Citalopram - stressful job but also my approach to it
Posted , 6 users are following.
Hi. I hope someone can relate to this and offer some advice! I've always been a worrier and whilst I've done well in my career I've never found it an enjoyable experience. I'm driven more by worry of getting things wrong or not knowing things than I am by genuinely enjoying the process of the challenge. A lot of my self worth comes in doing well at what I do but then I overdo it and burnout. This has happened several times. I get so worried about not knowing enough and that my decisions will have such a big impact on others. I'd love to be able to enjoy the challenges rather than be constantly terrified of them making my anxiety go into overdrive. I always get the voice in my head saying I should know how to do this and this and this and its exhausting. I know realistically we can't know everything and can't be good at everything but how do you know when to say what you know is good enough? The other thing that triggers my anxiety is lack of clarity in terms of what is expected of me.
I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has anything similar and has been able to overcome that and enjoy life again with a combination of drugs and therapy/support etc?
0 likes, 24 replies
sheilabw53 rachael16649
Posted
Rachael YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for other people's happiness if you make a mistake the world won't come to an end people are not going to be knocking on your door waving a stick at you because you've ruined their life, you have to learn that sometimes things don't go to plan and when that happens you just chuck it in the f*** it bucket and move on and your true friends will still love you for just who you are not what you can give them, and remember you matter just as much as the next person
rachael16649 sheilabw53
Posted
Guest rachael16649
Posted
Hi Rachael
I don't know what your job is but it sounds as if you have quite a lot of responsibility and you are doubting yourself as to your capability.
Why are you thinking of going on drugs, is it anxiety that is making you doubt yourself in your job performance? You seem to be challenging yourself when you say you keep telling yourself that you should know how to do this. The problem is if you don't know how to do what you need to do then I can't see how drugs are going to help you.
You also mention that you don't know what is what is expected of you. That should be clearly laid out in your job description.
I may have misinterpreted your post, apologies if that is the case.
Take care?
rachael16649 Guest
Posted
Hi Lina. Yes my anxiety gets heavily spiked by stress and then the negative thoughts come in around my ability. I have had to work out what to do in the company as they admitted they were making it up as they went along which stressed me out even further. I've demanded a job description which I did for all my team who didn't have them before . Without this I find it really hard to know what I should and shouldn't know or do. It's like a maze to know. Some people perhaps thrive on this but I don't at all. I need some structure to make it work. I introduced that for the team but never had it for myself and that leaves me feeling lost and overworked as I've had to pick up so many roles. This is what I mean about feeling I should know how to do certain things as there is no one guiding what I should or shouldn't be doing to then work out what I do or don't need to know.
Guest rachael16649
Posted
Hi Rachael
Well you've taken a step in the right direction by demanding job descriptions for you and your team. To be honest I cannot see how they expect you to work without them. I would stress to them that making it up as you go long doesn't work, you need structure and a framework of hierarchy and staff function.
Don't stress yourself out over it and don't let them drive you to pills. Be firm and let them know that with out structure you cannot be responsible. Sorry if I'm ranting but I have a degree in business management and IT and that's no way to run a company.
Stand firm and good luck?
rachael16649 Guest
Posted
Thank you Lina. I couldn't believe it when I joined. I would never do that to a team I manage and it was the first thing I sorted for them. It's because they didn't have a clue what they were doing but I realised if they didn't know then how were they going to even be able to write one for me? It's appalling. The citalopram was to manage the anxiety as it got so out of hand. I couldn't think straight or really function at all. I'm on week 5 of it now and starting to feel better but would love to learn how to be more resilient to the anxiety in future as I do find there are common things that make it flare up. I am back at work but have my boss an ultimatum to say I would leave if they didn't sort it because it was both unmanageable and too many hours. They've helped to an extent but again, they've no idea what they're doing so it's not great. It has hit my confidence hugely even though I should be angry at them for this rather than question myself. I've only ever been told I'm great at my job but this has torn my confidence away because it's just all too vague. Sorry... Long rant I know!
Guest rachael16649
Posted
Hi, if they aren't capable of providing a job description for you, write your own and run it by them, may be worth a try.
It's unfair that you had to take an anxiety med because of these circumstances. However, you're on it now and five weeks is still early days, it could take another five weeks before it has full effect. It's different for everyone. Just take heed from other people's experiences here, including my own, that should you ever decide to come off it, wean off it slowly to avoid nasty withdrawal side effects.
Once you sort the mess out at work I'm sure your anxiety will improve.
Best wishes ?
rachael16649 Guest
Posted
Thank you Lina. Yes I was on it before and wish I hadn't come off as it had helped. I think coming off it, combined with work stress, led to it coming back. I'd been off it for six months and felt and coped well. I think I will most likely stay on it for life now as can't go through this again. It has too much of an impact on my relationship and my work to have this happen. It's comforting to know that it has helped others. I remember before it felt like it worked more quickly than it has this time which is why I'm particularly concerned it may not work but I'll be patient. I really appreciate your time in responding to me. Very very kind of you. I've felt so lost and lonely through this as it does feel like you'll never feel the same again. It makes me tearful to think about how ill I've been and whether I will be myself again but I will
lois95799 rachael16649
Posted
This is a first for me with ssris..after been a guinea pig to different ssris that didn't agreed with me celexa agreed with me..and now that iam fully recovered .I will never let curiosity get the best of me with coming off celexa..I will take this med till death...wishing you luck..
rachael16649 lois95799
Posted
lois95799 rachael16649
Posted
Guest rachael16649
Posted
Hi Rachael
I came off it and have gone back on it. I messed with the doses for a while but am back on 10mgs. It's taking a little longer for me too the second time round but it worked before so I'm hoping it will work just as well again. We just have to have faith. Take care. 🙏?
Guest rachael16649
Posted
Hi Rachel
You can look at job descriptions examples online. Just type in 'job description example for.........(whatever your job is i.e. line manager).
You're getting some really excellent advice from people here by the way.?
rachael16649 lois95799
Posted
Wonderful news! I am so pleased for you 🙂
rachael16649 Guest
Posted