Confession time. addicted & afraid. need advice

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About 2 years ago after the death of a child I started using more opiates. This has become a serious problem. I'm going to run out and am terrified. I am taking 2,10mg vicodin and 2 soma (strong muscle relaxer) at a time just to keep from getting sick. Sometimes I take more. I also take Oxy as well - 10 mg tablets. Sometimes I take 20 to 25 pills a day from the time I wake to the time I go to bed. I do have back problems and legitimate pain, but I admit I'm using it to cope as well. I think that's what has gotten me into trouble. My last refill I gave my bottles to my husband so that he could lock them up and give me my recommended dose each day so that I wouldn't run out ealry and go through hell. Well, he took them. himself. He knows what I'm going through and that I've felt suicidal over the loss of my child (not his child) and that I'm really trying to get better and he took them. Now I'm almost out and I don't know how I will cope. I'm sad and so broken. I feel like no one is there for me. HOW can I get through this? WHAT can I do? I would have been better off keeping my bottles and being strong and only taking the prescribed amount because now I'm screwed and I'm just so upset. Any advice? I'm scared and I do have another child to care for and no family support so I can't check myself in somewhere. Withdrawal will hit hard and I don't know if I can cope with it. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Melissa, I can't pass comment too much as by the sound of your pills you're in the US? (I don't know too much about your pain medication, what I know is from Nurse Jackie!!) but I do know it's a hell of a lot easier to get prescribed something over there than here!!) I've heard of Oxys though and they're only prescribed in the UK if you're in the process of dying from cancer! I'm in the UK and I'm a codeine abuser, I feel ashamed and wretched that I ever got in this far in the first place, nobody knows about my problem, and i mean nobody except my doctor, if you want to buddy up then let me know, we can remain anonymous and you can talk to me anytime you want. I must say that I think what your husband has done is disgusting!! He's not been supportive at all!! I wish you the best and I hope, unlike me, your able to beat this xx

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    • Posted

      Thank you, I'd love to buddy up. I hide this from my friends. We recently moved to a new state so I don't have any friends here and that has made it harder. Yes, I am in the US. lol. I want to remain anonymous and am a little paranoid about it. I didn't realize that those types of things were not prescribed there! Maybe that's a good thing. 

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    • Posted

      Hi Melissa

      I'm in the UK & did the same as you. I had to give my monthly script of Oxycontin to my partner for her to hide them from me & just give me my daily dose!!

      Most of the time though I would find them. I got myself into a right mess, always taking more & running out early. At times I would take 1500mgs per day of Oxy, my prescribed dose being 800mgs. Not for cancer though I might add, but for degenerative discs in my lower back.

      I know Oxy is loads more common in the USA than it is over here in the UK. Is there no way you could see a doctor that could help you?

      Take care

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    • Posted

      No, the doctor won't help me. Here you sign a contract and they don't replace lost or stolen medication under any circumstances. I'm under so much duress that I'm thinking of trying to buy online so I don't have to go through withdrawal. I just don't even know where to begin. 

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    • Posted

      I used to tell all the lies under the sun when I took extra. Things like, im going away on holiday for 2 weeks & i won't be back before my pills run out or, im going away with work for 2 weeks. Couldn't you try that just to get you through this one time?

      I still say I would go to the Dr & be honest. That you're addicted & that you want help or, aren't you at the stage where you want help and want to come off them?

      When this happened to me when I took extra, it is the worst feeling in the world. I'd wake up in the night sweating In a blind panick worrying if I couldn't get my script. If my Dr was away & another Dr wouldn't write me a script it really was the worst feeling in the world.

      Please Melissa, try your Dr & tell them you need help. It's what I did & they helped me.

      If none of the above will help you. You will have to cut right back with what you do have till your script is due again. Sorry I can't help any other way

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    • Posted

      Melissa, yes opiates are very prominent here in the US. Since you moved to a different location can you find a doctor to help you. You can always call the hotline for advice. Also, try to hit up as many meetings as you can (NA) to help you out! Does your family know about this?
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  • Posted

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your child ??. Withdrawl alone is awful. I was taking just as many pills a day , tramadol. They are so strong , it has been 5 months and I quit cold turkey - I should of weaned off, but was sick of being a prisoner to them. I decided to take Zoloft after 2 months of being off of tram, and at 3 months I don't feel better due to Zoloft. My suffering could not compare, but for me the only answer is God. I read bible scriptures throughout the day and inspiration from others. I remind myself that I can't change yesterday, and live with Gods push hour by hour. I believe we are suppose to suffer so we seek him. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  • Posted

    Hi Melissa.. I can understand you situation.  Being you are in the U.S., there are a few out-patient programs that you can go to, to get help where you would NOT have to leave your home, except to pick your prescrition up and the 1 hour mandatory counsling session.   There is the methadone clinic and suboxone clinic.  I was actually in the methadone clinic for 5 years and then switched to the suboxone cline for the past 1 and half years.  I have been clean since I walked in their door.  Suboxone and methadone are both used to stop all withdrawl form opiates and the best part.... they both stop ALL cravings to use opiates.  They have saved my life!  I have used opiates for 10 years and it destroyed my life.  I have signed myself into many rehabs and detox places, but to only leave and get high again because of the depression and anxiety that seems to last forever after stopping opiates. The suboxone and methadone both get rid of that.  They seem to give me some energy to get through the day.  Best part is.. you are in control of your dose, you can stay on them for as long as you need to, or forever if you want, and they allow you to taper your dose, if and when you want to get off.  So, you can go so slow that you will bearly have withdrawl.  The point of these clinics, is that addicts can live normal lives.  It works... You may be able to google for these clinics to see if there are any in your area.  They will also be good for because you said that you really do need something for pain management?  Both of these medication will relieve you pain.  Just though I would give you an option to think about... maybe you can just look into it and get some more informationThis is only if you cannot stop on your own.  Best wishes to you...
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    • Posted

      I'm thinking of it. I just don't know WHAT to do. I have never felt so lost and alone. I just lost all trust in my husband as well. Do you think if I went to my regular doctor he could help me? I trust him more. I feel like the pain management guy doesn't really care and is just in it for the money. It's just in and out writing more scripts, but they do have very strict policies. They all do. I think it must be the law. Does anyone know of a good substitute in the mean time to help curb the horrible withdrawal so that I can still live my life and do things with my daughter? 

