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Can Depression/Anxiety make you think you don't love someone?

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chantal_76583
chantal_76583

Hello, thanks for reading and I apologize for the length. 

About a month and a half ago, something happened in my relationship (my fault) that kind of triggered (at first) an enormous amount of guilt.. which then subsided a little bit. I was good for a few days and then bam... "do I love him?" a thought so truly devastating and painful that I was crying all day. A man, so loyal...loving...caring...truly the love of my life. We have a relationship like you've never seen before. It's so unique and that's what makes it so special. But when these thoughts started... I truly feel like I've lost myself. These thoughts give me multiple breakdowns a week.. cause me to feel extremely overwhelmed everyday. I feel tired, exhausted.. I don't fantasize about my future anymore because the want to "live" is kind of gone. (Not a suicide threat).  Before all of this... my boyfriend made me so damn happy. Everyday, my love truly grew stronger for him. We talked about our future, and what we want. We have all of it in common.  I can still be sexual with him some days. But when I overthink and get these thoughts...I cannot. It's truly killing me because I don't want to end things with him... all I want to do is get back to being happy with him. I keep getting these intrusive thoughts like "do I love him" "what if I will feel like this forever and the only way to get better is if we leave each other". I cannot be without him.. everything we've talked about.. all the memories we made. He truly loved me to the core and I do too.. but these thoughts are killing me. When we're apart, like rn.. we sleep on the phone together every night and it's something I can't not do. I cry to him over the phone, explaining to him how much this is hurting me. He tries to understand to the best of his ability and he's as supportive as he can be. Could I be depressed and anxious? The first 2 weeks of this issue.. I was lying in bed all day all night.. I was sweating with a cold feeling and every noise I heart scared me and made my heart race. I did not eat, I did not sleep right. Just so many issues that have again, slowed down a bit. What should I do? 😞. The only time these feelings kinda go away is when I do things together with my boyfriend. When I'm alone and SOMETIMES with him, the thoughts hit me and I just want to cry. I don't feel free.. I feel trapped in a pool of my own thoughts trying to eat me alive. Please help me😞

18 likes, 222 replies

222 Replies

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  • baraa272
    baraa272 chantal_76583

    Posted

    as i said before for similar thread 

    depression and Anxiety can makes your beloved one the most trash one in your own eyes!!!

    maybe a a calm date with him and BEING HONEST with him can makes things work for you both

    • Guest
      Guest baraa272

      Posted

      I’m curious to know how I turned out for you. Did depression hit you and you fell out of love? Once it went away did you have the feeling and love back for your partner and did the relationship work once the depression was gone. Are you still together ?

    • baraa272
      baraa272 Guest

      Posted

      i know this sounds out of the world 

      but once your soul heal from inside you can see the beauty of life 

      and love and treasure your life partner

    • Lou-001
      Lou-001 baraa272

      Posted

      How did you go about it?

      Did you let the depression chase your partner away or did you both stick to it and tried to get through it and then work on the relationship?

      I believe what you say but I also believe that you can destroy so much while going through it that it does not matter what feelings come back. 

    • baraa272
      baraa272 Lou-001

      Posted

      first of all

      you need to ask yourself Just One Question 

      Why am i sad????

      if you answer yourself honestly then you have chance against depression 

    • baraa272
      baraa272 Lou-001

      Posted

      also the chance to love your partner again

      though i didnt show any depression signs though but after a while i told her about such 

      and then she comforted me that i'm overthinking so much (habit) 

      and so step by step i got out of it

  • Lou-001
    Lou-001 chantal_76583

    Posted

    I am Billee’s partner and I’d like to add a few comments to the discussion. 

    I did suffer from mild depression last year and while it was not bad it did cause havoc. 

    Fast forward to five months ago and Billee did fall in depression. It has been the hardest time I’ve ever had in my life but I believe it is rewarding in a strange way and it will all get better. 

    The hardest thing for someone one the outside is to be able to separate the person from the condition. 

    I have and will stand by Billee and see her through this. The condition caused self destructive behavior and it takes aim at the one closest, often to the breaking point. It is at this point that the partner has to keep his wits about it no matter how hard it is, it is the condition forcing herself to push me away. It is not her. When good moments come, and they do, I feel warmth and it reminds me of who we were, who I am to her and who she is to me. 

