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These past couple weeks have been the absolute worst as far as my anxiety goes.
Health anxiety is at a high and I'm constantly stressed and scared for my life.
If I wasn't worried I was having a heart attack I was worried I had a brain tumor. Neither of those were true but I googled and googled until I was scared out of my mind.
Sometime last week, I had finished my period. The day after, I felt what seemed like a burning sensation and cramps. I didn't think too much of it as I've always got some wierd hormonal issues going on, and chalked it up to that. Days would pass and i'd feel some discomfort here and there. I began to Google things but didn't dive too deep into it. (Before my period or during was when I had my heart attack scare, for timeline purposes. ) I was hitting peaks of anxiety during this time, causing terrible derealization and a need to be comforted and talked down by my fiance.
Stress had been at an all time high.
Come Sunday, I'm recovering from these daily attacks and believe it to be one of my better days. We went to an amusement park for a friend's birthday (probably not the best place to be to start recollecting myself, but it was for the friend) I suffered 1 attack in a restaurant before we were seated and lost my appetite, only nibbling on some chili fries. I recovered from that after some proper distraction and started to enjoy the rest of my day. It wasn't until waiting about 2 hours standing the whole time while friends were in line for a ride that I noticed some cramping pain again, and maybe a slight pull in my upper right thigh, which I thought maybe I pulled when I sat myself up on a ledge to sit while we waited. Didn't think too much of it and was more interested in taking charge of the day. End of the day, we're on our way to dinner and I decide to Google my symptoms again. This time I kept digging until it showed me cancer, which ruined me for the next few days. I lost my appetite again and would suffer from horrible waves of panic attacks until my fiance would calm me down, trying to keep my eyes on more likely possibilities. I looked into endometriosis and ovarian cysts, because everything there seemed to line up. A discomfort in my right ovary area, a feeling of possibly something being squeezed when i lay or sit a certain way, constipation followed by diarrhoea, bloating. Though I had a loss of appetite it always came back once I actually calmed down and stopped being so fearful.
I don't have insurance right now nor a doctor so I've been trying to find ways to shrink a cyst naturally, being fully convinced this is what I've been experiencing. Trust me when I say it has taken.. so.. much.. to finally believe I'm ok and going to be ok. My biggest problem bring Googling things one after another for hours on end either working myself up or calming myself down, it's a problem.
Today, after being tired of feeling plugged up (though I felt bloated/ constipated for a few days, I always passed a little gas throughout the day and always pooped at least once in the morning, though it was always loose.) I took some fiber gummies, CVS brand, hoping it would loosen me up to empty all this garbage. I had a bagel & creamcheese and a pear afterwords, (later finding out pears are also high in fiber) and began passing gas like no problem. Gas eventually turned into diarrhoea and I was emptying multiple times.
I figured this was a good thing and was feeling better until it appeared orange in color. Thinking this would probably be a safe Google, I checked it out and worried myself. I waited some time, had dinner, (pasta and chickenballs) which was my first real full meal that I was actually hungry for, and then went again. Usually when I eat too fast or too much, I get some loose poops right after eating, so I figured doing that now would be no different.
This time, however, I noticed tiny black specks. I didn't recall seeing that before and it worried me... so stupid me.. I googled it. Panic comes rushing back. Left and right I'm seeing all of these serious issues and I'm so scared. I alert my fiance and he suggests maybe it was something I ate, but nothing I aye today would have caused that. Worried and nervous, it kicks up my stomach acids and forces me to keep going. I'm sorry for overcharging but it's the only way I know how to properly explain what's happening. I so kuch as pass gas, and some prices come out, including more, but still few, black specks. One was in my tp as I wiped and upon further inspection it seemed indeed like dark red little tiny dots. I'm terrified now. If I wasn't worried about one thing it just had to be another. My anxiety kicks in and I have another attack, after doing so well. I call my sister who explains it's possible I cashed some bleeding after letting loose so hard after being plugged up, not to mention my nerves and stress possibly adding to that. She even said she had it once, and not to be too worried, give it a day or two and see if it persists.
She made me promise to stop googling tonight (my family has been pleading with me to stop googling this whole time) and to just try and wait it out.
So, on top of the discomfort and worry I've had about this possible ovarian cyst, which I only just started to calm down about, now I am scared of a whole new problem, and it's making me believe "what if it's not a cyst? What if you're feeling something wrong weith your intestines this whole time?" Everything has been a huge what if and it's all been causing me such stress and anxiety, it's ruining my quality of life.
I should be content that I'm not experiencing pain, but only discomfort now and then, but I'm not, I'm just scared of all these problems I might have.
If anyone at all, has any insight, advice, similar problems, anything, please please share because I don't know how to deal with this fear 24/7
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