BPC, Sex and Getting Older

Posted , 13 users are following.

There is hardly a posting in this forum on remedies for BPH that do not address the side effects of these remedies on sexual function. But as I approach my 70th birthday I wonder if too much emphasis is placed on preserving this function. I personally prefer to "pee like a 20-year old again" rather than "perform sexually like a 20-year old again". I've had 50+ years of an active sex life but Nature designed us so that this would be a declining function after we get into our 30s.

Sure it is great to brag about our libidos into our 70s and 80s and even beyond but I would rather base my choice of BPH procedures on how well it will preserve my bladder and kidneys than my orgasm.

I personally relish letting the stress and anxiety surrounding sex fade into the past and enjoy my "golden years" being free from all the demands that being sexually active placed on my life. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy a good orgasm as much as the next guy, but at what cost in time effort and money as well as compromising effective solutions to other health issues.

I enjoy watching my grand kids discover their overwhelming sexual energy that Nature has instilled in them to fulfill their natural obligation to reproduce. And at the same time I am grateful to finally have a rest from that controlling influence on my life so I can focus clearly on other matters.

I would really like to hear from everyone on this topic. Obviously it is very personal and depends of course on our partner's needs and demands as well but it sure seems to be at the forefront of everyone's concerns about possible BPH solutions, whether 45 or 85.

Happy New Year all, wishing you all health and prosperity in 2019!

Howard

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  • Posted

    It's funny, Howard, I've been contemplating lately much of what you've written about. It's actually been nice to take a break and I've been focusing on other things. My wife, too, does not feel ignored or abandoned. I suspect what will happen is that we will settle into a frequency of lovemaking that is less than it was before but very satisfactory for both of us.

    Best of luck to you.

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  • Posted

    I disagree with you Howard. I'm 71 yo and sex life matters to me more than in my 50th. It's indispensable part of human life and manhood, even at the older age. It's true that stamina and sexual performance for older men not always comparable with the same for younger men, but shouldn't be always so. Correct Testosterone supplementation and timely minimal invasive of BPH can preserve the sexual function in men through very old age. This forum heard many men in their mid-70 (me including) who claimed that PAE treatment not only preserved al their sexual functions but even improved them by improving erections and prolonging the intercoourse. Can testify personally to such claims.

    All other invasive methods of BPH treatment, while very effective in improving the stream flow and eliminating the bladder neck blockage, unfortunately severely impair some or many sexual function of the patient.

    Happy New Year.

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    • Posted

      Hello Gene:

      Coming from the "invasive methods" side of our treatments (I had a simple robotic prostatectomy in August), I not only pee like a 20 year old, but I also get great erections and have satisfying orgasms. The one noticeable difference is I do not ejaculate much, but then again, with the enormous prostate that I had, I was not ejaculating much before my invasive procedure. I should add I do not take any medications for anything. Very fortunate at 61 years old.

      I just wanted to chime in because for those men out there still trying to decide on which non-invasive versus invasive procedure to consider, having a so called "invasive method" is not the end of the world. Granted, a radical prostatectomy (complete removal) brings on a lot more risks than the one I had which simply shelled our my mass (200+) and left everything else intact (bladder neck, nerve bundles, sphincters, etc.). It is these items we should be preserving if at all possible, regardless if the treatment is non-invasive or invasive.

      Dave

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  • Posted

    Good morning Howard

    This has been a concern for men for many years. Most of the time doctors only try to save a men erection not think of there orgasm or ejaculation. Most doctors say it will all be the same and you don't need your ejaculation. There main concern is getting you to pee better.

    Now I feel this is a age thing. All men have different concerns has they age about sex. With men having BPH and Cancer at younger ages. These problems are a concern that it is not one size fit all.

    I think after 50 a men's sex life starts to go down. ( Some Men ) We don't have it as much but we still like to. It will also depends on if we have a loving spouse or partner. When your 50 or 60 we do not run in the bar seen anymore and that weekend hook up like most men do in there 20's . Sex at that time was just to get off and brag to our buddy's.

    Another thing that I have read doing some research over the years which I feel is important is that do you know when a man has a orgasm with a ejaculation it will relieve tension and stress in the body. A dry orgasm does not do that. Most of the time if a man has a prostate surgery if they are able to have sex the orgasm is not as good. But you still have some men that the orgasm does not change. They are the lucky few. That is because of the skill of the doctor and what type of surgery you have.

    I could go on but we have to end sometime. This is my opinion and I'm not telling anyone to do anything

    But what a man need to do if sex is a concern is you need to bring that up with your doctor. If he does not want to give you a straight answer and tells you all will be the same. It may not. You need a doctor that care about all of you not just one function.

    At 63 I may not have sex like I did in my younger years but being divorce for 16 years I still enjoy it at least once or twice a month and I still enjoy masturbation both helps me relax before a hot bath. I have enough stress in my life and need to get rid of it.