    She needs to be taken care of as many times even the easiest things get to be really hard. Decisions need to be taken from some mundane things like what are we going to eat to more important things like what are we doing for Christmas and are we going to fix the car, work stuff etc. being there and doing and taking all that pressure off is immense help. There is not much gratification, other than the fact that I am standing by the person I love. It is the most important thing for me and that is the gratification. I am also by her side to just listen and hold her in those dark moments, even if sometimes that is directed at me. I do not challenge anything much, nor do I claim to be able to fully understand it.  

    There are times when you have to put your foot down and call her out on something’s not for the sake of argument but for the sake of perspective. 

    I also stand by her to soothe her, support her with docs, housework and everything that routinely goes on in everyone’s life. 

    Will it work out at the end? I believe it will. There are signs, from the very beginning and when I left for a few days, she did miss me and asked for my help in being there for her. There are small blissful moments that shine through and that is when I know for sure. 

    So, I guess an advise for the partners out there, hold on, do not judge, do not take it personally but make sure that some lines are drawn and you get to do some things for you. Give space when needed and make sure you keep giving the love in anyway you can. 

    Wish you all the best. Ask questions if you got any. 

    • dixie54052
      dixie54052 Lou-001

      Posted

      THank you Lou & Billie too for your replies on here. It helps all of us who are going through this sort of hell with the wondering, feeling crazy, how did this happen?

      My story is that me and my now ex depressed significant other (DSO) have been limbo since August only meeting up once in January...but the meet up was mixed signals with him saying "we can't wait this long" and him continously hugging me and kissing me on the cheek. 

      As a reminder, his depression hit in August (we dated for three months and had dated the year previously for two months - reconnecting last June) and he said we had to step back and be friends as he could only deal with work, kids and sobriety to make it through. We didn't talk for six weeks live, talked again all of October then he went dark again in November. When I spoke to him in November he said "I feel friendship for you. I can offer friendship. I can't be in a relationship right now. I come out of my black hole for work and kids and that's it!"

      Anyhow, I saw I was blocked on Instagram two weeks and wondered what happened. I pressed and pressed and he would say "I saw your message and I will respond back." But we were still friends on FB so it was strange. I finally had a meltdown and said we needed a break and that I was blocking him on FB so that we could have a clean break until 4/1. 

      So, he wrote back Friday...

      He essentially said that "I'm not even sure where to begin.  So, I will start by saying I’m sorry for not responding. I never intended to hurt you. I feel I made it clear that I do not have the same feelings as I did before. I cannot explain it but we had the conversation and you seemed to accept what I communicated. We agreed that we were going to be friends. 

      After reading your email it is clear to me that I should have been even more direct. 

      I miss you as a trusted friend. You have done so much for me and I will never forget that you were there for me. I did have deeper feelings and that is the truth. You are one of the greatest humans I know. I just don’t have the same feelings. I feel awful even typing this as I know you will be hurt. 

      There is no doubt that my life has been crazy but there is no excuse for not staying in touch. 

      I’m truly sorry for the hurt due to my inaction." 

      And he confirmed that he blocked me and other friends on Instagram as now his kids are on Instagram and he doesn't want to have to explain "who's that?" to them...including me as we were girlfriend/boyfriend and while I didn't meet them, he did share my picture with them (early on - when we first met up a year ago). 

      He confirmed that he is now out of depression by saying "I'm no longer depressed and for reasons I cannot explain, my feelings have not changed. I know it's harsh but I am telling the truth. I was not playing you and cannot explain why things changed. I just don't want to hurt you anymore. I think I blocked everything out and did a complete reset coming out of the depression. It is hard for me to say but I do not see us dating again. I'm not seeing anyone. I wanted and still do want to be friends but do not see that as possible given where things stand. I do not want to hold you back any longer. It's not right or good for either of us."

      WHAT DO YOU ALL MAKE OF THIS? I mean I'm not a masochist so I'm going to honor his wishes, keep him blocked on FB and not reach out anymore. 

      I truly believe that he's being honest but this all came to a head within 3 weeks of amazing times together (the depression hit in August and we had dated for three months and he said he was falling in love with me and gushing like a school boy) -- and coincided with depression that came on. And he has kids and a messed up living situation for which he cannot change and I believe dating me (first girl he dated seriously after divorce) would force him to make changes with his life and kids that he's clearly not prepared to do.

