Any strategies to get through the low times?

[color=indigo:decc1a246a]Hi shadow

The trouble with doing something you know isn't good for you is the short term gain you get, ie merry and forget your worries, followed by the long depression and regret for having drunk too much. If only it would give us that good feeling all the time with no side effects!!!!

Do you have a plan either to get help (see a doctor or mental health nurse) or otherwise suicide ideation?

I appreciated all your advice and hope that you will feel better soon.

I see alcohol as being evil. I had some last night and I'd love to have some tonight. I gotta stay strong. Trouble is my housemate drinks it and whilst he doesn't make me drink it at all, I can't help myself. I always, always feel regret after, yet I do it all again - I have the same problems with eating too much and weight gain.

It's tough and we can only get out of that hell hole ourselves, with a little help from the professionals.

My suicidal thoughts have ebbed away for now (maybe the antidepressants are finally working 10 weeks in), and I wasn't really sure how I'd do it. I don't know too if I'd have the guts to take myself to A&E if I had plans to do it. I wouldn't tell anyone except over the internet. I did ring Samaritans a few weeks ago and they were fantastic. I also rang Maytree, which is sort of a crisis centre, but wasn't appropriate for me at the time as while I had thoughts, I wasn't in a crisis at the time if that makes sense.

Keep writing, we on the forum care about you :-)

Jemima[/color:decc1a246a]

Hey there guys,

Just wanna add a couple of comments, hope its of some help...

Shadow, you're not a hypocrite, just because you're going through a low period --- the horrible thing with depression is a lot of the time (I find) you know what you should/shouldnt be doing, but for some inexplicable reason, we find ourselves unable to follow our own, or others, good advice. I'm really sorry that you're feeling the need to cut again --- I had big problems with cutting a few years ago, and honestly, the urge does come into my head still from time to time. Fortunately, I have been able to resist -- I left myself with quite a few serious scars, and they serve as a reminder and a warning to me. Your cutting is not a cause for embarrasment, but it is a warning sign that there's things going on that are proving very difficult to cope with right now, and cutting is a way to attempt to deal with it --- my therapist called it a \"maladaptive coping mechanism\". Are you seeing a therapist/counsellor at the mo? If so, I would say to you to please talk to them about it asap.

Jemima/Shadow -- with regards to drinking I would just like to say please really try and resist the urge to \"drown your sorrows\" --- it seems like a very convenient \"quick fix\", but becoming reliant on it is a very risky path to go down. I went through alcohol detox last Feb --- I had been alcohol dependant for several years --- attempting to \"self-medicate\" my depression and anxiety. It was only after I had ridded myself of the alcohol, and was then somewhat more \"clear-headed\" that I could even begin to address the depression/panic/anxiety issues that I have been living with for such a long time.

Jemima, if you're worried about not being able to resist having a drink, would you be able to have a chat with your housemate, and explain that you're a little worried about your drinking, and would he mind not drinking in the house for a while? Now, obv I dont know how the relationship between you and him is, but I have to say I found it very helpful to not have alcohol around me when I was quitting (and for quite a while afterwards). My housemates were great, and we basically had no alcohol whatsoever in the house for a couple of months. I think having the support of someone does help with any craving, and lapses of willpower. For example - I play in a band, so obv we're playing in clubs/bars, surrounded by alcohol -- my bandmates were a great help here -- until I felt ok about it, they all decided that none of them would drink around me (prob especially difficult for them, as most of the drink was free! :D )

Sorry if I'm prattling on a bit --- to tell the truth, I've been feeling pretty low myself recently, but find it helps to write here, and if my experience can help someone else in some way, then great. I am still having occasional morbid/suicidal thoughts, and while I'm pretty sure I wouldnt act on them (I have a huge fear of death!) they are distressing. It is a very, very difficult thing to talk about with anyone you know --- I find I cant really even bring myself to talk about it with my closest friends. So yeah, I think talking to people who are somewhat removed from your immediate situation, whether it be posting on here, or the Samaritans,etc is helpful, and important --- although I just as sooner not have these thoughts at all!

Anyways, I hope this is of some sort of use to you.

