Anxious Telling Friends????

Posted , 7 users are following.

HI Guys,

So I have decided to stay commited to being sober. Whether I do it through councilling or The Sinclair Method I  think alochol has to be a thing of the past. I think I had what I heard someone call The Awakening. So far I feel fine quite optomistic about it as I fully opened up to my husband & my Mother & spoke to my GP. I could be at present just living in a bubble & if so I don't want that bubbe to burst.

The part I am anxious about now if telling a particular set of friends. These are friends I perform with in a caberat dance group. These girls love to drink!! All our performances are based around drink. The performing is a hobby to us I also perform on my own separtley which to be honest I take more seriously & I have control over what gigs I do & do not want to do in the future. We do festivals throughout the year which can mean staying there 1 or 2 nights & its all party party! The girls kids are grown up as they had them young & 2 of them don't have kids at all so they party lke they are in their 20's. I have a 4 year old so I don't get out often but I do partake in these gigs & of course being a drinker the drinking.

They are due to come to my home fore rehearsals this week & I feel I need to tell them whats going on with me beforehand. I know I won't feel comfortble going away & doing the festivals 2 days at a time while they are all steaming. Silly as it sounds it will be hard. I like being part of the group its a laugh but if I missed these gigs I think I could cope. So do I tell them the truth? So they can organise posiibilities of me not doing certain gigs? They will be shocked to hear I have a problem cause to be honest it looks like I don't drink as much as them. My problem was secret drinking at home. Am I revealing too much? I was going to tell them I'm going through some hard stuff & see a councillor & I am giving up the booze as I was self medicating with it & that at present I have to make a lifestyle change & can;t commit to the festivals or just make excuses as I go along?

This is actually the thing I am most anxious about. I have another set of friends I have been friends with for 20 years & its not all based around drink & I have no commitment like this to so that will be fine. 

Any advice for this silly anxious girl would be much appreciated. Facing sobriety in these situations is brand  new to me.

Many thanks in advance 

Sadie Dee xx

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  • Posted

    You sound as if you have thought through this very sensibly. I think you should tell them! Explain exactly what you said...that you are going through counselling, need to make lifestyle changes and that the Dr has advised you that you are drinking too much as self medication. If you bring a medical profession into it they are less likely to try and convince you otherwise. 

    I think if you try and make excuses as you go along it will become so stressful for you that the urge to drink will be increasingly difficult. Out in the open may be hard to begin with but it will clear the way forward to stopping. Hopefully they (dancers) will decide to support you and help you. In time, once they have got over the initial news. It only takes one person in this group to reflect and communicate with you 1:1 and hey bingo. Even if they are not supportative you have sooooo much more to gain from  

    sorting out your alcohol consumption, at the very least your own self esteem. Lots of love and hugs.

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  • Posted

    I love what Sharon said to you...I love that you are READY..

    I think when you talk to them you will be surprised at the support they will give you.

    You dont really know THEIR drinking habits..there can certainly be some in the group that will identify with you...there can be certainly some in the group that do secret drinking as well. I think that anyone that carrys on with much alcohol during these gigs...has too much experience with alcohol to begin with.

    They probably ALL drink for the same reasons you do. And you are possibly on the verge of being a role model for some others in the group that will look up to you for being honest and making this decision for yourself and your well being.

    Yes, giving them the heads up of possibly not showing up for some gigs is good! And I think you will find if you are able to carry thru with your desire to stop drinking that eventually a night or weekend will come IF you love dancing so much that you say...I'm going SOBER.  

    Remember...this is about YOU and your family and your son.

    You are a responsible adult...you have so much going for you right now and I'm glad that you are ready to fight the demon that is trying to steal your happiness and well being.

    I hope you continue to post your progress...and your discussion with your "team".

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  • Posted

    Sharon & Missy your replies have really helped me decide. My Mother told me to just say to  them I don't like drinking anymore & to just continue as I am . My answer to her yesterday was if you were addicted to a drug of some sort you wouldn't hang out with drug takers. My husband on the otherhand is thinking to just be honest. I do know 2 of the girls drink bottles of wine in the evening at home. One of them only a couple of weeks ago said she was drinking one 4 nights a week & was going to take a couple of weeks off but come that Friday night the 2 girls were hitting the pub. 

