Can anyone tell me what's wrong?

Posted , 7 users are following.

Hello. I don't know if 'Depression' is the right category for this but please help me if you know anything. Three years from now I was hit by the elusive illness which later, after six months, the doctor finally diagnosed it as CFS. A lot happened in these three years. I'll keep the details short. I was 16 when it started and of course no one knew what was wrong with me. All my tests were perfectly normal, nothing alarming, so we stopped going to the doctor for a while and in that while something strange happened. One day we visited our relative's house and our aunt, whom we visit frequently, was also there and in the middle of a conversation, I just glanced at her for a second while she was looking behind and when she turned her head back, not looking at me but in my direction that's when it happened. Suddenly I was seeing a complete different scenery like not my aunt's house or anyone who were there. I saw that I was standing on the front porch of a wooden cabin. The ground and the dark leafless trees surrounding the area were filled with snow while snow was still falling down and there were a few big and small metallic contraption on the right side of the ground. Here I was actually gazing at this new scenery from my left to right in a circular motion, then when my line of sight went to the right side of the cabin's porch I saw a girl between 19-20 age with light chestnut Bob hair and poorly dressed for winter, in a white frock with no shoes, socks or even a sweater. She was walking on the porch with her back towards me and the moment I saw her there she briskly turned around and smiled at me and then I jolted back to my aunt's house without anyone noticing. No one noticed it because they were chatting away, so I assumed I must've just phased out which was unusual, I never wander around when talking or anything! So trying to figure it out, the last thing I recalled before was my aunt and so I looked up at her again and to my dismay it happened again. Over and over this strange 'view' played in front of me (like pieces of memory flashing before you're eyes) and always ending at the smiling part. At first it was only when I'd look at her but the more I couldn't understand this the more my mind would unconsciously travel to her and then it started coming when my head would turn to her and without even seeing her, and with the escalation of the coming flashes, the scenery got cut too either only till the metallic contraptions or just snowy ground but mostly came the girl—turning around and smiling. Now I'll tell you this, I've never seen snow in my entire life nor did I know the place and l've never been a wooden cabin or house and the most agonizing yet, I don't know that girl. Also it was june. It wasn't ending at all and I decided not to look at her anymore. I noticed it was already late afternoon and hours had passed.

After that my aunt and cousins decided to come at our place and my whole body was unbearably throbbing in pain but I had to sit with everyone else because there's some invisible rule that you shouldn't rest even when your body's aching while someone's at you're house! And then I sitting there, in pain, while everyone were choking on laughter. So I decided to  think about what happened. Then I realised nothing happened when I looked at her after we came from that house and I looked again, nothing. It was all very weird until I tried to get into their conversation, she looked in my direction and it all started again. A few times again my head would go back towards her in frustration. None of this made any sense. I thought if I tried to keep my reality and then look at her maybe it'd stop but nothing worked. So this time I stopped looking as quickly as it started however it began to trigger just by listening to her voice. It made me very angry, frustrated and confused like 'what is this?' and started thinking hard on what's this and who's that girl and why's this happening to just me, no one else seemed bothered and my aunt's really sweet to be jinxed! Then my vision went red for a good 10 or maybe less seconds. I felt so enraged in those few seconds and the red vision confused me even more, like looking everywhere just to see everything red. Nobody noticed anything and was thankful to think I was normal on the outside.

Ever since, my memory's worsened in these past three years and can't seem to remember anything! I wrote this in my diary if you're curious. I barely passed by a margin in my highschool exam. Since I had the red vision, whenever I'd think on those events that day or that scenery and girl, my thoughts get bleary and I can't think in that direction anymore and if I force myself my mind becomes fuzzy and everything seems surreal. There's also the feeling like my mind's blocked and I can't access into it and if I try harder, the surreal fuzziness comes back and later (even now) this forgetful, 'blocked' mind, happens in everything I do either working or talking and if I force myself to focus, everything becomes surreal like a dream. I black out a lot and can't converse normally because I can't think clearly and forget things (even what we were talking about) in the middle of it and always end up saying something that hurts the other person's feelings without realizing it or something I'll regret later when I think on it.

Please tell me if you know what this is, I'm really tired and sick of myself. This was just one out of many weird 'things' that occurred in these years. I wanted to tell more but this already took so much space. Sorry for jabbering nonsense and thank you those who read this till the end.

English is not my first language but I'm guessing you already figured that out.

0 likes, 33 replies

33 Replies

Prev
  • Posted

    What affirmation are you looking for? If what you have described is accurate, i.e,you had visual and auditory hallucinations, you should speak to a doctor. If they were dreams that's another matter entirely. If, however you think you've had a 'supernatural' experience and your looking for affirmation I think you may be on the wrong forum!

    I really am not wanting to sound rude, but perhaps you have a very powerful imagination that isn't getting as much exercise as it would like.

    • Posted

      No you are not rude at all, this is a fair statement. But no they weren't dreams, I was wide awake when they'd come and I don't think it was a supernatural experience.

      Whenever I'd tell my family about this, they wouldn't say anything except that it's alright you're stressed it happens and my dad wouldn't even care to understand my situation and just call me crazy head on in front of everyone, even in front of the last doctor we visited, who gave me an appointment to a psychiatrist on the next day but no one took me there so what could I do.

