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Back to normal life...HOW did you do it experienced hippies?

Posted , 19 users are following.

rose0000
rose0000

Okay I am extremely grateful to have this problem firstly, and AM getting back to normal, and I will never stop feeling so grateful and happy I have my new and gorgeous hip and am regaining my life of sorts. The problems is that I haven't been out properly since last summer, the pain pre op made it impossible, the recovery post op too. Now it seems the powers that be have decided that my recovery is up and I am to now rejoin the human race....which is the moment I have waited for for so long..

Now it is here and....I am frightened half to death. Did anyone else feel this? I thought I would be bouncing out of the door joyfully never to look back.

However, I am finding it incredibly difficult to accept invitations, seem to have lost confidence socialising (after all what do I have to talk about apart from what has happened to me, it has been a major event in my life) even though I am more or less the same on the outside, something has shifted inside...and I still want to stay at home.

I worry about the dark, falliing over and being vulnerable, the uneven ground makes me nervous, shiny floors, seats too low ~ I could go on. In a word I still feel not especially ready. I don't particularly fancy drinking wine in case I hurt myself, I don't know how to 'manage' other people's expectations.

As far as my friends are concerned I am perfectly healthy again, but you know inside there is a little voice that is desperate to stay at home, continue to build up my strength and get some rest when I can (It is totally exhausting some days just keeping going with the children and life in general) I don't want my friends to get fed up with me (and they are quietly I can tell) It is boring having a friend you never see...I feel like a recluse. I don't want them to visit me at home as this feels like a nest and private space, I need to feel quiet.

When I have been out I feel overwhelmed by noise, people, keeping my hip safe, people seem really demanding, everyone is rushing, cars going faster than I get across the road etc.... 

How did you overcome this? 

11 likes, 82 replies

82 Replies

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  • MichaelTN1UK
    MichaelTN1UK rose0000

    Posted

    Crumbs Rose, that sounds very difficult.

    I do understand what you are saying though. I have only been house-bound since late January and find walking around the local village intolerable. I have VERY little patience for people and traffic! It take all my might not to poke people with my crutch.

    Perhaps short trips to quite places (or friends homes) with time-limited visits? That way, you know there is a start and a finish which would help you get your mind around it.

    I shall follow this with great interest.

    Michael x

    • rose0000
      rose0000 MichaelTN1UK

      Posted

      Thank you for the post Michael ~ in all the time I have been on the forum no one ever posted this problem to my knowledge, so when it happened to me I wondered if I was the only one experiencing it.

      Maybe my hermit crab existence was an exception. So I posted to find out how you cast aside the shell that protects us and keeps us safe.

      My shell has well and truly taken route, along with my sense of pride that I have to be 'perfect' before inflicting myself on the world, nothing other than a better form will do.......

      This is dangerous territory I say to all hippies, go out, be yourself don't hide away and certainly remember to proud of your experience (even if others do not fully appreicate the complexity of the experience, perhaps it is our hippie secret to share) 

      I will try a few excursions, my last ones were disasterous so maybe the confidence crisis stems from there. 

      You have turned out to be a rock Michael, thank you

  • Blessed4JC
    Blessed4JC rose0000

    Posted

    Hi Rose,

    ​Awww what a fab post and I will be interested to read the advice.

    ​

    Congratulations on getting the all clear, but my heart goes out to you as I empathise with your mixed feelings....'The struggle is real'. I have just started my recovery but already I totally understand alot of the things you are concerned about. I have not really been out of my house since returning from the hospital last Saturday and can see how this could easily continue. It will be well with yousmile 

    I look fwd to reading the advice.

    • rose0000
      rose0000 Blessed4JC

      Posted

      Go out Blessed, and do so early. It was mid winter during my recovery and I found it hard to go out in the freezing rain, now spring is arriving, it isn't any easier. If you go out now you may avoid this feeling in the future. It seems to me you need a companion and small steps, I took big steps too soon and lost my confidence, and felt way out of my depth. So small steps with a trusted friend and build up slowly. That is what I do given my chance again (which may come sooner than I think in the shape of my left hip?!) smile
    • Blessed4JC
      Blessed4JC rose0000

      Posted

      Thanks Rose, I have a gp appoint 2morow so I will go and have my first experience out with my new Hip. Im already planning the trip :o)

      ​Very best wishes to you as I know you will overcome all the things you mentioned. God Bless.

  • renee01952
    renee01952 rose0000

    Posted

    oh sweet Rose , 

    I know exactly how you feel (have you ever considered writing??? you write so beautifully) -

    I wish I could tell you how I did it, but am not ready either -- there is this difference though that I am by myself, don't know people here and live in the middle of the woods in a bungalow park - actually pretty ideal, but I know I need to get back to the real world too --- I also need to buy clothes eek to look somewhat decent - 

    I asked for more days to volunteer , so need clothes anyway - The people I meet there are strangers - they don't know me and I don't know them, so I do enjoy spending time there ... my friends live 1-2 hours away from me and I know I am bad - they want to come and visit and I am not ready for the same reasons as you mention- What can I talk about?   I cannot go on long walks yet, or go out for a bike ride ... besides that, there is not much going on here to begin with ...

