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Is this really me?

Posted , 10 users are following.

tina89895
tina89895

To cut a long story short, I was going to commit suicide this evening, had it all planned out, checked my will, paper work during the week. Thanked my bereavement councillor for all her help, donation to the Hospice she worked for. Had great hugs and kisses with my grandkids yesterday, they're away this weekend. Yesterday felt as if i was on the outside looking in couldn't get hold of cpn at the time. Got drunk last night. Had a walk with a couple of work colleagues today, home, spoke to my sister and mother and now I feel really spaced out as if i'm not in. Does that make sense. I've now had a drink to stop me driving out to the place I had planned, but I feel empty, nothing, vacant, as if I am at peace.......I'm ready....

1 like, 29 replies

29 Replies

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  • tina89895
    tina89895

    Posted

    I'm trying to get through all the press this number etc on nhs24 takes bloody ages. 
    • Brandy964
      Brandy964 tina89895

      Posted

      Keep trying lovely lady & please stay in contact with us xx
    • jude65855
      jude65855 tina89895

      Posted

      Is there a suicide crisis line you can call?   Lifeline in Australia but I don't 'know what it's called in the UK
  • june26145
    june26145 tina89895

    Posted

    Don't do it Tina. I was about to do exactly what you are planning but I thought about my 2 year old grandson and couldn't do it. How pleased I am that I didn't. This dreadful time will pass. I know the hell you are going through but just think for one moment about the agony you will force on your family. Believe me, I have seen the devastation caused by a family member taking their own life. If you believe in God, pray, pray, and pray some more. He brought me through it and he's always there.
  • tina89895
    tina89895

    Posted

    Hi all if anybody is still there. i have just spent the last 2 1/2 hours or so not sure how long but talking to a really nice guy from the mental health team. I am a lot clamer now going to take my meds and go to bed hopefully get some sleep.

    Thank you all for all your concern and kind words I will do my best to keep going just got to get through the rest of today and it's now 2.45am. 

    Thank you again.

    Tina xxxxx

    • Brandy964
      Brandy964 tina89895

      Posted

      Hi Tina,

      So glad you managed to talk to someone & you're feeling a little calmer. Take your meds Hun, try to get some rest & let us know how you are tomorrow

      Big hugs xx

    • Brandy964
      Brandy964 tina89895

      Posted

      Hi Tina,

      How are you feeling today? Thinking of you xx

  • Nettie1705
    Nettie1705 tina89895

    Posted

    Hello Tina and all, 

    far out I've just read all these messages god Tina are you still with us I REALLY hope you are, your grandchildren and family will be devastated for years if u take your own life. Please do NOT do it, I tried to take my life several times years ago and was very close to success the last time, I very nearly did drown but now 4 years on I'm doing well, have just been laughing out loud watching a uk tv show with my son and cuddling him heaps, and about to start a full time permanent medical job......you will do this with your grandchildren lovely......and make your life dreams happen, one little step at a time....please please get all the help u can. I live in Western Australia, where do u live? Nettie

  • tina89895
    tina89895

    Posted

    Hi everyone again

    I'm just home from the hospital no panic, had a ok sort of day sleep a bit disturbed but got up about 11, made a picnic drove sensibly to a white sandy beach, sat in the sun had my picnic. Trouble was on the drive home stopped at the spot I'd planned for the other night. Sitting on the edge of the locks at 6.30pm time my husband passed, thinking crying listening to music watching the whirlpools. A guy asked if I was alright and would be happier if I came away from the edge which I did. Next thing the police and ambulance turn up. Taken to a&e, police drove my car, bumped in front of all the poor people in the waiting room. Quick chat with the Dr, sent home contact cpn tomorrow. Son turned up as the police called him even when I said no. Got a lecture from him, got upset even more. Taken diazepam 5mg, take mirtazepine in half hour then bed so hopefully a peaceful sleep. Sorry to everyone for being a pain. Tomorrow is another day. XXX

    • Brandy964
      Brandy964 tina89895

      Posted

      Oh Tina I'm so relieved to hear from you as I'm sure many others on here are too, please don't think you're a pain, you're not at all! Your son loves & cares for & im sure he didn't mean to lecture you, he's probably worried & scared after police contacting him.

      You've made it through a very very tough time & an even tougher weekend, be proud of yourself lovely. Please keep us posted, we're all rooting for you, take care xxx

    • dave1948
      dave1948 tina89895

      Posted

      I'm so pleased to hear from you tina.so glad you changed your mind and your still with us god bless you and I'm sending another hug x
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