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At the end of my rope....

Posted , 9 users are following.

Jj222
Jj222

I am in desperate need of help. I'm 37 and have been depressed for as long as I can remember. I've been through so much, but any happiness that I find is so short lived. I've been able to build what looks like a normal life but I am so sad and hopeless. I have no friends to talk to, don't trust my family, and have been through many counselors with no luck. I'm on my 2nd marriage at this point but the relationship is not the love that I want... I got married to him because we have a daughter together and I want my daughter to have a normal family, but we are on the verge of divorce. I dont feel he understands me whatsoever, and makes me feel worse that the one person who should get me doesn't and I feel even more alone and issolated. I just feel immensely sad and hopeless and pointless. I try to live for my toddler daughter but even that's not enough... I have been crying my eyes out all morning in front of her which makes me feel even worse, but I can't seem to stop. I don't know what I'm to hoping to accomplish with this post. Guess I'm hoping for a miracle because all I see tells me everyone in this world would be better off without me. I am against anti depression medication for many reasons... I have to make myself happy on my own but I'm so lost. Really need a friend and someone who understands.

4 likes, 19 replies

19 Replies

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  • borderriever
    borderriever Jj222

    Posted

    People have car accidents and need a crouch to get around, eventually the person may well use a walking stick for a while and after time it is hoped will not need assistance to get around.

    Depression is very much the same, we need help when we suffer from a Mental Health problem. Sometimes the help is medications and a course of CBT to show you coping techniques to make you whole once more. You are no different to a patient who had the accident above

    The only difference here is the concern of been discribed as someone with a Mental Health issue and taking medications and associated counciling.

    Talk to your GP it seems you are entering a very unpleasent time in your life and you need some form of support for both you and your Daughter

    We are here to talk if and when you need support

    Keep a hold

    BOB

    • Jj222
      Jj222 borderriever

      Posted

      Thank you for taking the time to respond. I haven't been to a GP in over 2 years, so you're right, I really need to do that. I'm going to make some calls on Monday and hope I can see someone who can offer me some assistance. I just hate feeling this way... and feel no matter what I do nothing changes. I do feel like I've tried to change my situation so many times over the course of my adult life with no results. At this point I feel like I need intense therapy because I feel so messed up. Thank you for responding and for your advice.

    • borderriever
      borderriever Jj222

      Posted

      You know where we are if support is needed. I wish you luck with all that is going on

      Keep a hold

      BOB

  • donna97909
    donna97909 Jj222

    Posted

    Hiya I had depression for over 25 years , and I was like you about medication and I try it and the feel so much better . Then I come off it thinking it's me getting better . Now I realise that the medication helped me , am not saying they work miracles coz they don't. I still suffer with depression now but I always wonder how I be with out my medication and that scares me .

    So I understand why u don't want medication and am not saying that's the route for you . What am saying is talk to your doctor and see what can be down

    Also I have 2 children who are grown up now and they had to live with my depression and they turned out wonderful kids . And at no point have they said they would be better off without me , and in my mind I felt they needed me and you know what .

    They have kept me from doing anything so tragic, coz I feel without them I be worth nothing .

    We are all different my advice to you , is talk with your doctor .... let me just say I was on 300 mg of tradadone and gone down to 50mg.... even though I probably be on them for years . They don't have be forever

    Xxxx

    • Jj222
      Jj222 donna97909

      Posted

      Thank you Donna for your response. That helps to hear that your children have witnessed your depression and grown to be great people... I worry about my daughter so much but on days like today all I can do is sit here and cry, and my poor daughter doesn't even seem bothered.. like she's seen it some many times. She does show signs of anxiety even at her young age and my worst nightmare is that she feels like me when she gets older. No one should feel this way.

      I am going to reach out to a GP and see if I can get some help. I have reached out to many mental health counselors in the past but have never felt anything helped. It's a horrible feeling and I've begun to think it's me... for some reason I am not allowing them to help me or something. I don't know... but I haven't gone the GP route so I will give that a try.

    • donna97909
      donna97909 Jj222

      Posted

      How old is your daughter ? You know at my lowest point my kids always managed to make me smile . I still cry and my kids are the most supportive, I have a partner who just don't get my depression I told him to read things to understand . I even read me self to try to understand

      Please don't think your alone there are ppl to help . And there's ppl on here willing to listen so plz don't feel alone . You can always just message me and I always reply . Depression can be so lonely at times , so cry them tears out do something crazy with your daughter and have a laugh . And you know tomorrow another day .