    Goodness .... 

    I too am looking forward to other posts with brilliant tips 

    nbig warm embrace

    renee

    see, I would visit you in a heartbeat ... or receive you in my home exclaim

    • rose0000
      rose0000 renee01952

      Posted

      Your house in the woods sounds so beautiful, I can imagine you there, with bird song and the changing seasons. It suits you perfectly. If I lived there watching the birds and the wildlife, maybe I would never want to emerge....but I feel strangers are better than friends at really listening to the true story, my friends just want me to get better, a vested interest in just getting past the whole 'episode' however strangers I find are truly interested in how a young girl like me (not so young it has to be said) their view and not mine found herself in this situation, maybe they see it all with open eyes. This has certainly been my experience. Everyone around me has been so emotionally involved, and especially with the complication that is now going to be a full hospital review, it has caused worry, and I am sure Rocket and others understand the need to protect those close to us, but by doing so somehow we lose the support we should have.

      Back the wild life and getting out....maybe it needs to be slower, more on our terms and maybe we need to be less gracious. When we have had enough, we have had enough.....

      It is so kind of you to say I write beautifully, I don't at all, but I do write from the heart and I don't need to hold back on here. I know I am safe here. 

      Your volunteering will help you no end is my thought, and you will meet many like minded souls who will not judge or care how you look...and any decent human being worth its sailt KNOWS to look beyond that anyway. Maybe it is time for a new wardrobe, I certainly need one, and a new outlook for us...we must do it to make this experience worthwhile, but slowly and gently and carefully perhaps...

      Love you Renee you ~ the angel you are x

  • cindy48619
    cindy48619 rose0000

    Posted

    Hi Rose, I have not yet had my operation yet but I am getting great support pre op from this wonderful group. That said I can completely understand how you feel. I am a woman who always has to balance my love for being home to a social life. If I went with my feelings I would never go anywhere. But I force myself and I rarely regret it. I think what Michael said is the best way to go. Start with small steps, have your friends come by, then little by little go out for social occasions.I love the motto "Just do it".  These are your friends... if they are anything like my friends we don't need anything to talk about, we can just talk about life today, life a year ago, life in a year etc. You are still you.It sounds like you are in danger of crossing over to isolation. There is a line between enjoying  the comfort of being home and isolation. Try not to get another day into the isolation, the more comfortable you get being home, the harder it gets. My other suggestion is to tell your friends and family what you are feeling. That is always helpful. We live in a world where fears and feelings are not discussed. Go ahead and tell them, it may surprise you the emotional support you will get. Keep talking with us.. you don;t have to go it alone.  Sending love and prayers - Cindy
    • rose0000
      rose0000 cindy48619

      Posted

      Thank you Cindy, too comfort is not healthy, and too much safety will not stretch us. Small steps is the key. I got stranded once or twice which knocks the confidence and you just run for cover! I certainly did.

      I think I created a universe that served my needs and felt then that I could manage anything, but in reality you do need to work out how to get back to the car, how standing for two hours will affect you, and what you will say over lunch when faced with people you don't know terribly well, and quite frankly do not want to share the most important thing that happened to you. 

      In hindsight it would have been easier to go out sooner and with more friends, and that would have been one less hurdle. It is also worth noting you do feel tired, and quickly, so anything should be short and sweet.

      I do not regret having my hip replaced, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, and if anything the problem started before the operation because I could not walk, if anything I now wish I had had the replacement much sooner, leaving it until you can't walk anywhere is a real disaster in more ways than one. 

      Thank you so much for your post Cindy, when is your operation?

    • cindy48619
      cindy48619 rose0000

      Posted

       Hi Rose. From all of the posts I can see that many people have reached back to you after you reached out. How awesome! I think you will be fine, like we said just take small steps with loving safe friends. My surgery is March 22nd. Although I have eased up on my social life due to pain I still see quite a few people and work full time so I cherish alone time. I am worried that I will allow myself to become isolated. Your reach out has helped me to know that ahead of time and plan accordingly. Please stay in touch. I hope all of the support and suggestions for this site help you. Sending love - Cindy

       

    • rose0000
      rose0000 cindy48619

      Posted

      This is a good idea Cindy, I had no idea I would find myself in this position of all things! I love my friends, I love going out! I don't recognise this hermit crab! 

      If you can keep up some level of interaction with your closest friends, and not disappear under ground until you are completely better, this would help no end.

      Don't set targets with crutches ~ I decided I would only go out once I had ditched them ~ big mistake ~ you need your crutches, you need support and don't let pride get in the way!

      Fortunately you can read the pitfalls in advance and can prepare for this before, and anyway given that I am now pain free I am not even sure why I am worrying about such a small thing!! There are bigger things in life, still becoming isolated can be a very real problem, so hopefully I shed a little light that it can happen to all of us...and ways to overcome it are important for those affected.

      Not long now for you Cindy, and you will soon be completely fixed. Thanks so much for your post.