Take care

Richard

Thank u all 4 your advice it has been a help. At the moment i am off work had 2 giv in2 it and slow down things was getting out of hand again and my GP wsa gettin concerned with the cuttin drinkin and unhealthy atraction 2 pills had totaly lost plot feel like im goin mad. I c my GP every week and get my meds weekly(4 my own safty) and c my pycicolagist every week 4 an hour and half. I do have friends and family on the outside who are there 2 help if only i would give in and ask 4 help (2 me this is a sighn of weakness and i find it hard 2accept). Iv not had a drink since saturday and 2 b honest not wanted 2 (4 now). Have shut myself away and not want 2 c any1 and not missing any1 not given work a 2nd thought 2 b honest not thinkin or feelin much of anything if that makes any sence it more like living in a bubble under water. Am trying 2 get a sleepin patern in place only surviving on 2/4 hours a nite if am lucky and then tryin 2 do a 14/16 hour shift at work (open 2 any suggestions) so need 2 catch up on sleep b4 GP will even sighn me back. I no they only doin wot they do 4 my own good but i am a bit of a stubbon so and so and give my self a hard time and very self critical and not like lettin others down. Sorry about ranting and goin on hope u all ok and thank u 4 all your helpfull advice.

Hi there Shadow

I'm glad you took the plunge and came off work for a while. Your mind and body need that time to help recover.

I think the becoming a 'recluse' thing is all part of the recovery, so don't be too hard on yourself over that. I too shut myself off from friends and family, would stay in bed for days on end. :shock:

Sleep patterns? Now in my opinion that is the most difficult thing to regain. :oops:

Try cutting out ALL caffiene based drinks completely. Try not to sleep during the day; Go to bed at the same time everynight and get up at the same time every morning, even if you haven't slept much through the night.

Have you tried relaxation cd's? If not, you can try some samples online to see if they work for you before you go out and spend money on them.

I was also told to write down everything in my head before going to sleep - does this work? Mmmmm! I'll be honest with you and say I haven't yet tried that one for the simple reason more often than not the things going around in my head are at very high speed and become very jumbled to the point I wouldn't have a clue what to write down - hope that makes sense :?

Try some herbal tablets like Kalms but hey! Don't do as I did and go searching the net for naterual remedies to help you sleep - I spent a fortune on many things that all claimed to be the perfect answer to help you achieve 7/8 hours of quality sleep - trust me none of them worked! They might work for the 'ordinary' day to day stresses but for the lies of you and me who suffer depression, anxiety etc. They are not strong enough to do the job.

I started using Night Nurse a couple of nights a week - that worked :D But due to it containing paracetamol, it is not something to be played around with and if taken regularly it will not have the same effect and you will soon be needing a higher dose - lethal! So if you do decide to go down that route - please be very aware of the dangers and only take the recommended dose and only a couple of times a week for a couple of weeks. It didn't help me regain a sleep pattern and still today I am suffering from insomnia - but it did at least give me a couple of nights sleep here and there.

I am now on prescribed sleeping pills - which my GP changes every couple of weeks. :shock:

After fracturing my elbow 4 months ago and nothing helping relieve the pain I admit to trying cannabis as I had heard it is good for pain relief. Oh yes! It worked and also knocked me out - giving me some excellent nights sleep. Unfortunately, after a couple of weeks and having a spliff just before I went to sleep, I started waking feeling quite anxious and paranoid in the mornings - so you just can't win :cry:

I wish I had the answer to the sleep problem - it is a viscous circle! We don't sleep - our brain and body becomes physically and mentally exhausted - this in turn heightens our existing problem of depression.

Have you asked your GP about sleeping pills? You might be one of the lucky ones and after a couple of weeks taking them - fall back into yor natural sleeping pattern. :P I didn't, and probably many more don't but do you think it might be the way forward for you? It would certainly get you some very much needed sleep, allowing your body and mind to have some rest?

Sorry for such a long post - hey! After reading it or half way through it you might have fallen asleep lol. :wink:

If you ever do discover how to regain your sleep pattern, please do post it here.

