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Back to normal life...HOW did you do it experienced hippies?

Posted , 19 users are following.

rose0000
rose0000

Okay I am extremely grateful to have this problem firstly, and AM getting back to normal, and I will never stop feeling so grateful and happy I have my new and gorgeous hip and am regaining my life of sorts. The problems is that I haven't been out properly since last summer, the pain pre op made it impossible, the recovery post op too. Now it seems the powers that be have decided that my recovery is up and I am to now rejoin the human race....which is the moment I have waited for for so long..

Now it is here and....I am frightened half to death. Did anyone else feel this? I thought I would be bouncing out of the door joyfully never to look back.

However, I am finding it incredibly difficult to accept invitations, seem to have lost confidence socialising (after all what do I have to talk about apart from what has happened to me, it has been a major event in my life) even though I am more or less the same on the outside, something has shifted inside...and I still want to stay at home.

I worry about the dark, falliing over and being vulnerable, the uneven ground makes me nervous, shiny floors, seats too low ~ I could go on. In a word I still feel not especially ready. I don't particularly fancy drinking wine in case I hurt myself, I don't know how to 'manage' other people's expectations.

As far as my friends are concerned I am perfectly healthy again, but you know inside there is a little voice that is desperate to stay at home, continue to build up my strength and get some rest when I can (It is totally exhausting some days just keeping going with the children and life in general) I don't want my friends to get fed up with me (and they are quietly I can tell) It is boring having a friend you never see...I feel like a recluse. I don't want them to visit me at home as this feels like a nest and private space, I need to feel quiet.

When I have been out I feel overwhelmed by noise, people, keeping my hip safe, people seem really demanding, everyone is rushing, cars going faster than I get across the road etc.... 

How did you overcome this? 

11 likes, 82 replies

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  • Kate53CornUK
    Kate53CornUK rose0000

    Posted

    And are those worries irrational? No, perfectly rational. You are naturally protecting your vulnerability.

    After my first one I felt the same, especially at night when I just wanted my security sofa! Like everything it comes back bit by bit as your confidence in yourself grows again.

    I accepted invitations on my own terms - those being that I could drive there, or be driven, allowing me an escape if I needed it. I avoided crowds and anywhere I could be bumped but made myself go for walks on my own with the dogs. I always carried a stick with me - to beat off people who invaded my walking space neutral. 

    I laughed at myself yesterday when I made a friend check her shoes twice in case they were wet. She kicked them off in the porch and said she remembered how worried I was the first time about slipping in wet patches and then a few weeks later when I was marching off down a rainy road with my new walking poles!

    Things change, be patient Rose, it's only fear and fear is conquered by confidence.

    • rose0000
      rose0000 Kate53CornUK

      Posted

      You are completely right Kate, and it takes time all of it, everything from getting to the loo safely onwards....I hadn't factored in the rest....and jumped to soon to things that did not feel safe. 

      Short cut to running back to the nest!!!

      I should learn to take baby steps, but I am quietly bold and am not always aware of the limitations we have.

      Cue: getting stranded, couldn't walk, no crutches, and wondering if I needed to call an ambulance I was so unable to walk....did not know that things literally seize up when pushed too far...so lesson learnt. Retreat to the nest, confidence dented, now don't want to go anywhere without access to a wheelchair, hand rail and preferrably a one way ticket home.

      We live and learn, and I am so grateful to have this problem at all, really I feel so pleased to be this side of it, but.... just need to figure out how to manage the day to day...

  • maggie93798
    maggie93798 rose0000

    Posted

    Rose I totally know how you feel. You need to start slowly. Have you a particular friend that perhaps understands all this better than most or would if you explained it? Then plan something together which you other friends can attend. Accept one invite, the one that will cause you least trauma, nice safe place, plenty of light etc. Remember it should get easier as you regain confidence, the time from the op increases, your muscles get stronger and the evenings become light so you can see around you better. Don't jump in everything at once take it gradually, if out with hubby get him to be watchman for obstacles same with the kids. Make a joke of it, after my fall in Malta my friends told me about every pavement uneveness for the rest of the day! Some of it was even useful. You will get there
    • rose0000
      rose0000 maggie93798

      Posted

      It makes me so much better that I am not the only person to experience this, and especially you Maggie, because you are so calm and together, it makes me feel less bad about it!

