Anxiety - what's wrong with me?

ORIGINAL FIRST POST:

Omgosh! Thank you so much for sharing this! !!! I feel like you did when you read the other persons post for the first time. I'm sitting here at the wrong time because well it's part of what I do screwing things up. I'm like you so much. Not a un-intelligent woman just totally not understood. Went to a dr. For testing results last evening. Of course my husband thought it was the "blame game" reaccuring. The thing where the dr. Is saying this is what she does because of generalized anxiety. I have grown to resent him because he's so critical of my disability. The doctor said guys have a hard time being compassionate even taught to hide feelings. Hubby even put his hand up for a high five! Dr said I'm not saying it's the way you have to be. If you love her, you will help her. SO SICK OF PEOPLE! !!! I lost my job Jan 2, 2015 after 23 years. I used to be able to function. I'm so glad you understand. NO ONE IN MY CIRCLE DOES! I have 2 friends left. One gets very frustrated with me because I'm also adhd and when people talk I have to ask questions because I miss pieces of what they said. It would be nice to corrispond with you or anyone one on one through email. Just feel like wow it was meant to be I find this post this morning. Thank you I am so glad you decided to post! !!!Are you in into us or the UK ? I'm in the US. Hope to hear back. Need to make friends with our own kind lmbo!!!!

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No you're not the only one. I feel like I'm going crazy too I don't feel like the same person anymore. I get scared of everything because I'm scared of getting that feeling. I try to manage it and when I do I'm fine but once I go into thoughts it all starts again. I think we just need a distraction in our life's. I think of the future n get anxious and scared for it. I've been sleeping until last night. But we will all be fine we just need to learn how to control it. Over million people are going through it even though I feel alone sometimes too but we can get do it life is too priocus to sit here n worry

Hey, i used to be like that, you need to stop focusing on the external and control the internal, working on yourself internally, my advice to you is to watch teal swan videos, take what's help and leave the rest. I assure it will work. I used to think a lot feeling exhausted, I didn't know who I was, wanted to end my life, I felt like running when I go shopping, but now I'm better.

Well, Anna, really sorry to hear that. Happy that I am not alone after reading it all (excuse me for being selfish here). I was a great guy about 6 years ago, everyone loved me, was very cool, hardly lost temper. I was so confident that I knew I can do everything and anything I want. Then for some reason (which I still don't know why) my girlfriend ditched me. I loved her so much, I died right that day when she got married and I started living my life just for the sake of living it and not with any interest. Then days passed by, I got job, got married, worked harder, days and nights to get something good in my life in order to try and get at least a bit of happiness in my life. That earlier incident changed my life, I became a dumb person, never got promoted, never got good hikes, girls liked me but I could not take another chance as I was so broken deep down in my heart. I promised myself that I will never let my wife down and will try to be a great son at the same time. I am always scared of making mistakes which I generally keep on doing. If I stand by my wife, mom hates me and if I stand by her, my wife hates me. I got high blood pressure with anxiety. I get very angry at times and sweat a lot. I am proud being a great dad and husband, my wife loves me a lot. I love my wife and my family a lot. But something is wrong with me.. I always somehow manage to find my mistake in the things which I may or may not be responsible for and then I keep on thinking about it. Today in the playground, a kid about 10 started slapping badly to my daughter (4 years), I saw that and lost tamper, ran towards him. He ran to his parents and I eventually had a great argument with that guy. I am not able to decide what is right or wrong. I have people around but I am alone. I am drowning slowly and don't like it. 