      Though I don't think my dad is at fault here, not completely anyway. My grandmother's (dad's mom) brother had severe schizophrenia and in the end hung himself. The shock was too much for everyone that time, he used to be very jolly, that's what I heard. I only wrote this for context I don't think it is genetic.

      I actually feel very overwhelmed, talking to people in forums such as this. It's just my mind was very uneasy, there were so many questions and no answers that I couldn't take it anymore. Now though, just after reading the replies to my 1st question. I knew it couldn't be normal but didn't expect it to be related to all these.

    • Posted

      I am beginning to think that you saw a ghost or had a hallucination now.
    • Posted

      because you thought it was a real event at the time but it could just as easily been a vivid dream.
    • Posted

      Yea it was probably a hallucination, my mum was on the room too and I was wide awake.
    • Posted

      Sorry about the question earlier, I kind of forgot what I said. :x
  • Posted

    What I have just read about your odd feelings do seem to be very strange. It sounds very similar to Petite-Mile which is a mild form of Epilepsy or similar.

    With Petite-Mile your mind would usually go blank and then back to normal within a very short time.

    What you experience I would say is not exactly the same 100% see your Dr and get him to send you to a consultant OK.

    • Posted

      I agree, does sound like petit mal or even frontal lobe epilepsy. Frontal lobe epilepsy doesn't always present with typical seizures. Sufferers often describe switching from one world to another very quickly and then back again.
    • Posted

      Evening Jack, just read a message you had sent to me. Petite Mal it could be but your second explanation seems to match more. Like it explains

      going into another world then back quickly which as you had stated would be the frontal lobe epilepsy.

      Adrian

    • Posted

      Well I do still black out and in the previous years, my mind would go blank a lot, my record in class significantly dropped and mostly all the time my mind was somewhere else but I wouldn't remember where. It'd be like— class started, teacher started explaining something, I'd try my utmost best to concentrate for my grades, then I won't remember anything and in the next scene, they'd be solving the exercise questions and a lot of time was gone and I couldn't recall anything about it. Also sometimes I'd be in another room at home or once I was cutting my nails and was about to cut the next finger's nail, it was already cut!(perfectly round the way I do my nails) And sometimes I'd be walking without knowing. I told my mom about this but she didn't say anything, even when I urged her she said it's okay.

      Even in between a conversation I'd black out. So I spent most of my highschool year alone, preferably where no one would go, to avoid interactions with others.

      But now I can't even talk without saying the wrong words! Like my head can't work right. It'd be perfectly constructed in my head but while saying it, the words are gone. It feels as if my mind's blocked, so I can't access in while speaking and also I was never someone who forgot things and now I'd forget things the very second. And my lack of focus and slow at grasping situations. It's so frustrating and agonizes you to no bounds. Do these also come with Petit mal or Frontal lobe epilepsy?

    • Posted

      Morning Crow, I have recently read your message. What you have gone through do sound like Petite Mal as with this you suddenly become absent as well as this if you have often found that you have been walking this can happen. You will find too that Mum may say you are OK to stop worrying you. If you are concerned see your Dr.
    • Posted

      Morning Crow, I had just written a reply to you but after seeing the end of your message again Frontal Lobe Epilepsy often makes you feel so if you are somewhere else. Epilepsy is a very awkward complaint to control. For sure see your Dr to see a consultant you will be safer this way.

      Regards (ADRIAN)

    • Posted

      Morning Crow,

      My heart really goes out to you Crow. This problem really has interfered with  almost every aspect of your life. I imagine at times this must be frightening. I was saddened to hear that no one would take you to see the psychiatrist.

      You really do need to see a psychiatrist or a neurologist, do you have a friend that could take you? Are you still at school? If you are, perhaps you could speak to a teacher and they could arrange for you to be taken to see the psychiatrist.

      The best advice I can give you is please go back to your doctor, maybe go on your own, so that you don't feel judged while you are explaining your symptoms. Tell the doctor why you were unable to keep the appointment with the psychiatrist.

      I hope you get the help you need. In the meantime, please do use this forum for support and encouragement. I've met some very caring decent people here. I'm certain you will get understanding, compassion and friendship here.

      Youre not alone Crow. Keep your chin up, and try no to be fearful. You'll always have support here and I'm sure in time you'll get answers and real help.

      Sending you my best wishes.

    • Posted

      Evening Jack, I have just read a note you had sent to Crow. Her parents are mainly drawing my attention. Like Crow had stated each time she has an attack her mother always states that she is OK. I am not sure if she is doing this to stop her worrying more or don't understand what Crow is really going through. She left me a note last night asking if this could be Petite- Mal or could it be the front lobe type of epilepsy like you I had advised her to see her Dr to make an Appointment to see a Consultant thanks to Jack for making a little fuss of her she won't forget this.

      Regards (ADRIAN)

    • Posted

      I don't know what to say. You've all been very supportive and helpful and kind, even though you didn't have to say such things. It was all really appreciated. Well it's not as frightening as it is hard, keeping your head out of it while having to listen to what others say and still imply on you until you have nowhere to go. But thanks, really, this helped a lot! I'll do what I can to see a doctor.

      Everyone's help was more than I could hope for.

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.