Anxiety/Hypochondriasis/Existential OCD/Hyperawareness/ Depersonalization Hell
Posted , 24 users are following.
Hi! I'm new to this forum. I've been dealing with anxiety issues lately, it's been about 3 months from and I am not getting better at all. This all started from stress when all of a sudden I had this weird sensation and it led me to thinking I was losing control. The next few days I became really depressed and started depersonalizing, I didn't know what I was feeling at first but I just felt incredibly weird, not myself, and it came to the point that I started getting foggy and my memory became impaired. Talking was the hardest for me, I felt like any moment I was gonna go crazy. This went on for about a month, the feelings of going crazy never went away. Googling obsessively was one of my biggest problems, still is. I've had feelings of unreality, things around me that used to appear normal seem weird to me now. One of my biggest fear was schizophrenia, that I'm gonna start hallucinating sooner or later, that I'm gonna be delusional, but that went away for a bit. My anxiety seem to have gone down since school started, but it was still there. I would still question things around me, when my anxiety elevates, I start performing weird tics from OCD like having to look up or shake my head, weird, I know. Lately I've been so frightened by being hyperaware, like who gets scared of their own self/existence? I'm also weirded out by my actions and everything I do. Everything around me seem to look weirder the fact that I'm aware they exist, I'm aware of my own consciousness which is also weird, then I start questioning why us everything the way it is, why we are the way we are, it's like I'm living in my own head. I've also been having these weird sensations where I would just be doing something then I'd feel off/wrong for a second, like a feeling of I should've done something, or I have an underlying thought but I can't figure out what it is or like my perception of things become so weird, I'm just weirded out at that moment, sort of like a "whoa that's weird" sensation. This sets me to panic because I literally don't know what's going on with me, I feel as if I'm losing control of my thoughts and in my prodromal stage of schizophrenia, I know funny. I've never hallucinated or have delusions, but I obsess over those symptoms so much that I think I have them. Does anyone have this weird sensation I've been having lately? Or at least know what explanation there is for that? I just feel weird, I just went on a schizophrenia forum and this guy talked about how in his prodromal stages, he'd wake up feeling like he shouldve done something or there was something missing, and of course I start thinking what if im the same. I literally feel like I'll never be able to recover and get worse, I've been to a therapist and I have an appointment with her next month, but I don't think she specializes in depersonalization or OCD, and she thinks I'm fine but I just don't think I am. ): Help!
2 likes, 28 replies
terry70109 gwyneth_61184
Posted
hi there!! since late december i have been struggling with similar stuff. i have ocd and i guess it became hyper aware of my own thinking and then from there i had a fear of if i would lose my inner self voice and forget who i am.. and now for 2 months almost ive been struggling with it. i dont know why i keep having this out of body feeling especially when im out of the house.. its the worst when i have to sit in class or sit in silence cause then im hyperaware of my thinking and my inner existence.. i get this weird sensation in my legs like they go numb or like a tingle in them.. is my mind playing games with me or am i suffering with something like depersonalization etc.. i wish this would just go away but my OCD has latched onto it and i dont know how to beat it.
rebekah1214 gwyneth_61184
Posted
i am feeling this way right now and wanted to know if you have felt any better since posting this?
Sofi4563 gwyneth_61184
Edited
Hey there
I have been battling anxiety for years.And the hypocondria and hyperawareness are definitely by biggest issues. I have been feeling weird things such as muscles twitches, tremors, heart palpitations, random pain, it drives me crazy and I will Google about these symptoms for hours on end looking for answers. If course the worst diseases are the one that always catch my eye. I will become aware of my breathing, how I talk, how I walk, suddenly everything seems of as if I can't even walk properly. This is like nightmare fuel and immediately triggers strong panic attacks and anxiety episodes. I've been checked by the doctor, I had low vitamin D but that was it. It just feels unreal that all these scary symptoms are caused by anxiety. I wake up thinking I have something deathly and fall asleep thinking iIwon't t wake up. I don't trust doctors anymore, I just think they have no idea what th ey are doing, I have weird symptoms, how come they say this is not an illness? I'm not even supersticious, but when it comes down to medical anxiety, I'm the absolute worst. If I see someone on the street in a wheelchair, an awareness poster, or even an article on the news about a deadly or life changing disease I'll just panic and think this is a sign that I have that and should get tested. KIdon't know what to do with my life anymore I'm terrified of dying young with ALS or cancer and leaving my husband and baby by themselves (I'm 27). This is slowly driving my husband crazy because he doesn't know what to do and thinks I'm imagining things.
daniel78624 gwyneth_61184
Posted
hi gwyneth, i never thought id see an experience so close to how i've been feeling. did you ever get an answer to this and why you feel this way?
joanne85044 gwyneth_61184
Posted
oh my goodness i have been going through this exact fear and symptoms! my mind convinced me that i was going to go crazy at any given moment and i became so hyperaware of my existence. i recently got blood work done and found out i was deficient in vitamin D3 and started taking supplements along with magnesium glycinate for almost a month now and those thoughts have gone down a lot! not sure if there's an exact link to the anxiety and intrusive thoughts but ive heard there is. i still deal with moments where i question "what if im all hallucinating rn" or feeling as though i had just woken up and realized im alive. worst feeling ever i used to freak out about it and have panic attacks about it but ive learned to just let it pass. this post was made a long while ago im curious how are you doing now?