Can't stop drinking

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Hi. I've been drinking since I was 14. I'm now 39. For most of that time I've been a binge drinker. Often, like 2 or 3 times a month, drinking till I can't remember how I got home or what I was saying or doing. Now I drink most nights. Not loads every night but I do think about drinking  most days and look forward to the next time I can get melted.

Recently it's been affecting my relationship. My girlfriend has warned me that my drinking could be the end of our relationship. I love her more than anything but still I can't stop drinking. Sometimes I lie about what I've drunk or I hide empty bottles from her. I've  promised myself I'll cut down or I'll just have a couple instead of loads, but it never works.

I think it's now the time to stop all together but I'm not sure I can. I have a lot of good friends but socialising with them usually involves a night in the pub and I don't think I could do that without getting drunk.

I've also been trying to stop smoking for about 10 years and haven't really managed that either! I think I have an addictive personality and not sure what to try next. 

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  • Posted

    I'm kind of in the same boat you are. I'm a binge drinker. I love getting drunk. I love the way I feel when I get to that place, but unfortunately I keep on drinking and I leave that place quickly. I've stopped drinking. It's been close to one month so I'm in no way an expert. Two things are helping me a great deal; one I'm 42 and I've been drunk. I know what it feels like. I tell myself well been there done that so it's not new anymore. I've had to take myself out of social situations for the time being. Don't tell your friends if you don't want. Make stuff up about having to go home. They need not know unless you want them too. Secondly I've decided NOT to go to AA. When I decided this I had someone berate me and tell me that I could never do it on my own. That I was a drunk and without AA I'll still be a drunk. I thanked the person for their opinion. But for me that was a challenge and I'll be damned if I'm going to believe there is only one way to quit. Anyway I wish the best for you, and for all of us. Lastly let me tell you I'm 42 with no family and no one who cares for me. It has been all my doing. Live a sober life with the woman you love. 
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    • Posted

      Letter from my son who is in the later stages of kidney and liver failure ...

      PLZ help me understand . My son is dying and will not stop drinking....

      Excerpt from my sons letter to me about the AA treatment program he was experiencing .......

      In the Beginning, these are the things that helped me most: 

      --...Look for the Similarities, not the Differences...

      --...Probably No Human Power could relieve me of my alcoholism...

      --...G O D can stand for a Group Of Drunks, who can help share their stories to help keep me sober another day.

      --...This disease is called Alcohol-ISm, not Alcohol-WASm. I am an alcoholic, I will always be an alcoholic, this disease does not disappear just because I'm not drinking today, but it can be put into a state of remission. In order to have a shot at a decent life, I have to take care of my disease and do the things I need to do to stay healthy. AA and other programs can suggest what some of those things could be, but I will find what works and doesn't work for me as I go along.

      --...Go to 90 meetings in 90 days, don't drink between meetings and then decide if this is the right place to help with this disease.

      --...if the God things run me out, the Booze thing will run me back, if I survive.

      --...Everytime I separate myself from the group because I think: "I'm not that bad" or "I haven't done that" or "I haven't been arrested, divorced, fired" Just add the word YET. Because if I continue the way I have been I will eventually get most or all of the yets.

      --...This is a WE program. We can do together, what none of us can do alone. A good sponsor (preferably of the same gender) is a closed-mouth friend, who can hear and keep your confidences. They also guide you through the program, explaining the steps and sharing experiences as we go. Although it is usually really scary to trust that, at first, all relationships take time.

      The above was so hopeful to read as a mom I knew he would make it this time. I prayed for him as the hole in my heart was beginning to heal.. 

      Later my son ended up on life support fighting for his life...

      how could this happen? Those of u who have been thru the life of addiction PLEASE help me understand how my son could relapse again?

      What goes thru the heart and mind of a alcoholic to go thru so much for so long. The same thing over & over happens from drinking.. Why does anyone who drinks understand the pain they cause to themselves and family? 

       

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    • Posted

      Hi. Thanks for your reply and well done on staying off the booze for a month.  Have you avoided situations that would usually tempt you? I've got a dinner party at a friends on Friday and I'm kind of dreading it as I don't want to drink but I know the wine will be flowing. 

      Just feels like enough is enough. I don't plan to go to AA though. Getting too old to have massive hangovers and memory loss. 

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    • Posted

      So for me personally, I would not go on Friday. You can handle it in a couple ways. Either tell your friend that something has come up at work and you have to stay late(what I call a white lie for your health) or depending on your relationship with this friend tell the person hey I'm done with drinking. It's still new and I can't insert myself in a dinner situation yet. If the person goads you into going them they're not a friend. Matt
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    • Posted

      Cheers. I think I'll need to avoid social situations for a while or it'll be too hard to avoid temptation. Most of my friends should be fine with the truth. 

      Forever with no booze seems unlikely at the moment but I'd really like to do it and I think it would improve so many areas of my life. It should even out my mood, get me exercising again, make me better at treating my GF with the respect she deserves. 

      Any tips on how you've lasted a month would be gratefully received! 

