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Can anxiety/depression stop feelings of love?

Posted , 143 users are following.

liz54943
liz54943

Hello

I have been happily married for a long time. We've had our ups and downs, like any normal marriage, but there's always been a lot of love.

We've just come through a horrifically stressful 18 months, mainly due to financial worries. I have felt permanently stressed, worried, very vulnerable and often humiliated (unable to pay for school trips, turning down social invitations etc). My self esteem has taken a battering and some days have been so hard. But, I've soldiered on, kept my chin up and still took a lot of comfort in the fact that, despite everything, we still had each other and we still had a lot of love.

But, these last 6 weeks something has changed. I'm experiencing feelings of anxiety and panic. I can only feel negative about life. All my optimism has gone, and I feel like I have nothing left to fight with anymore.

But, the very worst thing is that I feel like I don't have any love left for my husband anymore. It's all gone. When I look at him, I just feel tense and anxious. Just him being around makes me feel worse, and I have to force myself to be affectionate, and I have to pretend to be my normal myself. I genuinely feel that if I won the Lottery tomorrow I would walk away from him, and never look back. There's been a few rare flashes of the old loving feelings these last few weeks, but that's all.

I feel calmer, more centered when I'm alone, or with our children. The moment my husband walks in from work I tense up, I feel more anxious and I try to avoid him in the house. When only 2-3 months ago, cuddling up on the sofa with him was the best part of my day.

I don't understand what is happening to me? Have I stopped loving him, because I'm depressed/suffering with anxiety? Or, am I suffering with depression/anxiety because I have stopped loving him?

There's no denying that deep down I probably hold him responsibile for our current financial difficulties. He's a very clever man, but he's made a few reckless decisions, and he admits that often he doesn't 'work smart' but busies himself with stuff that interests him, rather than work that would be more financially productive. Added to this, he's admitted he feels very down and withdrawn, and certainly he's not the optimistic, dynamic man I knew and loved only a few months ago. But, he's still affectionate and caring towards me.

I would really appreciate it if anyone could respond and reassure me that something similar has happened to them, and that's it's down to anxiety/depression. Otherwise I can't believe that 20 years of marriage has come to an end.

Thank you.

13 likes, 200 replies

200 Replies

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  • designergirl12
    designergirl12

    Posted

    I have felt the same way as you Liz. My husband has only just started talking to me about our financial situation.

    Unfortunately it looks like you have discovered a chink in his armour, but, as a traditional housewife you have probably put that armour there in the first place.

    Inasmuch as he is 'just going through the motions of trying to appear normal, and engage with our family' I think that is a sign of inner strength as he is trying to keep a lid on thing and not lose it. Because when you start shouting and screaming and flying all over the place you have lost it!

    I understand how you feel, my husband looks like the recession etc hasn't touched him as I take any job to keep us going. And at 60 that ain't no joke!

    You say the resentment builds up when he comes home at five pm. Why not try changing the dynamics at that time and arrange to meet him at a pizza bar or somewhere. Take yourself out of the environment and then go home together.

    I wish you all the best

    x

  • sanderella
    sanderella

    Posted

    Liz are you taking any kinds of prescription medications? I have to ask because so many of them blunt

    you're emotions. Literally, so that you can't feel anything even love.

  • joan152
    joan152

    Posted

    Liz,

    Sorry to read your post I know you have financial problems which must cause so much anxiety for both of you.But have you thought of marriage counselling ,it's just I have friends who had financial problems due to him getting made redundant and had great effect on their marriage they went to counselling and got their marriage back on track .He now has now taken up gardening for people and things are fine, she us still the main earner but he feels he s contributing,just a thought.GoodLuck

  • Pinkduck
    Pinkduck

    Posted

    After reading this I would like your advice I'm in a very simular situation except I'm 18 years old and not married. Although I am in a long term relationship of a year and half I was so happy up until about 3 months ago all of a sudden all I was feeling was guilt and sadness, I felt guilty for things I'd done before the relationship started, from there on in my mood and feelings would not shift every time I saw my boyfriend it would hurt and get feelings of sadness and anxiety.. Finally I went to the doctors and they diagnosed me with depression, it runs in the family my mother has been on and off antidepressents since she was 17, my dad, sister, nan and cousins all suffer from depression. I have been on antidepressents for a month now and I still lack feelings off happiness, love and warmth and even excitement! I feel no positive emotions. It's worse when I'm with my boyfriend because I KNOW before this I adored him, he's been so perfect through all this and so supportive. When I have a good day my thoughts are "please don't finish him you do love him, you'll regret leaving him" but when I'm at my lowest my thoughts are "you don't love him at all, you'll never get your feelings back for him, finish him" I really don't want to lose him I truly believe we are supposed to be together and I will do anything to make this work! Please any advice is welcomed.
    • kay777
      kay777 Pinkduck

