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I'll try and keep this story short ....when I was 9 I witnessed the bakery across the road from were I lived blow up due to a gas fault I also seen the owner in flames and as you can imagine it was a traumatic experience which caused me to have mental health problems including panic attacks , my mother took me to my gp and I was diagnosed with nervous ashma . When I was 14 years old my school friend collapsed and died on the school field and this caused me to have panic attacks more often than I was having them before ....I started to go off the rails underage drinking etc at 16 I became pregnant to my ( current ) partner and not long after found out he had a heroin addiction which also made my mental health worse with worrying if he was going to die ....I'm now 33 years old and suffer with severe anxiety ( I hope its anxiety anyway ) I have irrational thoughts constantly, I'm terrified of loosing my children I'm always thinking something bad is going to happen , I'm paranoid I think people think bad of me or are being funny with me . I'm still with my partner he is in prison due to his addiction he was diagnosed with bipolar last year . I'm sick and tired of these thoughts and feelings I have every single day and also if one of the children have hurt themselves like cut a finger etc I have a meltdown that I can't control I'm screaming and I can't look at the injury I over dramatise the situation and then end up with palpations , hyperventilating and shaking uncontrollably I'm mentally exhausted . My memory has gone awful I forget everything including important things , I'm constantly drained and sleepy ( I fall to sleep fine at bedtime I just can't stay asleep all through the night )
If I consume alcohol the next day is horrible my head just goes and I'm more prone to have panic attacks and paranoia ..
I think its time to visit my gp because I can't cope with this much longer but Im scared in case he thinks I'm loosing the plot and locks me away
and I also struggle to tell him how I feel I just can't seem to express myself .
My health visitor knows a tiny bit of my situation and tells me to claim pip because my condition affects my everyday life and I'm unable to work due to the panic I have , I would end up having a panic attack and running out of work .
I'm just so fed up of my situation I wish I was a normal person who could function properly but unfortunately I live every hour of every day in fear of something bad happening , I don't see how I would be awarded a claim for this because I'm not actually disabled its my mental health I suffer with
Any advice would be much appreciated
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