Anybody have weird intrusive dark thoughts when they are having a nice time?

You sound just like me! I went to the movies about a week and a half ago and they showed some previews for one or two movies that won't be out until 2019, and I though the same thing you did! I'm praying and trying so hard to fight this a be positive, but this is a battle!!!  I mean a battle!!!

Thanks for posting this. Just last week my husband and mom started happily chatting about planning a vacation for Christmas (it’s July) and I was having the most anxious hormonal day and blurted out “how can I plan that???!!! I don’t know if I’ll even be alive!!” And started crying. That’s how awful and anxious this peri has been. They think I’ve lost my mind. The mornings are almost unbearable with anxiety shakes and nausea but by afternoon and evening I actually feel like almost a normal person so that’s just remind myself to try to tuck those thoughts away...but every day I have to convince myself I’m not dying

You are my twin! That's what I feel like saying every time someone tries to make future plans!  Mornings are the worst!! I wake up with nausea and feeling lonely(I'm single and have never felt lonely, but I did just break up with someone I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with). But like you, by afternoon/evening I'm better(not skipping through the flowers better, but better) But also like you every day I have to convince myself I'm Ok. Lately as soon as I wake up, I say  "God thank you for this day" it definitely helps me feel better.

You are not alone, I promise❤❤❤❤❤

I don't have kids but I feel the same about family and friends. It drives me nuts!😫😖

I was reading this post, and hi ladies love you all. 

But yes Rhonda i do the same thing with my boys. I think almost everyday about how i will probably not live long enough to see them as young adults because this curse (and yes its a curse) has kicked my butt so badly..in all aspects. Im weak, muddled, anxious with nerves that feel frazzled and flat all at the same time.

i tell my boys i love them atleast 3-4 times a day and do not take a SECOND for granted. (they are 14 &16) My demeanour is often like that of a person who has little time left to live and so they are trying to appreciate everything as fully as possible.

Only with me its so hard to control the negative thinking, and im aware of the thinking, and how dark and ugly and distorted it is.

I try to be appreciative of it all but dark moods and depleted estrogen makes for a fierce competitor.

Only in the evening do i feel a little bit more calm, and normal.

The cycle repeats itself though and i know what the next morning will be like. Cant believe i am actually surviving this. I had a slight reprieve the last month, but oh no, its all back again.

Sorry for the vent, but its only on this forum with all of these women that i truly feel understood.

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I know exactly what you mean ... at night although tired feel like I could conquer the world and then ..... morning comes and I can’t move !

Don’t feel down ... my mom had major depression all probably due to hormones that she never got sorted but she went on Prozac and her life began at 60! 

So don’t despair ... our good times are not over .... we are just the sensitive 20% that gets this bad and the % that prob needs hormones . I’d rather go on hormones than anti depressants .

Well i am interested in knowing how you do. I have the prescription for the new hrt, 0.5 mg divigel- and may make yet another attempt at it.

Im impatient though like you i suspect and also sensitive to a lot of meds.

I do believe though that it will be hard to address my hormones until i get the adrenals squared away and i dont have the where with all to figure it out for myself. It seems that adrenal function should be strong before you do hrt..?

I know im super wiped out for no reason, literally fatigued today its dreadful...so i dont know how you people work out hard..i would like to but i dont think it would be even safe for me at this time..

let us know how you go with the new rx.

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Thanks for the positive comment though for sure.

I know there is light at the end of the tunnel (hopefully not the death kind of light)...yikes.

but it may take several years and to think about that is a little overwhelming!

im turning 54 next month so i only have 6 more years to go..yaaay!

xox

The adrenals and hormones are in sync so I think if one is sorted out the other may balance .

Yes I was super exhausted tonight and just wanted to get in the bath but literally dragged myself to go and run . It wasn’t easy and now I’m sooo tired but worth it . Especially running at he beach really grounds you and I’m in great shape and don’t want to lose it over bloody hormones . 

Hi Mauiblue - have u ever heard of Dr Lam regarding adrenal fatigue? If not google him - he is an expert on adrenal fatigue & will answer questions & or you can skype - if you do in fact suffer from AFS, it is not recommended to “work out” aggressively, best to do restorative exercise like, yoga, walking, swimming & tai chi - most important to restore then to further deplete your energies - 

All i can say is that ive been fit also most of my life as well, but i do not think i could attempt to run right now. If you are able to run you have to be doing fairly well.

This is why i think that my adrenals are shot mostly because the fatigue is debilitating, and im working so much so im probably just burning myself out.

My mind is made up to get back into a little cardio, not too much as this time is a time in our lives to be a bit more gentle, but definitely get into something. Swimming is great too.

xoxo

hey there mauiblue

I wanted to reach out after reading your post.  You sound exactly how my mother felt (me now ).  It is scary to feel like that and talking all sappy to everyone you love!    but she got over it and it will level out.  Just like your periods started going wonky lil by lil your hormones will too and w your good mo (even slightly better any) you can see it leveling slowly. it’s a good thing!!!

