Back again - Am I fooling myself?

I was like you once. Binge drank at weekends and thought I didn't have a problem as I was doing a degree and working during the week. 10 years later I'm drinking daily, have lost my daughter and my partner, had to give up work before I got sacked, my family have disowned me, i have a criminal record for offences I committed while drunk, I've been sexually assaulted, beaten up, mugged. Now my health is suffering.

Alcohol is not your friend.

I never anticipated that my life would end up such a mess because I lived in denial and believed I was just having a good time because alcohol made everything feel better.

You have a problem if you can't knock it on the head. You've made the first step by looking at your drinking habits but acknowledge it for what it is. It shouldn't take a long list of consequences to establish if alcohol is doing you harm.

Hi Sadie, Up until mid-November I was very similar to you. I suppose I was what you'd class as a high functioning alchoholic and my biggest problem was a couple of drinks would turn into a binge. My house of cards almost collapsed but luckily my missus gave me one last chance to sort myself out.

I spent a couple of days searching the web for answers and finaly got some help and support from a lady called Joanna from C3 Europe. She posted some of my story earlier this morning.

It's worth a quick read just look for cthreeeurope on facebook

I hope this helps a little.

Kind Regards

Steve

I'm sorry you didn't make it to the doctor.  I'm like you I posted for the first time on here a couple weeks ago and was determined to taper off and be done.  Well I end up failing at that so I am again.  I just happened to turn on TV and a preacher was on there talking about a drinker that's stomach lining was basically gone.  The doctor told him if he drank one more time, he wouldn't be able to stop the bleeding.  I can't even imagine how much it would take to get in that state and don't want to find out!  Long story short, he was saved and delivered.

I am tapering again.  Everything I have read makes me scared to not do it that way.  I'm doing good so far.  I woke up one night drenched in sweat so thought maybe I was tapering too quick.  Not sure why I'm rambling all this but just wanted to say, don't give up!  Go to the doctor if that's your plan and get the help you need.  We both know neither one of us want to go down like this.  It's not pretty living in a fog of a life.

Hi sadie.

Yes, your brain is trying to make you believe this...but it is kidding you.

I remember feeing the same way when I was about your age and I remember also knowing I was kidding myself...just as you do because you said it.

Its all or nothing with me (drink or not) and it is the same with you ...its just that you are just figuring that out.  

Its awful too when you don't want to stop but you don't want to have a problem.

Then I went thru a phase where I told myself...oh well, this is who I am....I'm an alcoholic, but I work, raise my kids fine, own a house...etc...and I continued to feel really strongly like that for about 5 more years...

Then, I was struggling with physical hangovers because I was then in my 40s and it got harder to maintain responsibilities. And then I KNEW and I was scared.

That is how it usually goes, I think...unless someone is lucky enough to stop at the point you are at and stay stopped.

Hi Sadie,

I know I'm there, losing your best friend it's such a big decision. It's almost like we're betraying them but they're a bad influence so you want to walk away. 

You couldnt have described it better 'best friend' x 

I'm on the cusp like you and I honestly don't know how I will cope without my best friend. 

You're not fooling yourself, it's not a weakness or a habit. It's your head it's a brain thing it's not like giving up biting your nails! .. 

At least that's what I believe so I rise above the friends who tell me its a habit, the looks, the eyes raised when they're on coffee and I'm on wine .. the drinking cammomile tea might help. 

Like you I question should I really question this consumption, like I'm not drinking that much! like I'm not drinking spirits out of a brown bag !  but yes we should ! Like me you're using alcohol to support you in some way. I 

Our best friend has taken over a very small but signifacnt part of our beautiful brain   

My story is a long one but my D Day is tomorrow !! 

A lovely local private GP has offered me a little pill Naltexone, tomorrow I will try said little pill and lets see what happens ! 

Excited yet mourning departure of BFF ! 

Love to you x