Anybody have weird intrusive dark thoughts when they are having a nice time?

It's terrible you had to cancel your trip to Europe because of this menopause rollercoaster!!! I was planning a Hawaiian Cruise, but then my zest for it just waned, and now I know why, hormones. I just stopped planning it.

It's July and the last time I felt like myself was February, I mean I felt like I could conquer the world!!! I remember thinking it was almost like I was on a high. Then slowly the darkness crept back in, just as I was staring to plan things, and date, plan my cruise, etc. Sometimes I truly think menopause is the devil and I must shout "GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN"!!!

And to continue my previous post, today was one of those days that I woke up and said, I am feeling in a decent mood, so I am going to be positive.  And , then I got some bad news.  So that is why it is so coincidental with your post today.  Because as soon as I let my guard down, I am disappointed AGAIN!

So now I swear, I will NOT let myself be happy or even feel just okay.  Because it is not worth the disappointment.  

I actually feel like my guard is up ALL the time. That's stressful, because really what's going to happen is going to happen, we can't prevent it. I have got to let go and let God. We did before peri and meno  brain what can't we now?

I don't know what your bad news was, but I will pray for you.

YES, guard is up all the time!  That is a perfect way of saying it.

It is very tiring!  

Thoughts and prayers are with you from me as well nanc! xo

I agree Juanita!! ( my mom's name!)The fact that we can think like you said, let's me know that we will be ok.

Your mom has a great name!😂😂😂😂😂 I try to think back before menopause and perimenopause brain, I know I'm in there somewhere🙄🤨😋

feel Exactly the same Nanc.!  It does not good to allow yourself to be happy because it doesn't last.  But, I know if happiness as in a "high" in a great mood never lasts for whatever reason, Sadness should not either and usually it waxes and wanes.  So I try to remember that.  Dark/Light.  Up/down

Happy/sad, it all goes together I guess.

Hi ladies - I struggle with it as well, in addition to my fear of having health issues, I just worry about everything - I recently signed up to become a member of a new Pilates club opening up soon (trying to challenge myself to try something new) & the fear of trying to do Pilates at my age for the first time has become so overwhelming to me....heck, I was never like that before...I don’t know what it is? Is it merely anxiety running crazy in our brains?  My friend told me about her niece who was recently diagnosed with  very bad cancer &  I know that she had also struggled with Rosacea, so automatically, because I have Rosacea I have assumed that all my symptoms are because of something more sinister...it’s horrible what is happening to our minds during this time - all I can do is pray & hope I make it through this tough time - 

I also fear that(the thing you're looking forward to will not happen). I think that's why my hormonal self stopped planning my cruise to Hawaii. I'm sitting at work at this very moment and I want to retire because honestly I feel I could take better care of myself. My job is becoming a source of stress and I just don't need that right now. Don't get me wrong it's probably always been stressful(after all I am a Victim Advocate for our local Police Dept.). I just don't handle it was well now that I'm in menopause. I called in sick yesterday because I just couldn't deal. I've been calling in and taking off a lot lately. I pray to God that soon I will feel like myself again. I have leaned on him during this. He sent me to this forum so I would have someone to talk to. I have two sisters, and while I love them and they love me, unfortunately they have been no help during this process(they are both older and have already been through menopause).  (((hugs))) nanc00951

I hope we come out on the other side soon better and stronger than ever. Remember, if menopause were easy mean would do it.  

Interesting Juanita because I am not working and wish I was!

I think we've communicated before, because I also go to church and pray a lot.

AND, I have two older sisters who I do not talk to about this at all. 

Actually, this is the only place I have to talk about it.

 

Hi debra16694.  My health anxiety is terrible also. I have a doctor appointment Aug. 2nd. It's murder waiting for the results. Health anxiety seem to be way up on the list of menopause symptoms.

I pray all the time too hoping to set my mind on God and not the things the devil wants us to think about.

Maybe we have talked before. Your name does sound familiar.  I don't want to stop working. I just want to stop doing this type of work. I want to become a freelance wedding photographer. Yes I went to church Sunday and the sermon was so good!! I'm going to read it again tonight!!!  It talked about Living in the freedom of knowing God.

It's such a struggle! I will pray for you.  You go to your Pilates class and just zone out. Try not to think. I go to the gym three days a week but I've got to get back into yoga. I really felt better when I was doing yoga. The problem now is the only yoga class at my gym is on Friday evening. I'm sorry, but after working all week, I just want to go home, relax, and pet my kitty. 

