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At a dead end.

Posted , 7 users are following.

lauren63237
lauren63237

Hi everyone, 

I'm 21 and I have had anxiety and depression since I was 15.  The past year my anxiety has gotten to an extreme level, and I have recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and agrophobia as well.  

My moods are all over the place, I can be fine and then one minute something could happen, even the smallest of things and it triggers me and that's me set off.  The only thing that brings me back down to a normal level is diazapam, which my doctors obviously don't want to keep prescribing me because they are addictive.  I used to only panic when I was going into a situation with loads of people and I didn't have a toilet I could get too, where as now, I panic about everything, and I mean everything.  I literally can not leave my house.  

I feel extremely costraphobic when I have an anxiety attack, like everything is closing in on me, which then makes me worse because I can't breathe properly, I sweat, I can't focus and I get genuinely scared for my life.  I have to wait a year before I can get a space to go to the therapy that I need and I can't handle another day feeling like this. I always have to have anti-diahrea tablets on hand, as well as a nose spray to clear my nose, propanolol and diazpam.  I constantly feel the need to use the toilet, even when I don't need to and I can't go anywhere without wearing a thick sanitary towel. 

My reason for this post - does anyone else get these symptoms or have these comforts? What can I do to try get better.  Is there ANY advice out there that you can give me to try stop this agonising, exhausting, scary feeling of panic sad.  My nurse is on holiday for another week and I'm feeling really stuck.

Sorry for such a long - and it may be pointless - post.  I am just really at a dead end and I'm scared.  I'm 21, I should be enjoying my life, not scared of it. 

Thank you all in advance x

0 likes, 20 replies

20 Replies

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  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 lauren63237

    Posted

    You are experiencing a panic disorder and it is called the fight or flight mechanism. Thats why you get so aggitated you want to be able to flight. Its all part of this. Have you done cbt counseling? 
    • lauren63237
      lauren63237 lisalisa67

      Posted

      Yeah.  It's just scary as hell sad.  I have, I've done it quite a few time, it works for a while but not in the long run 
    • jmcg2014
      jmcg2014 lauren63237

      Posted

      There are other therapies out there which could help,cbt is usually the first offered,as found its seldom very effective in the long run. Perhaps ask for a referral to Psychotherapy for proper assessment
    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67 lauren63237

      Posted

      Yes it can get debilating but its not set in stone. Never accept that. Keep challanging it.it will close you in more and more the more you fear it. Like being in haunted house on halloween just a real damn scary one where things come out of the woodwork you never imagined..its fear..its all fear but not actually  real. And you keep pushing forward shaky, palps and all eventually you will realize its counter productive and the fear isnt an actual danger. The body learns but sometimes it is just very stubborn or worse you validate that fear and make an anxiety rule.the very worst thing to ever do is validate these thoughts. You do not have to go with every thought that goes thru your mind. It will lead to mental exhaustion. Which by the way you can recover from as well. But to do this you need to really learn about this. The scientific biological reasoning and cbt and mindfullness to manage it. And setback happen we are only human. It is some kind of mal function so acceptance is huge in this.
  • richard89308
    richard89308 lauren63237

    Posted

    there are a lot of people with personality disorders so you are definitely not alone. Life is out there you just need the tools to enjoy it and not to be frightened.  Have you tried counselling or cbt
    • lauren63237
      lauren63237 richard89308

      Posted

      Yeah I do.  I don't know anyone who has bpd so I feel a bit alone right now.  I have yeah, I've done counselling and CBT quite a few times. 
  • jmcg2014
    jmcg2014 lauren63237

    Posted

    Also there are some pretty good free helplines, breathing space and sane are staffed by volunteer therapists and they do help
    • lauren63237
      lauren63237 jmcg2014

      Posted

      Thank you! I have called Breathing space before.  Also your comment above, I've recently seen a physcotherapist who diagnosed me with bpd as well, I was doing exposure therapy but they've stopped that as the man was to busy.  
    • jmcg2014
      jmcg2014 lauren63237

      Posted

      Well the man being too busy isnt good enough,especially on the NHS! See your dr and ask for further treatment, hate when therapists act like that, gives the good ones a bad name! I know how awful it is when your own mind turns against you, feels so lonely
    • lauren63237
      lauren63237 jmcg2014

      Posted

      Yup that's what I thought!! It was helping me alot, and I went somewhere I had avoid for months and months on our 3rd time and then all of a sudden that was it - done, he had too many other people to see sad.  Hopefully I can get a new person, as I have asked for someone else to keep doing it with.  It definitley does sad
  • Guest
    Guest lauren63237

    Posted

    Hi Lauren,

    Are you in school or do you work?

    • lauren63237
      lauren63237 Guest

      Posted

      No I don't sad I've been out of work for a year and a half due to thisx
    • lauren63237
      lauren63237 Guest

      Posted

      It is, but there is a heck of a waiting list.  I will be waiting a year or more until I get into the therapy I need.  I was getting exposure therapy, but then the man got to busy so he had to let me go.  I was doing well until it stopped 
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