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I always say "one of my worst symptoms is ?" I can never finish that statement because when i think i've found the worst, here comes another. The one symptom that stayed true and never left (wish my man had the same concept) is this darn anxiety. When symptoms started happening to me overnight I was having panic attacks daily. Since knowing that a little of what may have been going on with me has eased the anxiety enough to where I can try to ride it out and deal with it. But now I am starting to think otherwise.
Noticing the patterns as to when my anxiousness comes to the surface. Some of the weird sensations send my anxiety through the roof, the side effects from anxiety is horrible, health anxiety thinking the worst is happening to me, the overwhelming sense of fear, the negative and scary thoughts, agoraphobia, and whatever else comes along with this nasty symptom. I'm always on edge and feeling like I will never have any normalcy to my life anymore. I need to go back to work but don't know if I can handle it. I can deal with the crazy sensations but the emotional dealings I don't think I can handle. I don't want to be put on a bunch of meds I don't need, but I just don't know how much of this I can take. I feel terrible running to the ER or docs office for every little thing, but can't help feeling bad for thinking that i'm ignoring something that may really be serious.
I'm at my wits end and feel like I'm stuck. I hate that I will do well for about two weeks and then"bam" it's back again. When I look around things and people in my life haven't changed. I changed and it's so frustrating to feel like I can't seem to get any resolve. I've been anxious all day, trying to get things done yet frightened and don't know how I'm going to feel from one minute to the next. Sorry for such a long rant, but I just feel lost. o see so many beautiful older women that look fabulous and enjoying retirement, family and doing what they like and can't help but wonder did they transition like this? Will this state of mind ever get better?
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