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Anyone else feel helpless and like a burden to everyone?

Posted , 11 users are following.

kathrynjs
kathrynjs

I had my total abdominal hysterectomy (cut through bikini line) 20 days ago. My husband took carer's leave for two weeks to look after me. I'm sure he means well but he is definitely NOT nurse material and has been so impatient and angry with me that I frequently become upset. He very rarely has anything reassuring or compassionate to say to comfort me. I have felt like a complete burden and as a result my self esteem is at an all time low. I'm still having to take medication for pain. I hope I haven't done any permanent damage from all the stress. Desperately low and absolutely fed up with being sore. Would love to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience.

1 like, 29 replies

29 Replies

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  • meganmoon
    meganmoon kathrynjs

    Posted

    Hello kathryn firstly sending.u a big hug . U r not alone . Please ignore you husband's negative comments and just focus on you getting better. I had a TAH and will be 6 wks post op next monday . It is funny how little things can help lift you mood like a smalk walk with some fresh air or a good girly flick to take your mind off it. You will get there so dont be so hard on yourself xx
    • kathrynjs
      kathrynjs meganmoon

      Posted

      Hi Megan

      Thanks for your post and encouraging words. Did you have a cut through your bikini line? Do you feel a lot better now than you did at 3 weeks? Did you experience throbbing and find it uncomfortable to sit down for any length of time? Sorry about the twenty questions, it would be reassuring to know that I'm not the only one experiencing these symptoms. Thanks for the big hug! x

    • meganmoon
      meganmoon kathrynjs

      Posted

      Yes lovely i had cut across my bikini line i had uterus, 10 cm fibroid, cervix and fallopian tubes removed. Luckily kept the ovaries. I feel alot better now than i did then. Still take painrelief before bed and occasionally during the day. I can actually turn on my side to sleep now but only fir a few hours. Oh god yes throbbing shooting pains my best friend was my support pillow went everywhere with me. Still use it now at night .xxx
    • kathrynjs
      kathrynjs meganmoon

      Posted

      Oh yes a support pillow is also my best friend! Just wondering how long you were told to wear your soo comfortable and very stylish compression stockings? x
    • bridy16825
      bridy16825 kathrynjs

      Posted

      Hi,  I wore mine for a week post op..... I was sent home with a week worth of clexane.
    • meganmoon
      meganmoon kathrynjs

      Posted

      I did wear them 1 wk post op then couldnt stand the things any longer. As soon as i finished clexane i started taking stockings offxx
  • Jojo66
    Jojo66 kathrynjs

    Posted

    Thankyou so much to everyone on this site. There is definately more information from sites like this than from medical personnel. I thought for a while that  was losing my mind, never mind my confidence. And yes the obsession with bowels!!!! Before having this op I focused on the thought of having a scar across my abdomen and that is now the least of my worries. Its bowels everytime! I honestly thought that after three months things would have settled down but I'm still having problems. Ive been told you can experience ths up to six months or beyond. I agree with Jacqueline that it seems some men do react to being worried about us with what comes out as anger. Like Denise my husband has now spends more time in the kitchen than me but fails to appreciate my feelings of being useless when I am usually a relatively confident career woman.
    • jacqueline67292
      jacqueline67292 Jojo66

      Posted

      Hi Jojo

      I keep thinking now can marriage survive hysterectomy.  I have been discussing with my hubby about the 'mooing' etc to help bowel movements etc and although we had a good laugh about him hearing all this going on, he looked absolutely petrified!  

      You have to feel sorry for them don't you!

      Love

      Jacqui 

  • kathy59767
    kathy59767 kathrynjs

    Posted

    I'm only just out of hospital, and already want to scream.  My husband has a really flexible job and therefore is able to pop back and forth easily.  However, already (out 1 day) he is just leaving me things to do.  He says not to do stuff, but when there's no choice there's no choice.  He has bought things for me to make soup for dinner... The soup pan is on a high shelf and weighs a tonne.  This is just the start of it... And I know that if I say anything he'll go off on one because he's having to walk the dog and do the shopping... It must be frustrating for them, but it is seriously hard to keep to the rules and stay sane.  I feel for you and hope that things will get easier for you very soon.  At least we have this forum on which to vent! Xxx
    • jacqueline67292
      jacqueline67292 kathy59767

      Posted

      Hi Kathy

      Me thinks there ought to be classes for our men, some of them are not grasping the seriousness of what happens if you reach and lift and the terrible damage you can do to the surgery.  I hate to think what my hubby is going to be like when I eventually get my op!

      Love

      Jacqui rolleyes

  • bridy16825
    bridy16825 kathrynjs

    Posted

    Hi, your post made me lol and I had to grab my abdomen.!! I sure your husband is congratulating himself on buying the ingredients for soup...but really!  My husband left  me a tin of prunes out this morning as 4 weeks on I'm stil struggling with bowels ( I'm sure I'm going to OD on stool softeners!), however we have the most antiquated tin opener in the world which is hard to use even when your fully fit!! .....I think it's a ttest...that or he's messing with my I mind!!.... I suggest Heinz on this occasion....check the tin opener situation frst!
  • kathy59767
    kathy59767 kathrynjs

    Posted

    Yup! Thought the exact same thing Bridie!!  Good old Heinz!  I am going to introduce him to the exciting concept of micro meals also...  He came home at lunch and walked the dog... however I am at least glad he is doing that!  I'm sure there's many a person has to struggle on their own... though at the moment I'm beginning to wonder if that might be easier....   !!
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