      Posted

      I know this was over a year ago. but I am currently going through exactly what you were. daily I'm battling with myself over "you don't love him, you do love him" and it is seriously completely heart breaking. I'm feeling so down and all I want is my overwhelming feelings of love and admiration back for him. I miss it so much. I miss the relationship I had. will it ever come back? will it get better? I have never felt this way. I'm completely heartbroken. but I cannot feel a thing. no happiness no love. all sadness
    • taylor72321
      taylor72321 kay777

      Posted

      Hi Kay. I am so glad I found this forum because I am feeling the exact same way. I have been dating my boyfriend for about six months and the past few weeks I have been battling my thoughts constantly about whether or not I love him. On an intellectual level I know that I do, but I can't feel it sometimes. We are long distance as I am in college and he lives 200 miles away and lately I just don't feel motivated to text him or call him like I used to. It's absolutely terrifying because I know how badly I want to be with him. I just went home to visit him this past weekend and the entire time I was with him I was feeling sick with anxiety about the way I felt towards him. He still made me laugh and smile, but those feelings didn't stick the way they're supposed to. I feel similarly with my friends, but it is most intense with him because of how great things used to be. I don't really have an answer to your problem, I wish I did. However, it might just be nice for you to know that you're not alone. I'm going to try and see a therapist and a psychiatrist soon to try and get my depression on track. That's what I would suggest to you. Best of luck!
    • tan77
      tan77 taylor72321

      Posted

      Hi guys I am also glad I found this post. I have been suffering with sudden loss of emotions and feelings (mostly the feelings of love). I have been in the most amazing relationship with the love of my life and we got married a few months ago and everything has been AMAZING seriously. We are so madly, deeply and passionately in love. I used to sit at work and if I even though about my husband I would just cry because I am so grateful I have him and that we share such an amazing love. If you could have just been at my wedding I mean people talk about how much we love eachother and tell their friends how inspiring we are as a couple. Seriously life has been better than my dreams.

      I went to a NP 3 months ago for issues with migraines and stomach pain. He asked me if I had had any stressful things happen in the last few months and I did have very major changes within 30 days, I had changed careers - gotten married - and moved to a new place. He asked me how my sleep was and I told him not good. He felt as though if he fixed my sleep issue that everything else would fix. I was put on a

      Hypnotic I believe it was Temazapan. My underlying anxiety and depression worsened so I discontinued taking it. After seeing the NP again he suggested I go on Zolpidem(Ambien) I felt pretty good for the first few weeks and saw him again and he gave me another perscription for Ambien. However on my second round I woke up one day and my life was completely different. I literally went from being happy, content and SO IN LOVE to nothing. Absolute emtiness and just nothingness. I couldnt feel anything. I immediately went off the Ambien and contacted the clinic I had gone to. They said they cant be sure its the medication unless I detoxed from it and then went back on it and had the same reaction. I am now 3 weeks off of ambien and I am blah. I am so blah and nothing. I dont feel anything. The withdrawls from Ambien were.. to say the least the most horrific thing I have ever been through in my entire life.

      So here I am now. I should be almost compeletely rid of this substance in my body and I am still feeling empty and no love or warmth. Last night I went to a Family Medicine doctor who says I am depressed and have anxiety and they want to put me on anti depressents.. I am terrified to go on any medication after what I have been through and I am terrified I am never going to be the same.. seriously I have never been so afraid in my life. This isnt me. I know I love him why cant I feel love? I know I love my family why cant I feel love? How can I go from being the most content I have ever been in my entire life to this.. empty vessel.    

       

    • kevin14727
      kevin14727 tan77

      Posted

      I understand some of what you are going through but can't understand why a professional hasn't replied to help you
    • javier29669
      javier29669 Pinkduck

      Posted

      I am reading this now, but I am 18 and going through a similar situation, except I am a male. I am also going away for college and these feelings all started when my partner first mentioned her past to me. Just know you're not alone. How have things been now?

