Citalopram - stressful job but also my approach to it

This is so helpful. Thank you Ruth. I agree - saying no has never been my forte and when I've been building a team from scratch, I've taken on the extra burden rather than letting them because I don't want to ask them to work later or do more than I think is fair. What I need to do there though is be firmer in saying we need more resource. I have done this several times but I need to be tougher in doing so.

In terms of therapy, I've recently started and I must say that it is having a difference. Step by step I'm learning to change the way I think about things and challenge the way I have processed these thoughts. A particularly useful one was that I panic if something goes wrong but more at an anxiety level than a normal panic. What she said to me was to take a moment to pause and think about what my thought process is and try injecting another thought. E. G. Okay, something has gone wrong but it doesn't mean you're a failure - stuff will always go wrong or people will disagree with your approach but that doesn't mean you're a failure and so you can simply listen to their point of view, process it and where valid, look at it as a positive learning experience. That helped me several times already this week at work with client calls. I know it will take time as this has been hard wired in me for years but I'm determined to make this change. The boundaries is definitely another part. I head up a digital team for a marketing company and I often have in my head that this means I need to be able to code, to be able to know the ins and outs of absolutely everything. I've done this for years and ended up knowing a lot about all of the different areas in detail whilst others trust specialists to know and do those things. It's exhausting to always be thinking I need to know all those things and be a great strategist and a great presenter, a great x, y, z. I've started to learn that knowing all those things in depth is a sure fire way to go mad and that when I think of people I know who have done this role before, they didn't know any of these things in that depth but knew enough to guide a team. Why I feel I need to know it all I do not know. Does anyone else do this??

Hi Rachael

You don't have to learn everyone's job, you just need to make sure they have the training and facilities to enable them to do their job properly. Trying to learn everything will drive you crazy. You will have an overall sense of what everyone is doing but you just need to ensure they know what they are doing. If they have any problems they should discuss them with you and then you can resolve any issues with them and if necessary with your employer.

You could try using a self evaluation tool such as a SWOT analyses (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats) to see how you are doing managing your staff. You can find this and others online.

Thanks Lina. Oh yes, I know the SWOT analysis well Used a lot in marketing but like the idea of using it for myself as well. Great idea thank you! I've actually been naturally looking at that today and it made my anxiety flare up horribly but I'm sitting with it and just letting it be there rather than believing all the thoughts that coming in (such as you should be able to do x, y and z from that list of roles - garrrrr!!). Thank you again and have a lovely day!

You can do this. You have a lovely day too☺

A poster on here mentioned you writing out your job description and getting it signed off, fantastic advice! That could solve alot of your work problems, any problems from them regarding that, have a little chat with your HR department. Document everything.

Thank you Paula. Yes I agree with the could. I sometimes just don't know which ones I actually really should be doing (there's that should!). Some will be should but with the lack of clarity this makes it hard. That said, as my anxiety improves I'm starting to see where I do think I need to focus my efforts to help guide the team. I may well be asking too much of myself at the moment whilst I'm recovering from such a bad bout of anxiety but I like to look at what I can do day to day to make this more bearable

Try not to be so hard on yourself, that will help with your anxiety.