      If this is natural, then I accept it, I have just never read a single post about it and wondered if it were just me, and if so, maybe this was not related the replacement. 

      I have always had a quiet confidence, it has been a horrible shock being stripped of it so starkly and don't get me started on the other mothers staring at me whenever I go, watching me to see how bad my limp is...it feels quite intrusive...

    • renee01952
      renee01952 rose0000

      Posted

      I am not sure what to do ... when did I become a coward ? I drive short distances - closest city is about 10 minutes drive - I don't know that city too well , but have a couple of stores I am familiar with the parking situation..

      sometimes I just drive around - it is beautiful out here 

      Now ... my old friends live in the west of Holland, close to Amsterdam, about 90 minutes drive on freeway (or what are they called here)- there is a funeral wednesday 16:30 ... it is my friend's grandfather (step-) and she lives here, but I cannot really go with her because their is a family-only dinner after wards .. according to her I just should do it - 

      I am scared ... such a tiny little low seated car, my hips/legs cramp up (I could get out every 20 minutes of course) , can't really see well at night -

      I can't believe my self - I used to drive all over Los Angeles and beyond with no problem ---

      You know what, I think I just talked myself out of it - I am not going to do this to myself  

      thanks for listening

      big warm hug

      renee

    • rose0000
      rose0000 renee01952

      Posted

      As much as it would be nice to be there for your friend, that is a long drive on your own....if you don't feel ready listen to that, you are not ready. You can be there for your friend in other ways, go and see her, make some dinner for her, even sending flowers or be there for her....but to manage the drive home in the dark...not sure about that (Not even sure she should have asked you to be honest!)

      It is not being a coward it is called self preservation, and who is going to look after you if something goes wrong....? I rest my case.

      There is a million ways to show you care and be a good friend, without risking anything, and feeling so stressed and anxious..and you just being you I know you will be a wonderful source of comfort to her.

       

    • maggie93798
      maggie93798 rose0000

      Posted

      Rose, something I have had to deal with recently. I am a church elder and part of my duties is to assist in the communion service. This means carrying the bread and wine to the congregation still in their pews. Bread OK, on a silver plate, wine a bit more difficult, as it is served in small individual glasses the size of shot glasses, slotted into a special carrying tray. The seriousness of the occasion coupled with the need to step up and down two small steps carrying said articles filled me with dread. The first time post op I asked the minister to hand me the sacraments after I had dealt with the two steps. He was happy to help in that way. The second time I used the support of the corner pews and managed fine. Have to say I was petrified that O would fall and drop the lot!
    • rose0000
      rose0000 maggie93798

      Posted

      That would truly fill me with dread too, especially in a packed and silent church. Ghastly!! My heart would have been so loudly too. 

      You managed the first few times were probably the worst, hopefully now it will get easier.

      Don't you find there are a lot of 'heart beat' moments, when you miss a step, find that you can't walk easily on grass, the floor is slippery, nearly being blown off your feet, remembering to get out of the car properly! Also you never really know how you are going to manage until you are in a situation, some things seem easy and are not, and other things look hard and are fine. I like to be prepared, and this feeling of not knowing until I am there doesn't sit well with me! 

  • donnarhi303
    donnarhi303 rose0000

    Posted

    Hi. Yes your feelings and fears are what most of us have felt post op. Don't beat yourself up over it. Try to enjoy the company of friends to go in short walks (asking them for their arm for support if it's wet or slippery ) and end that with a coffee shop stop. My friends loved that bit! Also I asked friends to come to the supermarket for a small shop. I'm 6 months down the line and still think of my chair in the corner of the living room as my 'nest' where I spent hours reading, watching tv and putting my makeup on for an hour!!!! Now I'm up and about nearly normal I look fondly back on some of those hours!!! Take it slowly but do aim to go out a few times a week to get used to it again. I'm still not keen on going out at night but maybe that's because it is cold. Good luck x
    • rose0000
      rose0000 donnarhi303

      Posted

      Thank you Donna, going out at night is daunting without my husband. I took my children to a party and it was dark when it finished, and my heart was beating so badly, I feel into a flower bed I didn't see, and felt so scared! Ridiculous! I was absolutely fine of course, but it has how those moments make you feel. Vulnerable. If someone else falls in a flower bed they laugh and get up, if I fall in the flower bed I could end up in a&e with my children miles from home. Honestly no wonder we feel like we need to be careful. The relief I felt getting in the car, and then finally getting home made me feel like I never wanted to go out again at night alone with the children. 