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    • Posted

      Ok, this may sound a bit strange so bear with me, have you thought about texting your husband saying how let down you feel that he stole your meds and how you're trying to stick to your programme and how upset you are. Hopefully he'll reply saying how sorry he is and admitting that he's stolen from you, you could show these texts to your doctor as proof that they've been stolen, not that you've just taken them. That might look better. In future you need to hide these properly otherwise he'll continue to steal them. Maybe in a garage or in a hot chocolate jar or something? I know sometime who kept them in a snap seal bag in a fish tank in a snap seal bag and also in a snap seal bag at the bottom of a box of washing powder! (Full!) you just need to be imaginative!! x

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    • Posted

      A regular family doctor CAN perscribe suboxone.  But just not anyone.  In order for a family physician to be able to prescribe suboxone, they must have went to a special for it.  They are around though.  You just have get the phone bbok out and call every family doctor you see and ask around.  It's a little hard to find one that is excepting patients though because doctors who are allowed to prescribe suboxone are only allowed to have 30 patients at a time.  It's worth a shot though.  If you can't find a family doctor to get them, then you will have to find a clinic in your area.  I'm on them now and I only have to go once a month to pick up my script and the 1 hour counsling session.  It's all worth it though.  I feel like I will need them forever because I have no cravings at all.. ever, and they also give me some energy and help with my depression and anxiety.  I can function every day life now.  Other then the suboxone or methadone, I do not believe there is any thing else that can take away withdrawl or the cravings except opiates.. as what was said below.  Perhaps you can talk to your doctor who is prescribing them to you and ask him for a referral to a doctor that prescribes the suboxone because you need help stopping.  But you have to be careful and know your doctor good before you do this, because he may just stop your script all together and refuse to treat you any further.  I would imagine he wouldn't be that horrible though and hopefully would help you get the suboxone that you would need.

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  • Posted

    Melissa.

    Your regular Dr is who I meant you to go to as that's who I went to. Not the pain Dr.

    There is nothing to hold the wd's back no matter who gives you a wacky old wives recipe. The only thing that stops opiate Wd's is opiates.

    Please go to your normal Dr & tell them how worried you are & how addicted you are. If they are any good at all they will help you!?

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    • Posted

      And........... from what I've read & seen over the last 5yrs. All pain management doctors in the USA are only doing it for the $$$$

      Please go see your regular Dr. Especially if you trust him more. I don't know about usa but in the UK & in my experience your regular Dr will help you!!

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  • Posted

    Hi melissa,

    Firstly I'm really sorry about your troubles, it sounds really rough.

    I'm in the UK and am taking 400mg of oxy a day, double what I'm prescribed (no I'm not dying of cancer, I have a painful disease called systemic sclerosis) my doctor re scripts me early.

    I think u need to fess up to your doc, and get some help. They won't just cut you off, they'll help u hopefully.

    I'm sending u all my earned karma, be safe and well. Charlie x

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    • Posted

      Gosh, I think people in the UK must be nicer. wink I'm sorry for all your troubles too. I guess it might be time to get some help. I just honestly cannot go away to any kind of rehab though. Plus, how do you deal with legitimate pain if you go that route? I have an autoimmune disease, bad back problems, and am seeing a specialist who thinks I may have something painful called ankylosing spondylitits. I know I can't keep doing this to myself though too. I sometimes take all my medication in about half the time and then suffer and feel like I'm going to die when I run out and I can't find more. It's horrible.

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    • Posted

      Haha, we're not if u listen to the crap ppl are talking regarding Brexit sad

      Yes, Ssc (systemic sclerosis) is also an auto immune disease. It's awful, my system is either attacking itself or completely crashing. It affects all connective tissue, which is basically everything. My hands and feet swell so badly I'm immobilized.

      I have just taken the first steps in talking to my doc about my concerns around my opiate use/abuse. The thing is, no, there's no other pain relief apart from moving up to those patches (the ones Jacko overdosed on) and I don't want to go there.

      What i do though is I force myself to reduce every so often, just so as the dose (still double) actually rids me of my pain. But it's a vicious bloody circle that is taking over my life.

      We both need to be strong I think, and seek out help for this. We could maybe make a pact? We both make firm commitments to approach our respective doctors about dealing with our addictions.

      Again Melissa, I really do hope for positive things in your life.

      Charlie x

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    • Posted

      Hi Charlie.

      I'm not sure if you have read my post above to Melissa & i know people from the USA will think I am really joking when I say this but, you are the only other person I have ever come into contact with in the UK that is taking Oxycontin. My prescribed dose was 800mgs per day but at times I was closer to 1500mgs.

      All I am trying to say is, if ever you need someone to talk to I'm here as I obviously know what you're going through.

      Please don't hesitate to get in touch.

      Sorry for hijacking your post Melissa

      Take care x

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