Hello Ana, If you still check in on here and would like to talk or exchange messages please contact me. I too have never posted anything before or commented on any message boards before but this really hit home. The only reason I'm not just in boxing you and posting public is for the hopes that maybe somebody might read it and know what is wrong. I see alot of people say they've felt the same but yet no one really has answer to what is wrong If we could know a name for it maybe we could research it and figure out how to beat it. I used to think I was smart, witty, charming and smooth talker. Ive had girls say "you always know the right thing to say don't you". But now I can't go one day with out saying something stupid it doesn't matter if I'm talking to a girl I want to get to know, my friend, or a complete stranger for just a couple seconds. I end up feeling embarassed and ashamed and can't stop replaying in my head what I said and what I should of said. Depending on the importance of the situation I might still think about stupid stuff I said a from years ago constantly torturing myself all day long where I can't concentrate on anything else. I'm sure I'll regret something I say in this message 5 mins after I post it. Like you said I feel like maybe my mind is playing tricks on me but I feel like Im going crazy and can't control it anymore. I dont think I would so please no replies saying don't do it but Im to the point where I want to commit suicide. I've never been diagnosed but I'm sure I have boarder line personality disorder with a cocondition of some sort of anxiety GAD, Social, and/or PTSD. I've been fairly clean for the last couple years but I have done a lot of drugs in my life and I don't know if I have a condition that can be fixed or if drugs have screwed up my brain for good. I feel for you Ana this is no way to live. If you figured out your condition or have found a way to help you cope please share it with me I need your help and I will help you if figure something out.

Hi guys! I was so surprised (and almost cried) when I read Ana's first post which described me to a tee. I am 29 and I have gone in and out of this mindset several times throughout my life. The symptoms I feel when I am in this mindset are:

- Loss of train of thought.

- Fear of being judged (not just by others but also by myself).

- Frequent mind blanks and low mental energy with the constant feeling of uselessness to follow through with what I am thinking or focusing on.

- The feeling that I am doing something wrong or I am about to do something wrong.

These symptoms cause me to:

- Have trouble saying what I want to say to people (including friends, family and lovers).

- Look stupid in front of other people.

- Always look sad, worried or anxious in social situations (but also when I am just walking down the street with passing traffic I feel like I am being judged and I feel uneasy).

- Not want to be around people (when really I would love better quality relationships).

- Think of myself very critically and always second-guess myself..

..The list goes on and on but basically I decided to write this to give my two cents on how to overcome this unnamed mental disorder because as I mentioned "I have gone in AND OUT of this mindset several times". I am surprised that no one has found a solution as this thread is over a year old. I am even more surprised that no one has a name for this disorder. I am guessing it is a shoot-off of depression. We can call it Timpression

Anyway after reading through everyone's posts I noticed we are all in stressful situations either with stress from our jobs or in the middle of a divorce or a relationship break-down or we are simply alone with virtually no support network. Being exposed to these negative feelings for a prolonged period of time will cause them to intensify and will eventually manifest into some kind of physical or mental illness. Personally I think we've got it pretty good compared to some other types of disorders out there

So the solution is to feel happier. You will find when you are excited to do something you won't lose your train of thought. When you are excited you will know what to say and it will flow effortlessly. When you are excited you will know what you're doing is it right because of how good you feel. Get as excited as you can. Below are some things which worked for me:

1# Start taking action (however little) to reduce stress in your life. Of course we are all doing the best we can given our mindset but I am sure there is some action that you can take that will further reduce stress in your life. For me it was to take up a new hobby (bodybuilding) because that got me out of the house and helped with confidence. You could start going for walks at night or reduce your hours at work or ask for help to get the work out of the way. You could go online and start chatting to the opposite sex just to make friends and have fun where mind-blanks are not as big a deal because they might think you're just in the kitchen making a sandwich You guys get the point. Do something different because whatever you have been doing up till now has not worked.

 

2# Look at your beliefs and see which beliefs do not serve you. I found that I was holding onto the belief that it was bad to be selfish.. I saw myself as a good-caring person if I put other people's values above my own. This is a mistake. This caused resentment in me which would build up and overtime I would end up exploding at people (especially people who I knew were taking advantage of me). On the flip side when you put yourself before others you are much happier and will have an authentic relationship with all involved and others will enjoy your company much more because they will feel the authentic you.

Another group of beliefs I found were these high expectations I had of myself. You know, to be smart, funny, charming, always knowing what to do and say. These expectations were rarely met which caused  me to feel really bad about myself. I realized I am all of the above just not all the time. Sometimes I say funny things, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I have nothing to say. It's okay

Another belief or tendency I noticed within myself was that I was VERY critical of others. I would judge them and analyze them and form opinions about them. It's no wonder I thought others are doing the same to me! I realized that I had to ease up on being critical of others so I could stop being critical of myself. I recommend a book called The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene' Brown which helped me take pressure off myself and addresses the critical thinking mindset.

