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At a dead end.

Posted , 7 users are following.

lauren63237
lauren63237

Hi everyone, 

I'm 21 and I have had anxiety and depression since I was 15.  The past year my anxiety has gotten to an extreme level, and I have recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and agrophobia as well.  

My moods are all over the place, I can be fine and then one minute something could happen, even the smallest of things and it triggers me and that's me set off.  The only thing that brings me back down to a normal level is diazapam, which my doctors obviously don't want to keep prescribing me because they are addictive.  I used to only panic when I was going into a situation with loads of people and I didn't have a toilet I could get too, where as now, I panic about everything, and I mean everything.  I literally can not leave my house.  

I feel extremely costraphobic when I have an anxiety attack, like everything is closing in on me, which then makes me worse because I can't breathe properly, I sweat, I can't focus and I get genuinely scared for my life.  I have to wait a year before I can get a space to go to the therapy that I need and I can't handle another day feeling like this. I always have to have anti-diahrea tablets on hand, as well as a nose spray to clear my nose, propanolol and diazpam.  I constantly feel the need to use the toilet, even when I don't need to and I can't go anywhere without wearing a thick sanitary towel. 

My reason for this post - does anyone else get these symptoms or have these comforts? What can I do to try get better.  Is there ANY advice out there that you can give me to try stop this agonising, exhausting, scary feeling of panic sad.  My nurse is on holiday for another week and I'm feeling really stuck.

Sorry for such a long - and it may be pointless - post.  I am just really at a dead end and I'm scared.  I'm 21, I should be enjoying my life, not scared of it. 

Thank you all in advance x

0 likes, 20 replies

20 Replies

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  • jay67544
    jay67544 lauren63237

    Posted

    Hi

    I can relate to some parts of what you are going through - and they are the closing in part when an attack happens. What I have found that works alot is keeping the mind occupied. I have found on reflection that my attacks occur when I am not doing much or have time to overthink. The next thing is obviously talking to someone and getting that "out" if you like.  The biggest issue I had was not being able to share my issues with anyone as I was concerned that they thought I was mad [sorry to use that word]. But when forums such as this and other people in everyday life also experience this - when you make the connection it does help

    • lauren63237
      lauren63237 jay67544

      Posted

      I agree, keeping my mind occupied helps me alot.  But I always seem to run out of things to occupy myself with, or I just don't have the energy to do things.  It's a vicious circle sad.  Yeah I often feel like people will think I'm 'mad' too.  There's no one really I feel I can completely open up to so it kind of sucks 
  • allison30388
    allison30388 lauren63237

    Posted

    Hi. I've had spurts of anxiety attacks and felt like the world was closing in on me and drove me suicidal at times. When I feel like I'm clawing at nothing to stay sane. All I can say is take a deep breath and accept what is happening. I'm not saying what works for me will work for you but in my experience, it's a lot easier when you stop fighting what your body is feeling and accept that whatever is happening, is happening or has happened and what you're fearing is all in your head. I catastrophized (not sure if that's a word) everything and it happens now but I just take a deep breath and let it pass.

    Is there a therapist or friend/family (a true friend that doesn't tell you what you want to hear) that you can see? It takes time to allow yourself to accept thing as they are and it can be hard but once you do, it all becomes easier to manage. Not sure if this helped but let me know if there's anything else!

  • missunderstood
    missunderstood lauren63237

    Posted

    hi lauren where i can say i feel your  pain on the borederline personality disorder where ther other thing u have i have genralised anxity disorder some times im ok where u seem bag i just hope there is help a have had cbt and god noes what but they dont work in long run im currently on propanamol 120 mg and i still exspearence palpations so annoying i have been anxios since 12 sorry spelling bad im dyslexic
    • lauren63237
      lauren63237 missunderstood

      Posted

      Hello! Yeah in the long run, it didn't help me, but what doesn't work for one person it can work for another! No it's quite alright don't be sorry! I'm on quite a lot of tablets.  I don't want to relie on them but there the only thing keeping me sane right now.  Propanolol does help with the palpations, but not completely sad I really hope you start to feel better soon xx
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