Yes Debra.  Pray and Hope we get through this.  My health anxiety is definitely better than it was in the beginning.  But it still pops up every time I feel a new pain or see a new spot!  I am so bad that I avoid looking in the mirror as much as possible just in case I might notice something.  Because my mind will take off to the worst case scenario!!!

Juanita, did they not experience difficult meno symptoms?

2chr2015, did who experience difficult meno symptoms? My sisters? Well the oldest one seemed to breeze though it, she never said a word sbou it. My other sister said "it was a very dark period in my life" then claims up and refuses to talk about it.

Loads of women refuse to talk about it ? It’s not fair ... we are all blinsided by this! I personally had NO CLUE about the severity of this phase . I just thought it was a little irritability and maybe getting hot now and again . Boy was I wrong ! 

yes I’m sorry I did mean your sisters 

Me too Lori.  Hot flashes and no period and done.  Lol

We should have a ‘government health warning ‘ stuck on our forehead ! It’s that bad !! 

just read your post and had to say i do same thing!  i tske showers in dark almost to avoid anxiety of noticing a change.  i barely do hair or makeup because of it and that is NOT me.  

We just don’t like ourselves during this time .... we lose our CONFIDENCE  nobody or nothing prepares us for this and it cannot be the end ! 

I’m glad I’m not the only one that does this.🙄. I have something going on right now that I have to make an appt for.  I am freaking out and totally dwelling on it and it is ruining each and  every day.  Ugh.  Thing is, I have totally done this before about same type thing, and I was thinking I was getting better at this stuff.  But apparently it’s back.

Juanita do you ever feel like please Lord can i have a break from this.  What do I do with all this pain?  Is it so I will be a comfort to others in the future?  But, why do I continue to let my joy be taken?  

I know EXACTLY what you mean!!

This is what I ask each day, as I do what I can just to get through each day. Sad.  

Ask that question every single day ! I’ve prayed and begged on my hands and knees . 

what ya got goin on?  Maybe i can help

It’s dermatology stuff.  I can’t even bring myself to get more specific 🙄

ok  i understand.  Het in and get it over with is my advice if you concerned.   You are fine i bet.   Let me know how you come out.i certainly have had concerns too  its norml i hear w this crap.  So glad i found this blog though!  Never knew my specific concerns would be had by so many others 

Thanks shawna!((Hugs))

Yes, the dark thoughts and doom and gloom gets me! I don't want the break to be death(see where my mind goes?). I try to comfort the ladies on here.  God sent me to this forum not only to comfort other ladies but to let me know that I wasn't going crazy and that other women were having the same symptoms. I feel like we are all comforting each other, just by knowing we are not alone and going nuts. I have my six month doctor visit Thursday (just a normal physical) and I'm always terrified she will find something! I used to go to the doctor and not be the least bit concerned about that. So please pray that I get a clean bill of health. I have terrible health anxiety. I had three glasses of wine yesterday! LOL!!!

Good luck Juanita try not to worry I’m sure you will be fine . My dr also listed a number of tests she wants to do colonoscopy mammogram etc. I flat out told her NO!!!!! 

I cannot handle one more thing !!! 

I told her when I’m stable and strong I’ll do all that but the mind can only take so much and got more than enough to worry about with all this weird meno stuff and trying different medications ... st the end of my tether . 

I will be praying Juanita!  I know what you mean.  I never gave another thought about dr appts.  I have to take an anti-anxiety med when I go now and I still shake and get teary. It’s so embarrassing.

Now I understand why my mom quit getting mammograms many years ago.  Not that it’s smart, but I understand!

Thank you 2chr2015! I also have to take something before I go. Ugh! Just want to be normal! Whatever that is😂😂😂😂

Yes I understand !!! Fully! We need a break from DOCTORS ! 

Hi Juanita

I feel the same, i that we are here to support and be supported. You are very supportive. You are a sweet person!

Cheers to that 

 

Thank you Maui!  I also feel that you are also very sweet and supportive as I have seen you on a number of  threads.  Like I have said many time before, this forum was God sent for me.