Wishing you the very best

Melbi x

HiMelbi i have spoken 2 my GP and pycolagist about sleepin pills and all agree mainly me thay not b a good idea. The main reason being im such a weak and pathetic idiot i not that safe when pills are about and dont feel safe and trust myself and there is no 1 else 2 look after them it only me and my hamster who i spoil 2 death and he looks after me i no u must b thinkin u sad git. At the moment i feelin like a waste of space and finding its takin even more of an effort 2 do anything apart from just hiding away wrapped up in my duvet. I am usually such an energetic person on the go all the time or through myself into my work. Im like a fraud just sat here doin nothin and am so guilty and i not deserve it wot gives me the right 2 take it easy. I 2 have tried 2 wright things down and the same happends 2 me and then i even more wound up and anxious with myself and then i get even more goin on and its just all goin round at a million miles an hour and i feel like my head is being held under water and then the panic attacks start and the visious circle starts but u dont need me 2 tell u that. Where did this illness come from and y did i let it get hold of me.

Hi Shadow, sorry it's took so long to reply. It's just I've been busy being away and [b:8879121829]drunk [/b:8879121829]I'm afraid - this last week. I wish you didn't have to cut, but I understand why you do - I did it as a child but only a couple of times. I don't cut now. Please ask for help. For this is not a weakness (oh yeah, listen to own advice!!!). If shutting yourself away works then this is okay. If you can avoid drink, smoking and so on then this is good. I have only had a bottle of red wine tonight so I'm obviously not as sober as I should be and I just had a cig which I digged out of the trash. I have to be honest, but I couldn't manage the work hours you speak of!!! Shadow, I'm glad you share. I know it's taken a bit to reply, but that doesn't mean less if you know what I mean. I'm on self- destruct. Seems like a good option ot me. If no-one cares, then that makes it easier for me. I wish I could just like chuck it all in, and nobody cared but damn it they do. Inconsiderate of them if you ask me (NOT). Shadow, please continue to post. I'm in a weird place of I'm not depressed and I'm not happy, and I'm drunk......

Jemima

Hi Jamima first u dont have 2 appolagize 4 anything. Im not nsure if im any help 2 any1 at the moment i 2 am not in a very good place at the moment. Iv not had a drink 4 nearly a week (not 4 wanting 1) and i no the answer is not at the bottom of a bottle (i also no im a hypocrite) but at the lowest or tough times thease thoughts r far fom your head. Im not goin 2 tell u wot u should or should not b doin because im sure u no and im a fine 1 2 talk. There has been times when iv thought i need a ciggy and wot would it do does it realy calm u down (not noing this never had 1 in my life and still havnt) thats just how desperate and conffused i am. All though im ashamed 2 say it but i taken a likin 2 pills and thats not very clever and NOT recomended. Sorry sould be tryin 2 help or make u feel better here not knock u down. Do u have any hobbies or pets 2 occupi your mind or something 2 concerntrate on or take care of. I find it helps me 2 jump on my bike with some of my favorite tunes and go 4 miles (im a keen cyclist) but in the evenings im strugglin with usually i would put on my tunes loudas poss (on mp3 player) do house work strip the house decorate thrash it out on the cross trainer or rowing machine anything 2 stop me thinkin or sleepin (suffer with night terrors all sorts of nasty things) but im stuck in a rut at the mo it not my place (have issues being on own at risk of own safety not trust myself). IV resently invested in 1 of theas hand held computer games and set myself SMALL goals (like i said iv shut myself away at the mo not 2 good at facing up 2 things feel like im turning in2 a lazy fat slob and this is not me and im not able 2 do anything about it) any way sorry 2 go on please b carefull and take care u not alone. x Hope took your mind of things 4 a while.

[color=indigo:587464a434]Hi Shadow

It's taken some time to reply, been thinking about you.

We may net be positive for each other since at the moment I'm drinking too much, and continue on the Fluox. I convince myself that is okay!!!

Shadow, I have never done drugs, but I can promise you that if I did I too would be a massive addict. I won't even go there. I hope you are being careful ;-)

I can't be bothered to do anything, tho I'm attending AA meetings constantly now. I drink too. I'm hoping that I'll stop this self destructive behaviour. Funnily enough I'm not suicidal. It's weird how that phase came and went. I've met some fabulous people at AA!!!!

By the way, just for your information, I did read your message long ago (when you sent it). It did help me and I can relate to you.

Hope you are okay. Don't be put off by my crappily slow messaging. It's just the way it is, nothing to do with you. I'm a slacker.

.....Melbi, if you read this, hope you are well chickie (still got you down as a prospective landlady!!! :-) It could become a reality).

Jemima x x x[/color:587464a434]