Brain Zaps/Shivers

:lol: Good Melbi, food is good. When i zap the memory of my mum sayong\"dont eat after nine\" , hey , I eat after nine....take that mother.

Hi Ja, sorry to hear you feel low again, you will get thro , youve been doing well so you know you will do well soon. Summer is coming (well I hope) That makes me a happier person.

Melbi, thank you for today, i think it has helped but feel like there is a block in my throat, because form what ive told you ....whoooooooosh , it goes bad!

Nevermind, it can only get better! Keep climbing guys, well get to the top , one day. I hope

Does depression stay with us forever ??

Hi Ja

Does depression ever go away?

No - in my experience it doesn't. I have suffered depression from around the age of 14. Doctors used to put it down to difficult teen years - hormones etc.

Yes - you do learn to control it rather than it control you but at every corner it is there waiting to take you over again.

It can be something so small and insignificent to some major upheavel in your life.

I haven't used anti depressants for over 15 years now and have over the years learnt some coping strategies.

Many people do need the help of anti depressants - I don't!

If you need them, you shouldn't cut yourself up about it. I needed them years ago - without them I wouldn't have survived so please don't stop taking them.

Perhaps ask your doctor if you can try a different one? There are loads out there - it may take several different ones before you find the right one for you.

Ja, alcohol will only make your depression harder to deal with. I know it is easier to have a drink than cope with the constant battle against your feelings but believe me it doesn't work.

I'm really sorry about the breakdown of your marriage - it can be just as tough on our loved ones as it can be on us sufferers. There should be more support out there for them too.

Try not to beat yourself up over the past - it's happened - wallow in self pity (we are good at that :roll: )

But there has to be a time when you face up to your life events - face them head on - deal with them - then put them where they belong - in the past!

Not an easy task to do if it was I wouldn't be in the need of drugs, help and support today if it was easy!

That is what we have to learn to do though! Together we can all help each other do that.

Try and get some rest now - tomorrow is a new day - look back at the last couple of days - admit to yourself you messed up - then 'bin' those thoughts and move on.

None of us are perfect - don't even try to be!

Love

Melbi xxx

I just cant bin those thoughts, i know alcohol doesnt help,but i cant help it, i honestly feel sometimes i so different from everyone in the way i cope with stuff, u r so right, something tiny triggers majors downers for me, why cant i cope like other people, i just want to be normal.......

Ja

you are as normal as the next person.

So we are more receptive to our feelings, how does that make us abnormal.

You would have a fit if you knew how I cope LOL

My top drawer contains more OTC medication than our local chemist! :oops:

I'm also very aware that a lot of people, including famous people have lost their lives tragically through self medicating and getting it wrong!

I'm brilliant at saying how stupid they were and how could they have made sch a mistake - but it is easy - on really bad days I can't always remember if I have self medicated and if I have what time etc. So I too could quite easily become one of those statistics.

Right now I'm feeling very tense and crap - I know why and I know unless I self medicate again (already done this an hour ago) I wont get any sleep and tomorrow I'll be right back down that dark tunnel.

But the self medicating is better than feeling tense and crap! I'll tell myself it's okay - I'll probably try and hang on a little longer to try and give a suitable space between slef medicating but at the end of the day - I'll ignore the warnin g label and do it! That's how we become - we become desperate to feel 'normal'.

So please don't think I or anyone else can cpe better than you. You are doing fantastic - so what - you had a few bad days - weeks - months - aren't we entitled to have those days>?

Keep talking on here Ja you will be very surprised how by doing so you will start to feel better. Posting here is a good way of downloading all the crap in your life.

Love

Melbi xxx

:shock: Hey, ja, What are your thoughts about? When you feel ready, talk to someone, pelase, melbi has really helped me today...Im sure it helps. Sometimes we just store things up ...and parents, (well they just want us to do the best for ourselves, quite possiblt, just theoretically thinking , from my experiences, they are here to love us, but eff us up).

Try not to dwell on it. You MUST miss your children, its no wonder. I doubt you are a wife battere or even rapist, so i am more than convinced you will find someone good enough for you, that youcan share with your children. it will get better...says she the hypocrit who is :wah: and too afraid to move!

