Anxious Telling Friends????
Posted , 7 users are following.
HI Guys,
So I have decided to stay commited to being sober. Whether I do it through councilling or The Sinclair Method I think alochol has to be a thing of the past. I think I had what I heard someone call The Awakening. So far I feel fine quite optomistic about it as I fully opened up to my husband & my Mother & spoke to my GP. I could be at present just living in a bubble & if so I don't want that bubbe to burst.
The part I am anxious about now if telling a particular set of friends. These are friends I perform with in a caberat dance group. These girls love to drink!! All our performances are based around drink. The performing is a hobby to us I also perform on my own separtley which to be honest I take more seriously & I have control over what gigs I do & do not want to do in the future. We do festivals throughout the year which can mean staying there 1 or 2 nights & its all party party! The girls kids are grown up as they had them young & 2 of them don't have kids at all so they party lke they are in their 20's. I have a 4 year old so I don't get out often but I do partake in these gigs & of course being a drinker the drinking.
They are due to come to my home fore rehearsals this week & I feel I need to tell them whats going on with me beforehand. I know I won't feel comfortble going away & doing the festivals 2 days at a time while they are all steaming. Silly as it sounds it will be hard. I like being part of the group its a laugh but if I missed these gigs I think I could cope. So do I tell them the truth? So they can organise posiibilities of me not doing certain gigs? They will be shocked to hear I have a problem cause to be honest it looks like I don't drink as much as them. My problem was secret drinking at home. Am I revealing too much? I was going to tell them I'm going through some hard stuff & see a councillor & I am giving up the booze as I was self medicating with it & that at present I have to make a lifestyle change & can;t commit to the festivals or just make excuses as I go along?
This is actually the thing I am most anxious about. I have another set of friends I have been friends with for 20 years & its not all based around drink & I have no commitment like this to so that will be fine.
Any advice for this silly anxious girl would be much appreciated. Facing sobriety in these situations is brand new to me.
Many thanks in advance
Sadie Dee xx
2 likes, 22 replies
sadie_dee70150
Posted
Thank you so much guys! The support here & understanding is amazing!!
I will let you know how the weekend goes
Hugs to you all xxx
sadie_dee70150
Posted
Hi guys,
So I feel like I might be crashing. I wish I hadn't met the girls today. I felt nervous when they were hear. It's hard to explain. It felt like everything should be normal but it wasn't. Maybe I was being a little paronoid as they knew but I kept saying to myself its no big deal. They spoke about some night they had out recently where they were drinking until 7 in the morning & one of the guys that was with them was acting like an a**hole. I listened & commented every now & then. One of them asked " So have you told the organisers we are not doing that festival yet?" I said no not yet but I will & they tried to help with excuses to give. I said I would just tell the organisers I have some personal stuff going on so can't do it & the girls said or tell them you will see how you feel closer to the time. I just then felt they don't understand that this is something big for me, that they think I'll be fine in a few weeks. They didn't ask me if I was ok or anything like that. Maybe they didn't think they had to cause I seem fine.
I felt sad that I was facing this thoughts were racing through my head like it's all gonna be different for me now. We rehearsed our numbers & one of the girls said oh I had a couple of glasses of wine last night but now I'm smoking weed to compensate & the other said I'm down to drinking one night a week. I said I need to stay off it when I start at home I don't stop.
When the girls were leaving they said so we'll meet Friday in 2 weeks & then to each other & we will head out afterwards which means to the pub in the city centre. I know I'm probably reading into it all too much but I found it all uneasy. i felt why can't I just be normal & be able to enjoy that. That maybe I can that I am ok that I just won't drink in secret at home just on these social occasions.
I felt sad & very anxious when they left. I cried a bit & The Awakening had vanished. The strenght had gone. That tomorrow is going to be hard. That it all is going to be hard. I'll always feel paronoid about this, it be easier to just socially drink so I don't have to feel like this with my friends just kick the at home habit but is that the drink talking to me? I should not of met up with them before this first weekend. Why did it set me back . Can I pick myself back up ? I can't drink tomorrow I will let myself down so so much but I don't want to feel like this. I had some sort of protective bubble around me all week & it just burst.
xxx
Misssy2 sadie_dee70150
Posted
OMG..I don't like it that you feel your bubble has burst.
I think that we as humans need love, understanding and support.
I think by them saying see you in 2weeks at the pub...caused you to feel invalidated that you have a problem with drink. Or caused you to question maybe you don't have a problem with drink.
I don't think there is anything anyone can say to get your bubble back as I believe that comes from within. Just remember these are "just people" not even true friends but co-performers...
They won't be by your side 5 years from now when you are drinking daily because alcohol is progressive...because you felt the "peer" pressure to do what they thought you should be doing rather than what you think you should be doing for yourself and your family members.
I think you cried because instead of lifting you up you felt a sort of rejection from them which made you question your resolve.
I do think that this morning you sounded more positive to attack this problem...and I think if you actually are able to conquer this Saturday your resolve may return and so may your bubble.
sadie_dee70150 Misssy2
Posted
Hi Misssy!
Yes I'm a bit more positive today. I think I met up with the girls too soon after starting to deal with this. I only went to my GP a week & a half ago to tell her everything so its still early days. They don't know I have been drinking secretly for nearly 13 years. I can't expect them to understand completley or change their behaviour. I think I'm going to see how much I can do performancewise & if it is too stressful or causes me anixiety I will have to review if its for me anymore.i can still do my solo stuff as I am in control of that entirely. These girls are 4o year old woman who still love to party party - it will be in my opinion the biggest trigger. My husband says he won't be drinking at home anymore to support me -( not that he drank much anyway ) I don't expect him to but he says he wants to. It wll help if I'm honest. I think I need to give myself a month sober with no triggers & see how I feel. I am still trying to figure out why the girls I perform with is the part I got most worried about- I suppose it because its what our freindship is based on & booze certainly has played a huge part.
I did feel a bit alienated not by them as such just the sitution & that neither one asked if I was ok. Anyway got to pick myself up & get on with this part of it first.
Here is to hoping a wake up in a Sunday Bubble xxx