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At the point ....................

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bardo
bardo

Bugger why the hell do we do it to ourselves?

I have been drinking and abusing Librium for months now – keep thinking I will reach rock bottom soon then will have to sort it out – I have much support friends and family and on here - especially Paul– I have read on so many self help groups you have to reach your lowest before you accept a problem – I have a bloody problem, I know it so why can’t I sort it out now before they commit me – Arghhh!! I lie bare faced to family and friends how well I am doing then take the P*** - when they leave and drink - I don’t enjoy it – I self harm terribly Why.. I am crazy and always have been. Mum was a drinker and she passed recently – I HATED booze and the damage it does and now I am doing the same to all those who love me….. Why Oh F*****g WHY!! Arghhhh – I am at the point right now where I could turn everything around so why am I so self destructive? I really really don’t enjoy being p*ssed so why do I feel the need to do it – I had a party at my house the other night – sober – but had a neat joint and felt great – is this a good thing – or am I just getting in deeper? I am in the process of therapy but was told at my initial meeting last week that 80% refuse to see ppl who have had alcohol/drug problems so I have to wait 6 months (Librium, booze, suicide all on my record) Just want to wake up tomorrow and be bloody right in the head!!!! Oh and just got an email off Tescos 25% 0ff 4 bottles of any vino Arghhhhh Lol …………… Joking aside HELP!!!!

0 likes, 17 replies

17 Replies

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  • vickylou
    vickylou bardo

    Posted

    I've certainly been in your situation wondering why I press the self destruct button. I have anxiety episodes from time to time. Sometimes I cope and just doss about the house doing nothing at all. Other times I feel that anxious that I start drinking for a couple of days.

    i had a home detox once with Librium and daily acupuncture. To see someone about my anxiety I have to go to a drop in centre at substance abuse clinic. I used to go for group therapy about alcohol and we were all 'breathalised before the group started. If anyone had been drinking they were told to leave. I've never heard of help denied due to taking Librium.

    personally I've never smoked a joint or touched any recreational drugs. I would be careful that you don't swap one addiction for another

  • needhelp123
    needhelp123 bardo

    Posted

    I am not qualified to help you from a medical perspective, but as someone struggling with her own demons, I feel your pain.

    You mention "your lowest point", but that doesn't necessarily have to be something drastic to happen or life-changing. For me it was waking up with a blacked out memory and a banging head to be told by my partner that my son had been thumping the walls in anger and crying because of my drinking the night before (which of course I couldn't remember). A switch went on in my head and I decided my lifestyle had to change for the sake of my kids. I am taking one day at a time and each day I have a clear head is a gold medal in my world. And my son's smiley face says it all.

    Start with small goals. Wanting to change is the start. You need to break down all the different parts of your life that drive you to drink and tackle each one honestly. (For me, sometimes, it was going home to an empty house, I would think to myself, no one is here, let's have a bottle of wine and no-one will know any different) And you may well slip back but you simply have to pick yourself up and try again. Most importantly you are most likely to succeed if you have family/friends/health professionals helping you. Even if you choose one person to confide in, that one person can offer you the strength to battle on.

    Keep posting on this site, there are many of us out there who want to offer you the support/understanding that only other addicts can.

    All joking aside, your comments about Tesco are valid. At my worst, I didn't even need to go to the shops to buy alcohol. I ordered it in in bulk through Tesco delivery and the more I ordered the more "discounts" and offers to join their wine club came through. All day drinking in pubs/24/7 shopping at supermarkets/home delivery have a lot to answer for, particularly in the increasing number of women drinkers who do so in the privacy of their own home.

    Best of luck.

  • PaulJTurner1964
    PaulJTurner1964 bardo

    Posted

    Hello Bardo,

    Your situation is a little more complicated now you are using Librium too but that doesn't mean you can't do a detox using another drug like Diazepam (Valium) or even higher doses of Librium which are reduced and then stopped completely. It really needs to be supervised so that you stick to a set reduction regime.

    Alcohol is an evil drug if you get into trouble with it and one of the hardest addictions to overcome. Don't torture yourself over it, you just need to find the right way for YOU.

    I think what you were told about therapies for people with drug / alcohol problems, was misquoted. I think it is probably that 80% won't allow people in their meetings under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Most places should be willing to help after a successful detox so you shouldn't have to wait six months. There are many different options so it's worth exploring those.

    I would recommend that you visit your GP and tell the truth about everything. It's nothing he/she won't already know as I assume it is the GP who has prescribed the Librium. I don't know what is available in your area in terms of home detox services (that is a bit of a postcode lottery, unfortunately) but there should be someone the GP can refer you to for an alcohol detox.

    One thing I don't believe the GP will do is allow you to detox yourself by giving you a different drug because he/she would fear you getting hooked on that too. Put your best 'I've had enough and I am motivated to sort this' look on your face and get along to the GP for the help you need smile

     

  • pmcg21
    pmcg21 bardo

    Posted

    hi Bardo - you aint crazy- your an addict- like me- rock bottom is when you want sobriety more than gettting drunk/high- it doesent mean skid row like many people think- you should talk to your GP maybe ask himabout quiting the drink first and then tackling the meds/ ask himfor daly scripts for the meds if you dont trust yourself- i had to do this - it worked for me- or perhaps ask a familly member or trusted freind to help in holding the librium for you- all addicts are self destructive by nature it is what we do- the lying to familly and freinds goes with the job discription i am afraid- as long as the drink/drugs are your priority you will continue to do this out of necessity- honesty is painful, leaves you vunerable to the judgement of others- but necessary to get sober and more importantly to stay sober- you will be suprised how many people will be supportive- its a tough road- but there is plenty of traffic on it all going your way, you are not alone- keep reaching out - stay strong- get sober-stay sober- the best of luck Bardo
    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 pmcg21

      Posted

      Librium is probably not the best drug to use for detox if Bardo is already misusing it as a tolerance may well have built up which will prevent its effectiveness on withdrawal symptoms. The other drug of choice is normally Diazepam (Valium) which would normally be used as an alternative in a case like this.