      Six months down the line sounds like you are much more comfortable and confident, so I will look forward to that, and not feel worried this is something unusual.

    • donnarhi303
      donnarhi303 rose0000

      Posted

      Hi. Hope you are ok after the fall. Be careful. Be kind to yourself and enjoy no pain from grinding joints! Yes 6 Months is a lot better than 3!!! I'm not perfect yet but trying to get there! I've got one leg longer than the other so that's difficult to come to terms with and I think I pulled a muscle (my first night out in months with a few Vinos) dancing and that makes me limp a bit. I will be checking it out with GP soon as it is taking it's time going away x
    • AnnieK
      AnnieK rose0000

      Posted

      Rose, how awful to have fallen in the dark, and with your two very young children by yourself. I would have been terrified to go out with two children as young as yours by myself in the daytime at your point in recovery. 
    • rose0000
      rose0000 donnarhi303

      Posted

      It was more of a trip but these things are scary when they happen, and you shudder and think never again!

      Dancing with friends sounds fun, how amazing for you, I am so looking forward tot that moment - where did you the pull the muscle?

    • rose0000
      rose0000 AnnieK

      Posted

      Annie, absolutely, I didn't plan it that way. The party over ran, it was dark and we were nearly 100 miles away from home! It was closest friend so wanted to go and share the day with her and my goddaughter. In hindsight it was too much, too soon. And that paves the way for losing your confidennce and/or feeling vulnerable.

      Driving home I gave myself a good talking to! 

      The next invite that came up I said no, and have been saying no pretty much ever since! It will be a while before I want to repeat that experience. We live and learn and no harm done.

      I do pressure for my children not to miss out though...it is a balancing act.

    • donnarhi303
      donnarhi303 rose0000

      Posted

      Hi rose. It's at the front of my hip replacement. Been really painful but I refuse to take pain mess as I took enough before the op! It really aches after sitting or laying down for a while and stings. The night I did it was good and my first time of wearing heels. After a few drinks I forgot about the hip!!! What a fool!!!!!that was my first drink for months and I've not had any since x
    • rose0000
      rose0000 donnarhi303

      Posted

      Your forgot about your hip?????? Do you mean to say one day I won't be living and breathing this experience??? I think about my hip when I am asleep even!

      How utterly wonderful to be free of it!

      It must have been SO liberating!

      It does really sound like a pulled muscle, esp at the front, sometimes they can take months to settle down, I hope it gets better soon and you can plan your second night out on the town!

    • donnarhi303
      donnarhi303 rose0000

      Posted

      Haha rose. You are so funny! Yes you will forget about your hip given time. That's why this forum is so good because even when we are months post op we can see read about new hippies and help if we can. I can vividly remember my concerns re not sleeping or not being able to get on or off the loo without help! Today I was cutting branches from a 7 foot tree (never would have thought that 6 months ago). You will get out of this rut that you feel you are in especially with spring and summer coming. My friend had her hip replaced in winter and said next time she would do it in spring or summer because she felt trapped at home due to the weather. Make small plans, be kind to yourself, plenty of rest and know who your real friends are. Sometimes we realise that some "friends" are nowhere to be seen when you really need them after an op. Cherish those friends and family who are xxx
    • lyn1951
      lyn1951 rose0000

      Posted

      Rose - I can second the forgot about my hip, especially the right one. One day about 8 -9 months I commented to my husband, its as though I never had a bad hip, after 40 years of problems after accident, and miles of physio that never seemed to do any good. WHAT A RELIEF. Dare I say its like having a baby, you swear black and blue your husband is never coming near you againat the time, but you do forget and come back for more. Must admit two babies was my limit. Now i just have to get my left hip as good, am getting there a year later.
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