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Posted , 11 users are following.

sue2016
sue2016

My first post was on the mental health forum.  I mentioned there that I was cutting down on alcohol and was aiming to stop 1 Jan.

Update is that I have now had 13 alcoholfree days, but have binged on two days.  First binge was 16 units and yesterday was 10,  I've also started counselling to deal with umpteen problems and so-called catastophic events that have happened throughout my life.  This has brought up many horrible memories and have had quite a few nightmares.  Thing is, is it all worth it?  I am now in my sixties and been carrying this around for most of my life.  I'm finding it extremely difficult to cope with my thoughts.  Have shared most things from my childhood and teenage years with my husband - but some I just didnt want to tell him for fear he would think badly of me . But last night I did and wish now I had kept my mouth shut. His first thought was I'd brought it on myself.  I'm devastated.  If i hadnt had some wine i would not have mentioned it.  Had counselling session yesterday and it seems to bring things back into my mind.  The last thing I should have done was had wine.

Have shared things with so-called friends in the past nd its come back to bite me.  Theyve turned against me and while I know that I really dont need friends like that, who ask you to share and show interest for all the wrong reasons, I feel sick at the thought of the things theyve said to me and about me since.... and that they know so much 

trying to look on the positive side of things and its very difficult 

thanks for reading

2 likes, 36 replies

36 Replies

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  • fep906
    fep906 sue2016

    Posted

    My life suddenly and drastically changed in Aug 2013 during a blackout, I pointed my legal handgun at my wife, and my son witnessed it. No history of domestic violence, never hit a woman in my life, and I go and do something so irresponsible and dangerous. Thank God a worse trgedy didnt occur. We were married 21 yrs. She was plain fed up with my at home drinking. I had been sober 16 yrs, and in the summer of 2010, I re-awakened a sleeping monster..Did 2 yrs in prison (no prior record), she divorced me while I was in prison, my son's mad cause I ruined our family, lost the house, she moved back to NY, and I get dropped in the middle of Pennsylvannia, alone, no friends or family nearby, and re-battling this darn alcohol.  How many times do I have to touch a hot stove till I learn? I want to do counseling with a therapist but can't afford the $40 co-pay per visit, so I'm stuck with all this pain, regret, fear, etc.  Can't get myself to an AA meeting for some reason...Just stuck in a dark hole it seems.
    • sue2016
      sue2016 fep906

      Posted

      thanks for posting.  So sorry to hear your story and wish I was able to give advice.  Please keep trying. I do get a lot out of reading the forums and hope it helps you  too smile
    • ADEfree
      ADEfree fep906

      Posted

      fep -

      Google "Alcohol Deprivation Effect" and you'll get some insight as to why this happened. That's not to say you don't have underlying problems, it just explains something about your return to alcohol and why so many alcoholics relapse. Also look up The Sinclair Method for a way out. The best way out for you? That would be between you and your doctor, but it does have a high success rate, much higher than AA. 

      You might also be able to nail down some community-based counseling/support groups that charge on a sliding scale, perhaps from little to nothing in some cases. Are you employed at the moment? Don't get stuck in the dark hole, there ain't nothin' for a man in there. 

    • colin30375
      colin30375 fep906

      Posted

      Hi fep906,

      You did wake up a sleeping monster, it is a story I can identify with and I have sober alcoholic friends who have done much worse but of course we're talking about your life.

      I had a crazy life until I went to A.A. I built up a very good life after I took that first step to A.A.

      I think you should do your best to go to A.A. It might be for you or it may not. Try to find the courage to go....... maybe you know someone who would go with you.

      Good luck. 

  • sue08
    sue08 sue2016

    Posted

    So sorry for what you are going through sad 

    been there myself and know how tough it can be

    Keep you head held high ... your worth it 

  • susan60053
    susan60053 sue2016

    Posted

    Hi Sue.It's really tough being where we are? We love it and we hate the problems Alcohol incurs on us all.Every day since Cristmas I have thought today I won't DRINK then something happens!! Trigger-Excuse.I don' know anymore. I have 2 Days to sort myself out Hubby gone away-(peaceful) So what is my plan i really do not have a plan maybe someone out there can figure it out for me. Why have I got pins and needle pricking me all the time? Hospital will not help as we all know- Too drunk to get there anyway. 
    • sue08
      sue08

      Posted

      I am in Canada
    • sue08
      sue08

      Posted

      we could skype

       

    • Toooo_
      Toooo_ susan60053

      Posted

      Hi Susan

      I think the pons and needles are due to nerve damage caused by the alcohol. I relapsed on the 11.12 15 for a week and the pins and needles went on for about 10 days after. They were really painful and I can only describe it as being stung by a thousand bees at once!

      I'm now taking vitamin B & thiamine for this it might be worth getting some.

      I really hope you can get through this, I am aware of the hell of drinking and trying to stop it's not nice but you can do it hun.

      Good luck x

    • sue2016
      sue2016 susan60053

      Posted

      Thanks for your reply.

      Don't give up. One day. One minute at a time. Please keep trying x

  • susan60053
    susan60053 sue2016

    Posted

    Hi Sue.I live in in U.K. Surrounded  by BOTTLES now.Don't know time difference from Canada to here then we could Skype.Good idea.Good Night .P S .Thanks for replying.
    • sue08
      sue08 susan60053

      Posted

      I think its 7 hours I can send ou a personal message ... sweet drearms things can get better and will if you let them smile
    • sue2016
      sue2016 susan60053

      Posted

      Think I am the wrong sue lol

      But I am in the uk too smile

  • vickylou
    vickylou sue2016

    Posted

    I'm obviously missing something, if you've not drank for  13 day how can you have had 13 alcohol free days!!!
    • vickylou
      vickylou

      Posted

      Should have read. Not drunk for 13 days, but drank twice, = 11 days
    • sue2016
      sue2016 vickylou

      Posted

      I stopped on 1 Jan. Then have had two relapses
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