    • taylor_17978
      taylor_17978 tan77

      Posted

      Hello I'm not sure if anyone still gets on here but I really hope so. I'm dealing with the loss of feelings and emotions. First off, I was put on Lexapro for anxiety about a year ago. About a month on them I met an amazing guy. I was head over heels in love with him. I loved being with him and when he wasn't around I would dream about him. Everything was so perfect. I decided to get off my anxiety meds and quit cold turkey, which I know is bad but I thought i could handle it. And about a month into my withdrawl something changed. I woke up one morning and it's like he was a stranger to me. I couldn't access the love I had felt for him that year or feel anything. It's been 4 months since then and I'm just devasted. I pray and hope that it's part of the withdrawl and my brains just trying to get balanced back. I KNOW how I felt about him and now feeling nothing just kills me. I really hope you got yours back <3 it's just a painful thing to experience

    • taya52948
      taya52948 taylor_17978

      Posted

      Hi I'm experiencing somewhat the same please tell me if your progressed at all D:

    • samantha1492
      samantha1492 kay777

      Posted

      i know this was posted over a year ago but i am. i am hoping to get some answers or just some reassurance. i'm 25, i've been dating this wonderful guy for a a year and a half. i have been having very down since about November so about 4 months. i feel the same way you do about battling with do i love my boyfriend or do i not. i've been going to a therapist for a few months now and she feels that i'm looking for something to blame my depression on so bad that i'm making him the reason i feel this way. Did it ever get better for you? I haven't felt happiness in so long and like you said it's heart breaking. i just want to talk to someone who has felt this way and can relate to me. my friends don't get it and it's hard to explain it to people. i'm having a really rough time. my boyfriend has been nothing but supportive and it breaks my heart that i can't even feel happy when i'm around him

    • megan75573
      megan75573 kay777

      Posted

      I know this post was made two years ago but I'm currently going through the exact same problem and was put on Prozac this week. I have been with my SO for 2.5 years and engaged for 3 months. This has been the absolute best relationship of my life and I can't imagine my life without him. About two weeks ago, it was like something snapped inside and I'm having all of these negative thoughts about our relationship. I've gone from having the "what if I'm gay" thought to I don't really love him and I'm just convincing myself that I do to I just need to let him go. In my heart, NONE of these things are true but yet the thoughts are still eating away at me. All I keep thinking is that I just want to go back to two weeks ago when everything was perfect. I am on day three of 10mg of prozac and although I've been told that things are going to get worse before the medicine really starts to make me feel better, I just want to know that my relationship is going to survive and get back to the way it was. Please tell me that this happened for you?

    • megan75573
      megan75573 samantha1492

      Posted

      I am currently going through he exact same thing. I have been with my SO for 2.5 years and engaged for 3 months. This has been the absolute best relationship of my life and I can't imagine my life without him. About two weeks ago, it was like something snapped inside and I'm having all of these negative thoughts about our relationship. I've gone from having the "what if I'm gay" thought to I don't really love him and I'm just convincing myself that I do to I just need to let him go. In my heart, NONE of these things are true but yet the thoughts are still eating away at me. All I keep thinking is that I just want to go back to two weeks ago when everything was perfect. I am on day three of 10mg of prozac and although I've been told that things are going to get worse before the medicine really starts to make me feel better, I just want to know that my relationship is going to survive and get back to the way it was. Please tell me that this happened for you?

    • megan75573
      megan75573 Pinkduck

      Posted

      I know this post was made years ago but I'm currently going through the exact same problem and was put on Prozac this week. I have been with my SO for 2.5 years and engaged for 3 months. This has been the absolute best relationship of my life and I can't imagine my life without him. About two weeks ago, it was like something snapped inside and I'm having all of these negative thoughts about our relationship. I've gone from having the "what if I'm gay" thought to I don't really love him and I'm just convincing myself that I do to I just need to let him go. In my heart, NONE of these things are true but yet the thoughts are still eating away at me. All I keep thinking is that I just want to go back to two weeks ago when everything was perfect. I am on day three of 10mg of prozac and although I've been told that things are going to get worse before the medicine really starts to make me feel better, I just want to know that my relationship is going to survive and get back to the way it was. Please tell me that this happened for you?

    • mel61374
      mel61374 megan75573

      Posted

      I have literally been having the exact same thoughts as you! 

      It feels amazing knowing that im not alone in this. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and hes the most amazing guy in the world. we get along amazing and i really believe that hes my soul mate, but one day i just saw him completely differently and i had this awful anxiety that i didnt love him anymore. I've struggled with anxiety for years and i just tried hard to work past it and it was okay for a few months but now that same feeling has come back, only this time its causing me awful depression and i keep having these thoughts that I'd feel way happier without him and i'll be free but its not the case sad I havent been able to eat or sleep properly and its killing me thinking that i dont want to be with him anymore and i dont know if its real or not :'( 

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