       

    • pmcg21
      pmcg21 PaulJTurner1964

      Posted

      i would agree, i wasnt sugesting that he use the librium to detox- i suggested that he quit alcohol first and taper the librium- this i suggested in order to lessen the WD's which would be quite severe if he was to detox from both at the same time. is the pharmacology of librium and valium not pretty similar, in which case he may be better using a drug like lexapro to reduce his anxiety when de-toxing - again this is highly addictive like both librium and valium and would have to be done under medical supervision- i would be interested in your opinion ?
    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 pmcg21

      Posted

      Lexapro is from a group of drugs called SSRIs and is used as an antidepressant and anxiolytic (anti-anxiety). It is not physically addictive unless abused over a long period of time.

      Librium and Valium are benzodiazepines which ARE highly addictive. It is necessary to use benzodiazepines to safely withdraw from alcohol (unless alcohol itself is used and that is a much more difficult method for a drinker to use.)

      As benzodiazepines are also effective to alleviate anxiety, no additional drug is normally used for this purpose during an alcohol detox. However, it is no longer considered appropriate to use benzodiazepines for anxiety due to their addictiveness, unlike in the 60s and 70s when doctors prescribed them all the time.

      In Bardo's case, I would say that the alcohol dependence needs sorting first, using Valium which should only take a few days, and then reduction of the Librium over a few weeks until it gets to zero. This way, benzodiazepam withdrawal symptoms will be avoided.

    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964

      Posted

      I meant 'benzodiazepine withdrawal symptoms will be avoided' at the end of my last post
    • vickylou
      vickylou PaulJTurner1964

      Posted

      Hi Paul I know drs are loath to prescribe benzodiazepines these days for anxiety, so what are they used for? I know  they are very addictive, but in my experience a short 14 day course has helped me during my anxiety episodes. Is it possible to become tolerant to a drug. I've been on 300mg Trazodone for the last 5 years and they make no difference to my anxiety
    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 vickylou

      Posted

      They are used for detox and very short term use for severe anxiety. They are also used as pre-meds before operations and intraveneously for status-epilepticus (when an epileptic is having repeated grand mal seizures with no, or very few, breaks in between).

      Yes, you can build a tolerance to benzodazepines which leads to the need for higher and higher doses to get the effect (very much like alcohol).

      You can also become tolerant to Trazodone.

    • vickylou
      vickylou PaulJTurner1964

      Posted

      Many thanks Paul for the info. I've told my GP I felt I'd become tolerant to Trazodone and wanted to try a different drug. He said I'd have to reduce the dose gradually which could take weeks and then introduce a replacement. As I was extremely anxious he felt it was not the right time and increased the dose of Trazodone.

      ive got an assessment at ADS this morning as I want to try acupuncture again. I've filled in the diary form in for the last 3 weeks, but as I've not drunk any alcohol all it says is nothing! Thanks again

    • pmcg21
      pmcg21 PaulJTurner1964

      Posted

      of course you are 100% right about Lexapro, the drug i actually meant to refer to was xanax which is used here in some treatment centres to help with withdrawla's again i would be interested in your opinion -
    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 pmcg21

      Posted

      Xanax is a much shoter acting benzodiazepine than Valium and Librium. It may be used in some circumstances where you don't want the effect to last too long. This is an example of that:

      Last week I did a heroin detox with a client (it is rare I agree to these but I knew him from doing a previous alcohol detox with him). He was taking a drug called Britlofex which has a common side effect of lowering the blood pressure, sometimes quite dangerously. He also suffers anxiety and this was worse due to coming off heroin. Because benzodiaepines reduce blood pressure as well, we didn't want to use Librium or Valium which have long 'half-lives'. Librium has a half-life of 24-48 hours and Valium has a half-life of up to 100 hours. The half life is the time required for a drug to fall to half its value.

      Xanax has a average half-life of 11.2 hours.

      In this case, I used Oxazepam, which has a half life of 4-15 hours.

      The shorter the half-life, the sooner the effect wears off. The reason for using it was that, if it lowered the blood pressure too much in conjunction with the Britlofex, it could be stopped and it's effect on the blood pressure would last far less time making the situation much easier to manage if, say, the blood pressure stayed low for 4-15 hours rather than anything up to 48 which could happen with Librium.

  • bardo
    bardo

    Posted

    Thanks all for your replies, the support really does help. So I am on the wagon again today, been up since 5 trying to figure out why the hell I do it - I hate been drunk, I hurt everyone around me and just cry and cry about losing my Mum. My boyfriend of 8 years has told me we are over if I drink again, he doesn't trust me anymore because I lie about drinking - which I do and I really have put him through it over the last year.I am very hard work!

    Thanks again x

    Saraxxxx

    • pmcg21
      pmcg21 bardo

      Posted

      hi Bardo - please dont waste your time and energy beating yourself up over the why- concentrate on the why not for now- it is hard enough to stay sober without adding to the struggle, i still couldnt tell you why i drank or why i relapsed time after time- and thats after 20 odd years so you have plenty of time for the why's when you get your head sorted- stay strong - stay sober- keep reaching out for help- very few make it on their own- best of luck
    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 bardo

      Posted

      pmcg21 is right Bardo. You can't change the past, only the future smile
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