CFCs and dating

My thoughts exactly. You have to suffer from this horrible condition to understand it. I wouldn't know how to go about starting such a service but if enough people were interested perhaps we could get some advice from somewhere? 😀

Straight to the crux or crotch of the matter David! Sorry couldn't resist.

Wicked, GeorgiaS. had me in stitches - thank u for the giggle.

Caitlin

Looking after us indeed... I'm ex army so used to looking after myself and that coupled with the fact that I have owned my own restaurant and hotel means that I'm a dab hand in the kitchen too... It might be a woman would get too dependent on me..

To be honest I think a relationship could work though, at least we would really know what the other's condition is all about, it's just a matter of trying to mesh each other's good and bad days. Heck, we only get one life you have to make things as good as you can while you're at it and having had this ME/CFS for a long while now I know it's no good waiting till it gets better.... Life is what happens to you while you're making plans, as they say....

Hi Val

Thank you for your lovely reply! 😀 . Sorry to hear of the relationship that didn't work out.

You write as I feel! I'm 58 but like you I feel there must be someone out there for people with CFS.  I think loneliness sometimes compounds the symptoms. Feeling depressed through lack of social contact can't help can it and when your mood is low, it affects every aspect of your being. Because I get so bored on my own I sometimes push myself too much to relieve the boredom and then crash and pay for it. Catch 22. Sit around and be bored or do too much and pay for it after - boom and bust as its known in CFS/ME circles! Not working doesn't help either as there's no proper structure to the day.

Like you, I wouldn't want a man to become dependent on me, or me them. I don't want a carer and I don't want to be someone else's carer, as I don't have the energy but I just want to find just someone with similar interests with whom I can have a better quality of life then I have now! Someone with the same or similar restrictive condition who can offer mutual love, support and understanding, and fun! Whatever happened to fun! 😟. Perhaps CFS should be renamed CFD (chronic fun depriver!)

Shame we don't live a bit nearer, we could meet up. I live near Bexhill on Sea.

Mary xx

Yes it would have to be a mutually supportive relationship. This condition is a life stealer but  I'm feeling a bit more optimistic that  this idea just might get off the ground! But where to start! 😳

Hi again Mary, sorry I've only just read your reply.  yes, I agree with you in everything you've said.  You have a lovely sense of humour, and it would be so lovely to meet like-mided people with the same illness, so that we can have fun together.  Sometimes i wonder where my sense of humour has gone?  I need to be amongst people for my daft sense of humour to come out.  I tend to watch comedy programmes on TV, with my favourite being the re-runs of M*A*S*H - Hawkeye is my hero!!!

I don't know about you, but i love being around men - working with them, as they make me laugh all day long!!!

It is a shame we don't live close, as we would probably get on. Plus between us, we might be able to meet like- minded men eh?!!!

I'm like you, I do so much when I'm feeling relatively okay, then I crash and spend the next few days in bed - which would be great if it was with someone you loved eh!!!

Mind you, by the replies you've had, it seems there are more men who've replied - do you reckon??

take care, and best of luck to everyone out there, looking for that someone to share your lives with.  They certainly DO exist.

xx

Yes it's all about belief!  😉. A sense  of humour. Yes I had one once too! Comedy programmes are good to watch. Laughter is the best medicine after all! Laughing releases all the good hormones and makes you feel good 😀 xx

I agree with you about the sex side of things Val. There's more to life than that. I totally agree with you about the respect, love and kindness. It's the intimacy that I miss, the cuddles and foot massages! 😀 and just sharing of mutual interests and good old conversation! 

I'm not sure what to do to get something going really! Guess it depends where everyone lives. Perhaps I should contact This Morning and see if they woukd be interested in taking up the cause for us, 😉 while at the same time highlighting ME/CFS to make people more aware of its effects on a persons life!  Xx

WOW. 'This Morning' - a bril idea again. u sure know how to get things moving.

Caitlin

Hi Mary,

That's a great idea.  Wouldn't it be funny if all of us ended up on the show!!!  You'd have to do the talking as I'm a bit shy!!!

Yes, I miss cuddles and hugs, and of course, like you said, it's not just one-sided, to be loved, you need to love back too.

My mum always says that I 'wear my heart on my sleeve'!!!  That's me alright, and she calls me a 'cockeyed optimist'.

