Back again - Am I fooling myself?
Posted , 15 users are following.
Hi guys!
So I'm back here again looking for support. A few weeks ago I posted here for the first time & it really gave me encouragement to try & cut back my drinking & go see my doctor. I had every intention & with the support of everyone's kind words I thought I'd do it. I failed!!! I'm still drinking heavily at the weekend & maybe a night during the week a half bottle of vodka at a time. This has been the the last 12 years - I'm 36 .
I'm lost I don't know how to approach this anymore I'm scared of losing my best friend the alcohol. My husband knows I've had a bit of a problem but not the extent of it as I hide the drinking from him most of the time.
My plan is to only drink this Saturday & cut out the rest of it & try stick to that. It's hard though on Sunday's I do want to drink again. I drank last night & I want to drink again tonight. The thought just popped into my head a while ago & I'm thinking jut tonight & then Saturday & from then on only once a week.
Am i kidding myself?
0 likes, 39 replies
mark23973 sadie_dee70150
Posted
I was drubking very heavily a few years ago and what caused me to stop completely was several things:-
Got sacked
Lost my flat as was not earning any money and kept missing mortgage payments
Could not see my daughter as could not afford maintenance
Ended up living with my elderly mother
Sank into depression
I have now been sober for over a year now and am gradually getting my life in order and will soon be back in work (I hope)
i.
sadie_dee70150 mark23973
Posted
Thanks for the reply.
I tend not to drink during the week as I work & I have a 4 year old son. It's mainly at the weekend & it's what I look forward to. I don't feel I have a physical dependency on it but I so look forward to drinking. The thought of the weekend without it seems so boring. I don't know if I need to give up entirely or just stick to one night a week. The trouble is once I start I will keep drinking until the bottle is empty.
I'm glad to hear you are doing well with staying sober & I hope you are on a much better path
RHGB sadie_dee70150
Posted
" I don't feel I have a physical dependency on it"
"but I so look forward to drinking"
"The thought of the weekend without it seems so boring"
"The trouble is once I start I will keep drinking until the bottle is empty."
Read the first statement on its own and then read the next three statements together.
Nat666 RHGB
Posted
sadie_dee70150 RHGB
Posted
I mean I don't wake up & want a drink I think I use it to self medicate. I starting this ritual drinking years ago when my self confidence wasn't great & I ended up in a bad relationship & the drinking helped me forget my reality at night
Robin2015 mark23973
Posted
RHGB sadie_dee70150
Posted
sadie_dee70150 RHGB
Posted
I was years ago drinking 4 to 5 times a week but I managed to cut back to 2 or 3. The funny thing is if I was going to be alone for the evening I wouldn't bother at all I have to be in company . I will secret drink upstairs & then sit with my husband drunk & he doesn't know
RHGB sadie_dee70150
Posted
" I will secret drink upstairs & then sit with my husband drunk & he doesn't know"
What makes you think he doesn't know? Think, before you reply, he never says anything to me.
sadie_dee70150 RHGB
Posted
He caught me out a few times before but thinks I've stopped or he doesn't know the extent of it. I feel once j know I can do it once a week I'll be ok - mad I know!!
amanda1827h sadie_dee70150
Posted
Hi Sadie,Your 36! And have a life ahead of you! Please please don't ruin your life.I lost my Mother when I was just over 18,& my Dad in 1987.They were both Alcoholic S.So my Childhood was not a happy one! You don't want to loose your loved ones,who do care for you. Remember you only have one liver.Regards Amanda
sadie_dee70150 amanda1827h
Posted
Thank you Amanda! I'm so sorry to hear about your Mother & Dad. I do think how will this effect my son but I continue . I don't know what steps to take . I'm afraid to go to the doc & think I'll try do it myself & taper down
amanda1827h sadie_dee70150
Posted
sadie_dee70150 amanda1827h
Posted
Tonight I started to drink - I had 2 & could of went on but I said no to myself & stopped. I've decided I'm going to try only drinking on Saturdays with my husband. I've said this before & failed but I actually stopped myself tonight. I'm lying in bed now sober after having 2 drinks earlier & stopping.
I don't think I could join a group to be honest it makes me feel uneasy & uncomfortable. I'm going to keep posting here & be honest with you all here & see if I can cut back. If after a month I don't I'm going to the doc
Robin2015 amanda1827h
Posted
Counteecullen sadie_dee70150
Posted
Youre doing great Sadie. You recognize alot about your situation and you aren't in too much denial which is a great start. It might take a while to stop since its been pretty bad it seems for a long time. According to what you so candidly yourself revealed. You need support. Maybe your husband might give you some encouragement. Know its not your fault, alcohol is addictive like ciggaretts. It took me 25 years to quit smoking and I kept trying like 10 times cause I had smoked for so long. Now I'm off ciggaretts totally for 11 years, not one ciggarrett. Be proud of yourself everytime you don't take a drink. You can do it.
Maybe try to give yourself something you enjoy besides alcohol after you don't drink when you normally would have. Like flowers or ice cream with your child.