    They are calling to my home on Friday but I think I will send them a message beforehand as its easier to say it that way then when they call as I might just chicken out with nerves. 

    That is my way of thinking my family comes first. I have always been a people pleaser hence why I'm worrying about this. I can't give drink any opertunity to win. I know it'll come knocking at some stage maybe in a few weeks telling me ah your ok now you can handle it. My husband said if I try The Sinclair Method he is afraid that I might pick up mu old habits thinking I'm ok. I actually think permanent abstainence is my future. 

    One more thing I kind of feel on a high from my decision. That I can face this but I'm wondering will there be a crash? Where it all hits me?

    Sorry to go on & thank you girls for you advice I really really appreciate it.

    Sadie xxx

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    • Posted

      I can understand why your husband thinks this. However I think the whole point of The Sinclair Method (if you read all of the blurb) is to retrain the brain. You take a tablet 1-2 hours before drinking and it blocks the production of endorphins which stops you getting that 'good feeling' which makes you want more. People have reported that they forget to want another drink or even finish the one they are on. I don't start until Friday...hopefully!!! So I can't tell you yet from personal experience but hope to soon. Eventually your brain does not benefit from alcohol do it becomes easier to abstain. I personally am afraid that if Zi re,y in will power alone I am setting myself up for future failure. These are my thoughts. So many times I have read that people have abstained for a long time and then relapse and are worse than ever the next time around. 

      Obviously this His has to be a very personal decision but talk to your husband about the above. You are a step ahead of me because I haven't been able to talk to my husnpband about it as Im afraid he will undemine the Sinclair Method etc. I don't want to be put off so am pursuing this pathway on my own, with the help of my counsellor, I am also confiding in my eldest daughter (26 years old) who is encouraging me. 

      Hipe my thoughts help in some way;it is good to look at the situation from all angles. I will let you know how I get on from Friday (it is taking weeks longer to get to the starting point but I'm nearly there now). Please keep us updated so we can cheer and or encourage from the sidelines. X

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    • Posted

      The high feeling is your awakening...and its so great that I think you have been blessed.

      Whatever works for you sadie..if you want to send an email and that makes it easier for you than send an email...your not a chicken...you are DEALING with your situation and that comes from strength not weakness.

      I would still look into the Sinclair method just in case a craving comes for a drink..then you could take the pill if the craving was too strong to resist and then at least you would have protetction from over doing it with the alcohol....and it may help to further discourage you from drinking again.

      I don't know if where you are you can get Campral...too...but Campral does help with cravings. I honestly did not even think about drinking...when I was taking Campral...I honestly had a couple thoughts while on it...wow...I haven't thought of alcohol in days....I stopped it when I just WANTED to drink...thinking that I would only have a few...the way I drink....I've never only had a few..I drink to get drunk..and then I carry on for days.

      Right now I have no cravings to drink as I enjoy going to bed in proper bed clothes vs. whatever I was wearing for the day. I enjoy the smell of my fresh sheets..I enjoy waking up not feeling awful physically and mentally....I enjoy the fact that I can be there for family members at the drop of a dime...so many things.

      I'm glad that you have this blessing...keep going! Let us know how you make out with your friends.

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  • Posted

    Look up a free download book '' alcohol lied to me'' read the whole thing today and its one of the best books i have about this. Seriously a i am so glad i did this today. It has got a section about telling friends, but you do need to read the whole thing to see the whole benefit. Hope it goes well for you xx

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  • Posted

    HI SadieDe. Sharon did a good reply and I would suggest that you are very honest and insist that you have to stop since your health is very important and you actually do drink more than they think. Perhaps you are ready or perhaps not I do not know but it is important that they grasp that this is a life changing situation and certainly for your best. They should respect your decidiion and also admire you I hope. Best of luck. Robin
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    • Posted

      Hi Robin

      what a good post. I agree, just be upfront and say you're thinking about health. Trying to find an excuse for not drinking or missing events makes you become secretive and causes anxiety, which could make you more vulnerable.