Plus like you say, mutual interests and conversation - even opposites attract too don't they. I don't know about you, but I talk a lot, even though I'm on my own - first sign of madness, LOL!!!!

I wonder if we could start up a 'dating site' on this forum????

Maybe you could start of a petition, and all of us sign it online, and send it off to 'This Morning'?????

I love a goal to aim at, and you've got my pea-brain working at last!!  ha, ha!!!

Lets try to do it between us?  You shouldn't have the burden of it all on your shoulders - though it would be so easy to let you do it!!  

No seriously, let's ask others out there if they'd help too?  You've had some good replies so far, perhaps you/we could take it from there?

It was your idea, and you must take the credit for it, even if we all 'muck in' and help???

Val x

Well I'm not sure sure I'd have the courage to do it. It would be very exposing appearing on national TV but I guess I could get the ball rolling with an email and see if they would be interested!   😀. Then I could nominate someone from here who is braver than me to go on the show! 😉 x

Thanks Val, that's so encouraging! I'm shy too which is why I think it would be a great idea if a few people went to the show if they were interested. We could all chip in with our ideas! I love that people are so enthusiastic for this idea. It sucks being lonely and isolated when we all have so much love and fun to give! Let's make it a united effort as many heads are better than one, even if they are all foggy heads! 😉 I might get an email off to This Morning over the weekend! X

Well I don't quite date back to the 2nd world war, you  make me sound like Corporal Jones out of Dad's Army..  ... Unfortunately there have been plenty of other combat zones since then though....

Well, at least everyone seems to think it's a good idea, all we need to do now is work out how to get together when half of us are too ill too travel and the other half are in bed having a bad day... Everything is so much harder with this blooming condition, still where there's a will there's a way they say. Is the ratio of women to men with this thing really work out at 10 to 1 ? .... I'm outnumbered...

 

Lol Artistmike! you made me laugh! We do have to see the funny side don't we! I have visions of us 'crocks' all trooping up to London to appear on TV and collapsing in a heap once we get into the studio! 😀 

Hi Mike,

You've made me laugh, and Mary's reply too!!!

I had no intention of thinking you'd just come out of the Boar war!!!  It was the self-sufficient bit that I meant made you sound like my dad!!!!  I know you knew that - you knew what i know, what we all know too!!  Now I don't know what i mean!!!!

Yeah Mary - a bunch of ill old crocks turning up at the TV studios - sound great to me!!!  Hey they might even make a situation comedy out of us?!!!  LOL!!!

I watched my favourite TV drama last night - "The Walking Dead" on channel 'Spike', and I have just got that in my head now - of all us M.E/CFS people groaning our way to the studios in London!!

You gotta laugh eh!!

Thanks everyone for making me laugh, good old British sense of humour eh!!!

I can't stop laughing now - a good sign eh!!!

xx

I've had a good laugh this afternoon too Val! You have a great sense of humour! Suddenly I don't feel so alone with all these feelings. It's great to know there are kindred spirits out there! There may just be light at the end of this dark tunnel, as long as it's not the lights of an oncoming train of course! 😉

We don't mind you being out-numbered, it'll give us a reason to fight over something (sorry, someone!!).  I was kinda hoping you meant us women would be out-numbered!!!!  Ha ha.

It's times like this that I love the Internet!!!  So glad we've all had a laugh, it makes all the difference eh.  You have a great sense of humour and have made me laugh - I'm still smiling now over all the comments!!!

Take care, x

guess it's about skill sets and roles. some ppl are media savvy/happy who could do the public bit. getting the seeds sown and the ball rooling is the main thing initially. then ppl will come to fill the slots as in the 'Field of Dreams'.

Caitlin

Yes, I love that film and the saying, "Build it and they will come".  Another great uplifting movie that brings hope is, "The Shawshank Redemption".

I'm not too great with computing, but love it that emailing etc brings instant replies.  Especially as my middle name is 'Impatience'!!!!  Ha ha.

xx

so we share a love of similar films and share 'second' names - IMPATIENCE lol. whenever anyone makes up a Bach Flower mix for me, they always include 'Impatiens'. wonder if there's a higher incidence of type A personalities with ME/CFS than B types?

Caitlin

Think there is. It often affects driven people who like to get things done and keep going when they should stop! They set high standards for themselves too! 

