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I met my boyfriend five months ago. He’s a wonderful person. He suffers from depression. Early on in our relationship he was laid off from his job which caused him to “spin out”. He told me he felt pressure from all angles of his life and felt we should slow down. I continued to support him as someone in my family also suffers from depression and sever bipolar disorder. I’ve been exposed to this my entire life. He worked through it and our relationship flourished.
Last Wednesday, he got news that his son had gotten into some legal trouble. It had been about a year and a half since he heard from his ex-wife. His son is in his late teens so he communicates with son directly however, he needed to communicate with her. He was very open about their communication but he became extremely distant as the week went on. By Friday he was barely speaking to me. On Saturday he told me he was spinning out of control. He said he felt when one thing went wrong he would just sink into a depression. Fast forward to this week, on the 30th I finally asked him if everything was okay with us. We are in daily contact and it didn’t feel right. He’s extremely warm and affectionate but he has been cold and distant. He told me that he felt pressured, depressed, spun out and that he needed space. A break from our relationship. Then he asked me if I would check in and I wanted to scream NO!!!! But I realize this isn’t someone who is doing this to be a jerk. He has a serious issue. He also has an eating disorder. We are both middle aged. We have spent a great deal of time together and in the 5 months I have only gone one full day without talking to him. Yesterday was the 2nd day. Right now, I feel giving him the space to figure things out is the right thing to do but he said some disturbing things in his texts such as I don’t know if I want a serious relationship or if I’m ready for this. He said these things the last time he wanted to push me away then apologized when he came out of his depression. I witnessed this behavior as a child too with my parents. The mentally ill parent would push the other away during an episode. I truly think he’s a remarkable person. I don’t want to lose him. I realize it’s been a short period of time but I’m older and I’ve dated a lot of men, I can spot a good one. Any advice? I have not contacted him since he asked for space. It’s been almost 48 hours with no contact.
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