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Anxiety - what's wrong with me?

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ana98035
ana98035

I've never posted anything like this before. I'm 29 and I work in a high-pressure, insular industry. For about 6 months now my self confidence has deteriorated to the point where I ruminate every single moment of the day about how I am perceived by others. Every time I make a mistake I want to cry, I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself all day long, like I can't get anything right and like I'm a total waste of space. I've lost almost all my friends, (not through lack of trying - I'm always the last one to reach out) which I'm pretty sure is because I'm so nervous, awkward and always say the wrong thing. I can't get through one day without doing something stupid and kicking myself over it later, everyone around me seems so smart and together and they must think I'm such a mess. The people I have left I'm worried will see how I'm changing, and won't be around much longer. I try and push myself to go out but I'd really rather just be alone so nobody can judge me. I can't see an end to this feeling, I used to always be myself and screw the consequences, I had friends and I was sure that I was a good person with a bright future but now I care so much what's being thought of me I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like I can't be inside my own was anymore, especially as I hate my stupid self so much. I want to be successful but I can't get past this weirdness that puts everyone off. And it's not just myself I feel this way about, I can't help but think negatively about everyone. I'm pretty sure my mind is playing tricks on me, but part of me thinks maybe I'm finally seeing myself and everything the way it really is. I'm confused and my mind doesn't stop. I've been to the doctor and I'm having counselling but it's not helping at all. What should I do? Am I going crazy? I really worry that I'm going to lose myself completely! I don want to waste anyone's time but I had to get some of this out of my head.

13 likes, 81 replies

81 Replies

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  • connie92136
    connie92136 ana98035

    Posted

    Hello Ana,

    I have the problem, lost for words and I feel stupid when I talk to people.

    I had a job interview today, my mind just goes blank. Not on any medication, really didnt want too. Even when im talking to my kids i say things not right, I know they im crazy. I'm a nervous person and anxiety issues. When im gonna drive somewhere i dont know where im going, i get upset. I wish i could be normal. 

    • jenny_99166
      jenny_99166 connie92136

      Posted

      Hi Connie I know you typed this a while ago but your comment really stood out to me. I often jumble up my words and feel stupid when I talk to people. I get so thrustrated trying to make people understand, it's hard when you don't understand yourself. I am a very nervous driver and get angry if anybody puts me off especially when I don't know where I'm going. I very often say to myself and others how all I want to be is normal, wish I didn't have to try so hard everyday just to get through it without breaking down. How are you since you wrote your comment? Are you coping better?. Today I had to make a very hard decision.I was training for a level 3 diploma in floristry but have decided to take year out. The pressures from it was making my anxiety so bad. My tutor unfortunatly wasn't giving me the support I needed. I feel like I have failed but I keep trying to tell myself that to succeed as a florist I must get well first . I have two young children and is so hard to juggle all that races through my mind and cope with them. They are so special to me and they deserve so much more of my time.I am going to go back to the doctors again to say how I have been feeling. All my anxiety I think came from when my sister passed from a brain tumour when I was 15, I am now 29. I really do hope that one day I can get through this and live at ease. I hope so for you too Connie 😊
  • matthew50357
    matthew50357 ana98035

    Posted

    Am only 18 and I have sufferd with Aniexty for alot of my life Its hard but it also makes use Stronger. I know what depression feels like.. It can get better but its a fight you gotta be ready for.. ONe day you will say to yourself "am sick of this" and chase it away.. I have had days where I think am gonna get no where in life and still do. (First time for me today) Keep fighting dude
  • christina07089
    christina07089 ana98035

    Posted

    hiya my name is christina i also know how your feeling i am 26 i have a stressful long houred job that i consistly feel like im useless and i dunno sounds crazy but just always think the worse i struggle to trust people or build connections and i always think they dont like my i suffer from anxiety i also go to counselling but i always feel like i feel worse after like im stupid for thinking the things and the way i think i use to think it was because i was growning up and i was seeing the world differently but now i know its not i hate going out and my boyfriend loves me to go out and spend time with his family ...what it perfectly fine but i hate seeing people always think i will be boring or awkward anyways i hope your feeling better these days your not alone if you ever wanna chat im here , christina,
  • JohannaMill
    JohannaMill ana98035

    Posted

    Hi ana98035,

    I have felt this way too. And if you think, now, you just want to impress the others.