Hi  to you all; I 've just been reading all of your posts, and been waiting for someone to say 'Hey, we've just got ourselves an on-line dating service"....you are all in this together....male and female...try finding each other face to face....or over private emailing "to really find That common interest, other than ME"...then swap phone nos.....or if close enough....try that "first" coffee....some more thoughts for you all.....Bron

 

Great idea! 😍

What??? Date the lunatics in here!

You may just find another Lunatic, that suits you.....Bron

Wow true, a compatible lunatic!

gosh, i'm way behind with replies on here. yes mary, so many ppl with ME/CFS that i have met, have that driven high achieving perfectionist hyper conscientious nature, whose 'reach' is greater than their physical resources.

can i just say a big thank u for broaching the dating subject. it seems to have reconnected many of us with our SOH, our softer sides & some of us our (nice) 'wicknedness'. thank u.

Caitlin

Hi Caitlin. I'm so encouraged by everyone's enthusiasm and humour and had the best night's sleep in ages! 😀 Just trying to find the way forward now and get this project off the ground! 

same here and i have the worst circadian rhythm disruption possible. think it was GeorgiaS that mentioned that she knew someone 'handy' with web building that maybe able to help would be one way forward. another way might be contacting the existing dating site owners/organisers adn ask if they could a do a 'specialty' site for ppl with ME/CFS/FM. i'll have a look and c what's possible.

Caitlin

Hey Caitlin, that's a good idea!! Many heads are better then one on this project, even if they're foggy heads! 😉 Yes, Georgia knows someone who can design a website and I also have design skills so can have an input too. 

You're charismatic and funny Bronwyn; if we start a website for meeting up you'd be a great asset?

Caitlin I've scrolled up but my eyes are smarting so I can't find the A and B type personalities comment. Could you enlighten me?

I'm all for it and I too have done quite a bit of web design for various companies but the trouble is that chat sites and forums are a different thing altogether.

It would be great if we could get someone to set up a site but of course cost is going to be a major factor, as building, server space and bandwidth don't come cheap. Still, if we all chipped in we might well get something going.

If you need any help don't hesitate to shout, many hands make light work and all that sort of thing and boy do we need light work !   ......

 

Ideas are coming thick and fast Mike! Thanks for your input. Team effort needed here! 😉

nice turn of poetic phrase there artistmike? 'server space & bandwidth' - now that's talking business where i'm already out of my depth. i had a look at some of the existing sites and it seems they are all tied up in corporate franchise or something like that. i had hoped i'd find some CEO's contact details that i could drop a line to & ask them to to lend a 'helping hand'. i didn't find anything that didn't require 'signing up' to @ a cost. i'm wondering how the 'free sites' work?

Caitlin

Thankyou GeorgiaS....never had those descriptions given to me before.....I will put it in my resume (if I ever get well enough to need mine  again???)...have a lovely day...and after reading many of everyone's inputs, think you will all  achieve the "dating service"....me I'm sorry, am too far away (in Australia) and too "tired" (at least until I see if the Thyroxin works)...to travel to the UK....and until my hubby expendiates...(not too soon I hope)....will be happy reading All comments put on to website/forum.....gentle smiles and continuance to you all....Bron

You're welcome, thanks for the laughs! Especially madical profession!

Hi Mary and all,

Have been reading your messages with great interest.  I am married, but get very lonely during the day as husband leaves early for work and back late.  I have sat and pondered many times about all M.E. sufferers and loneliness/boredom.  I thought about SKYPE club possibly and there is always the good old fashioned telephone.  I have actually made personal contact with another person on this site via persona message, text and then telephone.

This Morning have had two people with M.E. on the show recently.  The young woman who set up lovely letters, who suffers with M.E. so started a pen-friend type thing sending a lovely letter to someone to cheer them up, and more recently a teenage girl who suffered and was making awareness, so not sure how you would get on but worth a try, I am gain, this illness needs to be made highlighted much more.  I was actually thinking about writing to the health minister as I see all to often the struggle people have with this illness in obtaining benefits they are entitled to.

Glad to see there are quite a few of us with sense of humour and fighting spirit.

All the best

Tx

I wish I'd known ME sufferers were on This Morning so I could have watched it Tian, that's so amazing!