    As I get older my opinion may change and I may not care about sex but for now that is my concern. I will not have any procedure or take any pill that will stop my erection or ejaculation.

    I wish you all good health in this new year. Please talk with your doctor and voice your concerns because you are the one that will have to deal with the outcome not your doctor they just move on to the next patient.

    Happy Holidays..............God Bless........Ken

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  • Posted

    I think this is very individual. As men enter their 60s-70s, there are a broad range of physical possibilities and priorities. Some are physically able to do almost everything they could when much younger, some not. For some keeping everything as long as possible is important, for others, moving on to other things, otherwise un-distracted is their focus.

    Two points that are important here. 1) Many suffer from BPH in their 40s and 50s, where sexual function is likely to be more of a priority. There are posts in this thread from men who hope to have more children and for them, RE is a deal breaker. 2). The procedures that maintain sexual function fully are also less invasive, less dangerous, have fewer potential long term side effects (beyond sexual - like incontinence) and for most men, are just as effective. At 70-something, even if one isn't as concerned with sexual changes, an unnecessary anesthesia and surgery are greater risks than for someone younger. The net effect is that you end up killing two birds with one stone and for most men, the less invasive option is the better one, whether they care about sexual function or not.

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  • Posted

    Ok, Howard since you ask, I will tell you how I feel about it. Supposedly, you are not offended if we are personal in this response. I hope I do not offend anyone.

    It is Sunday and I have promised to clean out the garage today as it is cold and I can't play golf but I am compelled to answer you as it feels like you need to hear from men. I also feel you are correct. If you have to settle, the urine would be more important than the sex. But, in my opinion, not much more important. I am not 70 yet so I don't know about sex in the 70's and 80's.

    I am 68 and I have sex usually twice sometimes three times a week. I do not alway have an orgasm but my wife always has enough for more than both of us. Naturally, that is very pleasing to me and I am a lucky man. I am sure this is a factor that goes into the decision equation.

    I had severe BPH symptoms for over 9 years. I would not take the medications available because of the side effects which I considered horrible. I lived with BPH and used every homeopathic and natural remedy I could find. You name it, I tried it from both the East and the West. This got to be a joke. Finally, in my early 60's and nearing retirement, I realized I had to do something as I was getting up 12 times a night. So, I like most of us, I went to a well respected and recommended urologist who proceeded to take me through the normal protocol that they learn in school. DRE exam. PSA scoring first. Then he requested I do a 12 needle biopsy and at that point I felt it was time to learn a lot more before I let a man stick these needles up my rectum and take out random pieces of meat in an effort to tell me I had cancer. This just did not feel right so "let's all slow down here" is what I told him.

    I started my quest for my solution. I did not know how to find an answer at first but I was determined to find one. I ask my God to help me by giving me patience, and give me wisdom and strength and direction to look for a solution. You may not be a religious or God fearing man but this is the way I approached it at that time as I was a scared and a desperate man for a solution. (If I had one thing to tell men now about BPH it would be to NOT wait to address this. My prostate had gotten to 125cc which is about the size of a pool cue ball.)

    All I knew at the time was I did not want my sex life with my wife to change. It means a lot to us both. Yes, I love my parent and my grandkids and the rest of my life but my wife is my "Air". I am a lucky man thanks to the blessing God gave me when I met her 29 years ago and I knew it when he did it.

    What is "Air",what do I mean? Well, air is our atmosphere, our oxygen, and it surrounds our gravity. It is our sustaining force that we can't see but we have to have it to exist. In my life , that is an excellent description of my wife and what she is to me. Loosing sex with her would be a truly devastating situation for both of us so my search for a BPH solution was the most important thing I had going. I borrowed on credit cards the money and started the search.

    I researched for almost two years. I looked at every procedure I could find. I created a spread sheet which had to make sense to me in the engineering of the procedure and the process activities by the doctor during the procedure. There were a lot of questions and few to no-one to talk to about this. So I made appointments with the Doctors I could identify as the cutting edge leaders in the specific procedures. I traveled to 7 cities through this country. I met with 9 doctors and look them in the eye with my wife by my side and I ask them the hard specific questions. I explained that I was paying them for their time and I wanted them to take the time to explain how the procedure was actually done by them specifically and why did this work. I wanted to meet them and feel what type of man I was dealing with. Yes you can be duped but you can also tell a lot looking in a mans eyes.

    This was three years ago and I have been post procedure for two years this month. I got my relief from my symptoms. I now get up about twice a night. I go to bed about 10 and I get up about 2 then I get up about 6 and I use to go to work at 7 but now I am retired so I go back to bed and play with my wife while getting the weather on TV. To me, this is a victory.

    I have no sexual side effects with the procedure I chose. I tell you all this because I want you to understand first why my solution was so desperately important to me and second, you do not have to give up or give in unless you are just tired of the search and have your priorities lined up where you want them and the sex does not matter.

