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Can't take another day of it

Posted , 12 users are following.

Jen09
Jen09

My depression and anxiety has really taken over my life to the point where I can't even remember what it was like before it all started. Every day I wake up dreading the day. It's been going on for 3 months now with slightly ok times in between. I just feel completely stuck and helpless it's stopping me from living each day I feel as though I'm just trying survive I just can't live like this any more sad sorry for such a negative post I'm just loosing the will to fight 

3 likes, 33 replies

33 Replies

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  • jackie82937
    jackie82937 Jen09

    Posted

    Hi Jen

    I've been in a similar place myself with the anxiety and I dreaded each and every anxiety attack.  I'm assumimg you have been and seen your GP?  If not I suggest you go asap, one of the things that helped me the most was group therapy as oppossed to 121 sessions, why?  Because I met other people who were experienceing the very same thing and not only were we able to support each other but knowing that there are other people out there makes you feel that you are not alone in this.  Please if you haven't already go to your GP, perhaps you could take someone you can confide in and whom you trust with you?  Take care. 

  • jason31256
    jason31256 Jen09

    Posted

    Never give up first try to remember what started it 3 months ago then just let it go I know its easier said than done but its in the past and can no longer hurt you in anyway find something to focus on each new day and look forward to doing it change the times you do it each day so every day now becomes a day to focus on so you wont be thinking negatively you will be thinking positively until that task is done you are the only one to be able to do this you have the ability you just need to see it im going through depression myself and im trying so hard not to feel down some days are better than others some days I just brake down and cry and I dont want to feel this way but I know im the one who has to change it like you I have the power to do it I just have to find tbe right way to do it and that what takes time so don't think you're alone in feeling that way but I do know how you feel is unique to you and only you so deep breath take in a new day and do something positive because that will replace the negative feelings you're having it will make you feel good about yourself and hopefully in time you can look back and say why was I ever like that because that is what im aiming for 

    please feel free to message me on here if I have helped if I haven't then I hope someone does because I know how you feel and so does so many on here pleae take care of yourself 

  • carmel83758
    carmel83758 Jen09

    Posted

    Hi Jen. It is going to be difficult to do this but the way you climb out of that dark pit is to ask yourself what it is that is causing your depression. You cannot fight an invisible enemy and you are not fighting this invisible depression thing. If it is something like hating your partner or job then difficult though it is you must change those things. And that is unhappiness, not depression. We all have choices in life and the more right choices we make and the more effort we put into things the more things turn out right for us.

    Yesterday I spoke to two people with "depression" . One was saving up so that she could move into a nicer bigger place in a nicer area. She was working hard and saving and going without luxuries so that she could achieve this. She was working hard at friendships and relationships. She was doing everything she could to make her life as perfect as it could be. Her "depression" was almost gone. The other one was always moaning and asking people to listen and sympathise but she could not be bothered to do anything constructive such as working at existing relationships, forging new ones, getting a job, making sure she could pay her bills etc. Guess what. In five years time that one will still be the same.

    Make a list of all the positives in your life and focus on them.

    Make a list of all the things you want to change and can change and focus on them.

    • Jen09
      Jen09 carmel83758

      Posted

      Hi Carmel, 

      Believe me I have been trying and I won't stop the last two days I feel like I've been completely at breaking point and sometimes like this morning I feel like I'm at absolute crisis point. The thing is I'm finding it very hard to pinpoint exactly what caused it, I was very stressed with my job but I quit that. I am in a very loving and happy relationship but when I'm like this not even that can make me feel better, I'm not working at the moment because I Have not been well enough to, but at the same time I have nothing to do no focus other than on how I'm feeling. I want to go back to my parents house but they say I need to stay here in a flat that I hate which makes it worse. I'm on 20mg of citilopram and I'm starting group therepy soon 

    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Jen09

      Posted

      Yes I believe you Jen but your way of doing things does not work. So you need a different way. Make that list.

      Ask yourself WHY you were in a job you didnt like? Maybe you need to train and study to do something you do like? Leaning on parents is easy but not the answer, you cannot present yourself to others as if they are carers and unqualified therapists. That only seems to help short term, llong term it is a disaster for everyone.