    When I was on your side, I felt really bad, always thinking that everything was my fault, I spoke to several doctors, I was always focused on my behaviour.

    I think I can help you. One day, I thought: Ok, now, I will always focus on what I am saying, I will not think in the way I am talking, or moving, or anything. If i am telling a story about the other day, I will only focus on telling the story. And it really helped me! I felt a huge relief by not thinking in my moves, or by thinking if my tone of voice was ok, or if people were satisfied with me. Do that, try. Focus only on what you are saying or on what you are doing, and nothing else matters! If you are watching a movie and someone shows up, maybe you will start feeling judged, no, instead of that, focus on the movie, because you don't have to entertain anybody, you justo have to stay focus on what you are saying (on the message, on the subjetc) or if you are not saying nothing, focus on what you are doing. Stop wanting to impress others. One more thing, when you are talking to others, focus only in what they are saying, and not in the way they look at you, or the tone of voice.

    Try it, with me it worked. Sometimes I feel traped in this again, but I know what I need to do to feel right, I'm not lost and I end up ok, one or two days after. Good luck wish the best to you

    • maash37835
      maash37835 JohannaMill

      Posted

      HI JohnnaMill,

      I was very nervous ever since I know. I wanted to be left alone. But I was very talented, I was hoping I would end up being a great person. But my personality got me somewhere else. Now I am feeling like I am of no value. In everything I speak I am worried I would say something stupid. I would look horrible. and nobody will like me. There are two three people left for me. I feel I am troubling them too. I feel pathetic for myself and the few people around me. I think what you are saying is right about being focused. But I am having a problem that I forget things that I am going to say. even in a day today conversations. Is there anything you can suggest? 

    • G.sonny
      G.sonny JohannaMill

      Posted

      this sounds like it could work for me thank you!

      I often say things that are muddled and a bit nonsensical due to the fact that I'm trying to say the right thing to please everybody. But now I will be honest with myself and say what I really feel. 😊

    • girly15274
      girly15274 JohannaMill

      Posted

      Hey Johanna,

      I am also another person that has been feeling this way and I can honestly say that I completely lost myself and I don't know what to do to get it together again.

      But to be honest I have tried exactly what you said.. I tried focusing on what am doing or focusing on what I'm going to say and even focusing on what people are saying to me. It does help but then it goes back to not focusing and having lost for words.

      I'm a really nervous person so whenever Iam talking to someone I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like I need to get out of there but I don't want to make it weird. I haven't gone to the doctor or anything and pretty much everyone here has so maybe I should to see how it goes. I cry so much because I honestly don't know what's going on anymore. I work in a Sport service center and I have to interact with people everyday, sometimes I don't even want to go to work because of that. It's such a horrible feeling. sad I loveeeeee to go out and usually I do go out with my friends but I avoid when my friends want to go eat together or where we are going to talk a lot. Everybody posting explaining how they feel is exactly how I feel. I just can't deal anymore.

      -Janeth

  • Mike1984
    Mike1984 ana98035

    Posted

    Hi Ana,

    Just to say that I have gone through the same thing after a bad breakup (where I felt I was constantly being judged). I developed anxiety and depression but didn't know what it was for a long time. That was nearly 4 years ago and although I still have my bad days I have worked out ways on how to manage it now.

    I havent ever gone to the Doctors as I didn't want to go down the medication route and am not sure if councelling would help me but the biggest and most notable device for helping me has been hypnotherapy, which concentrates on changing your subconcious beliefs which are the root of your concious anxiety.