Thank you lori. My appt. is Thursday so my results probably won't be ready until Monday or Tuesday.  I really despise going to the doctor. I still have three more doctor visits this year. Cardiologist(this one freaks me out too), The Podiatrist(that's a new one, I had a bout with some toenail fungus and it had to be treated, had to have part of my toenail removed, so that's a checkup to see how my toenail is progressing, and then my six month cleaning at the dentist. So I have two in September and one in October, then it starts all over in January. Sometimes I wish I lived back in the days of the Bible, people didn't go to doctors, now they tell you need to screened for everything. One time I saw a list that had unnecessary tests that people were being told to get and colonoscopy was on there and about ten others I don't remember, but they were major tests. It's about money.

I recently went through all the doctor's as well.  I had a colonoscopy, mammogram, pap smear.  Went to a cardiologist and he did a stress test and an ultrasound of my heart and carotid arteries.  I also have had blood work numerous times.  I agree that I used to not care when at appointments, and during my stress test and ultrasounds I was holding back the tears.  

 

It does make you want to cry doesn't it. It Doesn't help that I work with younger ladies( ages, 38, 46, and 47) the 47 year old is on birth control so she is fine. The 46 year is going thru early menopause and seems to be ok and of course the 38 year old is full of hormones. LOL! But they tell me I LIKE going to the doctor and think it's a big joke(not the 38 year old). These are regular appointments that someone my age has. I don't even think they believe I have a shellfish allergy(I developed that at 50). 

I want to see how the 47 year old and the 46 year old feel ten years from now. I'm 58 and in decent health(I pray to stay that way a long time). But my problem during menopause has been health anxiety, depression, doom and gloom. Just not feeling my old jovial self. Like one of the ladies said "I feel like I'm outside looking in". But I still try to live my life. I'm taking a day trip to Memphis with a friend in two weeks(we live in another state but it's just a 2 hour drive). But you can believe I will probably need a little Valium to get through it!  

That is so great that you are taking that trip!! Change of scenery is really important.  That is the other thing that I am missing right now.  We are long overdue for vacation, lots of family stuff going on.  And all that I am going through with meno and trying to be strong and helpful to other family members is one of my (many) problems.  Having to pull it together and act fine is becoming harder each day.  

It will get easier. It will just happen one day. But it may get harder before it gets easier. These symptoms!!! One of mine was I became hoarse(at one point I could barely talk), of course I thought I had some dread disease, went to the doctor, all was fine. I was hoarse for six months, then one day it was gone, just gone. It's the craziest rollercoaster ride ever!!!

Yes, I was trying to get out of the trip, then she suggested another date and I thought wow, my friend really wants to spend time with me. We've been best friend for years but we only see each other about three or four times a year(she works, I work, we both trying to sell our homes, she actually seems to be doing great in menopause). A lot of time we withdraw during this time of our life, because everything is such an effort. I'm trying not to withdraw, I make myself go to the gym three days a week (sometimes it's only two Lol!) But honestly most days I just want to go home and crawl into bed with my sweet kitty. Hang in there nanc00951!!!  (((((hugs)))))

My husband came home from work today and asked what was wrong and I was like nothing just tired and depressed and think I’m dying...you know it’s just what I do.  lol 

I get it totally. Its like you dont know what to say because it doesnt matter or help the situation. People will think you are cray cray/hypochondriac.

My kids ask me how im doing and i just say that im ok, and plugging along. I try to always keep going, not just give up, like i want to today. I wont lay down on the bed, i want to keep on keepin on, but im afraid that its getting more difficult each day. 

xoxoxo

Hi Juanita

when you say it will get easier, has it gotten easier now that your 58, and have you been battling this for years? I just want the honest truth.

xoxox

Thank you. 

xoxo

I've been battling this since 2014. Symptoms have come and gone. Then come back and then go away for good. I think by easier I mean we learn to cope a little better in our minds and we also try different things to make it easier. It's a slow uphill battle though. Just don't give up.🤗🤗🤗🤗I still have health anxiety, but you ladies have helped me so much with that.????

Sorry but......😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

Nothing funny about thinking you're dying but you were so matter of fact.

That makes sense

I do think you are correct in that we are better able to cope as our brains are adapting... to the new me! yay! 

x0x0

Yes, because we are women and we're sued to adapting.  If men had to go through this there would be a pill that you could take to make it all go away. No way a man could handle this!  

that should say "used to adapting". Lol!!!

We have to adapt, its our nature. Men could not live through this,

and if it was their problem as you say, it would have been remedied in one way or another GUARANTEED

x0x0x0