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Bugger why the hell do we do it to ourselves?
I have been drinking and abusing Librium for months now – keep thinking I will reach rock bottom soon then will have to sort it out – I have much support friends and family and on here - especially Paul– I have read on so many self help groups you have to reach your lowest before you accept a problem – I have a bloody problem, I know it so why can’t I sort it out now before they commit me – Arghhh!! I lie bare faced to family and friends how well I am doing then take the P*** - when they leave and drink - I don’t enjoy it – I self harm terribly Why.. I am crazy and always have been. Mum was a drinker and she passed recently – I HATED booze and the damage it does and now I am doing the same to all those who love me….. Why Oh F*****g WHY!! Arghhhh – I am at the point right now where I could turn everything around so why am I so self destructive? I really really don’t enjoy being p*ssed so why do I feel the need to do it – I had a party at my house the other night – sober – but had a neat joint and felt great – is this a good thing – or am I just getting in deeper? I am in the process of therapy but was told at my initial meeting last week that 80% refuse to see ppl who have had alcohol/drug problems so I have to wait 6 months (Librium, booze, suicide all on my record) Just want to wake up tomorrow and be bloody right in the head!!!! Oh and just got an email off Tescos 25% 0ff 4 bottles of any vino Arghhhhh Lol …………… Joking aside HELP!!!!
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