chronic depression

Thank-you for replying to my post dinky.

Dysarthia or chronic Depression refers to a Depression Thats lasted Over two years and when I get the full on clinical Depression As Well its refered to As a double dip depression.

I have tried CBT and Self Help but I find It hard to be As open As I would like for fear of being judged and handed More pills.

My direct family are not touchy feely and We were Just brought up to get on with things but I feel really isolated.  I feel really guilty and Self indulgent for allowing myself to get to this point.

I really wanted to hear other peoples own experiences with Depression to put my problems into prospective.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings

no worries it's nice to chat to other people who suffer with this. Not that i'd wish it anyone, well maybe a few people who I dislike intensly..ha ha. You sound like me, every therapist I've had & friends etc say I'm too hard on myself. My parents were not cuddly & rarely gave me compliments. Both remarried when I was 8 & had kids at the same time, making me feel left out & l wasn't treated the same as them. ie. they got bought their first car & had all their driving lessons paid for. One sister got regular dancing lessons from the age of 2. This all adds to my sense of detatchment. 

You're not rambling, you are processing. If you don't talk about it it will fester. x

p.s i know what you mean about feeling judged, yet we constantly judge ourselves. You said about feeling guilt & self indulgence, both negative self talk labels. They say guilt is a pointless emotion & self indulgence, I say go for it. You probably have lots of people in your life who you do things for on a daily basis. Take some time back for yourself.

Do you know Dinky they say Pride comes before a fall and its certainly true In my case. I have opened up to a certain Level In the past regarding depression and instead of admitting It is a  recurrent Problem. I declared It Was a one Off and I am totally Cured of my insecurities and totally In control. 

I have Trust issues and I put my hands up to it. I Just dont want  to risk my Private feelings and emotions becoming public knowledge.

I wish I could be a Heart on my sleave sort of Person. I Was just brought up to believe there is dignity In silence

I'm feeling very paranoid too, rarely trust people, I exhaust myself with overthinking & analysing everyone. Had lots of people betray my trust & been daft enough to ignore my own feeling of alarm & warnings.

It's good to keep some things back when some types of people use stuff against you, for self preservation. Have you had any therapy?

Thanks Anne....Your so Right you have to keep fighting. Its Just so hard at times.

I have been donating to our local food Bank regulary and giving time to another local charity but feel like my best is never enough.

I Just keep reminding  myself everyday of people less fortunate than me and that this Depression Has dragged me to this point before and I have Come out the other side. I  Just need to grin bare it.

Thanks Again

Dont be hard on yourself.  You are doing well.  I have been as low as you can get.  Overdose, psychiatric hospital.  Lost job, lost house, oh lots, but I am still here.

Yes there are others worse off than us, but we have to live with ourselves every day.  You sound as though you want to be really strong and grin and bear it, but you are an important person too.  Depression is a difficult illness to live with.  OK I said keep fighting, as I did not want depression to win.  I think you are being over strong, be kind to yourself.  You are worth it.

When I was so low I felt that I was not a nice person anymore, and yet I know I am a good person, and would do anything for anybody.  I have done voluntary jobs even when in a deep depression.  Of coiurse your best is enough, you have just got the "I am not worthwhile" like I had.  It is just a symptom of the illness.  I am in my 70s now and recently started another voluntary job.  Had to give up my car, but I have got a bus pass.

Love yourself more dear person.  You are so worth it.

Thank you for your kind words of support Anne.

I  think coming Off alot of medication In quite a quick period of time put me into a tail Spin.

I have reached out to someone today that can Help me deal  with issues from my past .

I have been offered the Help before but didnt feel ready.

I  am not sure what Has changed but I am ready to Start dealing with the root causes of my depression and not the symptoms. X

That's really good news. I think when we have unresolved issues that it keeps coming back to haunt us. I'm procrastinagting against therapy but know I need it. I love self help books, anything to do with the brain helps.

I  Just thought to myself its time to face my demons  x

I am so very glad to hear that you have reached out to someone who will help you deal with past issues.  I am proud of you as I know that was not easy as you are a very private person.  Obviously there are things you need help dealing with, and you have taken that huge step and asked for that help.

I do hope you keep us updated on how you are doing.

Thanks so much Anne.

I went to my First Session today I racked my brains to find an excuse As to Why I couldnt.

Heading out the door Was so hard because It Was the First time I have left the house In months unaccompaned.

It Was scarey but wonderful too Just to breathe the fresh air.

I work from Home and Internet Shopping is bestfriend so there is very need for me to leave the house.

Counselling is going to be tough because I  am So private but I am assured its confidencial.

Now I have taken the First step this time next week I Will be taking my second

Well done for taking that first step. The first step is always the hardest and it should get easier from now on. How lovely to enjoy that fresh air and who knows you might decide to go for walks now. Walking is great for battling depression. I wish you well x

Do you know reading the posts on here Has helped me More than any medication.

Knowing We are all at different Stages battling with Depression but Still capable of reaching out to people Has been really humbling

Thank-you

Jo x

I totally agree Jo. It has been a real pleasure reading the advice so freely given.   It is quite evident that we all show compassion and have empathy. And yes I agree that is humbling. Xx

I am so very proud of you.  Well done.  You have taken the first big step. 

Oh Jo thank you so much for saying we are helping.  Yes we are all here to support each other, and take joy when someone like you takes steps to help themselves.  We look for support, and we give support.  Everyone give yourself a pat on the back.