      Any thoughts from you all are welcome.

      Prayers to all the sufferers of D and those who support them throughout this hell,

      Dixie

      Dixie

  • Guest
    Guest chantal_76583

    Edited

    Hi! I know this isn’t an amazing answer but I just want you to know, you’re not alone. I’ve felt this way too. I’m always on and off feeling like this and mine and my boyfriends relationship is exactly the same!!! I honestly can’t answer it myself and it baffles me because I love him more than anything deep down but I always have those horrible thoughts, and I don’t want to feel them but I do. Anyways I know I’m late on the conversation but I hope everything’s going well for you now and good luck for the future x
  • shan56120
    shan56120 chantal_76583

    Edited

    Hey everyone, 

    I posted on this forum about a month or so ago. I just wanted to give an update. Currently, I am anxiety and depression free! I have been on Lexapro for about 8 weeks now and it seemed to kick in around week 6. That being said, now that the depression and anxiety are taken care of my relationship is better than ever. I wanted to let everyone know who is struggling with depression or anxiety that it does get better. It is undoubtedly your anxiety that is causing you to feel this way; I promise it gets better. (: Hang in there!  

    • britton33348
      britton33348 shan56120

      Posted

      I have been on lexapro for a few months and i feel slightly better but im still struggling. I know i’m still in love but it’s like i don’t feel excitement and the warmth of it? What dosage are you on? I’m so scared i’ll never get back and i love him so much. I just feel so guilty not being my true self and not being able to love him to my full potinetal. i’m honestly terrified. I’ve been reading these forums for months. I need help, reassurance or something! I feel like i’m gonna give up soon.
    • ellebi
      ellebi britton33348

      Posted

      Its hard. Doctor told me to try therapy even sex therapy
    • Lou-001
      Lou-001 shan56120

      Posted

      Hi Shan,

      That’s wonderful news. I am happy for you as it is an evil thing. 

      As a partner of a depressed person I knew that it was always there just waiting to come out but my partner did not believe it anymore and as I was the target of the anxiety I was made the scapegoat. 

      It is something that saddens me greatly because I know that truth and what’s on the other side. The most important thing is to try to contain the damage and work at it together. Everything will be good. You’re proof of that. 

      Unfortunately 

    • shan56120
      shan56120 britton33348

      Posted

      I know the feeling exactly. I still have flare-ups sometimes but it is getting easier to talk myself down. The warmth and excitement come back slowly but surely. I am currently on 10 mg of the generic of Lexapro. I tried 20mg but that was too much for me. Some days I can feel myself being cranky or mean to my partner but he knows it is just my talking. I wanted to give up many times but I am so glad I didn't. I promise things will get better. 

      Another great anxiety relief for me is exercising. I am usually very active anyways but when I became depressed I stopped for awhile. My doctor urged me to go and since I started an exercise routine my anxiety and depression have gotten much better. 

    • john63486
      john63486 shan56120

      Edited

      Me and my girlfriend of 7 months broke up about a month ago . My anxiety took to much out of me . I could sleep , eat , or enjoy things anymore and when I was around her I would feel physically sick . Even when I would be alone I would cry , scream , and think about her with someone else or the thought of losing her and it made me feel crazy . Now we have just got back together I have just started to see a therapist , and I need help . I still feel the way I did before but she is so supportive and caring and understands me . I have told her everything . I just want to love her like I use to . She had never given up on me and has stuck with me through thick and thin . This is my first serious relationship and I am only 19 , but I use to have goals for my life and I wanted her to be apart of my future . And I still do I just have negative thoughts telling me that she is not the one or do I love her . When I know I do !! I just want to go back to being happy again she deserves that . I broke up with her before because of this but I got back with her because she said that she will fight it with me . And she has . I want to give up but I'm not . I hope for a future with her and I want her in my life . But all I feel is down all the time and I feel like I'm not myself anymore . I really do need help . Seeing your post gave me faith . Thank you . 

    • BunnyGirl
      BunnyGirl britton33348

      Posted

      It sometimes takes a long time, but you'll get back. It once took me upwards of six months to get back

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