      I try and set myself goals even if it means have a bath get dressed take a walk to shops

      Anything that was different then the day before , it won't happen over nite but one small step at a time can mean so much

      Am here to be a friend to scream and shout at or to try and make u laugh ... to tell a stupid joke anything just try and make u smile

      Tomorrow another day hopefully better then today smile

    • Jj222
      Jj222 donna97909

      Posted

      My daughter is just over 2 years old. She does make me smile and laugh but she is a handful for sure. Days like today I just don't have much energy to deal with it all. I've managed to feed her today.. seems silly to say that but I have no desire to feed myself so that seems like an accomplishment, even if it's a tiny one. I'm hoping I can get off this couch soon and take her to the playground. That will be my goal for the day.

      My husband also does not understand. He tries to be supportive but when I don't immediately "snap out of it" and have an immediate positive outlook based on his support he gives up and tells me he is done trying to help me and says he's going to leave. He doesn't get it. Part of me wants him to leave.. part of me thinks I cannot get better with him around me. But then I worry I will just be isolating myself even more and that will take me further down in this spiral. Plus he works 6 days a week, very long hours, and that doesn't help anything either.

      If everyone deserves happiness, why is it so hard for some of us? It's so exhausting and I wonder when I will finally give up.

    • donna97909
      donna97909 Jj222

      Posted

      You know what life never how we mapped it out to be . And sometimes ppl just don't get it they think oh she being miserable again.

      It's a tough road many time am like why why me . Your main thing right now is to get the help u need for yourself . Your daughter very young and you have time to change how you are . And you will end up being a stronger person at the end of this .

      My 3 year old grandson went to me the other day why you crying nanny . I said nanny feels sad

      He went don't be sad nanny , get tissue . And you know I just laughed coz you know kids are so innocent.

      Plz make appointment for doctors next week and see what they say . Good thing about this forum is you can tell any of us anything and we not gonna judge you . Be coz we been there xx

  • srk904471
    srk904471 Jj222

    Posted

    I am willing to be your friend. in fact, i want to be your friend. Well, there are so many people there to help you. Just dont feel that way. Never lose hope. please, please, dont do injustice to yourself. 

     

  • steven43881
    steven43881 Jj222

    Posted

    I have been through deoression myselfJj222, If you need a friend, I am here.
    • srk904471
      srk904471 steven43881

      Posted

      yes, if some of us can be true friends, so many problems of our anxiety depreesion will be solved. True friendship is unfailing cure.
  • amanda35274
    amanda35274 Jj222

    Posted

    Hey, yr not alone now as u can see from the posts xxx yr daughter relies on u which makes it harder i know i have a daughter also and always wish i was happy all of the tym xxx which i do try to do. But its incredibly hard... i would never be where i am without medication. Thts a personal view some ppl will disagree i tried without but never got better & was hospitalised xx so i wish u luck try see a dr asap xx mandy.x

  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 Jj222

    Posted

    Hi Jj222 - sorry to read of your situation. Let's be blunt - you need to get over this ,medication fear. You have an imbalance of chemicals in the brain. Medication can balance that problem. Don't be a hero - you have a child to think of. I spent many years being 'tough' and thinking I could beat depression with m ind over matter. I failed. You owe it to yourself and your child to seek help. Best of luck with it.

    • Jj222
      Jj222 wayne1962

      Posted

      Thanks Wayne. I suppose I'm also scared of having to try 20 diff meds and doses to find the right fit. But you do have a point. Why be a hero. I hate feeling this way... if that's what it takes to make me feel better than maybe i do need to consider it. I'm calling a GP today and see what they think. I appreciate all the support I received on this forum. You are all a blessing.

    • amanda35274
      amanda35274 Jj222

      Posted

      Hi there. Its a tough bumpy rd to get the ryt one but if we have a cut we get a plaster, sprain a tubigrip. U get the picture, we ahouldnt b still feeling this way about mental illness it shouldnt b taboo! The brain does everything the body needs. When its emotional we all feel a burden thats the depression talking well dun u, on makin the decision to go get help. Were All in the same boat @ diff stages of recovery. Good luck xx
    • wayne1962
      wayne1962 Jj222

      Posted

      Hi again Jj222 - good on you for making an appointment. It may seem overwhelming at first and as Amanda so rightly points out it can be a bumpy ride to find the right meds, but it is a step in the right direction because nothing else has worked. I reckon you'll feel better about the situation after your appointment knowing there is someone on your side. If the doc dismisses your condition or you are not comfortable with him/her, find another doc. It's important you have someone you can talk to. Perhaps seek a referral to a psychologist if you feel there are deeper issues that need the time and focus a doctor will not be trained to give. Keep your chin up, good luck, and we are always here to vent to.

    • amanda35274
      amanda35274 wayne1962

      Posted

      Well said too wayne . Its also taken yrs for me to find a dr who is so nice & the difference it makes to how u feel & recover is truly unbelievable xx prob only the 2nd gp since 2001... jj222 you nd to kp going ?. And good luck to u to wayne in youre getting well also x

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