Any other carers out there?!

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HI, I'm 31 years old, married with two children.

My mother-in-law has late stage lung cancer...after many years of battling other forms of the horrible C-word. she would not consider herself elderly, as she still struts around in stilletto heels and neon fluffy jackets...you'll gather she is quirky to say the least!!

Anyway...she recently fell over and broke her hip, so the drs have suggested holding back on chemo for 3 weeks. She is weak and vulnerable, and its horrible to watch. Particularly for my husband and kids...its tough trying to be the strong one.

I'm not looking for advice as such, its just nice to vent and hopefully not feel so alone with it all.

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi I am a carer for my Disabled Hubby! He's severely sighted,deaf & has chronic Osteo arthritis of hips,knees & back.I myself am not well with Osteoarthritis of my hips & knees! Being a carer is tough & no breaks.My Husband needs a lot of help with his walking & deafness. At the moment my poor Hubby has got a duodenial ulcer.So we are waiting for biopsy results!! It must be a

    Worry for you.I am worried as my Husband still smokes although he's cut back.He was on a lot of medication which I have cut him right down on.!He's been on the same meds since the early 1990 s.!! But now I have a job on my hands by asking Hubby to be truthful with me.! But he's stubborn! Anyway where are you in the UK?? I am south of London. Regards Amanda h

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    • Posted

      Hi Amanda,

      Thank you so much for replying...I am overwhelmed with how much you must be dealing with. Together with my mother-in-law's problems, my father-in-law also is at a late stage of Parkinson's so we are having to be very hands on in that respect - particularly when MiL is in hospital (I say 'we'...mainly meaning my husband!) My husband and I are both in top health and find it tough...so I have no idea how you're doing it!! You sound like an inspiring person to say the least!  I totally get the stubborn thing...I try and help as much as I can but when they're not your parents directly it's hard. I am near Oxford. Do you recieve any help or go to any meetings or anything? I've been looking at ageuk but I think the family would be completely horrified if I suggested they needed outside help! Any thoughts welcome x

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    • Posted

      Hi Phoenix,Good to hear from you.We have a cleaner once a week,& & 3 times a week we have a guide ( communicator as Hubby needs help with walking & he's severely sighted & deaf.They come into town & sit with him while I go & get things done.I do all the washing,cooking & C cleaning all be it slowly.Last year I had my right hip to replaced,but it hasn't really worked,as I was too tense.Also had little help to get back on my feet.Hubby had a carer package,but I had to care for myself.Anyway sorry to disturb you.regards Amanda

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  • Posted

    It's very difficult seeing those we love suffer.  It must be even harder for you because you are trying to support and be brave for your husband and children.  It sounds as though you are doing a good job.  Just try and continue to be strong for them.  I recently lost my mum and felt that I did not have enough support from my family. They are lucky to have you.  
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    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply angm. That is exactly it. My husband has a lot of siblings and they are absolutely useless...refuse to do the not so nice jobs because 'it's not their thing'...like it's any of our things! Personally its more the emotions I struggle with. Sometimes I have a good day and no one asks (selfish I know)...sometimes I have a bad day...but again it's not something you can talk about when your poor husband and family are under so much pressure. It's nice to be able to vent though, so thank you for your reply. I am sorry to read you didn't get much support from your family...it seems some of us take all the flack and the rest are content with that.  I am also sorry you lost your mum..how are you doing?

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  • Posted

    Listening to your situation is very saddening.

    At this moment of time, you need to be strong and encouraging. Make sure your children don't get worried about the situation and just give them a little space from the C stuff.

    And about your husband, his motives must have been low regarding the situation. Make sure he stays strong and not get broken. It's his mother, so this is quite a challenging situation for him to look after the condition.

    Regarding your mother-in law, I wish her all the strength so she can fight the disease with bravery. Hope that fighting spirit makes her live a day more than what she has got in her hands.

    Very saddened by coming across such story. Do contact me or WhatsApp on +919553743429, to share anything else personal. Coz it matters when u discuss such hard feelings.

    All that you can do from your side is being brave and fighting all the odds to look after your children, husband and importantly your mother-in law. Hope she fights back with bravery.

    Take care phoenix664. Our prayers are with you.

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your kind words, I try my best and I guess that's all any of us can do. Thanks again, it's nice to have so many lovely replies.

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  • Posted

    Sorry to read about your mum-in-law. It's must be hard to see someone who is such a lively character become so ill. It's good that you can be strong for your family, but you have to acknowledge your own feelings and I just wanted to say you are not alone if you need to vent some more.

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    • Posted

      Thank you Deb. It's so hard at the moment.. will give a bigger update on below post to save writing twice x

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  • Posted

    Hi, I just wanted to drop by and say, stay strong. We’ve all been through this stage in life or are going through something similar. I find it inspiring to read what you’re doing all by yourself. We need more people like you. I too have been a caregiver in the past for my mother. She was diagnosed with multiple disease at one point of time and I found it really hard to take time off work to give her all the attention she needed. So I took time off work and to be honest, the initial few weeks were extremely hard for the both of us. I talked to others who’ve been caregivers in the past and even joined a couple of caregiver forums online.

    Eventually she started getting better and I rejoined work. I was constantly checking up on her and making sure that she was alright.

    I’d suggest you take a look at as well and keep yourself informed on the matter.Anyway, the internet is a good place and bad place as well. So just make sure that you involve yourself in the right forums and web pages to keep yourself motivated and help yourself and your family in this situation.

    Emis Moderator comment: I have removed the link(s) directing to site(s) unsuitable for inclusion in the forums. If users want this information please use the Private Message service to request the details.

    http://patient.uservoice.com/knowledgebase/articles/398331-private-messages

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    • Posted

      Thanks Megan, it seems to be getting worse. She was discharged from hospital, only to be taken back in with fluid and infection on her lungs now. The cancer has apparently spread, and so we are back to my husband staying over at his parents at night time to look after his dad...also wheelchair bound now. To top it off my baby neice was rushed in at 2am this morning with meningitis...oh, and my nan told me Thursday she needs an MRI on her head as the drs have found 'something' behind her eye...constantly sighing...trying to be happy mummy in front of the kids...trying to let go my husband being grumpy and mean sometimes...feeling a little powerless on all fronts to be honest. Thanks for listening.

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