    I hope I have not offended you or anyone else. Good luck.

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    • Posted

      Hello J:

      I completely agree with what you are saying. What relief/treatment did you have done?

      I had an invasive simple robotic prostatectomy in August. My prostate was MRI measured at 265cc. How I ever lasted through the years until I reached this enormous size is beyond me. It finally took full retention to get me to take action. I was determined to fix my problem, not let someone treat my symptoms.

      Like you, I met and questioned doctors, researched, and learned what was at risk. I also learned what needed to be protected in order to continue an active sex life post procedure. During pre-op the morning of surgery, I reminded my doctor to make sure to give me that garden hose he promised, as well as preserve my love stick. He laughed and delivered on both as promised.

      Back to the topic at hand. I also consider myself lucky to have a compatible partner when it comes to sex. This was a major building block in our relationship early on, and something we have thoroughly enjoyed over the years. My procedure shared above has preserved that, plus I pee like I am 20 years old.

      Dave

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    • Posted

      Hey Buddy

      I agree with you.

      Why should have to give up one part of our life for another.

      Have a great New Year......Ken

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    • Posted

      Are you going to share the secret procedure you spent years researching ?

      I had GL for my 75 grm prostate and Thulmium/Holmium about nine years later when it grew to 135 grms. As my median lobe was not the enlarged area and I had bladder neck sparing procedures I was happy with the results. My PSA high was 9.8 and now five years after the last procedure it is 0.5.

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    • Posted

      Yea, sorry, I said I had to clean the garage. Tell Derek 76 that I and trying to make a few extra point and got tied up.

      Yes, the procedure I had was FLA. Focal laser ablation. I found the doctor and that is the key

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  • Posted

    Hello Howard:

    Interesting topic. I do not remember when and where, but I heard once that as we get older, we end up talking more about sex than actually having sex. Sex from a raw perspective is what it is. To some, it is "wham bam thank you ma'am," while to others it is "making love." There is another saying that during our first year of marriage if we put a bean in a jar for each time we have sex, then after the first year, we take one bean out for each time we have sex, we will spend the rest of our lives trying to empty the jar.

    If we can just put the act of sex aside for a minute, what might be important to others is having intimacy with our partner. Each of us might define intimacy differently, but to me it is sex, or that raw and erotic togetherness that makes each of us feel good and that we share with no one else. I can see where to some intimacy might be holding hands, or cuddling, etc., but to have a more intimate closeness is where I place importance, and it is something a greatly value, especially with a willing partner.

    Whether we admit it or not, the absence of sex in our lives, especially for those that have had lots of it in their lifetime with compatible partners, is a sort of emptiness.

    Dave

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    • Posted

      Dave

      I have been on this site for a long time. I have all ways stood by and told men to think before they have any procedure. Why should we have to give up anything just to pee better. That is only one function of out lives.

      When men get older that should be the best part of our lives. There are no kids in the house you have less of stress raising the kids so your wife or partner can connect again. Sex is everything what you say.

      Now being divorced for 16 years I don't have that anymore. Men that have been married for so long will get what I am saying. After many years of being together. You know that person you know how they like it and how they want to do it. That is making ** love ** You know every each of there body

      That is why I only have sex 1 or 2 times a month because it's not the same. Sex now is just a way to get off. I can do that my self. You don't have that togetherness. Enough of that.

      No man should have to give up anything if he does not have to or want to. Find a doctor that cares about all your functions. If they don't get another that will.

      God help us all...............Ken

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  • Posted

    The Suffering revealed by these BPH forums and the terror that this condition can inflict on a human,

    can be debilitating .After being cured, (Surgery) can be like a Leper being instantly healed...so..

    If you can have sex as you age for whatever your reason or emphasis .. ......Great !

    Before surgery, Sex or no Sex would of been classified as a MAJOR NON ACUTE SECONDARY PRIORITY..

    All the Best!!

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    • Posted

      Hey Derek

      That is why we all have to do our research.

      We have to also get a doctor that does not want to give you all the test to help you and find out what your problem is. BPH is not a one size fix all problem.

      Before picking a procedure you have to be 100% sure it is right for you. Ask question of the doctor and his patients if you can do that.

      There are enough problem that we have to go through...Ken

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    • Posted

      They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Too much puts Guys in a position where they have difficulty in choosing then the ones who have not had a good result put fear into their hearts.

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    • Posted

      Derek,

      Add one more to your list. Research . I found this forum searching for Rezum. My Uro recommended it a year ago and Ive been researching ever since. I decided to go for it even with the bad reviews on this site. Time will tell.

      Tim

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    • Posted

      Here in the UK Rezum is now the procedure favoured by the NHS. Mainly I suspect due to its lower cost and quick patient turn round.

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