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Cfs/me Why do I feel so needy

Posted , 12 users are following.

amiegee1
amiegee1

I have recently been diagonised with cfs/me after being unwell for two years! I also have Fibro.

My question is why do I feel so needy and insecure in marriage. I use to be very confident in myself, now I just feel weak and unwanted. My husband reassures me all of the time, but the feelings are always there! Is the normal for other sufferers?

0 likes, 25 replies

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  • Rachel1023
    Rachel1023 amiegee1

    Posted

    I understand how u feel, I feel very insecure and all my confidence has gone, I also have days were I feel like my partner would be better off without me as my illness is getting worse, I have put so much weight on because it can't excerise I've never been slim but I have always been able to excerise and maintain a healthy weight and I now I feel very ugly and I find myself keep telling him I love him so he knows because I don't feel like I'm showing it at all
    • amiegee1
      amiegee1 Rachel1023

      Posted

      Thats exactly how I feel! I tell him I love him all of the time, hoping he will respond with the same. I am struggling to manage my weight at the moment I survive on chocolate & coffee, just for energy but I have been told that this is probably making my symtoms worse!
    • Rachel1023
      Rachel1023 amiegee1

      Posted

      I must admit chocolate is my guilty pleasure:-) but sometimes I feel like a need a pick me up and as I can't do anything else to cheer me up at the moment it will have to do.

      Try decaffeinated coffee, Doc says too much caffeine isn't good but I do love a cup of tea I have tried to stop drinking it after 4 so I can sleep better at night but it hasn't made much difference at the moment

    • amiegee1
      amiegee1 Rachel1023

      Posted

      I will give decaf coffee a go. I have started drinking peppermint tea and I have found a cup before bed helps me sleep better. I would definately recommend it. I have also tried raw cacao chocolate but its not the same as a bar of Galaxy!
    • Retriever
      Retriever Rachel1023

      Posted

      The better off without me bit is with me all the time. We are achievers so now that has gone no wonder we feel insecure. My wife and I agreed from the beginning to talk holding nothing back.

       

  • Rachel1023
    Rachel1023 amiegee1

    Posted

    I will try peppermint tea, thanks I will try anything at the moment and nothing compares to galaxy :-)
  • Elmo69
    Elmo69 amiegee1

    Posted

    Hi, how recent was your diagnosis?

    I was officially diagnosed by local specialist service a month ago but I subconsciously knew back in November 2015 when my GP made the referral.

    Since November I felt exactly how you describe within my marriage! The days and first week following diagnosis were even worse and I seriously thought my husband didn't believe the diagnosis and would not support me!

    Since I stopped worrying about how my husband is coping with it and focussed on allowing myself to accept the diagnosis, everything is getting back to normal.

    Don't underestimate how big the impact of such an illness now diagnosed has on yourself and your loved ones! You are experiencing "normal" grief reaction!

    I'm sure that, like many sufferers, myself included, you are used to putting others needs before your own?!

    It is important to be really honest with yourself and finally put yourself top priority with what the diagnosis means to you!

    Are you getting support from specialist or local medical services?

    What you are feeling is normal.

    • amiegee1
      amiegee1 Elmo69

      Posted

      I was diagonised in March 2016, but l have has various tests for the last two years.

      I think you are right I am still coming to terms with the the diagonis. I still think that one day I will wake up and be the strong confindence women I once was.

    • Elmo69
      Elmo69 amiegee1

      Posted

      That's how my tthinking has tended to be! Very similar story and same diagnosis timescale!

      We will gain confidence again; we must allow ourselves to accept our changed future and learn to adapt to our new selves!

      Best wishes!

      Nice to find someone at the same stage too!

      I'm finding this forum so very helpful too! :-)

  • karin65289
    karin65289 amiegee1

    Posted

    I think that when we're sick and the future is unknown that we are vulernable. I can relate to what you're saying. Counseling has helped me somewhat but I don't have my former confidence.
  • jackie00198
    jackie00198 amiegee1

    Posted

    Boy, I can sure relate! I not only feel this way in my marriage of over 30 years, but also with friendships. I think this is partly because the balance in all these relationships is way out of whack. I used to have the energy to reach out, make phone calls, do activities. Now I not only do not have the energy to do this stuff, I have to rely on the other person to do it. And guess what? If I don't do it, neither do they. Even after I've explained why I can't do stuff. They (even sometimes including my husband) simply don't understand what I'm going through, so they stop reaching out to me, and I end up feeling isolated, misunderstood, and unwanted. In the case of one friend in particular (whom I've know for over 50 years), I was sending her lots of emails, and she was rarely responding. So now I don't send her emails anymore, and I don't hear from her. Our relationship is effectively over. 
    • amiegee1
      amiegee1 jackie00198

      Posted

      I can totally relate to want your saying. I think tharts why that having this forums is great. As its a way for us to talk about how we feel with people that understand what we are going through. We are have such busy lifes that we dont always make time for others. I would suggest you reach out to your friend again as sometimes its nice to have a friendly ear and we are all guilty of getting caught up in our own lifes.
    • starhel
      starhel jackie00198

      Posted

      I was recently diagnosed with M.E/ CFS although I  have been ill for three years this October. People just dont understand when I told my sister she said oh well at least its not M.S, she then said she had had it years ago and just got on with it, I was advised I have mod/to severe as mostly housebound, always thought my sisters knew me and knew if I could work or do the things I loved I would. My two sons at home are good and my partner and a few close friends, but as for sister I feel like you our relationship is over..
    • amiegee1
      amiegee1 starhel

      Posted

      I totally understand how you feel, I recently stopped talking to my mum and sister as they seem to think this is something I can just snap out of and I just need to get on with it. I have two children and I think if it wasnt for them I wouldn't get out of bed! I have been ill for about two years and was only diagonised in March. I am still come to terms with the effect ME has had on my life and learning to live with the the new me.
  • mazpaz
    mazpaz amiegee1

    Posted

    Hi

    I don't have issues at home and confidence but talk to me about work and my confidence has totally gone. I question everything, think I'm rubbish and am paranoid about losing my job...although not helped by manager hinting that if I'm not back to "normal" it will be problematic in September. .. not really a surprise that I'm paranoid in today's work culture. But I also think we have met so many people that don't get it or heard the "but you look well" comment, it's not surprising we struggle to feel confident! So I think it's partly illness and partly culture. I just explain to my other half "just keep telling me as I always question and can't help it" and bless him he does!

    Paz

    • mazpaz
      mazpaz

      Posted

      P.s friends ... well non existent apart from less than a handful of extremely loyal people who understand or do the best they can.

      Paz

    • amiegee1
      amiegee1 mazpaz

      Posted

      Sorry to hear that about your work. I quit work last year for the very same reason my boss was not very understanding and I had to keep going back and check my work, as I couldnt remember what I had done. I would definatly recommend that you talk to your HR department, as having that extra pressure from your manager will only make your symptons worst.
    • mazpaz
      mazpaz amiegee1

      Posted

      Unfortunately HR is to support managers - they buy into the support so HR would be firmly on the side of my boss.

      Paz

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