3# Break people-pleasing habits. It's impossible to keep yourself happy all the time so what chances do you think you have of keeping everyone else happy all the time? If you keep yourself happy you put yourself in the best position to make others happy. Everyone is responsible for making themselves happy. If they decide they need you to act a certain way in order for them to feel good then they are destined for disappointment at some point. If your highest value is to help someone (because it feels good) then the help you give will be positive and make you feel good. If you would rather do something else but give in to helping someone then resentment will build and you will not feel good about yourself. Feeling good is the most important thing. Things I did to break out of the need to please people were:

- See conversation as something to entertain me instead of something I have to react to or have fear of potential embarrassment. I would ask questions that I am interested in or I would tell stories that I am interested in telling. If there is nothing I am genuinely interested in talking about I will be polite but just go away to do something I want to do. This got me in the mindset that the most important person in my world is me.  

***I feel like I should explain that even though my feelings are my number one priority it doesn't mean I don't care for others. In fact it makes me care more because treating people good makes me feel good. So the difference is I treat people good because I want to and not because I have to. This distinction has a big vibrational difference which affects how you feel. ***

- See interacting with people as opportunities for you to be happy instead of another potential reason to feel worse about yourself. You can have a really good time with people and relationships can be very satisfying. Get excited when you have the opportunity to talk with people because it is a chance to feel happier!

 

I am sure these ideas will help those of you like me if you put them into practice.

Hi, 

I honestly felt as though what you wrote, i could have have written, I just wanted to say be strong because things can only get better, and i say this from experience, every day feels like a constant battle of emotions for me, they are high one moment and crash incredibly low the next. 

Im scared of so many things, of being wrong, of being right, of people judging me, of people looking at me, of people being near me 

I worry about everything i say or do, i hate being in large groups as i feel as though it just gives people more of an opportunity to judge me 

my parents worry about me a lot but i always tell them im fine a few days after whatever has upset me when i speak to them, I try to be strong because I feel as though I'll just crumble and also I feel as though no one would care 

I see other people and they just look so carefree, they have loads of friends, people know and like them and then theres just me, I dont know why everything in my life feels so complex, and i always feel so inferior to other people, i always feel like they have everything i dont, they are prettier than me, have more friends than me , they have more of an interesting social life than I do etc etc. 

even though i have really supportive friends i feel as though they dont remember me or i am the last person they think of, I feel as though people only care about me for a season or when it suis them, they dont care about me after they have gained from something from me 

for example, there was a time that a ' friend' told me that after our a level exam she didnt need me anymore, that she didnt need to talk to me anymore, I was with all our other friends but i felt like i was going to pass out, her words hurt so much but i couldnt let it show at that moment in time, when i got to my room i cried for ages until it felt like my head was going to explode 

the reason why im saying all this is because i want you to know your not alone and that if you dont mind me suggesting, you try praying or visitng a church, sometimes you can receive comfort from places you'd least expect 

I know you shared this a while ago but i just thought I'd say something because your words struck a chord in my heart 

hope your well 

 

I feel the exact same. I'm 20 and I cry almost everyday about being judged by people. I overthink everything. I can't tell anyone because I feel like there isnsowmthing majorly wrong with me. I see a counsellor and I feel better that day after the meeting but then I feel low and worthless the rest of the week. Help

Hi Ana

Just curious to How you are feeling now.I have anxiety to and found that going to the gym has really helped.

Hello,  I've been feeling the same way and I think I am getting early alzheimer.  I am in school and it seems like I am doing good but in reality I keep forgeting things that were just mentioned to me.  I took my finals and I completely left out 2-3 questions unanswered.  I have a 3.5gpa but Iam not sure how i am accomplishing these things.  I have no self confidence because I failed at everything--at least that what I see in myself.  other people think I am doing good because I am passing my classes but there is a lot that they don't know.