Can anxiety/depression stop feelings of love?
Posted , 143 users are following.
Hello
I have been happily married for a long time. We've had our ups and downs, like any normal marriage, but there's always been a lot of love.
We've just come through a horrifically stressful 18 months, mainly due to financial worries. I have felt permanently stressed, worried, very vulnerable and often humiliated (unable to pay for school trips, turning down social invitations etc). My self esteem has taken a battering and some days have been so hard. But, I've soldiered on, kept my chin up and still took a lot of comfort in the fact that, despite everything, we still had each other and we still had a lot of love.
But, these last 6 weeks something has changed. I'm experiencing feelings of anxiety and panic. I can only feel negative about life. All my optimism has gone, and I feel like I have nothing left to fight with anymore.
But, the very worst thing is that I feel like I don't have any love left for my husband anymore. It's all gone. When I look at him, I just feel tense and anxious. Just him being around makes me feel worse, and I have to force myself to be affectionate, and I have to pretend to be my normal myself. I genuinely feel that if I won the Lottery tomorrow I would walk away from him, and never look back. There's been a few rare flashes of the old loving feelings these last few weeks, but that's all.
I feel calmer, more centered when I'm alone, or with our children. The moment my husband walks in from work I tense up, I feel more anxious and I try to avoid him in the house. When only 2-3 months ago, cuddling up on the sofa with him was the best part of my day.
I don't understand what is happening to me? Have I stopped loving him, because I'm depressed/suffering with anxiety? Or, am I suffering with depression/anxiety because I have stopped loving him?
There's no denying that deep down I probably hold him responsibile for our current financial difficulties. He's a very clever man, but he's made a few reckless decisions, and he admits that often he doesn't 'work smart' but busies himself with stuff that interests him, rather than work that would be more financially productive. Added to this, he's admitted he feels very down and withdrawn, and certainly he's not the optimistic, dynamic man I knew and loved only a few months ago. But, he's still affectionate and caring towards me.
I would really appreciate it if anyone could respond and reassure me that something similar has happened to them, and that's it's down to anxiety/depression. Otherwise I can't believe that 20 years of marriage has come to an end.
Thank you.
13 likes, 200 replies
scott61483 liz54943
Posted
I know this forum is Four years old but i have no one to talk to. I am in a gay relationship, i moved in with my current partner back in summer of 2015, then a few months ago, He and i moved from saskatchewan (canada) to quebec (canada), where he was born. He did a lot for the relationship too. I worked in hotels before, but since we moved here in quebec, only warehouse jobs were offered to me (mainly because Montreal is too far and stressful to drive to and the suburbs mostly has french or bilingualism requirement and i dont speak french. I can pick up some words but I cannot get into a french conversation). I dont want to leave him but sometimes i want to. He over reacts to negative issues and sometimes i think he is bi polar. Plus money worries. I actually do not know what i am doing. I make alright money (i am about to start a second job) and he is on welfare (he has been deemed unemployable ever since we met). He did a lot for the relationship too and he also drives me to work Sometimes I have regrets meeting him. Mainly because of money worries. I know it's all my choices but i am drowning in debts at the moment. I am just not used to being the breadwinner i guess. Let's just be honest, lately i feel like i am just here for the ride, i have friends to talk to on facebook but it's not the same. I often think of moving to the states but how. I got family there and they cant help me because they have their own lives.
scott61483 liz54943
Posted
Dear liz,
Try to talk to your husband about your feelings . It wouldn't be fair if you just up and walk away. Is there any way you can see a doctor? This is why there are lot of old maids in my mom's side of the family and my dad 's too. Single life is less stressful.
I get headaches because of financial stress eversince being in my current relationship. I think it is a big mistake trying to provide for someone who is ill mentally. Probably because of the age gap (he is 26 , i am 34)plus me being materialistic (but some of them i put off buying and i did sacrifices too not just him). It's annoying and my chest wants to burst and my headaches. I wish i can sleep forever and never wake up. I am just exhausted. To be honest i guess i just needed someone to save me. He and I both need saving (in our previous relationships, we were looked after).
sasha_49884 liz54943
Posted
Hi, I just wanted to know if your feelings came back for your partner? I'm currently going through a 9 year relationship with my fiance who has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety he says he doesn't know what he wants loves me but not as much and told me it's easier if we split. We are still fighting to keep the relationship going though. It will be nice to know of others who have been through this or gone through it with their partners and come out the other side. What can I do to help? How do I get him to believe it will be fine if he doesn't believe it? Any help would be appreciated tia xx
ellebi sasha_49884
Posted
I am a female in the same situation but I am the one with the mental health issues. I just don't seem to feel the same way anymore, I love him, but the sexual feelings are gone and he just annoys me a lot more recently since ive been mad with my anxiety. I just feel Id be better on my own sometimes and not put someone through my mental torture, I don't know will I ever be the same person again
2Much liz54943
Posted
saline99995 liz54943
Posted
I'm young and have been with my boyfriend for nearly three years, the best man iv ever met, we are long distance right now and I feel the love and I know it's there and I know I'm in love with him but, I feel nothing some times, sometimes they come alot and then the week after they are gone and back within another week, I panick alot and I feel like my world is falling apart when I think about it, I feel pain when I'm rreminded and it hurts emotionally and physically, he tries to help me and he is wonderful at it, he tells me it's okay and it will all be alrright and it works.. for a while, I dont know what to do, I want to be with him, he is the only one for me but I dont know what's going on, it's been happening for a year, which means I really do love him but, I dont know how to fix this, can anyone help?
kashif61778 liz54943
Posted
Hello as you mentioned about anxiety/depression stop feelings of love?
my answer is yes because when you stuck in a problm it will not make you feel comfortable with your partner until it resolved.