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    • Posted

      Basically just removing myself from any alcohol situation. Also I lift weights and read. If I ever feel an urge I like to either do something active, or I like to journal about how I feel. But I was surprised at how just staying away from temptation in the first place helps tremendously. I've told a couple of friends and everyone is truly supportive. The way I figure if I come across any friends who are not supportive they will no longer be friends. 

      Matt

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    • Posted

      Sounds like u have not burned all the bridges from alcoholic behaviors to stll have friends.. 

      Great MATT THAT GIVES ME A LOT OF HOPE4U !

      {{gentle hugs}}

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    • Posted

      Why don't u plan on AA it's the best free rehab available?

      its not perfect a good support system . I realize it's not always a choice sometimes the is no choice. 

       

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your support. No I still have some friends left. I've not lost all of them. I did lose every woman who cared for me though. But I'm kind of excited in the future. Living sober life and dating sober is a fun thought...
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  • Posted

    U sound exactly like the life my son led.. It went on for years. I pray u find the way to sobriety.

    If one stopped drinking and slips then I have Heard my son say he wanted his misery back it would be there & it would be waiting for him any time He decided He wanted it back.

    I believe in the Big Book and the program promises. My son does too.  Yet he can't seem to stay in a sober place. I have let go yet I will always luv him.I understand the mental breakdown alcohol has on the brain.

    It would be so nice if he didn't have to wake up every day wandering what He said or did (or maybe who He did) ,the night before. Wow what a wonderful feeling to know he felt sane & secure.

    That he could just pick himself up and do what he needs to do with out that sick fish for a drink.

    That he has not done any thing that would affect him the rest of his life.

    That he has good health.

    That he can be the uncle, brother, father and husband he was meant to be.

    So if I could ask for one thing for any one of the people on this alcohol forum for today I would ask you to start out as a whole new day and stop living in the past & let yesterday go. Give urself forgiveness to move on thru to the other side of alcoholism that leads to SOBRIETY.  

    I Think that there r those who can find sobriety and some who have so much self hate from all the guit of an alcoholic life that they will never find sobriety.no matter how much they r told they r loved.

    I ask those who are caught in the struggle of the alcoholic life what do they think would be a rock bottom place in their lives before they quit alcohol and decided that sobriety was their only salvation. Then found a way to find help with out all the excuses?????? 

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  • Posted

    YLT. Now you are drinking almost daily, there is a good chance that you are physically dependent on alcohol. The first thing to do is to establish if that is the case which you can do with the World Health Organisation (WHO) Severity of Alcohol Dependence Questionnaire (SADQ) - Google SADQ.

    You need to sit down and explain to your girlfriend that you have a problem and you know that you need to do something about it. You are at the beginning of the process of losing all the things and people that are important to you. The end result is often to be left with only the bottle for company. You need to act now if you are going to avoid this process.

    If you ARE physically dependent on alcohol (i.e. if you have shakiness when you don't have a drink) you must NOT try to stop drinking without medical help. It can be dangerous and, in some cases even fatal, to do that. The only safe way to stop drinking when you are physically dependent is with an alcohol detox which consists of you taking medication, initially in high doses (which will make you drowsy but not ill) and reducing over a period of 7-10 days. Alcohol detox is safe and even comfortable in many cases. See a Dr asap if it appears from the questionnaire that you need a detox. Don't try to stop drinking altogether before you start a detox, top up, without getting drunk, to avoid withdrawal symptoms. Don't turn up at the Doctor's drunk! smile

    Alcohol detox only gets you off alcohol safely, it doesn't make it easy to stay off alcohol and there is a lot more you will have to do to achieve that, but right now, that is the most important thing to look into. Try and get your girlfriend on-side. She has, at least given you warning so she wants you to sort it out. She could have just walked out, don't let it get to that.

    Good luck! smile

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    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply. I'm pretty sure I'm not physically dependent as I can go a few days without drinking or not drinking much. It's the binge drinking and lack of ability to stop after a couple of drinks that is the problem. 
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    • Posted

      I understand YLT, but do the SADQ anyway and be honest with your answers, only you will see them and you won't do yourself any favours by answering in a way that you get the result you want smile

      You said 'without drinking or not drinking much'. Many people who are physically dependent never appear to be drunk and people close to them would be surprised to find out they have a problem.

      You really do need to be honest with yourself and your girlfriend. I am not saying you are not but, as you can see from the comments of other people who have got into trouble with alcohol, they were all in denial initially. If you ARE hiding stuff or lying to yourself, be aware that you are heading down a road where you will gradually start losing everything.

      There is no shame in getting into difficulty, it happens to a LOT of people. The further they go down that road, the more likely they will do things which they will feel shame about. Deal with it NOW before things go too far smile

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    • Posted

      I wonder how many times UR alcohol blood level was so high from binge drinking cough, cough...that the level include alcohol poisoning. Of course by that time binge drinkers drink til they pass out and stay in a drunk in stuper even once the are awake the next day and think they r sober. Many alcoholics or alcohol dependents drink way past the levels of alcohol poisoning . Some survive for another try.. Some don't...
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