       

    • cindy48619
      cindy48619 rose0000

      Posted

      Thank you Rose!! I can't wait to be pain free. I have already spoke with all of my friends, and family. They will be around to make sure I don't isolate. I have to balance it so I take the time alone which I love and not turning it into isolation. I hope we can continue to chat Rose. Let me know when you go out!!
  • sue1957Geo
    sue1957Geo rose0000

    Posted

    I felt like u the big outside world frightened me. I had to go out second week to Physio I was shaking , then went for walks first up the road and back then round the whole block I had my sister an our dog and half way round I was in tears didn't think I would make it home . Then a bit more confidence set in and I went walking in my own then one crutch got left behind and I was ok the best feeling I had was taking my dog for a long wAlk first time in over s year

    It takes a lot of courage to have this op what follows, will eventually come back and normality reigns once more

    Suexx

    • rose0000
      rose0000 sue1957Geo

      Posted

      Thank you Sue, I am so glad I am not the only one. It is difficult and we live in a busy world, even here in the country people hurtle around in their cars...I am not on crutches (wish I was in some ways) and people have no idea how delicate I feel. This must be the same for all hippies, hopefully it will just evaporate in time.

      Your post made me feel so much better.. thank you

  • lyn1951
    lyn1951 rose0000

    Posted

    Rose - sounds sooo like I felt post surgery. Almost afraid to go out of the house. Then I realised my friends and family could be included in the conspiracy to get my body well again, soo I asked, not an easy thing to do, and most of them fell over themselves to be helpful.

    They went walking with me, often not for very long walks for a start, but just in the local park, or the walking path on the waterside, made an effort to walk to the next bench seat, or next street corner every couple of times I went out.

    Also used the local big chain hardware store, enjoy walking around the garden centre, nice smooth non-trip floors, after I explained to manager what I was doing and just to leave me too it, even the staff got used to seeing me every couple of days, and would greet me with doing your physio exercise, to which i would reply YES, love your garden centre, again used one isle to walk around, now I walk the entire length of the complex.

    Family was wonderful, and very patient with my stopping to catch my breath when I needed to, and I think even they enjoyed the relaxing walk, and sometimes a cup of coffee.

    you need to share with your friends, something to the effect "you know this damned hip surgery is going to take longer than i thought to repair itself"  but at the same time tell them you are getting there.

    I got used to sharing with people what was going on, amazing how good they are when you include them.

    • rose0000
      rose0000 lyn1951

      Posted

      I probably do need to come out and just say it. I feel they are all too busy and don't want to be burdened by my feelings, so I keep quiet.

      Maybe I will talk to one or two of my more senstive friends and tell them how it has been.

      If I am being honest, I feel the opposite pressure to keep saying how well I am......everyone keeps telling me it will be the best thing I have ever done, well, pause for thought, I would rather make my own mind up about that....and I don't feel I can actually communciate the real experience beyond the expecation if you know what I mean....

      I can't tell you how many stories I have heard about so and so running marathons and climbing everest, and I want to say so much that if you don't mind this is my experience and I will decide in the end how I feel about it. This conversation kills any true conversation before it has even started!

      You did absolutely the right thing to enlist supporters, I need to think very carefullly about mine, you are right it is much better to be direct, I only hope they can swallow the truth! 

    • lyn1951
      lyn1951 rose0000

      Posted

      Rose - I have a tendency to offend the overly sensitive, but my real friends know me and forgive me my lack of filters, and possibility some of them are just amused or maybe amazed  by those same lack of filters.

      You will certainly find out who your real friends are, and sometimes that can come as a bit of a shock.

      I always said I was going to be like my Nana, blunt and bright, and ever sooo slightly outrageous and naughty, thats me, dear I say age gives us a damned good excuse. 

      Don't you dare opologise for your friends, they don't deserve to have a generous and thoughtful friend like you.

    • Rocketman_SG6UK
      Rocketman_SG6UK rose0000

      Posted

      Rose,

      I don't know why we do it, but I also find myself trying to appear to others as doing the best I can be.  I have to make a real effort not to gloss over my fears and inability to walk 'normally' when talking to my boss and the welfare people at work. 

      As you say, everyone who has not undergone THR thinks the recovery is 'ordinary'.  I just know they have no idea what this recovery is like, and even though I have made great strides, today tells me that I am far from recovered. Previously I would have taken a 3.5 mile walk in my stride, today I was getting extremely tired before half way, even with my walking poles. 

      I know that getting to work in London is going to be a strain, so I have just one month now to strengthen those butt muscles and get myself fit enough to be able to do it.

      Graham - 🚀💃

    • rose0000
      rose0000 Rocketman_SG6UK

      Posted

      Going back to London is going to be a huge step for you, when are due to be going back? I hope it is not too soon...although you are coming on leaps and bounds.....so you may be 'ready' sooner than you think.

      Glossing over seems to be all that I do, I am not sure people like to hear any other narrative....I had tried the honest route, and not sure I would go there again...everyone likes a happy ending after all smile

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