      You say you have nothing to do but that is not true. You can start by making these llists. You ca\n bake a cake. Clean and spring clean your home. Something positive and constructive. You will also be making yourself more worthy of your partner. No matter how nice a partner is the last thing they want is another half who has a long face and sits around doing nothing all day. Contribute to the relationship so that it has more chance of lasting and being happy and dont turn your partner into a carer. And when he comes home dont go on about how bad you feel. Ask him about how he feels and his day. You need cognitive behavioural therapy. You can research that as your not working. There are ways you can do this online.Even doing a jigsaw puzzle is better than just feeling sorry about it. Research all about anxiety and depression seeing as you are very time rich.

      I know you feel bad but I know people who feel as bad as you and also have to take care of young children or run a business. Not easy.

    • Jen09
      Jen09 carmel83758

      Posted

      It was a job I thought I was going to like but I struggled with and became out of my deapth and was stressing so much it became very unenjoyable. 

      You are absolutey right I know I am definetly not going about this in the right way and everyday spent panicking and worrying about how I feel makes it worse hense why I have worked myself up into quite a state. 

      My boyfriend and I don't like together although we have talked a lot about moving in together my parents live in Wales and I live in London and I have to rely on him a lot at the moment which puts strain on the relationship, the group therapy I am signed up for is cbt based but I've had to wait an awful long time for it 

    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Jen09

      Posted

      Not a good idea to move in with boyfriend when you are in such a state. He would be expected to turn into your doctot - carer - sounding board.

      Not what he wants out of a relationship and in the long run he would resent it and start looking elsewhere or end it. Always look at the long term.

      If you hate to wait a long time for free therapy then pay for therapy. It makes far more sense to go to private therapy and get better than it does to moan and continue to feel bad. You may say you cannot afford it but do you go on holidays? Or have a car or other luxuries? Is it not better to spend money on getting better quicker than hve luxuries you do not enjoy? Lots of people go to private therapists so why don;'/t you? If you want to get better you will. You seem to be expecting the doctor, the nhs, the government and your boyfriend to hve all of the bad bits - the expense,

      the worrying, but not you? Why? It is YOUR problem so surely you should be the one who solves it and pays for that solution if need be? YOu will be the one who benefits the most from it. If you had a bad tooth and the dentist told you it would cost a few hundred to pull it out would you run to the doctor and ask him to pay for it? So why is this different?

    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Jen09

      Posted

      Your parents are wise. They were right to say you should stay in yhour flat. You are supposed to be a grown up. If you keep running to others whenever you feel bad you are acting like a child and you will never get better. You are lucky that you do not hvae to work and you have suppport from others. I saw a lady the other day who was depressed. She was also in her 60s and in a wheelchair with just one leg and lots of health problems. But she never went to others for support because she is mature and it is that maturity that has helped her to cope and carry her forward.

      It also means that people don't get bored with her being so needy so she has not lost friends.

    • Jen09
      Jen09 carmel83758

      Posted

      Hi Carmel, 

      I apriciatte your comments, I have been doing a lot better over the past few weeks. I am a very independent person who is going through a very bad time, my boyfriend and family love and care about me an awful lot of course they are going to want to help me when I need it and in this instance I really did need it. I think it's fantastic that free therapy is available having to wait for anything when suffering so badly with anxiety and depression is hard I am in no way moaning about it more just frustrated but it's happening next week so just around the corner! smile 

      I am very aware how lucky I am and of course know that others are worse off, I do not feel it is appropriate for you to compare one situation to another. I know I may not have gone about things in the correct and sensible way but I'm young and frightend not really knowing where to turn. I'm sure this situation has made me a stronger more mature person 

    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Jen09

      Posted

      Thanks for the reply Jen. But a truly independent person would not lean on a boyfriend or parents or family or friends at all. Not for sympathy,help, money, somewhere to live. Nor would they wait for free therapy. They would prefer to pay their way and make a financial commitment to getting better and have the therapy sooner too. So you have a long way to go.
    • hypercat
      hypercat carmel83758

      Posted

      So on that principle carmel if you broke your leg or something physical you should pay for treatment?   Depression is an illness like any other and there is no reason Jen shouldn't get treatment on the NHS as she like the rest of us have paid into it.  Please don't make her feel guilty for that.  It is not helping her I am sure.  

