an episode. I have thought that I need my legs amputated or am having blood clots because I suffer from restless leg syndrome occasionally. I have suffered from this all my life and have never had such irrational thoughts. These were always occasional occurrences though so I dealt with them really well. 

I eventually went to my GP After my anxiety led me to lose my job. My GP diagnosed me with general anxiety disorder and prescribed me with 10mg of citalopram. I felt so hopeful, my Grandma takes citalopram and my mum used to (long history of mental illness in the family- bipolar and anxiety) and they swear by them. Unfortunately I had such horrible side effects (head aches, waking up in panic, night terrors, muscles spasms) they triggered my health anxiety, one night I thought I was having a heart attack and I had to call my dad for him to calm me down. The panic attack was so much more severe though, usually i panic and it's over. But I just had panic attack after panic attack and it all lasted for about 4 hours. I wanted to escape from my body, I wanted to detach from the world, I wanted to die. I had never felt that bad before. The weirdest thing is, the reason I believe I have health anxiety is because I'm terrified of dying in general, at all. So to want to die because I hated how I felt was very distressing. After all that, I decided to stop taking citalopram. I couldn't take it anymore, I was only on 10mg and I had only taken them for a week. 

I felt better straight away for about 4 days but now I feel worse than I have ever felt before. I am constantly anxious and I have about 5-6 panic attacks a day. I am always on edge and I panic about nothing. I could be having a cup of coffee and I will break out into panic. I get cold chills, I shake, I feel light headed and my legs turn to jelly and I have to force myself to get over that. I have tried breathing techniques but they just don't seem to work. I just wait for the episode to wear off and pray that I will survive. Sometimes I panic about panicking and that makes me panic. I can't deal with this anymore, I don't know if the citalopram has made me worse or if it's just a coincidence. I don't know but I need help because right now, I would rather be dead than feel the way I do. I'm just thankful that I am able to sleep because that is literally all I have been doing lately. It's the only thing that helps but I can't live in my bed forever. 

Any advice would be wonderful. Typing this out has made me panicky but I'm holding onto hope with every inch of me. I'm making an appointment with my GP on Monday but she's very booked up and she's the only GP that I trust to talk to. 

Justine xxxx

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