I really hope you can stop wishing for what has been, and look forward to what could be, (what a hypocrit - dont you think?). take care ja, hope you will, Katy.

Melbi,

I honestly feel like im going nuts, i cant b normal?? i have 2 amazing kids yet im selfish and hate my life, they dont deserve a dad like me, i just want to feel like i did 10years ago , happy !!!! i over analize eveythin, no patience , i hate being me, im so pissed off with life

I'll go along with the 10 years off my life lol

That would make me ermmmmm 34

Cool!

Ja you are just going through a rough time at the moment, it will get better!

You will start to have more good days than bad days. Try to focus more on the good ones and not dwell as much on the bad ones.

Melbi xxx

[quote:330578ba05=\"Melbi\"][quote:330578ba05=\"Stiltman\"]'Afternoon Melbi and all.

Good to hear you were able to sleep and you're getting some respite from the brain zaps. You're right, they are totally horrible and leave you entirely disorientated and sick.

I slept 12 hours straight through last night but only thanks to the Zopiclone tablets making it happen. Not keen to take to many of these but when it seems you've had about three hours sleep in four nights and are as jumpy as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs then something's gotta give!! :evil: Feel much more relaxed today.:zzz:

Good luck with the doctor's this week. Just tell 'em how it is. You've started to take your life back and they need to support in a way that [b:330578ba05]you[/b:330578ba05] are comfortable with.

Stay strong!

Best regards[/quote:330578ba05]

[size=18:330578ba05][color=blue:330578ba05][b:330578ba05]Hi Stiltman

Thank you for your kind words of support - ermmm - you don't fancy escorting me to the doctors do you by any chance :oops: [/b:330578ba05][/color:330578ba05][/size:330578ba05][/quote:330578ba05]

Melbi. I would be glad to but you're a strong, resolute lady and you know in your heart that you don't need me or anyone else to speak for you. You know it's true!!

Your frank courage has inspired many on this site.

Now stay strong and do it for yourself!! :ok:

We're all pitching for you.

Good luck & best regards.

Melbi

i am p*ssed now, feel like sh*t, y have i been cursed, i have lost everything through this sh*t , my beautiful wife, my kids, my home, i will never have what i had.................. once i feel like this i just plummet, i will b ok tom

u r so very kind

Thanks again Stiltman :D

Frank courage huh? I have only ever been me on here and posted what is deep within me, Mmmmmmmmm thank you for your vote of confidence.

To be honest with you it won't be courage or strength that makes me stand my ground with the doctor - it will be because I feel I have been cheated out of 7 weeks of my life! That doctor looked back at my records saw what I'd done in the past, read about my depression then wrongly jumped to a conclusion. At the time I was suffering from both mental and physical exhaustion and so didn't question her reasons for prescribing me citalopram.

I was vulnerable and she abused that vulnerability in me.

Well that is how it feels right now.

Melbi xxx

[quote:ffc5c0ba99=\"ja\"]Melbi

i am pissed now, feel like sh*t, y have i been cursed, i have lost everything through this sh*t , my beautiful wife, my kids, my home, i will never have what i had.................. once i feel like this i just plummet, i will b ok tom

u r so very kind[/quote:ffc5c0ba99]

Okay Ja stop!

You have had your self pity now :roll:

Now it's the drink talking :shock:

You haven't been cursed - though by drinking while feeling crap you have cursed yourself!

Go get some sleep now hun tomorrow is another day - forget this one - wipe it out and start again!

That's the beauty of life - we always have tomorrow to start again :D

Sleep well Ja and keep posting here - it does and will help.

Love

Melbi xxx

Sorry lol - got carried away with my self righteous wrist slapping and forgot to say you are right Ja, you won't get a wonderful life back until you stop torturing yourself.

Please don't be so hard on yourself - now no more drink - send it my way instead :D

Melbi xxx

Night Melbi

if i can sleep i will, tks for being there, i just wanna be happy again, for real............................................

Ja xx

Night Ja

Sod the happiness for now - see it as a long road with several different stopping points (or starting points)

Aim for the first point - one step at a time - happiness is right at the other end of that long road - way too long a road to step from the start to the end!

One step at a time!

Sleep well

Melbi xxx