      Jen is young and she is confused and depressed.  I hardly think your words are going to help her at all.  

      You have obviously never suffered proper depression so please don't preach at those who have.  We all need help sometimes no matter how mature you are coz we are human.  

    • kat50
      kat50 carmel83758

      Posted

      Carmel, I think your replies are very negative for someone who is suffering with depression.  We don't choose to have this illness.  Sometimes there is no reason for it. Not everybody can afford to pay for private therapy.
  • mark2701
    mark2701 Jen09

    Posted

    Hi Jen,

              I know how your feeling as I have had bouts of depression from 18 and now 27 and always suffered from anxiety. I am pretty confident and the first time I had it bad was when i first started teaching and ended up leaving my job as i got that bad i didnt get out of bed with uncontrollable crying. I kept blaming myself and was so scared as I didnt know what was wrong with me. It felt like something was taking over me and didnt know why and didnt know how to cope with it. 

    I would recommend to see a doctor and see what they recommend I have had medication that helped me in the past, I also had councelling which was ok but didnt really work for me. I have recently been feeling like yourself, I felt i was just getting up for the pay check, I was so nervous around people and had to pretend to be happy by smiling like a cheshire cat all the time smile. People would approach me at work and my heart would go crazy and so have decided to leave my job as i thought I would feel better as i was pretty stressed which didnt help. Im now back on 10mg citalopram which i know has worked for me in the past but i am now going to stay on it for longer and see how i feel.

    All i want to say is if your doctor suggests seeing someone or taking medication dont get down about it as there is a lot of people these days on medication or seeing a councellor and just accept that you might need a helping hand.

    I hope this helps and if you need to talk were here for you.   

    • Jen09
      Jen09 mark2701

      Posted

      Hi mark, 

      I was also working in a teaching job not in schools but freelance in nurseries doing drama. I can't even imagine how stressful bring a school teacher would be! Stress does awful things to you! Thanks for your comment smile 

    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Jen09

      Posted

      You need to get things into proportion.I know someone who was struggling badly with proper depression, too ill to get up, too ill to get washed and dressed, feeling very sick and physically weak. And yet they were also running a very busy business with twelve staff to sort out and control. Advertising, sales, etc. They could not afford to take on anyone to do this for them and obviously nobody else would hve done it as well as the owner who usually does it. They had to somehow force themselves to continue to do it despite feeling so terrible. Because otherwise the whole thing would have closed down with a lot of expense and no income. A teacher has far less to worry about. They can get sick leave, they do not have such a lot of responsibility or expense.
    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 mark2701

      Posted

      Most doctors knows sweet fa about psychological and mental health problems. They will, either give you anti depressants in the hope they help or push you elsewhere. You can get natural aids for depression, you do not have to take medication which has horrible side effects.

      And why ask a doctor to refer you to someone when you can find someone privately. If you really want to get better you do everything you can - that includes spending money. If you work you can afford it. I do hope you feel better and I can see why the counselling did not help you much. Deep people who are self analytical and analyse what is going on around them dont get any benefit from counselling. All a counsellor can do is ask you to look at things and try to open you up to asking yourself quedstions. If you are good at thinking of things that help is not needed and they do not contribute a thing.

    • mark2701
      mark2701 carmel83758

      Posted

      I appreciate the response Carmel but everyone is different and medication has really helped balance me out and am glad I have something that has helped me. I have tried herbal remedies and pills to help calm you down but they havent really done anything for me or my symptoms. Regards to side effects again depends on the person and how sensitive they are and apart from a bit of lack of sleep which i have counter acted by just making myself more tired with exercise I have not suffered from any. I assume when you say private you mean a psychologist? 
    • mark2701
      mark2701 Jen09

      Posted

      No worries Jen am always here if you want to chat and trust me it gets better. Even the change i have seen in myself since i went back on to my meds I dont think as much now I just act now which a positive step forward. Really hope you feel better soon. 
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