Can someone knock some sense into me?
Posted , 11 users are following.
I'm a 32 year old female... I've posted here before as I know for sure I have a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol but lately I'm trapped in that vicious circle again of daily drinking and constant fear I'm killing myself...
In a nutshell.. I started drinking when I was 14 I'm ashamed to admit with friends or sneaking into the pub to get served.... I then got a job with a local pub and was exposed to drinking from an early age and despite a strict homelife it was unhappy a lot of the time due to older sibling issues so I always escaped to friends or the pub where I worked and met an older man... I was involved in a very emotionally abusuve relationship from 15-20 with a man who lived in the pub.. Drinking just became a way of life back then..
At 21 I finally got rid of the scumbag and met a decent man... To this day we are still married.... But at 21 drinking became even more acceptable and so binge drinking 4/5 nights a week seemed the norm....
At 25 I developed some really tiny blood vessels burst on my upper arms. Knowing I was still drinking too much I went to the doctors and I believe had a blood test all ok... But by googling I was convinced they were spider Neavis....
Cut a long story shorter.... A few more years of heavy drinking pasted I curbed it down to 3 days a week out of sheer fear around the time of my wedding at 28, we then tried for a baby and I went super clean maybe one two nights a week turned out we had male problems and ended up having IVF so for a whole 12 months I barely had more than 3 glasses of wine... We were so blessed with a beautiful daughter in 2014.... 2 months after she was born I found myself drinking in the evenings again more than I would like to admit....
When my daughter was 11 months old we found out we fell pregnant naturally and I was over the moon and only had the odd glass of bubble during my pregnancy...
My son arrived Dec 2015 and I very quickly fell back into heavy drinking in the evenings I like to think due to a stressful time but he's 7 months now and although it's been the hardest time ever dealing sure two under two it's gradually getting easier but my drinking is getting worse...
My reason for posting is I'm getting more tiny blood vessels pop up all over my body. Im constantly bruising but otherwise look and feel really healthy!!!
I'm smoking like a trooper whenever the kids are asleep, I generally feel exhausted all the time prob from lack of sleep but I know alcohol too but I can't stop the cycle and I'm so worried I'm killing myself but to stupid to see it?
I would say I average 60 units a week with two nights free every two weeks of occasionally a few days in a row.
Can someone help me see sense?
Do my symptoms mean something serious?!
Thanks for listening
1 like, 34 replies
gb201408
Posted
Misssy2 gb201408
Posted
Just keep trying. The more you tell yourself that you are "awful" and why not because I already blew the 5 days....try to remember the blissfulness of the 5 days..
You haven't drank that much or for too long...try again....
RHGB gb201408
Posted
gb201408
Posted
Here I am again riddled with anxiety convinced I'm on the brink... Tonight I was studying my palms and think I have Palmer Erythema, my hairs been falling out for months but assumed post pregnancy but small tiny spider Neavis keep popping up all over... At least 9 on my chest arms and one on stomach few on thighs.... That's got to be the alcohol right?!
I've booked a docs appointment for weds despite thinking I could do this I need help and reassurance that I've not left it too late.
I'm worried sick and despite keeping a log the last 15 weeks I can still only get alcohol down to 3/5 nights dry a week.
ADEfree gb201408
Posted
The nevi could be showing up for various reasons, good move getting ahold of the doc. It could be hormone balances/ratios too, from what I read.
Have a look at this for the alcohol issue, it could be a good option for you:
https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder
And this:
https://patient.info/forums/discuss/nhs-primary-care-alcohol-teams-512652
It might be hormones driving your drinking too, so see what the doc says and read up on the links as a possible option to consider once all the dust settles and the medical professionals have filled you in.
gb201408 ADEfree
Posted
Thanks I would love to think it's something as simple as hormones I did actually go back on the progesterone only pill at the end of June which is really over the last few months when I've noticed more spider neavi but I also know my drinking increased then too so id be silly to ignore it.
I did manage 6 days without a drink and had no obvious side effects does that mean I'm not physically addicted?!
ADEfree gb201408
Posted
Yeah, sounds like you're not physically dependent.
WRT the hormones, I ran across this. Haven't really studied the topic, but it seems to be indicating the opposite. They were selling hormone replacement creams, so def would need some confirmation from another source:
"When females experience a loss in GABA activity from diminishing progesterone levels while maintaining normal estradiol production, they can develop excess electrical activity in both, their central and peripheral nervous system. This phenomenon occurs because estradiol enhances the excitatory brain chemicals, dopamine and histamine. Their excitatory effect on brain electricity should be counter balanced with the GABA effect of progesterone. The new onset progesterone deficient middle aged female experiences newfound anxiety and insomnia that frequently precipitates the need for relaxing medication which ultimately causes subsequent addiction issues."
So this is pointing to a progesterone deficiency as a possible cause. Could it be ratios? Dunno.
gb201408 ADEfree
Posted
That's interesting to read, whilst I'm not looking for excuses for my drinking id love to know if the reasons for the spider marks are to do with anything else as docs have dismissed them over the years as just one of those things despite me being open about always drinking heavily for 15 years....
I really hope the doctors take me seriously on Wednesday and will they likely run blood tests? I've had two liver blood tests in the past both I've been assured were fine but is it the best way to tell?!
ADEfree gb201408
Posted
You have to keep pushing until you find a satisfactory answer.
People are mostly told their drinking is due to their own shortcomings or that they are lacking in character or willpower. That answer doesn't seem to be putting much of a dent in the number of people with Alcohol Use Disorder in the world, which currently is over 140 million.
You mentioned that you didn't have trouble cutting way back when you were pregnant? Aren't both estrogen and progesterone levels high durning pregnancy?
gb201408 ADEfree
Posted
Thanks for reply I'll be honest when I was pregnant I enjoyed not drinking and not smoking either I felt like a much better person and actually liked myself and was also the happiest I've been, I think being pregnant for me meant I wouldn't even consider harming my unborn child so drinking wasn't an option it was easy both times.
I've drank the last two nights prob 9-10 units each night and today I feel awful riddled with anxiety checking my body for symptoms and a definite ache on my right side I'm so worried and can't wait to see the doctor on weds
ADEfree gb201408
Posted