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I take diazepam which is moderately helpful but not really enough, my gp had given me the option to increase it, I did increase my night dose but had been reluctant to increase the morning dose as well.
This went on for 3 weeks, my anxiety in the morning became intolerable but I was still reluctant to increase the diazepam further.
I decided to try an anti-depressant instead, I knew it would take time to work but hoped that it was a foot in the right direction at least, I took 15mg Mirtazapine as prescribed on Friday night and all hell broke loose!
I started to hallucinate badly, I didn't even know it at the time, I insisted I was dreaming but my husband clearly knew I was wide awake, this went on into the next day, my husband was calling doctors who said ideally I should be in hospital but I was refusing to go, in the end they said cease treatment immediately and told my husband to watch me closely.
Saturday evening the hallucinations had stopped but I still felt unwell, achey, itchy, sky high anxiety etc.
Monday morning I woke up and had the worst migraine I had ever had in my life, my husband got me to my doctor who said that it was bad reaction and stress, physically I am okay.
Mentally though I just cannot heal, I still have my usual anxiety and agoraphobia to cope with but what with this past weekend things feel a hundred times worse and my confidence is rock bottom.
I did go out with my husband today but felt so anxious and scared, it's hard enough anyway and the extra stress has set me right back.
My GP said to take the extra Diazepam in the morning if I need it, she wants me to have a break from new meds after the bad experience but at the moment I don't want to increase it because I just want to be in my 'own' head if that makes sense, I spent days out of it and just want the fog to clear.
Honestly though I have no idea how I will ever get over it, my emotional state was fragile enough as it was and now it's even worse, I know that no one can make this any better for me but really I just needed to vent.
It took 15 years to pluck up the courage to take a new med and this is what happened, I fear I will never be the same again.
I don't want to scare anyone off of Mirtazapine, it might be perfect for some people, it was just so wrong for me but now I have wounds that I fear wont heal from it and a whole lot of anxiety and agoraphobia that was already there to work my way through, I am just emotionally shattered
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