Hey that's amazing Tina! Pen friends could be a good idea. In previous posts we were talking about the possibility of appearing on This Morning to discuss the idea of a dating service for people with ME/CFS/! Perhaps they would be interested in discussing this too.  I like your idea of a SKPE club for people who suffer from this isolating condition. Good idea too about writing to the Health Minister. The Government haven't got a clue about what this condition feels like which is why they make benefits so hard to come by. I did see my local MP last year and tried to explain how hard it is to work. Her suggestion? Try temping or get work in a call centre! She hadn't listened to a word I had said and the experience left me in tears 😁😁  

Wish I'd seen that too Georgia. How strange after we were talking about This Morning in posts. I will definitely send them an email now and se if they might be interested in the idea! 😀

Aw heck my blood's boiling reading that Mary; similar things have left me feeling so frustrated and hopeless!

When I first had ME but didn't know what it was I kept going back to the docs and seeing different ones, and I remember each time walking away so angry at being told I was just depressed and being given antidepressant scripts that I never took, and being treated as though I couldn't possibly know that something serious was happening to me.

Tina's idea of writing to the Health Minister is excellent isn't it. If enough of us do it it could perhaps make an impact.

Brilliant Mary! Let us know how it goes and perhaps some of us could also email at various times as though we don't know each other's doing it?

Hi all,

I don't mind emailing about general loneliness and more awareness to This Morning, I think the more of us that make contact the better chance we have of the T.V. taking it on.

Tx

Is Dr Chris Steel still on it because if we could get him really onboard?

great idea Georgia! I enjoy writing letters and have written many successful ones in the past appealing unfavourable decisions re benefits! I definitely feel another letter coming on now! 

Great idea. The more back up we can get, the better!

Steady on, you'll be writing to Stephen Fry and the Queen next! Er scrap the Queen. Hehehe

Actually not a bad idea. Stephen works with the Open University and is in course meterials about being bipolar. He has a great deal of influence and he cares about things like this.

Hi, yes is the answer to this.

Tx

Gosh this feels like it might just take off! I've been chatting to people on the action for ME website and mentioned the idea of a dating site for folk with CFS/ME etc. Again loads of people are interested! I've also had an application form from The Undateables programme! If any of you fancy this you just have to email them. It looks like they would be interested in people with our kinds of conditions as well as physically disabled folk. Nothing to lose by applying is there and who knows, Mr or Mrs Right may just be out there! 

Well done Mary, I forgot about the undateables.  I am married as I said but I wish you all good luck.  Hey, I bet I will be watching some of you on T.V. soon LOL.

Tx

Ha ha this is rolling so fast because you had an idea and the gumption to back it up! Wow

By the way I found a site for sick people to date but it costs money. Whether we offer it free and by donations or charge if we make a website; have you thought about that? Les said some things about it in my messages.

had a horrible 'reservation' thought about exposure on 'This Morning', that one particular minister might consider us fit for work if we were fit for dating????? imagine the headlines....................?????

What a good point! They'll use anything against us so we'd have to explain that it's very difficult healthwise to live alone and that we want to hook up with each other so we can help each other.

They introduced the spare bedroom tax forcing people will move in with each other so we're simply trying to obligue them.

Good thinking.  However, you would be in trouble if you kept picking up the phone and calling in sick at work.  Employment you have a contract which you are obliged to fulfill. There is no government law that states you cannot participate in life, we all fall under Equality Act 2010 with CFS/ME. I would like to challenge him on it if he did.   Dating could be cyber, text and seeing eachother as and when you are able, and no contracts that is unless you actually tie the knot.

You make me laugh with some of your comments.  They really cheer me up.  Hey we could form and live in one big commune, think how much money we would save this government

You make me laugh too, as if we'd be forming a commune to help the government! Hehehe

Yes Caitlin. This had crossed my mind too! 😳 but I agree with Georgia's comments about how hard it is to live alone. 

Now there's an idea Tina! 

Oh really? What's it called? Yes I've been wondering about cost too? Sick people don't have a lot of cash usually so perhaps just a nominal charge to cover admin and running costs?  

Foggy Friends. Great title or what!

Yes nominal sounds good. I have no idea what Foggy Friends charges because I was only looking to find out if there were any out there.

Ouch sorry Foggy Friends isn't the one but it still looks like a good site. I'll have another go at finding it again. I should've saved the link.

Brilliant title!