    I'd advise you to try a few apps which are availible from the various different app stores; free or paid and see how you feel after a couple of weeks. For me the change was very dramatic and to a certain extent I now see my anxiety as a strength.

    Best of luck to you and all other anxiety sufferers!

    Mike

    • Atokaa
      Atokaa Mike1984

      Posted

      Hi, is there a name for one of the apps you're referring to?

      Thank you.

  • Islanie
    Islanie ana98035

    Posted

    Hi Ana, I see ya post here like a year ago,just want how things going. I'm am also in the same situations. I'm 29 also and been having,nervousness all my life. I'm always shy,I get anxiety and yes wen I make mistake I get this feeling like I want cryi. As a child i was 9yrs old That's how it'll all started when I make mistake I'll get in trouble i get nervous and I cried. I was always shy around people or in crowded. Growing up as a teenager I so nervous every,shy,I get anxiety, and depressed. I talk to myself all the time. I got bad grades cause I can't even ask question to my teachers,I was so shy. I get the nervousness when everyone looks at me. When im around my family it's different,but I'm out there I'm shy. Am now a mom of three kids,very overprotective over my kids. They are smart and different as I am,they just like their dad brave and smart. I'm unemployed,I want find an job and work to help my husband. It's hard cause I'm nervous around customers. Hoards for to communicated and eye contact with other people. I want to go to college but I feel like I might fail. I never had a good grade the yrs I was in school. I didn't go to college cause I got kids to take care off and with the support of my husband by my side. I hated myself all those yrds of my life from childhood till now. I feel like a failure,my husband hated the fact I always think negative. It's hard for me I've been up and down my weight,I get depressed and stress a lot. I don't know what to do with my life. 
  • Rosey1978
    Rosey1978 ana98035

    Posted

    Hi Ana,

    Just read your post and although it was over a year ago, I see that people are still replying, so here goes. Some food for thought. I obviously suffer from the same symptoms that so many people here have posted, and I'm not trying to oversimplify, but I wonder how many of us are highly sensitive people; or HSP I believe it's called; a phrase coined by psychologist Elaine Aron back in the 90's. The more I read up on this, the more sense it makes for at least myself. I would be curious to know if anyone else can relate to this after reading up on it.

    • diane57788
      diane57788 Rosey1978

      Posted

      Ok i should have read the rules first. Big surprise there! Anyway Anna, I am so glad you posted!! You are first person in my life who feels like me and has felt forever. I don't know how to be able to talk one on one of we aren't allowed to pay email addresses. I'm sure you ate as cautious as I am about personal info. But an email address? Maybe they will approve it but I doubt it because it did have my email address so we could corrispond one on one. Anyway, went to the dr for testing results. Severe generalized anxiety, depression and adhd. Maybe that's why I'm sitting here an hour early by mistake. Better early than late right? ! Not really when you screw stuff up constantly. I'm going to see if there is a group in my area because finding you describing me is so helpful. First time ever in my life. People are sp critical because they can't see it but it's paralyzing! ! If I was in a wheel chair and physically handicapped instead of mentally handicapped, I would have all sorts of help instead is laughing because Diane can't remember anything or is a ditz!!! Almost lime to have a sign saying go easy on her, she has impairment!!! I'm so down because people are so ignorant about this condition. I don't like askingmyhusband of 33 years to do anything because I've wore his patients out. Then expects me to liKe him? Overly critical , yes i think your so sweet WHEN YOU THROW YOUR HANDS UP BECAUSE I ASKED YOU SOMETHING YOU CLAIM YOU TOLD ME ALREADY THEN YOU STOMP OFF ..NOT! Makes you feel so stupid when you know your not! !! Feel free to tall to me. You may not feel this way but at least you don't live with bad support. You don't get judged at home! Need encouragement and friends like me! Have 2 bff but they hate when I have to ask questions after spouting it all off and I didn't get it. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety, depression and adhd. Hate my life! Happy when alone! OK less miserable. Thank God for all of you!!!!
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