I feel your pain.  It is so hard.  My reprieves do come.....and they can last over a month.  But the lows always return....and I am in the midst of one now.  All of this started three years ago (I am now 51).  I agree, during the low periods, mornings are the WORST.  And nights feel vaguely calming.  Probably because I got through another day!!  My periods are wonky, but still pretty regular.  Extremely heavy and debilitating.

I truly sympathize. I worry about me dying. I also worry about them having a wreck and getting killed. I'm terrified when they are all 3 driving somewhere together. This is not like me at all (before peri). I hate these feelings.

Hi Mauiblue 

How do you know your adrenals are fatigued ? I’m so confused with all of this 😖 mine probably are as I workout like a maniac but I thought if your hormones are healthy your  adrenals get balanced ? 

Yes I will only on day 2 of estrogen and trying to take at least one day off a week from working out . Basically I just can’t do it anymore . I push myself as don’t want to lose the muscle I have also... it’s the only time I feel happy all day . 

Thanks Debra

Yes ive heard about him, hes pretty good in this dept.

I just know how tired i am , andthat i have run myself down over the course of the last 10 yrs or more probably.

Whats weird is that ive done saliva testing and they look ok'ish. im going by my symptoms, and i really bottomed out of the estrogen when i was just starting to go into peri/meno.

I mean, i had 960dc of estrogen (which is through the roof) and in a matter of months it dropped to 17..pretty radical.

So its my guess thatis the adrenals trying to make up for what i dont have anymore (sex hormones)

thank you

xoxoxox

Thanks Shawn,

Im hoping that in time for sure. Atleast i can tell that over the last year things are for sure shifting and changing.It cant be getting worse, although the low moods are not easy, its like your personality has been robbed, all joy, just plain flat.

Then theres a change and you get a glimpse of happiness, and you smile at people, and you have ideas and thoughts that are creative and interested in life again, and you begin to want to do this or that..(but all this lasts about an hour   )

So ya, im getting there and thank you again

x0x0x

Hi Debra

I think i responded to another lady but wanted to say thanks and YES i have heard about dr lam and so much of what he says is how i feel. I really dont think i could exercise hard right now and so dont bother.

your right..

x0x0x

Yes we worry about our kiddos dont we? I think that will get better over time though..im not ready for them to be gone 

x0x0x

If you are working out and it makes you feel happy then you are doing the right thing. Your body will tell you if you can handle it or not.

Are your eating well?

From what i understand about the adrenals, they are the backburner to our lack of hormones,shifting hormones etc.

in order for the hormone therapy to work efficiently we need our adrenals working well first.

Idont think mine are, just by my symptoms alone.

Crushing fatigue,aching bones, depression, morning being th worst, i improve a little in the evening, but before i would be able to work out and now i couldnt if i tried.

I stand all day at work, and do not sit much or relax much, its just how i am, but cardio isnt an option for me.

i also love love coffee as its the only thing that kind of picks me up, i also crave salty foods,.

you will know if you are doing well on this hrt in a week or less.

there are different phases of AFS, and i might be in the latter, who knows. 

xoxo

Hi Maui.  You said Just what I was feeling yesterday.  I was sooo depressed with the doom and gloom all day.  Ruined my day.  And then as I’m almost asleep I started to feel a little better.  Then wake up again this morning and same thing all over.  Is that symptoms of exhausted adrenals.  I’ve have the adrenal fatigue before and took some supplements that helped until I didn’t need them any more.    I did not have the depression with it.  I am always worrying that I have one disease or another!  

Yes

It just feels to me as though my adrenals are clearly involved in this whole thing.

Many say that adrenal fatigue is 'mumbo jumbo' .  i dont think so.

Why is it that SOOOOO many women here on this forum are complaining of similar symptoms of the adrenaliine rushes, fear and anxiety SPECIFICALLY in the morning then a little CALMER at NIGHT?

hellooo 

lets look at the patterns...ive got to come across someone in the field that is half educated in this matter. (more than likely a woman)

I tried ashwaganda, rhodiola and holy basil...and they didnt really help.

Maybe you could go back on those supplements if they helped you witih this and the depression? And please tell me what you took and i may try it, as im iin a very experimental phase in my life that i plan on not giving up on until i find some sort of reprieve even if i have to go within and pray 24/7.

xoxoxo

 

Yes, I did a lot of research on it bc I was so exhausted!!...and I just felt like I was too young to be that tired all of the time.  It was a supplement that had the bovine extract in it.  I can private message you the name of it.  It didn’t help with depression, but did help with the fatigue.  I started taking them in my late 30s.  