      True friends will support you and try and help. When I got caught drink driving, people who I thought were friends avoided me. Stopped calling and even hiding from me. As far as I'm concerned they're just small minded, and to be honest I couldn't give a toss what they think. It's my body to do what I want with, right or wrong. If they don't like it, I couldn't care less. Need to focus on yourself and avoid anxiety. Why worry what people think

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    • Posted

      fully agreed. You matter and your health, not them!  A trued friend will understand and come to admire you. Otherwise, this is not a friend and small minded often comes into play...regards Robin
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  • Posted

    Hi all, 

    So yesterday I told one of my friends from the dance group. She was chatting to me online so I took the oppertunity. She was very supportive & as you predicted she said she knows how I feel she drinks too much herself & it can so easily be done. I told her I was doind it in secret & she says she does it the open at home. I do think all the girls drink too much & may have issues with it but the fact majority of mine was in secret makes it worse somehow. Anyway she said do the gigs I am comfortable with & we'll cancel the next festival as I think she wasn't into doing it anyway. So that is that done. I can't believe I said it!! Thank you guys again it really helped reading your advice.

    I am going to the doctor Monday coming & I plan on bringing documents from C3 website to show my doctor. It might be good as you say to have the pills just in case. 

    The weekend is going to be my big test. !!!

    Missy I am starting to feel like that . Like I am more present in the moment. That I need to enjoy the simple things in life. Things before that I didn't have time for as I was recovering from one weekend's drinking & waiting for the next. I have not craved alcohol at all but during the week isn't a time I would of drank really so there hasn't been a trigger. I keep thinking on Saturday our ritual of ordering food in & watching a film I will actually taste the food properly & remember & make it to the end of the film before falling asleep. We will see the weekend is fast approching.

    Sadie Dee xxx

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    • Posted

      Well done! That is a huge hurdle over with! It sounds as if she will support you and back you up when you tell the others. Glad that you are thinking of asking re medication; just a reminder that he may refer you to refer you on but hopefully he can prescribe directly. I look forward to hearing about your weekend and this visit.
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    • Posted

      The weekend IS fast approaching and try to think of it as so IS your VICTORY over this alcohol crutch/demon.

      You sound like you are in a really good place.

      You can DO THIS SADIE...you can...just keep telling yourself...I was in a program and met a woman who told me to keep telling myself..I can drink tommorow...I just won't drink today.

      In your case..tell yourself...I can drink next weekend but I just won't drink this weekend.  Its work..its not easy..you will be thinking about it..but if you just don't pick up that drink Saturday...I can promise you when you wake up Sunday you will have real happiness and have acquired even MORE strength to fight for your life.

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    • Posted

      So glad things worked out with you telling your friends. Very brave but i bet you feel so better for it, you can tell in your posting. I hid drink as well, so much that i had constant shame and guilt and was paranoid about it being found. Not a good feeling and all it does is add to your stress. It makes things worse. Dont give up and i am sure your dancing will be even better this weekend xxx Good for you. Keep in touch
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    • Posted

      Thanks Missy ! I really hope I find it easier than I think I will on Saturday. Thank you for your support. Everyday I check in on here it helps me. A Sunday without a hangover will be fantastic - its been so long!! I'll keep trucking onwards!

      xx

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    • Posted

      Thanks Missy! I 'm not dancing this weekend but we have rehearsals in my house tomorrow so I will see the girls after sharing my news. They even asked did I want to cancel if I didn't feel up to it but even though I felt like giving it a miss I told them to still come over. I'm just hoping I don't feel embarrased or uncomfortable. Maybe i'm just being silly. It's been an intense week & I started a new job yesterday. Just got to try keep going . xxx

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    • Posted

      I know sadie..when i struggle I post here because i know there are people here that understand...and it DOES help to not feel alone.

      Yes, a Sunday without a hangover...will be wonderful...I hope you achieve that. I really do and everyone reading your posts is routing for you.

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