I am 46 and my youngest is 15.  I do wonder why we feel a teeny bit better in the evenings?  It’s like My thoughts become more sensible instead of so gloomy and expecting the worst to happen.  Sometimes I will have a few weeks of feeling okay and have decent energy and then it hits again and I forget all about how it felt when I had a few weeks of normal.  I can tell My hormones are out of whack right now bc my breasts have been hurting again.

Thanks for the info on the supplement. My youngest is 13 the oldest 16!

Will be starting school next week, so they are ready for that and so am

Feeling revved and doom n gloom all the time gets old. I dont even thinnk about things that make me this way, its just built in, i have no control over it. I even mock the feeling when it comes like...Really??? I ask myself why i am feeling something that is so irrational? Same for health anxiety, i know im totally disproportionate to the situation, and its not a healthy reaction. But i keep doing it, and it has to be the hormones.

Im noticing that depression isnt something that hrt can fix very well, im seeing it in other posts as well. Im thinking its just a matter of months, years of either finding the solution internally or simply living with it.

yikes

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Yes I eat extremely healthy and I don’t work ... I literally couldn’t hold down a job now !

So I have  time on my side to workout . I could not go through all this work workout etc. it’s been debilitating . HELL the worst time in my life . 

Yes 3rd round of HRT and just cut patch in half as I think it was too strong . Feel good today ‘normal’ ‘somewhat optimistic’ 

I think that its going to be a journey to say the least, of ups and downs..until we can get it right.

Great that you had a pretty good day today yes!!

x0x0

My therapist says I am just really good at it.  Lol.  it’s where my mind automatically goes.  It’s a comfort spot so to speak.  I have to make an effort not to have those thoughts.  I mock myself too.  Lol.  Like seriously, I’m doing this again.  But, the fact that I never did this before makes me think it’s all hormones too.

So if the HRT can’t fix depression ( which I have badly) then does it just fix the night sweats etc ? That stuff I can handle ... no big deal . I thought estrogen made you ‘feel good’ ? 

As many ladies  (or a few at least) have attested to the fact that estrogen helped them precisely for depression, and that's where i too am at a loss.

I think that weve spoken to a few of them. 

They also say it can take a few months for it to settle in to the body etc.

I have been at this TRUST me for months, quit it, felt better for about 3 weeks so much so that i thought i had turned the corner, and back to square one.

Trying divigel 0.5 mg  with 1-2 mg testosterone daily.

Day4

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Me and you both Mauiblue .... it’s so frustrating . Don’t want to feel like we’re  21 we just want to feel comfortable in our own bodies . I’ll keep at it as it’s only been a week on the new estrogen only patch . However most women say it starts working right away and it did for me but for only lasted  1 day sadly.

Y’all please keep posting if any of it helps with the depression!

Yes will definitely keep you and 2chr2015 posted as to what happens with me too.

im actually doubling up on this estrogen. its 0.5 mg so im going to put on the patch that i didnt use thats for 0.5 mg. and so see how i do with double.

if i do ok then i will know that i need ALOT more estrogen for this to even work for me, if i still feel like &^#% then i know it isnt the dosage, its simply that im not compatible with it.

x0x0x0

Maui,

I've been reading some of these older posts on the adrenal fatigue that you have been writing about....and I think I really need to read a lot more on this.

Thanks for sharing what you have experienced! I had the saliva test done as well. I don't feel like "myself" until about 3:00 each day. It's weird. I'm tired in the mornings, just want to do the bare minimum etc. 

I'm pretty confident this is going on with me. I was working out pretty consistently up until I "crashed" - and I mean crashed. I am starting to feel so much better than I was in June but I now have this fear to work out again as I don't want to have that horrible lethargy/fatigue that I experienced. 

Finny, I found that I could do short walks or a light bike ride on the stationary.  But, if I do anything in excess of 45 minutes it wipes me out and so does caffeine

I work out like a maniac and I’ve had this awful fatigue too! It’s been the most horrid and weird thing I’ve ever experienced .

I too can’t get out of bed for hours.... I now have the patch so seeing if that helps with it. 

hello all-  i found out i have Afs.   i eat horribly and im not surprised with the pop and tea i drink butt didnt know a whole lot about it.  i have the weird exact symptoms on web md!  i was thrilled to know i can fix this at least.  i am sooo fatigued in am  and perk up late afternoon early eve 6 usually.  dr did a saliva test and sure enough.  my cortisol bottomed out after being high from stress so long last few yrs.   i have to be careful about exercise instead of pushing it .  get better rest and eat right.  not to say im not in meno but this makes alot of since now.  reducing stress is going to be hardest part.    i hey NO sun.  work 730-400 and go straight im house.  Heck i sit in dark!  i hate light anyway  always have.  im like a bat in a cave.  I like it dark and cool.  plus no windows even at work.    i gotta get am sun by 10 dr says.